I’m feeling very sorry for myself
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
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Topic: I’m feeling very sorry for myself
Posted By: fallen
Subject: I’m feeling very sorry for myself
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 9:52pm
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Where to start...
Well DF quit his job in October and hasn't made any attempt to get another one. The reason for this is his father said he'd pay for him to spend Christmas in Aussie and he knew if he'd get another he'd be unlikely to get Christmas off. So I've been financially supporting all three of us. I came home today to find out that DF's father has been in contact and tickets are all booked and paid for. And hes going for nearly two weeks!! He wonders why I'm upset? So I have to stay here and work to pay ALL the bills, while trying to organise childcare for DD as her centre is closed for two weeks over Christmas and New Year. PLUS he'll be gone around the time I'm likely to ovulate, so I guess a September baby isn't in the plans. Last week I found out a close friend of mine has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Whilst I'm trying to be supportive to her I'm having my own battles dealing with the emotional baggage left over from my own mother dying from cancer. I'm also trying to organise my Dad's rental property to be retennanted. We had someone lined up, so spent last weekend cleaning and moving furniture only to hear today that they'd changed their mind. Oh and work is having a major refit, so the place is a shambles. Then we have all the Christmas stock and people buying it. I work in retail. I'm so over everything right now. Sorry to unload here, but no one seems to be listening at home. |
Replies:
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 10:13pm
Aww Hun. No Advice just big hugs and I hope it gets better for you  Vent as often as you like, were good at listening  ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: mylilmosaic
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 10:19pm
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Big 's fallen, thats alot to be dealing with as well as ttc'in. But hope the vent helped, and we are always here if you need to vent some more ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 10:45am
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So frustrating!! You poor thing. I especially hate it if DH makes plans to go away or something around ovulation. Terrible that life has to be planned around that, but I guess that's how it goes... here's hoping that because the end of 2008 isn't going so well that you get a nice little surprise in the new year (in the form of a BFP). I've been having a bit of a crap time recently with work too and think a BFP for xmas would only be fair
What a pain that his Dad didn't extend the invite to you and DD - does that mean he's gone over xmas and new years? ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 12:03pm
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I kid of know how you feel (apart from the ovulating part lol)
My DH informed me that he is going to the UK in Jan/Feb .. as thats before this baby is born, after Isabelle's 1st and before his course starts (he is looking at starting a Batchelor of Education early next year) So .. I cant take time off as I need my holidays for bub number two's arrival so I had to get my Mum to take time off to care for Issy. And .. he tells me it wont cost us anything .. but I just have this nagging suspision that things will magically go onto the cc and wont get repaid!  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: BusyMum2three
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 2:22pm
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Oh hun, I am so sorry that this is all going on for you! Please dont apologise to us, this is what we are all her for, and you sure have supported many of us through difficult times.
xx |
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 2:38pm
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((hugs)) Take care of yourself and vent away! -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: mummymegs
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 3:22pm
| hugs guys...times can be really trying...hang in there and hopefully things will get better... I too hope the 2009 will be very different from this year |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 4:48pm
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Lots of hugs Fallen...hang in there hun. Things will get better. Bring on 2009 I say!!! has to be our year ladies 
or even better a lovely Xmas pressie of a BFP. now that would be a damn cool gift 
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Posted By: yermasyada
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 5:20pm
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Hugs
Milliemoo |
Posted By: queenbean
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 11:05pm
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-------------   
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 7:52am
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Thanks ladies. I'm feeling a bit better now.
I think the invitation was always there for myself and DD to go, we just had to pay for it ourselves. However I work in retail and December/January is our busiest time. So the boss doesn't allow leave in either month. Two of our methadone customers got together a few months ago. They both smoke, drink and joke about smoking pot. I found out yesterday that they're having a baby. Life is sooooooo unfair sometimes. |
Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 2:15pm
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Aggghhh!!! So frustrating isn't it? How on earth do people like that get pg and healthy people trying their hardest not? ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 7:51am
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I feel angry now.
DF's latest thing is not coming to bed until between 12-3 in the morning then sleeping in till who knows when. When I try to persuade him to come to bed with me he gets really hostile and accuses me of telling him what to do. I wouldn't have to tell him what to do if he used a bit of common sense. Of course he usually wakes me up when he comes to bed. Hes also obsessed with the computer. Thats what he spends the majority of his day doing. He plays one of those stupid shooting online games and hangs out with his online gaming club. When I ask him to get off I get the same hostility again. He has some lovely pet names for me too. Ones like b!tch, wh@re and c#nt. They come with the hostility. I find them insulting and degrading and have asked him to stop. Which hes just laughed at. If he thinks I'm all those things he shouldn't be here. I would think if someone is financially supporting you for 3 months so you can take an overseas holiday you'd be doing everything in your power to make their live easier. I have to write him a list of things to do around the house. Sometimes he does them, sometimes he doesn't. I've explained to him that he should be doing them AND looking for extra things that he can do to help out. I feel like I'm living with a belligerent 16 year old school boy on school holidays. I can't go on like this. Its wearing me down, plus the disturbed sleep isn't helping. If things don't improve I think he'll need to get his Dad to cancel his return flight. |
Posted By: rachelsea
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 8:38am
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Oh my gosh, I'd be angry too! You so don't deserve that! I hope that he comes back from his holiday with renewed motivation to pull his head in. If not, you might have to show him the door, that's no way to behave! I hope you manage to get it sorted out really soon... ------------- DD 4yrs DS 2yrs http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: sno0ze
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 10:27am
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He shouldn't be calling you any names, maybe the time away will give you guys time to think. Big
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 2:52pm
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Fallen that sounds awful, you poor thing!
Are you able to go stay with a friend for a couple of nights to give him a bit of a fright and a wake up call? That's really not on. Is he feeling depressed about not having a job? Maybe tell him it's time to start the job hunt and just let the employers know he can't start till the new year - that's not too far off anyway. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: yermasyada
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 4:10pm
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Have to say, if I was in you're shoes, I wouldn't be putting up with any of that cr*p and he's be out the door swiftly followed by his belongings in a bin bag!
If that's not an option for you, I'd cancel you're internet connection (or change it to pay as you go dial up) cause you're the one paying for it. Failing that, I'd lock all the computer/gaming stuff in a cupboard and explain that when he's prepared to pay for the electricity/internet bill, he can have them back. He's not showing you any respect or love....take some positive action! Milliemoo |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 5:49pm
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Hugs to you, gosh you have a lot on your plate.
Is DF looking for another job? If you stopped supporting him what would he do? Those computer games can get really addictive, have you asked him to limit his usage? Yup your DF should be helping out more, and being supportive of you and DD. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 10:10pm
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Aww Hun that sucks
You are very patient to put up with that. I wouldnt be putting up with it and I'd be kicking him out!!! I hope it gets better soon hun ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 09 December 2008 at 8:41pm
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Maybe downgrade to a 1GB plan or something then it will slow down automatically and he'll have no choice but to limit his usage. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 10 December 2008 at 11:06am
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no advice, just wanted to say Im sorry your'e having such a rough time of it , I really hope things start looking up for you in the new year .
Im appalled at your DFs attitude to you , thats really not on , i hope he sees some sense soon ! as for life being unfair, it sure is , especially Ive found when it comes to how easy it is for people who don't appreciate their kids to concieve, and how difficult it is for people who would be such loving parents to concieve ------------- 
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 11 December 2008 at 7:48am
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Well things are a bit better now. Hes layed off the name calling, hostility and late nights after reading this thread.
Hes still doing bare minimum around the house, but nothing new there. Only a week until he heads off to Aussie. I have decided there will be some changes in place for when he comes back. I will be changing my broadband plan and password so he can't buy extra time when he uses it all. I will be cancelling sky movies and possibly putting sky on hold for a couple of months. Though that might be punishing DD and myself a bit much. She likes her Disney channel and I like Casulty, Holby City and the WWE programmes. I know I complained about him alot, but its never been all bad. He makes me laugh like no other person and when the mood takes him can be the most tender loving man. Urgh I'm getting all teary eyed lol. Thank you ladies for your support. Its awesome to have somewhere to just unload. |
Posted By: Crakleys
Date Posted: 11 December 2008 at 3:29pm
| hugs for you Fallen, Im pleased it's getting better for you xxxx |
Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 17 December 2008 at 7:48am
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Well tomorrow is D day.
DF leaves here at 3am. His flight is early tomorrow morning. And my close friend has to be at the hospital at midday for surgery to remove her breast cancer. I have to work, I'm going to find it hard I think. |
Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 17 December 2008 at 8:26am
Oh fallen it sounds like a rough day for you I'm glad things improved with DF before he left, especially the name calling. Hopefully you'll be having such a good time you'll hardly miss him!
I hope your friend's surgery goes well, that must be pretty scary. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 20 December 2008 at 7:52am
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Well my friend's surgery went well. They didn't have to remove her whole breast. Just the lumps and the lymph nodes on that side. We went to see her yesterday and she was in good spirits and without any pain which was awesome. She has another night or possibly two before shes allowed to go home.
DF arrived safely in Aussie. The funny thing is hes absolutely hating it there. He says the house is a pigsty. Rubbish everywhere, no clean dishes in the house and a mountain of laundry on the floor in the wash house. They haven't organised anywhere for him to sleep so hes sleeping on the couch at the moment. Today some other people arrive so he'll have to give up the couch to them. From then on he'll probably end up on the floor in his brother's room. Thing is you can't see the floor in brother's room at the moment. He is counting the days till he comes home. I guess hes discovered the grass isn't greener on the other side of the ditch. 
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 20 December 2008 at 8:21am
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hahahaha I love!! karma ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:29am
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Yay he comes back today!
Hes had a few awakenings while hes been away which is probably the best thing that could have happened. Hes discovered that he really missed me and has made the decision to work harder on our relationship. He even said last night that he needs me in his life. His libido seems to have returned to that of a normal 21 year old without the constant distraction/obsession of the computer. He even said that having a baby with me, the person he loves is very important to him. So heres hoping he can keep all this up! I am looking forward to him arriving home. |
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 10:40am
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Hi Fallen - have just read over your thread and it is great to hear that he has realised how good he has it with you! Just be strong when he gets home and still change your passwords etc so that he can't buy extra time on the computer to avoid him falling back into the same pattern.
Good luck!
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Posted By: brixey
Date Posted: 01 January 2009 at 5:47pm
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Hi Fallen, I have just been reading your thread too and wondering how things are going. Is DF back home yet? I think the decisions you made about the internet and SKY are sound. We quit SKY almost 2 years ago and do not miss it at all.
Do you work in a pharmacy? I wondered with your comment about methadone clients hooking up together. I work in a field where I see people who really shoudnt be breeding having kids at the drop of a hat. I work with mostly men and they get very upset when we come across mistreated children. Its a new year so a good time for a new start and outlook on life - I hope DF comes back and treats you with the love and lust you deserve. Hugs! ------------- TTC #1 December 08 Azoospermia diagnosed - June 09 FA appt #1 August 09 Roll on IVF/ICSI !!! Marrying my darling - July 10 |