I’m sorry in advance for what is going to be a long rant.  I am absolutely livid!

A bit of background for those that don’t know the situation:  DH and I rent a nice 3 bdrm house which has a granny flat downstairs.  Last year when FIL died and our granny flat was vacant we invited MIL to move in with us.  I am the head tenant, my name is on the tenancy agreement which basically means nothing except if there’s any trouble it’s my responsibility and will go against my name (never been an issue before and I don’t intend to get into any trouble in future either).

My issue is that MIL throws food scraps directly onto the front lawn and when I say food scraps I don’t mean just bread I mean everything: leftover schnitzel, uneaten chinese sitrfry, meat pies, cooked vegetables, cakes and slices….everything!

I’ve asked her not to several times.  I’ve told her that if she wants to put bread out to the birds then I am happy to take it down to the ducks or to the traffic island at the bottom of our street but I don’t want food scraps on the lawn (especially not meat and vegetables and other things births won’t even eat).  She agreed when I asked her to stop but she continues doing it anyway and DH overheard her bitching about me to one of her kids for telling her not to throw food on the lawn.  I’ve asked her a couple of time to stop putting food out and she agrees not to then ignores me and does what she wants.  She is going a bit deaf but I also think she plays on it and the fact that she is DH’s mum and maybe thinks that entitles her to...... something – I don’t know.

This morning when I opened my curtains I saw what looked like a piece of polystyrene on my lawn (about the size of a 3 litre icecream container).  When I was leaving for work I took a closer look and saw a large molding wedding cake in the middle of the front lawn, near the driveway where guests enter our property.  If you look at the lawn directly in front of her granny flat there's about 1.5 sq metres of her food scraps lying about.

I am ropable!  I think it’s so disgusting that she throws food onto the lawn, especially the front lawn where all and sundry can see it.  I think she’s inviting rodents and other pests onto our property (over the past couple of month a magpie has started hanging around and those little buggers freak me out with their sharp beaks plus I watched David Attenborough last night, did you know that common female house mice can start breeding at 5wks old and have a litter of 8-12 babies every 4 weeks for the rest of their lives).

She may see it as harmlessly just throwing food “out for the birds” I see it as disgusting, I think she is throwing rubbish on the lawn and therefore in breach of our tenancy agreement (which states that we have to maintain the grounds and keep them tidy).  And anyway, since when did birds like schnitzel and leftover chinese takeaways?

I will be having some very strong words with MIL this afternoon but I have no idea how to get through to her because she has completely ignored me every single time I have raised the issue. 

She doesn’t have her own bin but she’s always been welcome to use ours, we pay for the council rubbish bags and DH puts it out every week.  It appears she is only using the bin for packaging and all food goods she doesn’t want goes on the lawn (and seriously there is a lot, it’s more or less every night that she throws her food rubbish on the lawn).  If she wants a compost bin there are heaps of places she can put it, I even thought about buying her one (maybe for her birthday next week) but I don’t see why I should.  Also, as I’ve offered several times already, I’m more than happy to take her bread scraps to the ducks, Michaela would love that – although TBH it’s not the bread that annoys me so much, it’s all the other rubbish.

I really don’t know how to get through to her.  I’ve looked through my tenancy agreement and on the DBH website to see if they have anything that relates but the closest they get is that it’s “the tenants responsibility to keep the property reasonably clean and tidy” – I guess not throwing rubbish on your front lawn is an assumed given.

How do I get it through to her?  I’m so close to using a spade to pick up all the food scraps and place them on her doorstep but not only is that petty it doesn’t get rid of the problem, it just moves it.

GAH!!!!!

I am so angry about this I could cry.  If it was anyone else I'd be giving them a written warning.  I've even considered asking the landlord to get involved since I can't get through to MIL but I don't want to go down that track.

DH is no use at all.  She doesn't listen to him either and recently whenever I say anything about his mum he accuses me of having a dig.  Last night she said something about Michaela which really annoyed us both (not just what she said but the fact she said it infront of Michaela too) and DH had a go at her then later after MIL had gone back to her flat and Michaela had gone to bed I told DH to just ignore it because she doesn't actually know what she's talking about and that was considered me having a dig at his mum

My niece was married 3 wks ago, MIL was given most of 1-tier of the wedding cake.

ETA: must have posted about DH after you started posting but basically no, he is no help - MIL ignores everyone.

Thanks everyone who's posted advice so far, please keep it coming.

Although I seriously considered it I'm not willing to lie about the landlord or fake a letter from her, as much as I'd like to shift the blame for the hardline to someone else who has more authority than me I just can't do it.  I don't want to do anything passive aggressive, I don't think the 'passive' part would work with my MIL anyway and I'm feeling much too fired up on the topic to be passive anyway.

I'm worried that just talking to her isn't going to get the desired result since I've already tried that tack. 

 I'm also concerned that buying a compost bin won't work because I think she's being lazy (why else would she chuck rubbish on the lawn instead of in the rubbish? She does the same with her cigarette butts, throws them onto the tinder dry lawn instead of putting them in her ashtray) it also annoys me that I should have to buy one because of her bad habits (ok I know they're not expensive) although I will offer that as an alternative.

DH and I can't talk to her together because 1) it needs to be dealt with asap and the next time DH and I will be home together is in the weekend and 2) DH and I just had an argument over me talking to her, he thinks I should just leave it and that I'm making a big deal over nothing.

What do you think about me not only talking to her but also presenting her with a written list of reasons that I don't want food on the lawn?  Such as:

Bobbie wrote: Also is there any chance she's starting to 'lose it' a little? It is very odd excessive behaviour.

LOL, there is a chance but I also think she did this where she used to live (when she owned her own home and later when she was living in a state house before she moved into our house).  When she owned her own house she fed all the neighbourhood strays, she had 17 cats (some of them obviously very sick) coming to her house for dinner every night.

Bahahaha, that's brilliant!

Unfortunately street view wouldn't work.  The pic of our place on street view was taken early last year when we still had our flatmate living with us.  Interestingly it was this time last year we started having issues with her and I had to have a big talk and eventually asked her to move out.  De ja vu - maybe I'm the issue

OK, so I think my plan of attack is that I will talk to her this afternoon and present her with the following letter (let me know what you think).  Given that everyone else seems to think I'm not being unreasonable to expect her to put rubbish in the bin instead of on the lawn if she does complain to my in-laws and show them the letter they might actually agree with me.

DH is totally against me talking to her and basically told me to try and find someone else to do what she does - I have looked and found several (porse, barnados etc) and even better I'd only have to pay for about 7 wks because Michaela's about to turn 3 whereas atm I pay MIL to watch TV at our house two afternoons a week and to drop Michaela off and pick her up from kindy (in my car so she's not using any of her own petrol).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear MIL,

RE: FOODSCRAPS ON OUR LAWNS

I’m sorry if this letter seems like overkill but I believe there may have been misunderstandings on previous occasions when I’ve asked you not to throw rubbish onto the front lawn and I’m hoping that this letter will rectify that and ensure we are both on the same page.

Possibly I haven’t explained myself well enough in the past.  The reasons that I don’t want food scraps thrown onto the front lawn are:

1. By throwing your biodegradable rubbish on our lawn you are putting us in breach of our tenancy agreement and if the landlord discovered (from the neighbours or during an impromptu visit*) that there is rubbish on our lawns our tenancy could be terminated meaning we would have to find somewhere else to live.
2. It looks awful that we have rubbish lying about on our front lawn where neighbours and visitors can see it.
3. A lot of the food being thrown out is not the sort of food that birds will eat (i.e. leftover meat, chinese takeaways etc).
4. It WILL attract rodents and other pests.
5. It is incredibly unhygienic.
6. It is not healthy for Michaela to be outside amongst your food scraps.  When I’ve been out there I’ve had to stop Michaela from putting bread that she’s picked up off your lawn in her mouth.  If she does pick something up and eat it she could get seriously ill.

I am happy to help find alternatives.  For eg:

1.      I could buy a covered compost bin for biodegradable rubbish

2.      Many fruit and uncooked vege scraps can be put over the fence for the rabbits.

3.      Michaela and I can take any bread scraps to the ducks.

4.      I could get you your own rubbish bin so you don’t need to come upstairs with your rubbish in the evening.

NB. Meat scraps, dairy products, chicken and fish must always be put in the rubbish bin, they cannot be composted or ‘put out for the birds’ as they can cause odours, promote disease and attract pests.

I hope this clarifies the matter for you.

With love and kisses from**

Jo

*I know that the landlord can't make an impromptu visit but MIL probably doesn't

**don't worry, I won't use that signoff

Thanks everyone. 

When I said that DH is no use I didn't mean he was opting out of confronting his mum on the issue my DH never shies away from confrontation... at all.... ever!  He is IMO a wee bit too quick to anger and have a go at people (while I simmer away thinking about the matter he's long since exploded).

 DH has spoken to his mum but she ignores him too, he had a go at her just this morning about the massive mess on the lawn which is one of the reasons he doesn't want me to bring it up again this afternoon.

The reason I think I should bring it up is that MIL just thinks my DH is grumpy and gets angry for no reason whatsoever and so she discounts anything he says (she's a big one for talking about people behind their backs and so I know this from what she's said to me about him).  I don't anger easily and don't burst like the two of them do so I think me being the one to get angry and make a stand will be more effective iykwim.

Thanks Summerlamb and Bobbie for your input on the letter, I've made those changes.

BTW DH does have balls, that's how he managed to father both of my kids

fattartsrock wrote: Holy smoke! The teenager we have living with us at the moment is bloody messy with food scraps etc and NEVER puts anythign away and because I am SUPER mature, this is what I do... I put it all in his bed... half eaten pies, dirty dishes, the lot. he fricken hates it, but it does keep him in line.

LMAO hahahahha

Jo how did it go???

JoleneandJustin wrote: Ewwwww! Throw her out with rubbish...

ROFL, this has my vote!!

Ooo I could come over and pretend to be from the council and say I have had complaints hehehehe if that doesnt work then out with the rubbish she should go!!!

Well I got home all ready to broach the subject with her but as it turned out while I'd been at work DH had already dealt with the issue in his own way and MIL had been made to clean up the lawn. 

So after stewing and stressing about it all day I just left it for now and didn't give her the letter.  I did mention it to her and told her that I thought it was unhygienic and unsafe for Michaela (which she disagreed with), I also said that birds don't even eat meat (which she also disagreed with) and then told her that we could get kicked out if the landlords saw it and she said fair enough so here's hoping that's an end to that.