Better safe than sorry?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22715
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Topic: Better safe than sorry?
Posted By: Jennz
Subject: Better safe than sorry?
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 3:41am
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So with stuff like http://www.stuff.co.nz/4770961a11.html - this going on, how do you get the balance right between protecting your children and not being over protective?
I think the thing with the Madeline McCann is the perfect example. For some parents they would been fine about leaving their kids in a motel room a few hundred metres away- others wouldn't even dream of it. What happened to that family is awful awful awful and I would never wish it on anyone but if they hadn't left her in the room alone they may still have their little girl. Should you always think of the worst case scenario- or will that create prissy kids who can't fend for themselves? Personally I usually err on the side of caution, I take them in when I pay for gas in case someone takes off with the car, I always watch when they play in the back yard in case someone jumps over the fence.... etc. So what do you guys think the right balance is? I realise I am probably a little OTT, but then again, I figure better safe than sorry. ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 6:04am
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Well because I live in such a small place at the moment I have no great fear of Andrew playing at other peoples places (as if anything did happen not only do we have the civ. police you have the military police to deal with as well). He usually tells us where he is going and doesn't go any further than a few houses down the road. I wouldn't at the age let him go down to thelocal park at the moment. However if we were back in Palmy I doubt I would let him do what he was doing here, even going as far as Liz's place (that is round the corner and 2 houses away) I probably wouldn't let him go by himself without me watching him him froma distance - like I usually do. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 6:34am
i amvery aware that bad things happen to good people and with all my power i will protect my baby ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 7:25am
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I tend to be very cautious too. Michaela's not allowed to play in our front yard at all without supervision but she is allowed to play in the back yard (which is fully fenced and has locked gates). When we were growing up we used to set out for the day and wander the neighbourhood going to different playgrounds without any supervision but it's just not safe to do that anymore (maybe it wasn't then either). -------------  
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 7:40am
We used to do this to, its a shame its not safe for kids to still do this. I grew up in Akl and we'd spend all day biking from Mt Albert to One Tree Hill and Cornwall Park, we didn't even have helmets! Its a shame parents are forced to keep their children inside or only in their own section. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
MrsMojo wrote:Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 7:41am
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I also err on the side of caution but I dont get Tom out of the car when I pay for fuel. I just take the keys with me. If I pop into a dairy to get milk, he stays in the car but I lock it (wind windows down etc for air). I wouldnt leave him longer than a few minutes. Usually its when it would take longer to get him out and back in than to buy the goods. Some might say thats irresponsible.
However, we wanted to look at the neighbours open home and Tom was still asleep. We probably could have left him for 10 min and popped next door but I had to wake him an dbring him with us. |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 8:02am
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At this age Charlotte is too little go to anywhere on her own. However, she is happy to take herself to the next door neighbours house if DH has popped over without her.
Where I live, I would actually feel comfortable letting her go the park on her own from about the age of 7 (at this stage). A lot of people in our area have young kids or are older and I feel quite safe. There are also a lot of teenagers but from what I have seen, they are really lovely kids - true "kiwi" beach kids. I think its awesome that Charlotte is going to be bought up like that too.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 9:12am
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I'll leave Joshua in the car when I get petrol or run into a dairy to get milk, but only if I can clearly see the car from where I am - ie have to be parked directly outside the dairy. I always lock the doors and leave the front passenger window open a few centimetres. I'll never leave him longer than a minute or two. If I think I'll be longer than that then I'll take him in with me.
When I was living in the UK I did a short stint as a nanny for a family with a 4 year old boy and a 10 year old girl. I went with them on a family ski holiday in Austria, and I was in a suite with the kids while the parents were in another suite on a different floor. The first night I was there I just sat in the room the whole night with the kids while they slept. Next morning the parents asked me what I did the night before and I told them and they said once the kids were asleep I could go out and party!!! I couldn't believe they'd be ok having their children left alone!! I never did - I just couldn't have lived with myself if anything had happened to them. But I think that is the mentality of some of the more wealthy parents in the UK. |
Posted By: Nefertiti
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 9:17am
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I live in a very new nice neighbourhood, but as the saying goes "dont judge a book by its cover". In the same street I live in, bout 1-2 weeks ago, a 7yr old girl was involved in an attempted kidnapping!
I'm scared to even let my 8yr out to the letterbox on her own now! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 9:27am
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I am very cautious and protective of my kids.
I let them play in the back garden as it has high fences and a locked gate, but will not let them play out the front unsupervised. I check on them all the time when they're out the back too. I don't leave them in the car and the farthest I can go when they're sleeping is down to the letterbox. I don't feel that I hold them back from exploring or taking risks to grow their independence. I don't have to hold their hands in every thing they do, I just make sure that I can see them and know that they are safe wherever we are. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 9:37am
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Firstly, I don't believe that Madeline McCann was abducted, but I won't get into that!
I think it is sad that our kids are going to grow up in a completely different environment. We lived in a cul-de-sac growing up and played out in the street all day. The cars just came slowly around the bend and we moved out of their way eventually. We did however have a few incidents, one I remember all too well was gang members (Epitaph) pulling up the footpath on their motorbikes and blocking our way. I was about 8 or 9 at the time and was with 2 other friends. We really panicked when they were circling us etc but then they just laughed and went away. My parents were a wee bit more cautious after that but not terribly. 
We will let Jack play out the back (fully fenced and can't be seen from the street at all) unsupervised and out the front supervised. We live on a busy road so I wouldn't risk it. Even at Jack's young age, I leave him in the car to nip into the dairy or pay for gas. Always have. I just lock the car up
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 10:52am
Its so different now from when I was young. I would play all day up and down our street with a friend who lived at the other end of the road. It wasn't a particularly quiet or safe neighbourhood but our Mums obviously didn't have any qualms about letting us run free! My cousin and I weren't aloud to be off as much where he lived as it was a rougher neighbourhood so I guess our parents were aware of being cautious in certain situations. I think its sad that parents now days don't feel safe (or aren't safe!) to let their own children have the same kind of freedom 
My big reason for always taking the kids in to pay for gas is not long after I had Charlotte a car was stolen from a gas station in Auckland and it had a baby in the back. The robbers didn't realise the baby was in there when they took it and eventually the car/baby was found but that was enough to totally freak me out! ------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 10:56am
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When I was a kid , we were out of our parents sights from morning til dusk , only coming inside briefly for dinner, we played on the front lawn , we chased milk trucks ,(dont ask ) and at the age of 7 i was walking 10 minutes to the dairy by myself .
I do remember my mother being frantic with worry when it took me til 5 oclock to get home from school when I was 5 , but then Theresa Cormack had been abducted and killed only a few months before . The world has changed now tho , when C was 4 she got "losted " in Farmers Botany , I looked around and around Farmers, my heart in my throat, I came out to the main part of botany, and everyone there, who had before just looked like normal ordinary people, were now potential kidnappers and paedophiles ...paranoid ? yes...and no...there is no such thing as paranoia when it comes to my child . So now we have a secret code , a secret word , and if she loses us , she cant go with anyone if they dont know the code...and if they insist, i have told her she is allowed to scream and yell . I used to walk to school by myself, from 5 , every day , (well, with a friend) , I have always walked Caitlyn and will continue to do so for quite some time, as well as pick her up ...and her teacher knows, that if anyone apart from me tries to pick her up , she has to ring me first, except I will tell her in the morning anyway . You just cant be careful enough anymore Gas stations, if im filling up my car, i'll tend to lock it and leave her , but usually more if its a pre pay one, if i have to leave her to go inside, I take her with me , I knew a kid who was badly disfigured from being burnt in the car while his mum was in the dairy . I personally believe, "sissys" are made when you dont let your child fall over, or when you decide they shouldnt be in a race because they might not be able to handle it if they dont win .(etc etc) If they dont fall over, they don't learn that you things can happen , that CAN hurt , but that with time they feel better again , and racing , well life is a race, there will always be people behind and people infront , and like a running race, you have to push yourself , and if you dont win ...its not the end of the world . I am aware that i can not protect my child from everything , bad things happen sometimes no matter how careful you are , or arent (as in the Maddie McCann case, and personally I dont believe her parents had anything to do with it ) I would like to shield my child away from a world sometimes that I see getting scarier and unsafer, but doing that , would stop her LIVING , and whats the point in that? so I try to be as careful as possible and in the meantime pray to God to help me protect the gift He entrusted me with . The end ...sorry for the novel ------------- 
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Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 11:04am
| The secret code word thing is a fantastic idea, Kelly! Something I'll have to remember when teaching Ashlee of stranger danger. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 11:10am
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Thanks baalamb , what you do is think of a word that only you and Ashlee and DH knows (eg , monkey bum)
The most important thing is to tell them first again and again that if they are lost , you will NOT leave the mall(Or whereever) till you find them , you will NOT leave without them , even if it takes til nighttime , The good thing about the "code word" is you can of course tell security guards if they find her what the code is ,we did a practise run with C (she walkd off quickly, as she does ) so we hid behind a pole and watched as a security guard (with clearly nothing better to do haha) went up to her 1st withOUT saying the code word ,she asked for it, he said .."i dont know , there isnt one " she told him to go away, then 2nd time he went up to her again and said is it such and such , she said yes and asked him a second time and then went with him , but not holding his hand . Like everything ,its not fool proof , but its worked so far for us -------------
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 11:51am
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Thanks for that Kelly, that is such a good idea!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4 
 
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DS is at that age where we need to have the talk that not all people are nice etc etc, but I wasnt really sure how to go about it with scaring him too much
We were brought up the same way, we used to play in the street, wander the neighbourhood.Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 1:05pm
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We are pretty protective with our boy. He is never out of my sight.
I will only leave him in the car at 1 particular petrol station as the cashier is 5 steps from the car....and I wait till that pump is free. I walked to primary school every day and then I took the bus to intermediate/high school. I would leave home at the crack of dawn and wouldn't return till dark. We lived in a "block" and all th kids hung out. We were in a neighbourhood that had a "gang" but that was us lol I think the only time we went home was for food. For my boy we wont allow a lot of what we got up to! I would love to be able to walk with him to school, I loved it! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 3:28pm
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I let Z play at the back yard as its fully fenced but still check on her every few min...or yell out to her and she yells back! She never goes in to the front yard with out one of us there with her.
I do leave her in the car and lock it to go and prepay for gas at a station...but I can see the car the whole time...and if it is locked then no one can get in right? I also lost her once for like 2min in Farmers...she was hiding (as she wanted to do Poo's) and I called and called for her and she didnt reply....honestly I was about to DIE!! But she was calling out for me (when she finished Poo's) ....I wanted to kill her but told her NEVER NEVER to do that again! Now when I go shopping with her I never let go off her hand...no matter how much she hates me holding it!! Or else I go shopping with DH so one of us can watch her. I would NEVER leave her with any one in a hotel room alone...no matter what happened! when we went to Fiji for a holiday I saw many kids at the hotel with a native Fijian being looked after with out parents...they were happy enough and I could see that they were looking after them well....But I could never ever leave my kids with some one I didnt know! I think we live in a crazy world and you just cant trust any one!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 7:55pm
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I 'd rather be safe than sorry. I watch my kids ALL the time, with the exception of paying for gas at the servo.
We have a fully fenced back yard, live in a cul-de-sac & our backyard backs on to farmland- I still watch them when they are out there. I lost Brae for the first time last week at the warehouse I turned my back for a second, turned round & he was gone. Panic Stations! Luckly I saw someone I knew & asked them to help look while I rushed out to the car park to scout around. He was in the garden section "choosing" new plants Leaving a kid alone in a hotel room would to me, be the same as leaving them at home alone. I wont even be letting my kids walk to school alone until the are 14 (after seeing 5-6yrs olds trying to cross a busy main Rd! ) For some reason I am lead to believe you arent suppose to leave a child unless you have someone over 14 caring for them
Great secret code idea Kelly, Im so using that one ETA I do let them climb trees, play rough n tumble & let them explore- Im just there to watch & redirect if necessary ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 8:32pm
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I've had to relax a bit about the car thing, when Maya was a baby I once made the service station forecourt attendant stand at my car and watch Maya who was asleep in the back to make sure she was OK while I went in and paid. But having the gremlins, taking them in every time I pop into the dairy to get milk or pay for gas isn't practical coz it involves getting them all out of the car, getting the buggy out (altho that's not so much an issue now) then going thru the whole rigmarol again to get them back in the car.
I do try and do that sort of stuff when I don't have the kids with me or when I have the nanny in the car as well, but there are times I have left them in the car. I always take the keys with me, and I'll only do it where I can see them the whole time. The only exception is when I pick Maya up from school as juniors have to be collected from their classroom and I can't see the car from her classroom. I always park in the same place tho and there is another lady who parks in front of me with a girl in Maya's class who keeps an eye out for them while I go and get Maya. And if Chiara is grizzly I take her with me so she's not screaming her head off unattended in the car. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 10:46pm
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I am defintely very over protective with mine. I personally cant take the risk, I would never forgive myself if anything happened. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |