When is it a good time to try for No. 2
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24346
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Topic: When is it a good time to try for No. 2
Posted By: townie
Subject: When is it a good time to try for No. 2
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 8:13pm
| Just wondering what people think about age gaps between babies, we haven't decided if we will have 2 or 3 yet (we have a 9 month old little boy) but I am just curious as to what age gaps people have done and what people recommend.... thanks... |
Replies:
Posted By: LeahandJoel
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 8:19pm
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We have 22.5 months between ours, and at the moment its quite a nice gap, not sure I would want it too much closer but thats just me. My sister has 2.5 years and my SIL has 13 months!! -------------  
 
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 8:33pm
| We had previously wanted 2 years, but now it will be over 3 years, but hopefully not more than 3 1/2-4 years (depending if we get preg when we want to). No experience of what is better tho! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 8:37pm
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Hmm well ours is WAY smaller than we thought wed have. We were aiming for a 2 year age gap, but I fell pregnant in November with Baby 2 and we had our son in the June lol So there will be 14 months between them, we are not too bothered! They will be best friends!
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 8:42pm
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I have heard & read that it is best to give your body 18 months to recover from pregnancy & birth.
I have a 3 year and 8 year gap with my 2 sisters and we are all really close. At the end of the day I guess its all personal choice and also depends on how long it takes to get pregnant the 2nd 3rd time etc. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 9:02pm
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I've got a 5 year gap. Alia is really helpful, although some times over bearing BUT she has started school so we get alone time during the day.
We certainly didn't plan it like that as it took us a lot longer than planned to get preg 2nd time around, so you might want to factor in that possibility? ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: townie
Date Posted: 06 February 2009 at 10:13pm
| man is it varied, i guess you can overthink/overplan can't you really.... |
Posted By: xox6Girls1Boyxox
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 7:39am
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Morning
I personally think for your 1st baby to be at least a year old when you decide to conceive....Do abit of research on Sibling Toddler Rivalry, because alot of what is written is very true & if I had known then what I know now I definately would have made bigger gaps between my childrens births....I have a 18yr old & a 17yr old who do not get along, Plus I have a 30mth old & a 20mth old that probably would have ended up like my oldest girls if I never found out what the problem is which im dealing with now so hopefully it's not to late for them....Im not saying what im going thru will happen to everyone who has babies soon after the other but unless you know what your getting yourself into and you really need to have a hand on the situation because Sibling Rivalry is very real & it can affect our little darlings depending on how soon you decide to have your next bubba......Sorry if this sounds like a lecture but do keep it in mind..... ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 6:28pm
I recommend 20mos+. I've done 17 and 19m gaps and the 19m just went so much more smoothly. Still, it's hard work if you go for close together as you'll have two in nappies at once and still the odd night waking for the older one. But then, there's no perfect gap  -------------  |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 6:30pm
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I asked the same question when we were thinking of TTC #2 and the answers were very varied. Personally I think that your children will either get on together or not no matter what the age gap as it depends on the type of personalities they have. I get on well with both my brothers now that we are older and one is 2.5yrs younger and the other 7yrs younger than me.
We will have about 26mth between our 2, I was hoping for about 2.5yrs but got impatient while waiting to TTC so started earlier than planned!  ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: xLUCKYx
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 9:38pm
| Our age gap is 14 months too and so far so good! Well great actually :) I cant wait till they can play together! |
Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 9:51pm
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We have just over 2 and a half years and I quite like it. The oldest it a lot more independent, not needing to be with me all the time and able to look after herself a wee bit. It was nice having both girls at home for the first few months and when Keira started Kindy at 3 we were ready for a break.
Keira loves to help although at 3 can be a bit too helpful sometimes. It was hard for her not getting all the attention after having it for so long. I love watching Keiras interaction with Maddi when she was younger and and Keira was a lot of fun to have around during the pregnancy and had a pretty good understanding of what was going on. I think there are positives to what ever age gap you want. You just have to make it work. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 10:10pm
| we have fifteen months - used to be incredibly tough - but now is fantastic. they fight like crazy, but they also adore each other and play nicely together too. I love my age gap - but to tell the truth, i have no basis of comparison. |
Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 07 February 2009 at 10:12pm
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We have 18mths between Dominic and Isobelle. I would have initially preferred two years but it is working out quite well. Its very busy and can be a bit hard when you have both of them wanting you at once, and neither can understand that they have to wait. And sometimes I feel a little sad about not spending as much time with either of them as I would like.
I think that under two years you get a lot less jealousy than right on that 2yr gap. More than 2yrs would be a bit easier in terms of already having one out of naps and the older child's language and comprehension being more advanced. But in the end it is what you think will suit your family. Probably, healthier, easier on your body, to wait a year before concieving again. |
Posted By: first
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 9:30am
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I want a five year gap so that I get day times alone with the new bubs. That option isn't possible for everyone but I had my first at a youngish age.
I'm 7yrs younger than my oldest bro and 5yrs younger than the next bro then have a little bro 2 year younger than me and I get along with the one with a five year gap best. I think it is a personal thing and also depends on how many you want and how your pregnancy went. I want a big gap because I was really really sick for the full pregnancy and I wanted be able to look after DS is I was that sick while carrying a second. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 10:17am
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Well, fingers crossed for this month, but we will have about a 3.5 year gap. Watching DD with a 7 month old on the weekend, I think she is ready to accept another baby into the house, she adored it and was ever so helpful. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nicolaann
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 10:33am
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We have 2 years between ours, and that has been great. They now play really nicely together. But IF we have another baby, we will have atleast a 3 year age gap, but thats only because I don't want 3 pre-schoolers. ------------- Nicky, Mum to Alex (5) & Sophie (3) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 10:42am
I'm thinking about 2 1/2-3 years. Factors I think about - having MS with a toddler in nappies  , my energy levels and the physical and emotional needs of the older child (I had wicked back problems while pregnant) and being able to have some time out (20 hours free ECE once they're 3). The mortgage is also a factor. I do sometimes wonder if I'm being selfish and whether they would have a much closer relationship if they were close together. I see my sister with a 10 month old and a 2 and a bit, and they get along so well. But you can't guarantee these things. I also think that next time will be my last pregnancy, so I want to be able to enjoy it and not so dead tired from being on call 24-7.------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 11:30am
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we were originally thinking a 3 year gap, however now in reality it is more likley to be 3 1/2-4 years. I had really bad MS, so the idea of looking after a young toddler while being pregnant did not appeal to me and I can't imagine myself with 2 under 2's. I figure at least with Ella a bit older she would be toilet trained and hopefully sleeping better (still wakes up during the night). Also the mortage and the fact that we would probably move to a bigger house with another child is a huge factor. DH basically gave me the choice of either trying for #2 soon and having to go back to work full-time now or delaying it for a bit and I could only work 2 days a week......I choose the latter. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 11:55am
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I'll be waiting until Thomas doesnt need to be in a pram all the time. Stuff getting a double pram!!! He's gotta be doing things by himself (pref at kindy) before I even consider it.
Matt wants to start TTC now - he is so dreaming. I just laughed at him and said he can have the baby instead of me ;) ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 2:36pm
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Flissty put how Im feeling perfectly!
I am dead tired from being on call 24/7 for sure! Im lucky that I didnt have bad MS this time, i did with Caden, but Im more tired this time cos he is crawling and pulling himself up to stand and things like that, so Im running around all the time and my batteries are slowling dying lol! We would have liked a 2 year gap, but sometiems these things just dont happen like you planned them. However, we are over the moon and Im sre I will be just fine!  I dont thinkw e will have anymore and if we do it wont be for at least 4 years! I need a break LOL------------- |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 9:17pm
| I think it really depends on the childrens personalities. we have 3.5 yrs between 1 and 2 and it is too much, its nice that Bay is so independant in a way but he is STILL so jelous!!!! and Astin is 2!!!!. There will be 2 yrs between 2 and 3. |
Posted By: ellen
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 9:33pm
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There is definitely no "ideal" gap. Alot depends on their personalities I would think. Conception doesn't always go to plan as well - "best made plans of mice and men" and all that, ha ha.
There is a 3yr 4mnth gap between 1 and 2 and a 2yr 4mnth gap between 2 and 3. It took us about a year to get pregnant with number 2 which was unexpected. Personally I enjoyed number 2 more as a baby as number 1 was more independent, but then felt number 2 missed out on my time as number 3 took over. It was also a pain finding time for number 3 to sleep in between school and kindy trips. |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 09 February 2009 at 11:54pm
| my first 2 are now 4 & 6yrs waaay to close if you ask me they fight like nothing else I've ever seen I reckon 3 years but everyones diff. Like everyones said theres good and bad no matter what way you do it so just do what feels right for you |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 10 February 2009 at 9:38am
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Basically, there are pros and cons for longer age gaps and for shorter .
The age gap between Caitlyn and Tyler will be 7 years, which Im fine with , I get to spend time with Ty during the day (which will include sleeping when he is btw ) and DF can take over in the early evenings so I can spend time with my girl . However , when I was growing up I never planned it that way , I had all my kids (all 10 of them  ) in quick succession , but life doesnt always give a toss about your plans .
This is the way it is tho and imo there is no point worrying or regretting things you can't change . Between Tyler and the next one tho (shhh , dont tell DF) I would like 18month-2yrs , but we'll see what happens ------------- 
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Posted By: Danash
Date Posted: 11 February 2009 at 1:36pm
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We will have a 13 month age gap between no. 1 and no. 2 and we had hoped for this. I have an older sis who is 13 months older and we have had our moments growing up but get along pretty well, then I have a younger sis who is 7 years younger and we are best of buds too so (I also have a bor who is 3 years younger and another who is 7 years younger and we get along well too) I think it all depends on what you want, close together means you get through the sleepless nights messy eating etc all in one hit. Bigger age gaps mean you get a bit of a break before starting again. I'm also an older mum so had to spit them out before I was too old |