Do you find this rude???
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23380
Printed Date: 17 December 2025 at 11:19pm
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Topic: Do you find this rude???
Posted By: mummy_becks
Subject: Do you find this rude???
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:23pm
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I have a male friend who is a mess. He left his job a few weeks ago and that involved laywers and the employment law etc. I saw him on Saturday night and he told me he had a job interview and any ideas for it. I gave him a few questions to ask and then I went back to where I was staying. Today on my way back to Waiouru I get a txt "Interview was good but hard, and by the way I put you down as a reference". I didn't reply but I am farked off. I always think you should ask someone first before you put them down as a reference and then tell them they had an interview and they may call. Do others think the same as me, or is his way the norm these days??? ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Replies:
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:37pm
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TBH I don't think it's really that rude, I mean if you are a friend as you say, then you'd be happy to give a good word for him. BUT it would be preferred & common courtesy to give someone the heads up before doing so ...but not a biggie iykwim!
Do they even use referees these days? When we got the house we applied for, I wrote down several referees and none were phoned prior to them accepting us? ... |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:39pm
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Yep id be annoyed (unless it was my BFF .. then thats different).
And most job applications have a note on them that says you have to have permission of the referee you list (which he didnt)! Oh and Steph if its for a job .. they would be calling the referees (or its one stupid employer)  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:40pm
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Definitely if it was not a good friend (or was a staff member!) I have had calls for references from ex staff who never asked me to be a reference or tell me to expect a call - there was one person who I really couldn't be a reference for as it wouldn't have been good (he had done some dodgy things) so just adivsed the agency that unfortunately I had not been asked to be a reference and wouldn't feel comfortable. They will usually then adivse the candidate that they need to have asked all their references prior.
For most people though I really think they just don't know that they should ask prior - if you want to be a reference say sure, but tell him nicely that usually you should ask someone first, just to ensure you are prepared before they call. Good luck 
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Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:43pm
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I would be well pissed - for some jobs it is a real big thing to be a referee as it can also include security clearence too. For DHs last job his referees were interviewed by SIS - 2 in person and 2 on the phone. I was a referee for a friend and the SIS folk came to my house to ask the questions, it took an hour!! -------------   
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 7:55pm
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Going back to what I said above, I wouldn't mind in the case that the guy is a reasonably good friend, and I know he's a good worker who will do the job well. I wouldn't go giving good references for every tom, dick & harry.
But yes, still common courtesy to get permission first from someone. Wouldn't really phase me too much though... |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 8:35pm
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Even if it was a good friend I wouldn't be happy...I would prefer to be asked first. Giving a reference is kind of a big thing so I think it's a courtesy to ask. I've always asked my referees first. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: gemsmum
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 10:11pm
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I got a phone call at work one day from an ex-colleague who'd put me down as their referee. I felt really uncomfortable and put on the spot.....I think it's rude. I've never put anyone down as referee without asking their permission first, it is a common courtesy. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 30 December 2008 at 11:02pm
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No it wouldn't really bother me, unless it was someone I didn't know very well and I had to lie.
Maybe he just hadn't thought about referees beforehand, or he meant to tell you and forgot? Not trying to criticise or anything Becks, I just know a few guys who are absent minded and would do that kind of thing! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 1:32am
Lol um isn't that what guys do best? They DON'T think before they do something? ....hehe |
caraMel wrote:Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 7:19am
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i would be annoyed too - i would find it rude to be used as a reference without being asked - particularly for employment - as someone who works in HR we always ask for employment related references anyway as friends will generally only tell us what they think we want to hear so the friend gets the job - if i was doing the reference checking i would go back to him and say i need someone from previous employer - even if it's a colleague it's better than using a friend as at least you get an idea of what they are like at work as that is often different from how they behave outside work
particularly as obviously there was difficulty with his last employer, hopefully he was honest about that cos if he hasn't been and has put false information on his job application then that would give his new employer the right to terminate his employment if they did give him a job and then found out |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 10:00am
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I wouldn't be too bothered, he did tell you, just maybe not in the right way around.
It can be difficult to find good referees, especially if you've had difficulty with your last employer. Given where you're from its even tougher, as everyone seems to know everyone. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 11:07am
Dear Steph I am guessing you wont give me a reference sincerely yours Harry . har har , sorry , as for OP , then I would prefer some common courtesy , but personally I wouldn't be that fazed about it , I would just add it to my little list of silly things guys do ..... ------------- 
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Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 31 December 2008 at 11:11am
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I personally wouldn't be bothered.... for a friend. ------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |