Dont know what to do
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23350
Printed Date: 29 September 2025 at 3:28pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Dont know what to do
Posted By: TysMummy
Subject: Dont know what to do
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 10:25am
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is there any mums out there that left there hubby while pregs? im so confused and at the same time lonely...all my friends decided not to talk to me when i started going out with hubby and when i got pregs the first time i lost my last friend now stuck at home and going slowly insane .......im finding it REAQLLY hard to find friends.........i use to be out all the time socialising and had heaps of friends and now im the opposite ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Replies:
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 10:36am
aww hun i left my relly good friend as her panter was very abuiseive to heri couldnt sit in the back ground and whacth nor will i i relly hope this isnt what has happen to you ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 10:44am
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nah he not that kinda abussive...........he is 7years younger then me and i really think he wants a mother figure........he wont do anything with the baby unless i keep telling him too and he tells me im lazy cause hthere is always toys everywhere..........our house is so small a dog wouldnt live here...........and i have been in and out of hospital with preg which doesnt help matters. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 10:47am
aww hun that suxs sounds like he needs to grow up and once bubs is out you could get out and do music and movement classes and meet outher mums ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 10:49am
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awww hugs TysMummy, that is hard!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4 
 
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Do you have someone else to help you out with your little guy, esp if you have had to be in and out of hospital? Im not sure what to tell you, but the people I know who have had relationship break ups said they just "knew" it was the right time to end it. Good luck with whatever you decide
Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 10:55am
Thanks.............i have tried playcenter etc was there for a month and no one talked to me and everytime Ty went to play with the kids there mums took them away............ty is very straight up and luvs kids so will hug them all and this is the only reason i can think off.............unfortantly no not really as my parents are busy and ty is very demanding he stays with them when he can ..............i think i know its the right time but well if i look hard at myself i think im scared and i went into marriage thinking it was for life etc.............i have such low self confidece now that i think if i leave him im gonna be 90 before i find someone.................wat can i say im attracted to arse'holes  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 11:01am
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what a stink playcentre!! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4
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And things dont always work out the way you think they will. Are their any oh baby mums in your area, maybe you could organise a meet up?Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 11:06am
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yeah im gonna try another playcentre in the new term unfortantly no mums on here...............try nearly every few months since ty was born............thinking i need to move now haha............wow kiwimummy i just read how many boys you have .........ty drives me nuts you are a legend...........you cant live without them though can yah ! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 12:10pm
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Your husband sounds a lot like my ex-BIL. He very much needed someone to mother him and never helped out around the house. He was completely useless actually, in fact when my nephew was born I took time off work to help out with my niece and tidy up the house before my sister and her son came home - you should have seen the state of it while she was away, it took me 3 loads just to do the dishes My sister would not have left him, she was in a very bad state. Her daughter was from a previous relationship and I think one of the reasons she was attracted to ex-BIL was the fact he didn't seem to mind she had a child (although before they got married he told her he refused to adopt her daughter or support either of them) plus she had a fractured pelvis so was in pain all of the time and ended up on a pretty strong cocktail of prescribed medication to help her cope. We'd all warned her off him before they got married but what can you do other than stand by and watch? After my nephews birth she had a 15mo and newborn and a major injury to deal with and she couldn't do as much around the house and by the time my nephew was about 6wo my family and I had used up all our leave from work so we weren't able to help with everyday tasks anymore and ex-BIL decided enough was enough and so during a break in the cricket he told her he wanted a divorce (and then the cricket match started again and he wasn't willing to talk about it anymore). I helped my sister and her kids move into my parents house that weekend. Her son is the best thing that came from that relationship and the fact that it ended is probably the 2nd best thing about the relationship. My sister has since had 2 operations on her pelvis, gone through rehabilitation, taken over fulltime care of her kids (which she was unable to do for a long time due to her injury), seen them both off to school, has a lot of friends, has completed the first 2 years of her law degree - all as a solo mother. She hasn't had any romantic relationships since she seperated from her husband but that's not for lack of offers. Going by her children's fathers her track record with men stinks and she decided to put her 2 kids, her rehabilitation and her studies before anything else. Only you can know if you can make your relationship work or if it's better to move on but good luck for whatever path you decide to take. -------------  
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ex-BIL hadn't even bothered doing them while his wife was away.Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 12:17pm
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Not quite in your situation but when I married hubby we moved away from where my friends and family cause of his job, and living in a small town i've not found it easy to make friends.
Most of the people I'm friendly with locally are from OHBaby, have you been to one of the meet ups? Try another playcentre or is there a coffee group near you could go to? I'm not sure if my lack of confidence is due to being with DH or living away from friends and family, in a small town. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 1:13pm
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hugs Tysmum , I really feel for you , I wish you luck with whatever path you chose to take.
And as for your friends cutting you off when you got together with your husband , thats not how I thought friendship worked, Ive watched my friend get treated like scum, cheated on etc while she was pregnant by her ex before she saw the light , and as hard as it was to watch , especially listening to all her excuses for him , and him making her feel guilty for having a family , (his mum, sister, BIL and 5year old niece were killed in a car accident driven by his other sister, the only survivor, on christmas eve 8 years ago , which is awful yes) and watching him never support her , and insult her all the time (day after we saw our friend and her sisters boyfriend get killed by a guy ploughing through a crowd he told her to "get over it " ) I could never have turned my back on her , as the saying goes anyone will side with you when your right, a true friend will be on your side even when your'e wrong. Im sorry your "friends" treated you this way , even if it was hard for them to see , thats JMO tho . I wish I lived closer to you , cos I would be happy to be your friend  ------------- 
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Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 2:30pm
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thanks caitlynsmygirl........................ yeah i know they probably werent my 'friends' as i always seemed to do things for them and when i needed help or in hospital they where never there but i think i miss feeling alive..........my miracle babies are my life and always will be but its always nice to know there is that certain someone there............i think the hardest thing is that im always praising hubby and pushing him to be the best he can be and i always get told he would still be working in fast food if it wasnt for me.........so everyone thinks the sun shines out of him now and if i say its my day off and he iss looking after the baby.........hubby usually complains he is tired by midday and says he has better things to do.......if i say this to my parents im being to hard on him and he works full time .....wat the heck do i do then......sit on my fat ars all day? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nansay
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 3:59pm
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Dats no good he should be helping you not getting you all stressed out especially you pregnant and all cant be good for the baba. I have a friend in a similar situations, as her friend i try to be there for her but what can i say when everthing i tell her goes in one ear and out the other but you know im always there no matter what the situation. I think your friends are sad for not being there for you shows you who your true friends are?!
I think guys dont realise how hard it is be a mother they just because they make all the money that its our job to the rest like watching a baby is easy?! We both know its not, your man needs to grow up your gonna have 2 babies soon even tho it sounds like your've already got two not including the one on the way. http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 4:10pm
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sorry had a moment back there :) yeah the funny thing is that he was suppose to stay home with the first for 6mnths while i worked but my labour didnt go welll so was in hospital for 2 mnths after so that through that idea out.......i asked if he wanted to stay home with the 2 this time he said 'in your dreams' rude as.............and yes i already do have 2 now im hoping like '''''''' that this one is gonna be a girl so he doesnt get all his way but knowing my luck ..............im still gonna luv it my little ball of lard............oh and Nansay yu seem like a lovely friend............im the opposite when it comes to listening to people.....i seem to pay too much attention to them and its usually the wrong advice......... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 4:15pm
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ok so while doing dinner i have decided something from what everyone has been saying...............................im too independent and strong willed to keep feeling sorry for myself................when the baby is born im 'wasting' his money and putting the kids into everything and then im gonna loose all the weight get down to size 10 again and pick up where i left off with my dancing...............and if i have to do it all without a friend etc then so be it.............hubby is sleeping in the other room at mo as i am too uncomfortable with him at night so hopefully he will stay there and i wont have to deal with his 'attitude' and if all that doesnt work then its my fault ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 4:56pm
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There is more than one person in a relationship chick, if it doesnt work out it is NOT all your fault , don't blame yourself for your husband's attitude please -------------
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 4:59pm
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Hi Hun For u,
Where abouts in the Waikato are you I'm sure some of us are near you and can help ya out. And if it's any help your not the only one with a man like that. Mine says kids aren't fun till there older so why would he want to do anything with them now..(and they're his kids my step kids) So big hug and stay strong hun |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 4:59pm
| ooops sorry for the rave I having a crap day too |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 5:42pm
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Good for you! Definitely stand up for yourself & do things that you want to do.
I have a friend who is having issues with her ex & he was basically getting her to replace his Mum. She booted him out & is standing up for her self, she's still getting strife but at least she's independant. She is also having a baby by Elec caesar & he's being a idiot about looking after their kids while shes in hospital! Proper friends with stick with you no matter what they think of your hubby etc. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 5:43pm
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yeah where abouts are you im in hamilton well lots of ppl on here are. we've all got coffee groups you could join. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel  07/08/2014
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Posted By: TysMummy
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 6:22pm
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im in ngaruawhia at the mo ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 29 December 2008 at 9:37pm
| pm me if you want hun... |
Posted By: Nansay
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 9:45am
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Good on you chicky thats way to go stay strong and honestly dont let him get to you because us women wheather men like it or not are the one's who have the hardest job in the world it doesn't matter if we're not bringing in the $$ we're at home all day changing bums cleaning, cooking the list goes on. If can't handle watching his kids then doesn't show you he's not that fatherly type sounds to me he doesn't give a damn.
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Posted By: Nansay
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 9:50am
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Good on you chicky thats the way to go, i reckon you'd be better off without him sounds to me like he needs to grow up he's an adult now with a family.
Be strong stay at your goals |