Would you find this rude?
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Topic: Would you find this rude?
Posted By: minik8e
Subject: Would you find this rude?
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:16am
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If you received a wedding invitation, with an information sheet attached that said the following, would you think it rude?? TIA
Further Information: We would like all of our guests to enjoy our wedding as much as we will, therefore we have made it an adults only event. Gifts… As we live together and have a full household (or 2) of belongings, in lieu of gifts we would be grateful if you could donate to our renovation fund. A wishing well will be set up at the reception venue for your convenience. |
Replies:
Posted By: AuntieSarah
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:20am
Nope wouldn't find it rude at all, I have no problem at all with the adults only bit (we had no children at our wedding too) and for the gift I think it's good to know what you need  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:32am
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Nope don't find that rude at all. Its very nicely written, and I don't think it's meant to offend at all. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:33am
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Nope, not rude at all! We had kids at our wedding but I know that's unusual. And the wishing well thing is getting to be really common these days too, and makes lots of sense. In fact, there's an invitation on our fridge at the moment, and at the bottom of it it says:
Because at first we lived in sin we've got the sheets and the rubbish bin a gift from you would be swell but we'd prefer a donation to our wishing well ------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:35am
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Thank you We did get feedback that people would like to know WHAT the donations are going towards, which is why we put in about the renovation part.
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:35am
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Nope and nope, I like both statements.
Wedding gifts are so hard to shop for, I prefer to get something the couple actually wants. The only children at our wedding were part of the wedding party. Depends on the venue and the time of the wedding. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:37am
Yeah, our venue etc is not child-friendly - a golf course. The ceremony isn't until 5pm either. Most of our friends are happy to have a night off without the kids, it's only one sister of mine who probably won't be (and Mum's had a hissy fit about it already  )
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:39am
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Well its not her wedding is it.
I had one couple who had children and were coming from out of town, and I did everything I could to accommodate them and they still didn't come. Learnt you can't please everyone! Its your day, you're supposed to be pleased yourselves!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:55am
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Gosh, thats not rude. People expect to see things like this now. Those who dont want to give you money will still buy you a gift (we got a couple). I think it is nice to let people know what you are planning on spending the money on.
Just got the invitation to BIL wedding and they have said something similar and are wanting money towards a big trip next year through south america. I wish we had eloped, both our mothers guilted us into things.. stick to your guns hun and remind them that it is your wedding and you would appreciate if they would stop being so selfish! Good luck. -------------   
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Posted By: sno0ze
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:56am
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No I don't think it is rude, it is your wedding and as mrsg1 says you can't please everyone. I like the idea of the Wishing Well, very cool
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:58am
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I dont think its rude at all , I think it sounds very unoffensive ------------- 
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:17am
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I think it's well worded and not offensive at all.
Child free weddings are pretty commonplace and asking for donations towards something are becoming commonplace as well so I don't think people will be upset by it. -------------  
 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:27am
| Yay thank you!! Another question is....would you think receiving an invitation now, for a wedding at the start of March, is too early? I've had mixed reviews about it... |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:29am
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Nope, definitely not too early, March is still in "wedding season". I've got an invitation here for mid-March, had it for 3 weeks now and didn't think that was too early. Get them out! -------------
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: sno0ze
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:32am
| I don't think it is too early at all, I like to be able to plan ahead. I was a bit surprised by my BIL's wedding as they didn't send invitations until 1 month before the wedding, which I think is a bit late |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:37am
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Nah.
Ours was adults only as ours was in a bar and restaurant so not suitable for children. And we wrote a funny little poem about why we didn't want gifts and would prefer vouchers so we could get some furniture we both liked lol. We sent our invites out about 8 weeks before the day |
Posted By: AngieBabe
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:40am
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No not a rude message at all... and I too had a mother who laid the guilts on me about some of the decisions we made for the wedding - but at the end of the day DH and I were the ones who paid for the majority of it so the decisions were ours to make.
If you do think it's too early to send invites out, you could always do a very quick and simple 'save the date' mail-out (or email out...) but personally I'd just go straight to invites now. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:40am
| sounds fine. Even with weddings that are supposedly "child-friendly", I generally try to make alternative arrangements for the kids - that way I can enjoy myself without worrying the smallest child is going to prematurely help himself to wedding cake. |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:42am
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Nope not rude, but don't sweat it on the day if there is the odd child at the ceremony. And I would send them now. If fact I think it was this weekend 3 years ago that I was doing mine and sending them out for a March wedding. We have just received 2 Feb invitations in the post. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 11:51am
| I don't plan to sweat it Becks, DF will be peeved though. It is only a possibility that one of my sisters will bring her 1yr old, and the circumstances are such that I'm not going to let it bother me. None of our friends will bring their 2 yr olds. |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 12:28pm
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I think it's perfect
We had a similar thing at our wedding. I felt stink at first when writing our "special request" on our invite, but at the end of the day, it was our wedding and if anyone took offense, they didn't know us well enough to be invited 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 12:34pm
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Not to early to send them, I sent mine in November, but then we had overseas guests coming and I wanted them to be received before Christmas.
Glad we sent them early, as its gave people time to organise themselves to come, we had some guests we weren't expecting come all the way from england. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 12:53pm
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Nope and Nope. I think it sounds fine as it tells your guests exactly whats expected.
I sent our invites in November for our March wedding. Same as Fleur, we had overseas guests as well. ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 1:29pm
I like it. It's clear on the kids thing, so you don't have to ask. Kids not invited to weddings (especially receptions) isn't that uncommon. As for the wishing well, I just put in there what I would have otherwise spent on a pressie - no harm in that and I didn't have to think!!  -------------  |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 3:25pm
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Sounds good! I wouldn't be offended at all to get an info sheet with that on it. It's a great idea.
My friend is getting married in December and she actually asked me if we were bringing Ashlee with us. I was really surprised to hear that she'd reserved a seat for her! I would never intend on bringing her with me to a wedding. Immediate family weddings might be a bit different (or friends that already have kids) but if the venue isn't suitable, then you have a right to state that you don't think they should come. I agree that it's not too early to send invites out now. That way, you'll catch the people who were working through Christmas and intending on taking holidays early next year. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 3:38pm
| Thanks ladies, I have printed out all the info sheets and DF is busy cutting them out while watching the motorsport. Hopefully I should get the majority of them posted in the next day or two!! Then I get to wait for RSVPs....that's the nervous part!! |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 3:51pm
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No thats the fun part Kate. We had the same thing as baalamb at a wedding we were invited too, they had a seat for Andrew but we didn't take him to the reception only to the ceremony. Wow only 3 months to go - exciting. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 4:12pm
Looks great! I forgot while reading it that you are planning your wedding, and thought you'd recieved that on an invite and were posting to complain about how rude it was. I was trying hard to think of a tactful way to say that it actually looked perfectly polite  -------------   
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 4:48pm
| Exciting?? LOL ahhh yeah, I still have sooooo much to do... see the mock up of my dress, meet with the celebrant, meet with the DJ, the photographer, send out the invites, decide how big we want the tables....hrmm, that's not actually too bad!! |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 5:07pm
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we well actually i recently got an invitation to a wedding which is adults only, i did think it was really rude BUT ONLY as the person getting married is sarahs god mother and it didnt say on the invitation it was adults only!.
so i think sarah should have been invited. definatly not too early for the invitations i have already recieved 3 for march and 1 for april!  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 7:18pm
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Hi Kate I don't think that's rude at all. Very nicely worded.
DH and I were cracking up at this weegee! He suggested you give them a card with a note saying that you've made a donation to their local parish to pray for them (sinners) LOL -------------  
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weegee wrote:
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 7:38pm
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Gosh wish I had thought of that....renovations aren't cheap!!
I'm going to a wedding in Jan & would love to go child free, but as it's my brothers & Alia is his only niece she is invited. Don't think any other kids are. But at 5 she's much more managable than a toddler. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 8:21pm
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Sounds fine to me - go for it ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 8:37pm
| It sounds really good. We got guilted into getting lots of presents instead of a wishing well by our conservative parents. But we did appreciate the new stuff all the same. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 9:20pm
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That sounds good!
Im having the same dilemma! Our wedding is no kids and I want to write it on the invites, but didnt want to sound rude. ------------- |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 9:59pm
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It's strange - Mum is extraordinarily conservative, but is fine with the wishing well. Possibly as she's had half my stuff stored in her garage previously, and she's seen our house LOL (we have 2 cupboards for storage, one of which has the hot water cylinder) She also gets the phone calls when things go wrong (like water pipes bursting) as Dad is the expert hehehe
Our friends all have 2 year olds, except one 1 yr old. My sister has a 1 year old. So not many kids anyway, but the golf course just really isn't suitable, and it's hard enough for parents to have a night out by themselves, so time for them to enjoy it, is our thinking!! Have just found out I need to find another hairdresser though, our one is finishing hairdressing at the end of the year and going to do accounting instead 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 12:20am
Hmmm, well im (sorry , WE) are getting married in Feb, I still have to alter one bridesmaid dress (which I only got last week) write and send the invitations, find a dress for my cousin (jr bridesmaid ) and , oh yeah , find my dress ....too much to worry about , think i'll watch tv instead .... ETA- I dont have to worry about the kids thing tho , obviously C will be flower girl , and wer'e getting married at a reserve with a huge field, heaps of room for them to run and play , and keep out of the way , then the reception is just at our house , and we'll have the trampoline etc to play on , but i think most people these days expect it to be child friendly , i know I never assume C can come -------------
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 11:05am
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I wish we had done something like that. I dont think its rude at all....
We ended up with about 20 kids at our ceremony (only room for 90 people in the church so some of our guests had to stand outside) and we had one 10 year old turn up to our reception and we had to make room for her... ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 12:55pm
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There will be about 6 kids at our wedding...well 7 including bump...but dont think it'll cause much problems -------------
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 1:52pm
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I don't think it's rude at all - it's almost exactly what we did
We had a wishing well coz we were coming back overseas with 20kg weight allowance each .. which we were already over on the way TO NZ with the wedding dress, suits and all the other stuff I bought before we came home. We felt really guilt about "asking" for money (ours was for our honeymoon) and I know my MIL didn't really like the idea. I was worried my Nana and my aunties would be offended but they all thought it was a great idea as they'd been talking about what on earth to give us for ages So people will understand
Re the no kids thing, I think people definitely understand when it's to do with your venue. If there are one or two kids you DO want there then just quietly have a word with their parents and say, "you're the exception but keep it quiet till the day." Enjoy the last couple of months of planning! Bummer about your hairdresser. Ask your other suppliers for recommendations - our florist recommended my hairdresser and she was FAB! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 2:32pm
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We aren't keen to have ANY kids there - it's just not a kid-friendly venue, with creeks and sand bunkers and people playing golf (the golf club isn't shut, only the club rooms from 3pm). I'm not going to let it stress me though, if they turn up on the day, there's not really a lot I can do, is there? So I'm not stressing!! (much anyway)
Kelly - you're getting married the week before us Only reason I worry a little about my dress is because it's being made, and I've never seen it put together as a dress...so have all my fingers and toes crossed it still looks good!!!
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 2:57pm
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id definatly make sure you tell people that it is a kid free wedding,
my cousin didnt tell us infact she still hasnt! her mum told us about a week ago. i have no problem with it being kid free at all but did think it was a bit rude that shed left DH and the kids off the invite and it didnt say it anywhere on it, but then we thought perhaps she just ment all of us to go anyway untill we were told it was kid free. so id just make sure you let people know otherwise they will probably bring the kids. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 3:09pm
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The info sheet says it's an adults only event CatzKids We've also verbally told all of our friends.
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 3:10pm
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I think it's a great idea for the gift part. As DH and I didn't have anything getting all the 'homely' stuff was perfect. But I struggle getting wedding gifts for people so knowing what they want is such a bonus.
2 friends of ours wanted donations towards the honeymoon and another friend wanted cash to get bigger stuff like a dining table etc. I think it's great then everyone gets what they want. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 6:00pm
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I think its fine even if it was child friendly i wouldn't want to take my kid it would be a good excuse for a grown up day out.
Im going to a wedding early next year and they registered at a travel agency to pay for their honeymoon which i think is an awesome idea (how much do you spend on a wedding pressie last wedding i went too had no pressie bring a plate instead cos they were on a budget and had alot of people to feed) i think you cant send out invites to early some people appreciate alot of notice makes arrangements for kids travel and time off cheaper and easier. -------------   
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 7:13pm
eek! I dont know what dress Im wearing at all, will probably have to by it off the shelf tho , bit late to get one made -------------
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 9:57pm
| Are you having the standard white? Cos there's some gorgeous wedding dresses to cater for baby bumps now...I had a look between finding out I was pg and having my m/c in September. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 09 December 2008 at 12:08am
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are there ? yeah im having the standard white , people can have a good chuckle to themselves -------------
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