really angry/upset
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Forum Name: General Chat
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Topic: really angry/upset
Posted By: chonni
Subject: really angry/upset
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 3:18pm
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hi all, im just really upset and need some advice.
i stayed at my partners house on thursday night and in the moring i needed to check my emails so i went on his lap top, and when i clicked on hotmail it went straight into his one, but it was a new email addy that i havint seen before..... so i looked and it had emails from about 10 diff sites on dateing sites and i looked at his profiles they were all made in dec, jan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he was telling the women how he has a baby but is only a weekend daddy!!!!!!!! i pretended nothing happend as my driviing test was that morning and when i passed and got home i told him that i didint want to be with him and he just said ok and went to his car!!! then i said if i did this to you ur heart would be broken and all he said to me was dont you think it breaks my heart to do it to you!!!! thats when i just walked away.. hes now texted me a few times saying how he feels so bad and how hes sorry. i didint text back so he said to me thats fine if you dont want to talk to me but hows mila? how would this all make you feel ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: NeoshasMummy
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 3:22pm
I have been through a similar thing you have every right to be mad.... men suck... bottom line!
------------- https://secure.fertilityfriend.com/home/30c4ec/" rel="nofollow">  Mrs Te Kani ❤️ Neosha 26/5/2007 |
Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 3:31pm
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Wow chick. You probably don't want to hear it but do you really want to be with someone who is clearly playing the field behind your back?
What an a*sehole. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 3:53pm
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Man, what a player!! He knows that he can be a prat and do these things to you, knowing that he'll still be involved in your life because of your child together. If you are truely sick of his cheating and devious ways and want out of your relationship, you need to get rules in place about when and where he can see Mila. None of this texting business asking how Mila is. He can find out how she is when it's his time with her. Texting you about Mila, when he knows you're upset with him, is his way of manipulating you to make you talk to him.
I'm sorry hun he's being like this, but it's obvious he's not being faithful to you at all, and how can you ever trust him? I hope you find the strength to get out of the relationship and move on with your life. He is completely disrespecting you, as his partner and mother to his child.
Big hugs hun, I'm sorry you're going through this. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 3:58pm
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That is awful, agree with Italiah make all your contact with him only about Mila and only when you agree to it.
He's trying to have you and whomever else, what a fantastic role model for your daughter. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 4:27pm
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Be strong, I wish i could be as strong as you in making the decision to end it with a jerk like that. Nothing is worth the heartache and loss of self-esteem that comes with finding out that the man you are with has been unfaithful (it doesnt matter if he's had sex with these women or not, he led them to believe he was available). What a w**k*r. Your child needs to have a mum that is strong and able to look after herself, not a woman that lets men treat her like poop. You need your confidence and his actions only undermine that. Let him be involved with the child, but if its hard for you to see him then maybe arrange for him to see the child at a parents house.
I feel really strongly on this subject as I'm not as strong as you, i caught my partner out with (at least) 2 online dating profiles, but I'm still with him because I know he'd go for custody out of spite if I left him. Do not let that man back in your door. Its not worth the heartache. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 4:41pm
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Did you guys ever get counselling? It's odd that he doesn't seem to like himself for doing it, but seems helpless IYGWIM. -------------  |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 4:56pm
Chonni, to answer your question - it would make me feel GUTTED and also p*ssed off! What a jerk, I agree with the others he's trying to have his cake and eat it knowing you want him in your life for Mila's sake. You deserve so much better than this!!! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 4:58pm
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Wow!! What a C U Next Tuesday!!!!
Well, maybe he's checked out of the relationship already if he's 1) looking at dating sites (and lots of them) and 2) says he's only a weekend daddy and 3) was happy for you to walk away. If he let you walk so easily, then it's obvious that he doesn't feel like he's losing something. Sometimes I wonder if cheaters feel bad and sorry ONLY because they've been caught. It's a tough one and only you will know what to do but as Flutterby said your baby needs a confident happy mother. Can you be sure if you stay with him that your confidence/happiness will remain in tact? Good Luck chick. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 5:26pm
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He's a jerk.
I've read the posts you have put up before about the way that he treats you and how you feel about how he treats you. I think its about time you said enough is enough and moved on. He'll always be a part of your life because of Mila but he doesn't have to be a part of your emotional life. He just seems to like playing games with you time and time again and this is just another game. You deserve better and I hope you don't go back to him again because he's never going to stop being a total ass to you but that is something you need to realise and decide you don't want in your life. (sorry if that is blunt but I'm tired and can't think of a better way to put what I'm thinking) |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 5:41pm
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In answer to your OP question -one word: Betrayed.
That would take a lot to bounce back from. Especially as it's not opportunistic but pre-mediatated and calculating. His response speaks volumes too - he's hardly being honest about his feelings/guilt is he? I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You deserve better treatment. Amazing that you could sit your license under those conditions  -------------  
 
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 10 January 2009 at 8:38pm
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Did you get your licence?
------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 7:31am
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I dont really have too much advice but I just want to give you a cyber hug, and I hope you get through this. ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 8:27am
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I have to agree with Stacey on this one. Its horrible that he feels that he can treat you that way, and then play emotional mind games with you.
I hope you get through this. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 11:02am
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Wow that is not acceptable!
I haven't read your other posts Chonni but in answer to your question - I would not be happy if that was me! I really feel for you and hope you get through this okay whatever your decision
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Posted By: gannet
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 4:19pm
| I'd be gutted. Huge hugs to you, he sounds like an ass. |
Posted By: chonni
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 7:46pm
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hi tanx for all your replys, i went out lastnight to the town with the girls but guess who i saw!!!!! i was so mad like he really doesint care at all!!!, i asked him to come around to mine today so i could get some answers and he sat there crying (all about him)) i said to him why are you even crying u wanted this) then i said to him did you even want me at all and he said he hasint wanted me in ages and tryed to leave me!!!
i also said to him congrats u said u were a weekend dad, and now thats what you get you will neva be able to wake up and see your child every moring anymore!!!!!!! when he got up to leave i said i will contact you about times for mila and dont text me about how she is i will text you if anythings wrong with her but other than that you mean nothing to me, your not my friend, your now my partner your nothing... was that to harsh?? haha i was just so angry and upset -------------
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 8:10pm
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Man Chonni this must be so hard for you. I think a break from each other is probably a good start.
Once you've done that, you made need to seek some advice from Citizen Advice Bureau (they have lawyers there) and make those arrangements more concrete eg: In writing! You also need to contact IRD about claiming child support (if you havent already done that). Give yourself a few days/weeks and get onto it straight away. Take care, I can understand why you would be so upset. Take Care. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3)
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 8:14pm
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O yeah! Fantastic, you go girl!! that wasnt harsh, it was spot on!
From now on, you need to ensure you only speak postively about him to your daughter, and if things start to get nasty get yourself a good family lawyer. Otherwise, burn anything that reminds you of him!! |
Posted By: chonni
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 8:19pm
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yeah haha the burning sounds good. i just got a text from him that was ment to go to his friend saying just feeling like s*#t bro, just wanna be alone for awhile, like my emotions are killing me ay, feels like my heart is going 2 explode, chantel didint dserve this.
what i load of cr*p ( its all about him ) i bet he purposely sent me that mind games? -------------
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Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 8:29pm
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Good on you chonni!!! I'm proud of you hun! I don't think that was harsh at all - I mean he's the one that's betrayed you - that is what's harsh!!! And about him "accidentally" sending you that text - yeah whatever - mind games alright. He's right about one thing though - he does need to be alone, he shouldn't be with anyone when he only treats them like dirt. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 12 January 2009 at 8:37am
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Oh he sooo would have 'accidentally' sent you that text on purpose!
Ah, Chonni... YOU GO, GIRL!!! Nope I don't think you were at all too harsh - he's put you through so much and it doesn't seem to get any better - good on you for standing up for yourself and for your little girl. You wouldn't want Mila thinking it's OK for a partner to treat her like that, so you're teaching her how to be strong now  Better to be partner-less than with one who causes you that much heartache and clearly doesn't treasure you like you deserve. I agree with those who said to get hold of citizen's advice and set some plans/decisions in writing - it's a bit of work at first, but it'll pay off with how it'll make arrangements clearer and so much easier for you.
Sorry I can't remember the name of the lady who'd replied who gets treated in a similar way... but you mentioned that your partner would go for custody if you left. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so very stuck there. Just because he applies for custody, doesn't mean he'll win it. It's the Family Court's decision once it goes that far, and the Judge weighs up all the pros and cons - I don't know your situation, but your partner might be able to bully you into thinking that you wouldn't win it, but a Judge is used to people trying that stuff on, and they can usually see through it. There's always shared custody too - which usually gives mum's most of the time with the kids and dad's some too, but means you can have freedom from a dodgy relationship. Maybe following your heart on this and doing what you want to for you and your child could pay off in the end? ------------- Andie |
Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 12 January 2009 at 6:56pm
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GOOD FOR YOU CHICK!!!! SO PROUD.
Keep strong. I'm sure it'll be quite difficult at times but you can do it. 
Accidentally sent text? I don't think so. You're a legend. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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