Advice Needed
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22857
Printed Date: 29 September 2025 at 10:28pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Advice Needed
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Advice Needed
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:13am
|
Well, DF, Kylah and I moved into my mums to save money. We have almost been here a year and now i hate it!
I want to move but dont know how to tell my mum, and i dont know to be honest how she will survive without the money i give her each week. DF thinks i shouldnt care but i do. Shes just so moody and immature. She gets sh*tty and takes it out on everyone. She makes remarks that you know are about you but she doesnt have the balls to say it to you, IYKWIM She says stupid things like 'I will just have to live on the street' She cant work in many places because she is almost blind, she can barely see. I want to help find her a job she can do but shes limited to what she can do. She cant do anything with a computer, or anything that involves reading because she just cant see properly. She has my 18yo sister here, who doesnt pay anything, my uncle who only pays $120, then we pay here $300 and buy bread and milk throughout the week, plus we buy everything for Kylah. I just dont know what to do. DF and i both hate it, e have started arguing all the time again and i dont want this to get worse. What would you do? ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:32am
Move .. my daughter comes first and Id want her to live in a happy loving family environment  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
|
Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:33am
Big hugs to you.
If I was in thta situation I would move. You are a family unit now so you should be looking after each other and being happy. Can you perhaps contact the Blind Institute and see if they help with assistance of finding your Mum a job? Good luck - I hope it all works out for you. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:35am
|
I would leave.
Lifes too short to be living somewhere we're you arent happy. I do understand tho , i lived with my parents for 3 years , and my biggest concern when we moved out was they wouldn't be able to cope financially , people can say , "its not your place to worry about " but its a lot different when its your parents . Since your mum is nearly blind, could she get a sickness or disability allowance? that could help a bit with her finances ------------- 
|
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:42am
|
She has an appointment with a eye place to see how much visabitily she has, shes not blind blind, she can read texts, and has HUGE glasses and contacts but they dont help.
Shes not legally blind though. Shes awesome towards Kylah, she plays with her all the time and loves looking after her. Its towards me and DP that she can get snarky. I just feel really bad, like what happens if she really cant afford it, it will be my fault!! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:46am
|
Thats good that she great with Kylah, but Kylah will be picking up if u guys arent happy and theres tention between u all.
Maybe find out what she would be entitled to from winz first, like Kelly said. Im sure if her eyesight is that bad she would get te sickness benfit. Guess u will all know more after the appt. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:49am
|
I agree 100% -------------  
|
lilfatty wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:50am
|
it wont get to the stage that she wont be able to afford it , if she has to she could get a smaller cheaper house, your sister could pay more etc.
And our parents are responsible for their own finances , not you , your only 22 , how can you have made it that your mother is broke? if anything you have probably stopped her from being broke by paying so much money the last year . My friend and her partner moved back with her parents before her baby was born , and she HATED it , they always knew how to rub her up the wrong way , and she and her partner fought a lot , for at least 4 months , then they married and her parents bought them a house for their present , made a huge difference, they were able to be a couple again and no longer fought . Which was good, really good because a few months later her baby was born and 3 weeks after that she was dead. And all that time she wasted thinking about offending her parents when she wasnt happy. My friends case was extreme and rare, but same thing goes, life is too short to spend it living somewhere you are not happy . -------------
|
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:52am
|
She has a appointment on 31st December with winz i think, and i try to talk to her about what shes entitled to but she just immediatly assume its nothing. That she has to go out and find a job, which shes ok with but she cant do a hell of alot. Shes so negitive about everything.
We are hosting our first christms here since i was born as my grandad died a couple of months back and nana no longer feels like doing christmas like we used too, understandably. Mum turned around and aid that shes going to have to work christmas day because she has no choice and christmas will just have to wait, she has holidays but doesnt care. FYI she does have a job at the moment, she works 6 days a week cleaning for 3 hours a day, so its not enough. I really want her to move to a smaller house, and we go find our own but she just doesnt! GRRRR ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:55am
|
She isnt your responsibilty , i understand you being concerned and worried about her , but your responsibilty is DF and Kylah and creating a happy homelife for you guys.
as harsh as it may sound , i would let her know you are moving out , not if but definetly , and if she choses to stay and not afford it , then thats her problem at the end of the day , it might provide the push she needs to look for a smaller house -------------
|
Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 11:04am
|
I would move... how are you saving money if you are spending that kind of cash? ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 11:10am
We arent, we havent saved a cent! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 1:33pm
| I would move too $300 is quite a lot you guys could get a pretty decent house for less than that. |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 1:47pm
|
So the $300 does that cover the internet/phone, food, power etc?
Because if it does then she might be better off without you guys financially anyway - if that makes sense? ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 2:11pm
|
The $300 pays for everything. Food, Power, Rent. Phone and internet is free as i get it through work. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 2:23pm
|
Wow, Kandice, no offence to your mum , but with you guys paying all that , i dont see how she can ever have any reason to complain or moan at you !
I think its time you had that $300 to set up your own home with your family chick , thats a LOT of money ! -------------
|
Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 2:26pm
|
Move out.
I know you don't want to leave your mum in the lurch but you're not responsible for fixing everything for everyone else. She managed before you moved in didn't she? I think you should shift and enjoy your family. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
|
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 2:47pm
|
She still expects us to pay the power too. Like at the moment shes running around complaining that the power is so high, and thats shes not the only one that lives in the house and someone else can pay some!
Grrr. I thought $300 was alot, but wasnt sure if it was too little or too much to be giving her. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 2:52pm
|
I was moaning about paying 260 when I lived at my parents, and that was for the two rooms plus my share of the food etc, 300 , hell thats a lot girl !
and you said at the start of your post that you moved into your mums to save money , except it hasnt worked that way , Im not sure about rental prices in Christchurch , but you could find a 2 bedroom possibly for a lot less than 300, and after bills food etc, could start putting aside even just ten dollars a week . I think you really really do want to go but are worried about how angry and hurt your mum will be , im with Danaj on this one , she must have managed before with out you , shes a grown woman and she is responsible for her own finances . -------------
|
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 4:04pm
|
Well the $300 that you pay covers food & power as well.
So she loses $300 a week - but she would GAIN say $150 a week - as thats how much roughly its costing her having you guys there (for power, food etc). So really she is only $150 down a week - so dont beat yourself up over her losing $300 because shes not. Does that make sense? ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 4:06pm
|
As long as you give her enough notice - then she just has to be fine with it. Maybe you need to do the tough love thing with her.
Maybe tell her now that you guys are moving out in the new year? Doesnt help though that your DH doesnt like your Mum, that doesnt help :( But you want to restore your relationship and keep wee Kaylah happy - so I say MOVE before its to late! ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 4:30pm
|
I really do want to work on our relationship and its just not working here. Our relationship and Kylahs wellbeing is more important than anything to me.
I spoke to mum before and told her that id help her find a place in the new year and that DP and i would get a place. So January it has to be as i start tech in febuary and wont have the time to move. Yup we could find a rentl here for about $220 thats 2 bedrooms. Then around $100 for food and power will be small. So about $50 more a week and we could have our own place. So im going to start looking. We just dont have a bond :( ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 5:29pm
|
Talk to winz Kandice, see if there is anything you would be entitled to as far as bond goes from them .
Good luck , you wont regret it , you'll probably find you feel more like a family unit in your own place -------------
|
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 6:18pm
|
been there done that ( apart from the blind part)
its your life and you have to do what you think is best for your family not what your mum thinks is best, yea she'll get sh*tty at you but im sure she will get over it, my mum did id give her a few weeks notice and explian that youd really like to be out on your own etc and that she will still see kylah all the time im sure in the end she will see it from your point of view perhaps she could get in a few of the asian student borders?? they pay really good $$$ and some of them are fantastic! my mum had 1 for a few years. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 6:55pm
|
Pffft... Mothers eh... can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em.
Surely she managed before you were living there, so I'm sure she'll manage once you move out. Either you guys cost her $300 to be there or she has adjusted her lifestyle to suit all this money coming in. If that's the case, she'll just have to adjust it back again. Remember to let her know that it's nothing personal (even though it really is) so that she's not all paranoid and angry about it. And if she guilt trips you, try to ignore it. Aargh.. Mums. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|