What/how to say?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23780
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Topic: What/how to say?
Posted By: busymum
Subject: What/how to say?
Date Posted: 15 January 2009 at 9:06pm
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My dad called me today to let me know that he and Mum will be separating over the weekend. Now I'm wondering how to tell my kids. This won't affect them too much but they will become aware when we go visit "the grandparents'" place... also my DD is a bit friendly with my sister (9yrs) who is likely to say something just because she is young.
So... how do I tell the kids without them freaking out that DH and I might separate?  -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 15 January 2009 at 9:17pm
| When my parents seperated last year I just told the kids that nana and grandad wanted to have a house each and they didnt seem to think that was strange. Even when nana went on a date and my neice was talking to Kobe about nanas boyfriend they didnt even seem to think it was odd. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 15 January 2009 at 9:18pm
Eeek I duno there may be special stories you can hire out from the library. I'm pretty useless at saying the 'right thing' so I would go for a book. I'm not sure if this is the right approach but I wouldn't say anything about you and DH not seperating until your kids bring it up. But that could well be the wrong way to go.
 Theresa this must be hard on you as well. Take care of yourself.
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 15 January 2009 at 9:49pm
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Ditto what Rach said, hope you're doin ok. DH was affected a bit when his parents separated when he was in his 20s.
Sorry I don't have any advice on what to say, I know there's some great books out there about parents separating (one in particular by Babette Cole that I think is about having 2 of everything or something?) but you'd want to have a look to make sure they were relevant. Your librarian would be able to help you. I think the best thing is to tell the girls and then just take your lead from them - answer questions honestly as/if they come up. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 16 January 2009 at 9:06am
| Yeh I'd just go with what was above, tell the kids they want to live in different houses now new bf/gfs just say they're friends until everything is easier to understand, keep it light and easy good luck. Try not to let them know it's affected you because then they might worry about it more? Good luck and hope your dealing with it ok |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 16 January 2009 at 10:15am
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That book is called 'Two Homes'. We have it. But not sure that it would be ideal for your situation as it refers to mum's house and dad's house.
I think the suggestion of saying that nana and grandad want to live in different houses is a good start. And once they get older you can go into more detail. As long as they still feel loved by both nana and grandad they should be ok 
Good luck T. |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 16 January 2009 at 10:50am
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Sorry to hear that, I hope you're doing OK through this all too.
I would definitely go for the positive angle - 2 beds, 2 lots of toys, twice as much time with the grandparents etc etc. Don't even mention anything about it being a bad thing, and definitely don't say anything about marriages sometimes break up etc, because the eldest might make the link with you. I guess as long as you just make sure the girls all know that Gma and Gdad love them very much and would love for them to visit their new houses etc etc it should be fine. Good luck chick. |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 16 January 2009 at 7:47pm
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Thanks everyone. I liked the idea of "they want to live in different houses" so I took that to the girls tonight. I didn't want to delay because we are thinking of seeing Mum's mum tomorrow and it will likely be that she will find out while we visit. I doubt Mum would have told her. Anyway Miss 5 asked the dreaded why but I think we were able to sort that out okay.... they think they will be better friends that way, and when she suggested (but not concerned) that DH and I might think the same someday, I said I love her dad very much and I don't think I'll ever want to live away from him.
I told them that my mum and the kids will still be living at the usual house and that grandad hasn't decided where he'll be living for now. (He's only found temporary accommodation so far, it's out of town and he doesn't want to be visited there). But for the most part when we visit Mum he is working so he visits here... so I think not much is going to change in that way. Probably just as well. Thanks for the hugs and support too. Dad has been talking about separating for a year and I never thought he'd have the guts to. But it still kinda rocked me yesterday. I'm a lot more settled and "wait and see" today. ------------- |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 19 January 2009 at 10:35am
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Just realised I didn't mention you Teresa. Really sorry to hear that your parents have split. Its horrendous, regardless of how old you are.
Big hugs xx |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 19 January 2009 at 2:34pm
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awww hun i,m sorry to hear my arents split lasy year big hugs hun ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 19 January 2009 at 3:19pm
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OMG T seriously wow, I had heard in the Palmy grape vine that your dad wasn't happy but wow he did actually do it. I hope as you said they will be better off as friends. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: 11111
Date Posted: 20 January 2009 at 7:39am
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oh hun that is so hard. Big hug's. Hun like other 's have said its hard at what ever age you are when your parent's split. No advice as my kids were too young to even notice when my parent's split. Just take care hun. thinking of you. ------------- Deborah Mum to:   
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 20 January 2009 at 6:44pm
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Thanks all.
Becks, do you know my parents?  ------------- |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 20 January 2009 at 8:49pm
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I know who your parents are from band stuff. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |