Newly single mama
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23533
Printed Date: 18 December 2025 at 9:47am
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Topic: Newly single mama
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: Newly single mama
Date Posted: 06 January 2009 at 10:06pm
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Soooooo.... this is me. Newly single and wondering how on earth I'm meant to cope with my new status!
Would love to hear from any other newly single, or already single mums. Life is a bit scary at the moment!! |
Replies:
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 06 January 2009 at 10:09pm
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I was thinking about you the other day (I hadnt seen you around in awhile) .. !
I cant help with practical advice as I havent been there ... but I would think its just like being newly single without a lil person ... each day gets a little easier. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 06 January 2009 at 10:16pm
I can't give you any advice re: being newly single as I've always been single with the lil guy, but I can def tell ya that it gets easier to cope with the status. I spent most of my pregnancy dwelling on the fact that I was going to be a single mother, mostly because no one allowed me to enjoy my pregnancy and family/friends etc all felt sorry for me and they too dwelled on our situation (with his father jetting off to aussie at the first chance he got). It gets easier, infact when he was born I was too busy trying to be a model mother that I totally forgot it took the two of us to make him  . Nearly 3 years down the track and I'm the happiest I've ever been (albiet it a little lonely SOMETIMES) but I love being in charge and doing my own thing. Give it time to sink in, surround yourself with family and friends and always allow yourself 'me time' at the end of the day once Josh is asleep.
Sorry if that wasn't much help, but big hugs darl. I'm sure .Mel will have some wonderful advice & words of wisdom too 
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 06 January 2009 at 10:31pm
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Nothing useful to say here, but wanted to pass along my hugs Clare - I hope you have some family around for support? ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 7:39am
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Hey there,
I was on my own with my oldest from when she was 9 months until she was 6... I totally agree with Buzzybee - surround yourself with family and friends... I had lots of support which made it soooo much easier.... I definitely didn't find it an easy road on my own but hell it was rewarding!! ... just knowing that I raised this most amazing kid and I did it on my own!! One little bit of advice which I learnt the hard way is get the legal stuff sorted as soon as ya can!! All the best to you, it will get easier!! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 7:41am
hi all i can say is take one day at a time and deff have me time each day big hugs  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 8:10am
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I have a brilliant idea! Move to Wellington and come and hang out with me Seriously though honey as I've said to you before you've practically been a single parent for a long time. I think that now you actually are a solo mum you might find friends and family come out of the woodwork to help because they know you're doing it all by yourself whereas previously they would have assumed the responsibility was shared. I agree 100% with freckle, if you haven't already done so get the legal stuff sorted asap. -------------  
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 8:18am
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I think most of Jo's ideas involve moving all of us to Wellington ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 8:38am
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Just take it day by day..and it will get easier. My sisters have spent the majority of the parenthood being single, and the rest of the family played a huge part in helping them. Just think...you have you're beautiful boy all to your self now!!.
We're all here for ya as well. ------------- 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 8:38am
Darn it, you uncovered my scheme shh don't tell Clare.-------------
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 9:14am
i have nothing to add either......but just wanted to give you a 
------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 11:34am
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Not technicly single but routines really help. and ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 1:17pm
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 2:51pm
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Big hugs to you and Josh don't have any advice just wanted to let you know am thinking of you. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 3:18pm
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I wish you the best of luck! just think, now you only have small children in the house (living with a man can be like having an extra child - no real help even when they try, and a real drain as they expect attention and to have you meet their needs for them) Have some fun! Reclaim your space - decorate, get some funky girly stuff in the LOUNGE, buy a gorgeous smelly thing for your bathroom, eat what you want, find as many positives in your new situation as you can.
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 5:17pm
Jo you can't have her she's mine! 
Honey you know we love you and won't let you be on your own for too long!! You know where we are if you need us! You and Josh are welcome here ANYTIME!!!!  ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 6:58pm
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I hope you are ok. I would have loved to have done lunch this week. Next time you are down I will BE THERE! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 7:00pm
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they say leaving is the hardest part..... Havent done that myself so not sure if its true or not but wishing you all the best! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 8:03pm
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Just want to add another *hug* -------------  |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 8:34pm
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I have been there - I won't lie at first its sooo hard and you go thru the 'What If' stage then the 'Could he change' stage then the 'F#cken B#stard' Stage (oh and that happens over and over ) But what kept me goign was MY kids and wanting a better life for them - I don't know the cercomstances (sp) behind your break up but that doesn't matter - what matters is you made the right choice for you and Josh (and one day Josh will thank you for it - believe me - my kids do)
Talking about it helps alot - and even helps when someone tells you off for looking at things with rose coloured glasses (you will - it happens) and will add a hug to you and Josh as well - breaking up is so hard to do and even harder with a child but stay strong you have done the hardest part - now you need to do things for YOU and JOsh Have fun its not all doom and gloom I loved my single time with my kids when my Ex wasn't trying to stuff it up!------------- http://lilypie.com">  
876 |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 9:44pm
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Hugs to you chickie. Not much to add, as I am almost at this stge myself, however what gets me though is thinking it is the best thing I can do for my kids and my mental health. I hope you can find some happiness. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 07 January 2009 at 10:48pm
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PM me anytime, I have been a single mum to 3 for awhile now so can offer some support from my expreiences. BTW you will better off single and happy (and you will be) than unhappy together in a relationship....
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 9:50am
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I am married now, but I was a single mum for 9 years before that.
My two biggest pieces of advise are... * dont become a victom! Just because you are a single mum, doesn't mean you can't offer your family just as much as any one else. I shifted to another city, lived on the bones of my bum while studying and came out with the highest marks in my class even though the college doubted I would cope. Try not to wallow in self-pity (its easy to do at times). People will give you funny looks, attitude, and tell you you 'can't' do stuff just because you are a single mum....rise above all this....and remember they don't know you, or your position....and you can bet your bottom dollar they haven't been in your posistion so they don't know the amount of courage and strength it takes to be a single mum. * dont 'bag' your babies father. As tempting as it is, its not worth it to stoop to that level. They will always be their father so there is nothing positive by getting into sl*gging matches. It is extreemly hard to bite your tongue when your kids come saying "dad said you take all his money" or some other crap like that. Eventually they will see the error of both your ways. Keep your chin up...there are worse things that have happened in this world.... You have your health, you have your life.....now time to get on and start living :-) All the best! It takes a strong person to change their circumstances when you have so much at stake! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 6:56pm
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Wow, thank you so much you fabulous awesome women for your words of encouragement, support and advice And to all of you who have sent me PM's - thank you too. I will get to responding to everyone
And Jo...... I'm on to you.... but, ok
I'm doing really well, and will keep you all posted as to whats happening with us. Hugest big hugs to you all xxxx |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 7:20pm
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nah nah nah nah nah Mel - she's mine! -------------
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joshierocks wrote:Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 7:25pm
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Ooooh, how exciting to be fought over
I'm very good at sharing though......
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Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 9:24pm
I so agree with this statement I have never said a bad naming calling word about Ex with the kids present. Afterall it is who they are aswell. They learnt in time on their own so thats how I won ------------- http://lilypie.com">
876 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 08 January 2009 at 9:42pm
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just to add to that - as the child of divorced parents, hearing mum bag out dad always made me feel so bad - especially with comments like
"Oh, you are just like your father" |
Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 09 January 2009 at 11:59am
I totally agree with this too. It was really awful to be stuck in the middle, each parent sl*gging off the other. I'll never shake that 'torn' feeling! No advice, but big hugs. With loads of support, you'll do just fine, even if you feel like you're not! |