Im going crazy..
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Topic: Im going crazy..
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Im going crazy..
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:44am
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This might end up a novel. Iv never told anyone this before..
When Kylah was born, i was holding her, she was all floppy and stuff but i didnt know any different. She stopped breathing at ten minutes old, and the MW couldnt get the oxygen tap on so was hammering on the big red button. People came flying in all directions and they got her breathing again. They said she was fine. But the thing is, i cant help but wonder if its done something to her. When we bought her home (the same day, as there was no room for us anywhere) i couldnt forget it, everytime i put her down i couldnt stop thinking i would go back to her and she would be dead. Everytime i slept i would dream she was suffocating, couldnt breathe and she would die before i got to her. I didnt leave the house for the first 6 or 8 weeks as i was afraid of taking her away from my comfort zone. I was scared of her crying. BF wasnt going to well, i was afraid of doing that in public too. The dreams dont happen anymore, they lasted about 8 months, i still think bad things alot, like when shes slept through the night, il lie in bed and have to work myself up to go check her because i just think the worst, im afraid of going in there and she will be lifeless.. I cant shake the feeling that she wasnt breathing properly that whole ten minutes and then got oxygen. I cant help but think its my fault i should have said something to my MW but i didnt. I think that shes not walking because theres something wrong, she didnt crawl till 11 months and i think its because theres something wrong, i know theres not but i cant stop thinking about it. Tell me im just going mad! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Replies:
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:52am
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Kandice....I think we ALL think like that. I still check up on Tom heaps during the night (helps that I am getting up to pee) and when I get up before him in the morning I always have a wee panic till I check and see he is still breathing. In fact sometimes I think it borders on OCD because if I break my routine I stress and worry and have to go back and check him anyway. I have a sneaking suspicion we will be like this forever!
As for any damage done....I doubt it. Babies cope better with things like that than adults do. she is a bright and happy girl....she just does things at her own pace. I think you will find a lot of people who's babies didnt walk till late. There has to be some late walkers or all the early ones would feel late too
So in short......YOUR GOING MAD......with the rest of us |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:53am
| Oh and I didnt realise this till I was re-reading my notes but Tom was floppy at birth too. And we had that scare with the bleed on his brain and he is in NO WAY delayed at all. Smart little cookie is soon going to outwit us. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:56am
| Developmentally she's fine. Daniel didn't crawl properly til around 11-12 months and he only started walking around 10 weeks ago so pretty much the same as Kylah |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:06am
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Cooper started walking on Christmas Eve at 15mths... and he's still crawling, as he can get to where he wants to alot faster....
If you are concerned about her developmentally perhaps talk to your PN or GP. I'm sure she is fine, remember kids develop at different stages to others. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:09am
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I mean she walks she just does walk around by herself. She runs with her pram and wealks about 5 steps by herself..
Developmentally i know shes ok, i just cant stop that feeling, it all stems from her birth it really freaked me out. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:16am
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I know the feeling from the birth I am the same...:( *hugs to you*
she is doing fine though but as the others say get her checked out if you are worried...as for the checking..i am the same...it's just normal I think.....and I actually have OCD but that is definitely not part of it...... anyway just trying to say what you feel is normal after what you have been through and big hugs to you! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:20am
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hey chick we all worry I like that. expecially with my first I had nightmares from the day I found out I was having him. I actually cinvinced myself that at the 20 week scan they would tell me he died I now looking back i and no reason to even think that. I think our mind just really play's trick's on us. I still now check on the kid's like 5 times before i go to bed just to be sure.
As far as devlopmentlly delayed I have alway's been sure that they would find something wrong with my kid's as I had ADHD etc has a kid. She sound's pretty normal to me, but if you are worried go to the GP that is what they are there for and best to get it checked and put your mind at rest. So after my long speech you are so not crazy jsut a normal loving Mum. Oh I have just remembered at about 5am the day after I had Alan he chocked and had to be aspriated I remmeber the whole time i was in hospital I could not sleep unless DH was there to watch him in the end the nurses took him to the office so I could sleep the night. Anyway chin up chick. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:24am
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Keziah hasn't taken her first steps yet and she's 14 months... she started crawling late (11 months) but has been bum shuffling since 8.5 months and still does this more than the others cause she can get where she's going faster and she can hold onto things while she's on the move LOL cheeky wee thing
I too check on her 3 or 4 times between her going to bed, and us going to bed a few hours later It's perfectly normal to feel worried chicky... it's all in a days work I think  -------------  
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Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:52am
Amy didn't crawl until 11 months and I am sure that the only reason that she walked at 15 months is that she stayed with my parents for a week and my mum spent the whole time helping her walk by holding her hands  . She now doesn't walk - she runs everywhere 
As the others have said - if you are worried talk to your GP, but I am sure she will do it when she is ready. Perhaps talk to someone yourself - it sounds like YOU had a really terrible experience and were not helped throught it and then given the bums rush out the door from the hospital.  -------------   
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:57am
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It was terrible. I hated it. I had no skin to skin, only like 5 mins. I was in shock, and noone even spoke to me the whole time i was at the hospital after the birth. Noone showed me how to BF, i couldnt get her to wake up so she didnt feed for the whole day, it wasnt untill i came on here and my lovely August mums gave me ideas to help, and that worked.
I just couldnt believe the lack of care, or support. The whole time i was awake i could hear nurses outside my door complaining how busy it was and how they wished some people would just go home. The whole experience makes me want to cry. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:02am
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Argh .. I hated hospital for the exact same reason!
Oh and every morning when I wake I have a panic attack until I hear her make a noise, or I go down and see her chest rising and falling. I think that part is perfectly normal  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:04am
Thats exactly what i do, i just lie there and panic! I love the days where i wake up to her talking because i dont have to worry. I come up with every bad senario there could be untill she wakes up. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
lilfatty wrote:Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:06am
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I didnb't walk until 18months old and I think we can all agree - I'm not developmentally challenged!
Aside from that - I find when I have an issue like this, I think what advice would I give to someone on the board if they were saying the same thing. It actually really helps. And if you read my "I'm a drama queen" thread,. I think you'll find mums everywhere freakout about their kids. At the time of writing that, I had convinced myself taine had cancer and was even looking up a budget to how we would manage if I had to quit work. So in other words - don't get yourself worked up about this, as Kylah is happy and fine. Enjoy her! |
Posted By: razzmatazz
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:31am
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You're not crazy at all!
it seems to me that you had an awful birth experience and they really treated you like crap! They should have kept a closer eye on you and bubs! especially being a first time young mum. I had my daughter at 19 at chch womans and i wasnt very impressed with them. thats why i had two subsequent home births. i think anyone that went through your after birth experience would act exactly the same. I still check my kids every night and sometimes several times ( and my eldest has just turned 9) i think its just part of being a mum. I wonder though if you would be able to go to counselling or something? just to work through that trauma. I have just started going to counselling for my anxiety atttacks and its really amazing. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:45am
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I stopped breathing just after I was born. My mum woke up to find me blue in the cot next to her and they had to suction me and give me oxygen for ages afterward.
My mum said she never really relaxed about me until I was able to call out to her and tell her what was wrong. I am absolutely fine. Have had no trouble learning or hitting milestones. I am sure Kylah is exactly the same. She looks like such a healthy, happy wee girl. I still worry about both of mine. I check them every time I am up during the night and I also lie in panic if they sleep longer than usual. I think it is the curse of parenthood, no matter how well our children are thriving, we are always going to find something to panic about. It is totally normal chick, you're not crazy. ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 10:24am
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It all sounds normal to me Kandice, just part of our mummy paranoia and having a traumatic birth/hospital experience wouldn't help matters.
With regards to her development, Spencer took his first step on the 4th Dec (he had taken the odd step between furniture but that was his first step into the big open world), he then didn't really do anything more until xmas day and now he is pretty much walking. He would walk further if he didn't find it so funny, walking while laughing causes falling over. He spent a good few months happy to walk holding one hand or charge along behind his truck but just didn't have the confidence to take that step out in to nowhere. We have seen a paed as he was late sitting and gp was worried it could be connected to his eye condition and they told us anything up to 2 is normal for walking and it doesn't sound to me like she will take that long. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 10:38am
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Ugh, I too hated hospital for that exact reason.... so much for first time mummy help aye??
We had no kangaroo cuddles cause K was delivered by an Emergency C and needed to be bagged in the theatre and taken to the NICU to be monitored while I was being stitched up. Breastfeeding was an issue right from the start and she really struggled with Jaundice and they still sent us home just to call us back the next day for her to go under the lights!! 
I too panic when she sleeps over time and I don't stop until she has a little wriggle in her sleep or when I can see her chest rising and falling so you are perfectly normal Kandice, trust me -------------
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 10:40am
| I only got about a minute of skin to skin with Tom and then no touching or contact for 9hrs!! It really bothered me and I had a wee meltdown about "abandoning" my baby a few months later. I really needed to talk it through with DH and then I felt better about it. But it is so important to debrief after a traumatic experience like that. Big hugs....she's fine. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 1:33pm
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I think we're all prone to worrying about something or another about our kids. Two of my girls didn't crawl until they were 10mos and that was just because they couldn't be bothered. Then one of them gave up after 3 weeks because she only wanted to walk (with our hands) and wasn't interested in crawling! It's all well within normal and I think if there was a problem with the oxygen supply back then, she would have shown clear signs of that by now. -------------  |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 1:48pm
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I read a quote once ,
"to become a parent is to forever have your heart outside your body " in other words, being a parent is the most rewarding thing you can do , its also the most scary . You are responsible for another life , until the day you die , there isn't anything more scary , yet more rewarding , than that. Caitlyn is 6 and a half and I still wake up in the night to check on her, I still have nightmares where something has happened to her , I imagine I always will fear for her , no matter how old she is , not to the point where shes wrapped in cotton wool , but I will always fear the worst , rather than expect the best. Your completly normal . As for her birth, while I can imagine that would have been very very distressing , If there was any long term brain damage, it would have presented its self in more ways than not walking,im sure, my sister is special needs and there were a lot more ways to show she was not "right" than her lateness walking and talking . Sounds like you have a cruisy daughter, thats enjoying taking her time to take in her world, too much emphasis is put on when children should do this and that, and unfortunately mothers can be very .....competitive, which doesnt help. I didn't walk til 14 months, DF walked at 10 months, but who is always right huh ?  ------------- 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 1:54pm
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I think Kelly is soooo right about too much importance being placed on when kids should hit certain milestones, I've always felt that 'pressure' from others ...first it was the crawling, then the walking and now I get it about that fact that he's not talking! Can't win with some people eh.
But you're completely normal darl, although i have found that as he gets older I am abit more lackadaisical when it comes to checking him throughout the night, he still sleeps in the cot, in my room, right next to my bed lol! If not that, then in my bed next to me. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 3:02pm
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As everyone said its normal to worry. I also think of every possible terrible thing that could happen, I think its worrying that makes you a great mother.
That is shocking care at the hospital, in my course last year one of the midwives told us there are a few midwives around who aren't comfortable with birth and are only in it for the money. Not really the job to be in for the money
Anyway a lot of babies stop breathing at birth and they all end up fine as someone said you would know by now if something was wrong. |
Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:05pm
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aw hun that must have been awful.
Can I just say don't worry about her milestones, kids do things in their own sweet time. My DD didn't crawl til 10.5 months and walked at 14.5 months. 11 months is pretty average and it's great as they stay still for longer, haha! Have you thought of maybe getting some counselling to try and ease the anxiety? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:44pm
My Niece and 2 of my nephews were closer to a year before they started crawling. I think it's only natural for a parent to worry though. Must have been very traumatic  -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:50pm
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I never really thought of going to talk to someone about it as i didnt feel it was bad enough, or people would just say i was being stupid.
Iv felt like i missed out on alot though, like my first birth was stolen and turned into something else. I imagined everything so perfect and being able to have skin on skin for quite awhile then BFing and stuff, but she was whisked away and put in an incubator she was still in my room and i got to look at her and touch her.. Just feels like it wasnt enought iykwim ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 7:58pm
| I know EXACTLY what you mean...so much so that I have just finished writing a brith plan for this one and have specifically mentioned what went wrong last time and how I want to avoid that happening again. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:01pm
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I mean dont get me wrong im happy my daughter is ok, but i cant help feeling like i was ripped off. Like my experience was cut short.
Hope everything works out perfectly for you this time Nikki. I feel that next time round i can be more in control, i know what to expect, whats meant to happen and i can work for that next time. If CWH does that again to me, the lack of help/support i mean, im going to get right up them. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:03pm
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Thanks for the support though ladies, i cant talk to DF about it as he just doesnt quite understand it. As far as hes concerned we got a daughter lol, shes here and happy haha. ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 8:15pm
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Hun , I really think that talking to someone is a good idea, Im not saying your crazy or anything, but this is something thats obviously had a big impact on you ,people see counsellors for much less , if its something thats upsetting you and is important to you , then I don't see what harm talking to someone will do, please have a think about it ?
As for your DF not understanding, he most probably doesnt, men, bless them , are simple creatures and do see things more in black and white,whereas we mums ananlyse things more and put more pressure on ourselves as far as labour etc is concerned -------------
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 9:08pm
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Talking to someone about this doesn't mean you're crazy hun, it just means that you realise the issue getting int he way of your life and you want to feel better and you need to do that for yourself and your little girl. Maybe go and see your GP and they can point you in the right direction, there's no shame in wanting some help to feel better and get control over your anxieties. You did the first step by posting on here as it's hard to admit when we're not feeling 100%.
I had an emergency section with DD and like you feel completely ripped off that I couldn't experience child birth like it's suppose to be, it still bothers me now and i'm starting to get nervous about this next birth as i'm hoping it will all go well. But i'm staying positive ------------- http://lilypie.com">
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |