tantrum
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Kindy and Beyond
Forum Description: So you've survived the sleepless nights and toddler tantrums, now the fun really begins! Talk to other parents of older children here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23272
Printed Date: 20 June 2025 at 7:46am
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Topic: tantrum
Posted By: jjands
Subject: tantrum
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:08am
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Hi Girls, does anyone have any advice for me? My 4 your old daughter will not stop screaming and crying and today I've had enough! It's been going since 7 this morning and is still in full swing :( I know today stems from her refusing to go to sleep last night until nearly midnight but she wont sleep now when she's up she's screaming at her brother and now I've put her in her room she's screaming and kicking the wall.
What can I do I'm so sick of it 
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Replies:
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:29am
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Wow, since 7am - that girl has stamina! Is DF around today or are you dealing with this by yourself? It's been awhile since I've had to deal with older children's tantys and I've never had a child go for that long so I'm not sure that I can offer any advice.... just sympathy. I think you've done the right thing. It's really hard for a 4 yo to articulate her frustrations particularly when it's due to overtiredness and she doesn't understand it herself. IMO timeout in her room is a good idea because 1) it gets her brother out of the firing line and 2) it show's that you will not put up with that behaviour.
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:35am
DH is making me mad I wish I could say "just get over it, you don't have any responsibilities what else were you going to do today" and then go to work 
Thanks at least you think I'm doing something right..I don't want to be to close last week she kicked me in the stomach don't think bub will appreciate it too much. I just wish she'd stop. I hate to think what the neighbours think :( Surely she'll tire herself out eventually?? |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:38am
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Poor you! I know how hard it is to be patient when it just goes on and on, especially since at 4 they can answer back and say horrible things too!
When my 4yo is being like that I do the same as you have. Put her in her room and as calmly as possible tell her she can't come out until she can behave herself and treat everyone nicely. (For Ella this includes asking for things in a nice voice and not whining) At 4 she is old enough to be left for a good long while (assuming she is safe in her room and can't hurt herself or anything), so if you can bear or block out the screaming and kicking for a bit, I suggest waiting her temper out. Ella has never done the screaming etc for longer than 20 mins or so. Once it goes quiet I give her another 10 minutes and go in to see if she's ready to come out and enjoy the day with us. I don't know if your girl is like mine, but with Ella, I just can't reason with her when she is all worked up crying or in a temper. Its easier to just let her get it all out, away from us and then try again when she has stopped and is ready to listen and play again. Also, if you're lucky she might fall asleep while she's in there! (fingers crossed!) Another thing I *try to* do when Ella is really, really overtired and emotional is keep acknowledging her feelings and sympathising with her. Eg: Oh Ella, I know you're feeling really tired and sad, it must be really hard for you to be patient with Ben, why don't you come and give me a hug' Sometimes that backfires and she tanties anyway, but sometimes she responds really well to it and I get lots of cuddles and love instead of tantrums 
If all else fails, you could try snuggling her up on the couch with some popcorn and a DVD this afternoon. Close the curtains so its like a real movie and hope that she drifts off! Good luck!! ETA: "Ella has never done the screaming etc for longer than 20 mins or so" - I mean in her room, without a target or audience. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:39am
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Yeah, you'd think so. Is she even winding down? I totally agree with not giving her the opportunity to lash out at you again. -------------
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jjands wrote:Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:41am
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Don't stress about the neighbours, unless they're bored old snooty curtain-twitchers I'm sure they'll know how dramatic 4 year olds can be! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:44am
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Thanks CaraMel.
Yeh next time I might try sympathising with her see if that stops it before it starts. I'm glad you guys have said it's ok for her to vent her tsntrum in her room because when my mother in law is here and I do it she tells me I'm a horrible person and goes off at me about it. Yea she can't hurt herself and I leave the door open halfway so I can peak on her every 10 mins or so make sure she's ok. DVD and popcorn sound like heaven might try that this arvo. I'm so happy I discovered these forums they make parenting easier 
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:47am
she starts to wind down for about 2 mins and I get all excited and ready to get on with my day and then she starts screaming all over again 
The neighbours just turned there music up lol It breaks my heart hearing her scream like this after my inital anger wears off |
Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 9:56am
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Hang in there, she will get tired of it once she realises you're not buying into it!
I'm a softie too, I find it really hard to see her so upset. Could you do something with her brother while she is in time-out? If she can hear you guys carrying on and having fun and realises she's not running the show she might want to play ball again. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 10:02am
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I did what you suggested and went up to room ( she was screaming "you will let me outa here!")
So i just said I know your tired and upset and that is why I want you to have a sleep and then you can come outside and enjoy the day with eveyone. She said ok and now we're down to quiet sobbing . And even our cats have decided it's safe to come inside. Thank you sooooo much!
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 10:19am
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That is awesome! Well done chick!
Fingers crossed she has a good long sleep and wakes up her old self again. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 10:32am
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Yay, good on you for sticking to your guns (and good on CaraMel for the great advice). I hope she has a good sleep and is back to being a lovely little lady when she comes out of her room. -------------
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 11:16am
| She's stll asleep :) I'm stoked and the real estate agent rang and she has a house for us to look at today-today is getting better! |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 11:18am
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Fantastic! -------------
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 11:26am
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I wrecked it she just woke up screaming her head off hopefully she'll sort herself out once she wakes up a bit more.
Do you think it's normal for a 4 yr old to do this? |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 22 December 2008 at 11:37am
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My niece (at 8yo) still throws massive tantys. Yes, I think it's completely normal. -------------
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 10:55am
Im 27 and at times I throw massive tantrums 
poor you,tantrums are a b*tch , ive been lucky with C she is usually pretty well behaved , and time out works for her but ive seen my friend's 2 year old behave appallingly (but that is because her mother has allowed her to believe she is the boss and panders to her every whim and rewards her for her bad behaviour, god knows what she'll be like when shes 4 ..you say no to her and she glares at you , charming ) however you , are doing pretty much everything I would have suggested, and showing her you are in charge, which is so important. Obviously my addition is a week and abit late, but just wanted to say as far as I could tell you were doing a good job  ------------- 
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 2:49pm
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Thanks all feedback is good because its a reoccurring problem...yeh I still throw them too but she'd beat me hands down everytime lol
My tanty's have been alot worse since I've been pregnant tho.....DH hates me |
Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 9:32am
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I have a suggestion thats not not very PC, but used to work a treat for my DD. It was suggested to me by a friend who has 7(!!!) children.
When she had those tantrums where she completely lost control I put her into the shower, clothes and all and turned the cold water on. It used to snap her out of it really quickly. Then we could concentrate on finding her some dry clothes and moving on with the day. |
Posted By: concernedmum
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 10:35am
sounds like child abuse to me! 
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 11:11am
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May I ask why you are "concernedmum"
My daughter throws tantrums that last usually 4 hours, I have a 6yr old as well and am pregnant. 5 hours of tantrum is not easy and any advice is appreciated. What fallen was suggesting was a way to snap her out of it I don't think the shower is anymore 'child abuse' than leaving them in their rooms to calm them selves down. |
Posted By: concernedmum
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 11:57am
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i am "concernedmum" cause i think as mums we all have some concerns about some thing or another ... why are you "jjands"?
distraction, diversion, time out (for mums and/or kids), hugs, ask - tell - act, finding out the real problem, one on one time, ruling out medical problems .... all much nicer and acceptable ways of dealing with a tantruming child. |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 12:46pm
| I had to laugh at the shower idea! Very novel! |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 1:34pm
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concerned mum,
Please remember you also have days when things don't go right re: your post I have failed as a mum! I scream, i smack, i yell, i berate, i threaten, i swear, i call them names...and most days i dont like them or me. i dont want a third, didnt even want a second. |
Posted By: concernedmum
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 1:59pm
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arent you clever doing a search!!!
I'm not on trial or accusing you of anything. merely stated that to me dousing a 5 yr old in cold water fully clothed sounded like child abuse! is it not akin to throwing a child into a tub of cold water for soiling themselves... and if said child had an undiagnosed ear infection (for example) then the cold water of a shower would certainly not improve matters... only perhaps make them scared of showering! if you choose to throw your child in a cold shower to stop them screaming that is your decision... i however dont agree with it. tantruming children are not easy... nor is finding a method to deal with them...but once you do find it then it does become easier! I know! |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 3:22pm
| i disagree. My four year old has never had a tantrum where he has been unconsoliable as you have described. But if he did and I couldn't calm him down, then as a last resort I would do the shower thing. I don't think it is child abuse in the least. It won't cause irrepareable harm. it won't hurt them in any way. But it could be a way to calm them down quickly. |
Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 6:45pm
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I was merely passing on a suggestion on something that worked for me. My daughter never stayed under the water for longer than a couple of seconds, but it was always enough to snap her out of the tantrum she had wound herself up into.
I don't believe its in any way child abuse. But if you do, feel free to NOT try it.
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 10:17pm
..my mum thinks that at times I should go into a cold shower myself...... -------------
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 03 January 2009 at 10:44am
| and I dont think it is child abuse either |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 6:34pm
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Concerned Mum,
So glad to hear that between the 14/12 and now you have found a full proof way of controlling your childrens tantrums. According to your posts. I take it this no longer involves hitting them? Because after all that is actual child abuse unlike a cold shower. So who are you really seeming as you created another account? P.S I don't feel that you are very welcome on here....this is a place for suppor not crisitism. |
Posted By: concernedmum
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:51pm
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jjands... yes i have learnt a lot since december of 2007!
It was my opinion only... what are you getting so upset about it for? is it perhaps because you think it is abusive but do it anyway!? do you want me to delete my comment so it cant offend you anymore? No one else seems upset by it or likens it to abuse, if you dont like my opinion then ignore it! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:25pm
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* is very confused*
think I have to lie down -------------
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:28pm
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everyone here is entitled to support free from criticism , parenting is a tough role, and this should be a place that people can freely vent their frustrations and fears etc that come with being a parent free from critiscism from other parents on the forum , a healthy debate is good, a slanging match is not .
That goes for EVERYONE on here -don't make me put you all in time out . -------------
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:42pm
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You admitted you hit your children this is abuse cold showers are not. Hitting your children is ILLEGAL.
I only posted this topic because I wanted some advice not to have my head bitten off. This really wrecks my time on the forums... |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:45pm
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I know what your saying Caitlynsmygirl and I agree like I said above was only looking for some advice and came away feeling like I had been critisised for something I didn't even suggest. Anyway long over this discussion
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Posted By: concernedmum
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:10pm
| whatever - i voiced my opinion plain and simple... and it wasnt even about anything you had said, it was about fallens suggestion. You jjands are the one who attacked me and got on the defensive... Maybe time to look in the mirror! |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 05 January 2009 at 9:00am
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LOL I'm just going to agree to disagree
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 9:53pm
funnily enough as a mother at my wits end with a 6yr old with ADHD, who is no longer alowd at any of her relatives including grandparents as she is so full on its tireing watching her she also gets so hyped up and frustrated that there is no consoling/calming/reasoning with her just hysteria today i took her to the doctor & the doctor said . . . when she gets like that put her in the shower!! clothes and all ,as it is the best way to calm a child down quickly, (especially with s as the next step is usually a rage where she destroys anything she can get her hands on out of frustration) i kid you not thats what the doctor said!, and i thought what a dam good idea!! edited to add : havnt read all the posts only read half way down this page , so this post isnt to dig at anyone, its mearly stating my opinion, ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 9:25am
| That must be really hard on you I hope the shower thing works |
Posted By: concernedmum
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 8:33pm
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lol thas funny catzkids that a doc would suggest it and here ohbaby is discussing it too...
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 09 January 2009 at 9:17pm
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I'm not sure if it's any help to you jjands but Maya is a colossal tantrum thrower, and I used to get so frustrated with her but now we have a rule that when I say "go to your room", she has to stay there until she has calmed down and is able to participate in family life nicely. That way it's not "you must stay there for X amount of time" which can seem like forever, but it also gives her the power to decide when she wants to calm down. Sometimes she's like a boomerang and only needs 30 seconds in her room, other times she'll disappear in there and fall asleep. If she stays in there I do go in and try to talk about what's happened, but only if she's ready.
I have to say tho that it wasn't an instant cure. To start with she didn't get the concept and it took a few times before she realised that she had control over how long she stayed there and that all she had to do was calm down. And I anticipate that as she gets older she will start refusing to go to her room when she's sent there - not quite sure how I'm going to handle that one coz I suspect a cold shower would just enrage her more! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: McPloppy
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 9:29pm
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Well when DS was in his early three's and threw a tantrum and just would not \calm down...just like you are experiencing....we put him in the shower clothes and all a few times....this did not work and i felt so bad. He screamed even harder and it was very difficult to get him out of his clothes and into dry ones cause he was cold and still throwing the tantrum so it did not work for us also he remembers it and still says 'you wont give me a cold shower????" My poor baby.
Now we do pretty much the same as Emma. He is sent to his room untill he has control of himself and he can come out when he feels he is ready. We then have cuddles and talk about how he is feeling or we just leave it...It is up to him but he knows that that kind of behaviour is unnacceptable. I hope you find something that works for you ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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