Oh my god I just had a hissy fit!
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Topic: Oh my god I just had a hissy fit!
Posted By: hannibal
Subject: Oh my god I just had a hissy fit!
Date Posted: 24 February 2009 at 9:14pm
| Do you enjoy having vistors? My hubby's sister has arrived ffor a week long visit in the 24 hrs since she has been here is has done nothing!!!! Hubby works long hours so I am the one left at home trying to juggle all that needs to be done. I have been looking after bubs, housework (she told me I vaccum really well - talk about almost wearing the vaccum cleaner), taking us out for lunch ... I can't believe she has done nothing - oops sorry apart from distracting bubs especially at feeding time by trying to enter into conversation and flipping magazine pages over loudly!! Bubs has been unsettled since someone else has been in the house (not feeding well/not sleeping). She had the nerve to ask today when bubs wasn't very happy if I had burped her! Last night she had the nerve to ask what time dinner was - don't mind us we have a bubs to bath and feed! Oh and why would I mind paying for almost everything at the supermarket - of course I don't mind you eating our food (my chocolate), buying you a nice piece of cake - for you then to turn around and tell me the coffee you have brought you will be taking home with you!!!! Rude. Well hubby arrived home tonight and I lost it - in front of her, I told him to back off but he kept pushing (tells me I'm moody is sure to push buttons big time) - I said I'm sick of being the house maid around here and having to juggle everything and how it would be nice to sit down and relax!!! I have other committments I need to take care off, he kept pushing so I threw the damn tomatoes on the floor and told them they could ****** sort dinner out and walked out of the house. Well back home I'm the bad guy nobodys talking to me - I think she is going to stay elsewhere for the next few days if all goes to plan - after all she is on holiday and why should she think of putting herself out - suits me then I can have my SEAT back - she asked where we sit and we told her, why would I mind being the one to sit elsewhere I can't even sit in my normal spot and relax with my craft work!! She is sitting there texting with someone about the drama - I mean after the stories we got about the dramas up home the other day I can't wait for this to get back to mother in law - gosh will my name be mud and I'm the big baddy. Hubby throws in my face how my parents can come and stay - big difference as far as I'm concerned at least they help out with housework, groceries and in other ways and at least they can go out by themselves. Why should I have to amuse her and why does she her to be a cling on! I wish she would just decide she is going to go of and explore by herself for a while and leave me and bubs in peace. God I feel bad and mean - sitting here thinking I should kinda of aplogize!! Well does this ranting make me feel any better - not. |
Replies:
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 24 February 2009 at 9:31pm
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Aww that sucks that she is taking advantage of your hospitality like that. I think that it's a very good idea that she goes and stays somewhere else for everyones sake.
I hope you get some quiet time soon. I find hiding in the shower helps.... just to get some time out. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 24 February 2009 at 9:41pm
Good on you for not just biting your tongue...at least you'll have her out of your house  ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 February 2009 at 9:44pm
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She ate your chocolate ?
Id have done more than have a hissy fit 
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Posted By: Danaj
Date Posted: 24 February 2009 at 10:07pm
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My MIL stayed this weekend and did nothing. My mum rung up and politely mentioned to her that perhaps we could use a hand rather than her just sitting there asking for a cup of tea and asking what time DH was making dinner!! I completely understand. She vacuumed and you'd think she had saved the world or something cause I was supposed to thank HER for it.
Good on you for speaking up. DH should have supported you. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wyI1oWn/"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 24 February 2009 at 10:17pm
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Good on you! Some peoples ideas of hospitality / being a house guest are to use and abuse, that's not my way. But it is others, winds me up too.
I expect having a baby to contend with too doesn't help. Yeah DH should support you, but sounds like he's just born the brunt of you, fuming all day. Hope you can sort something out. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 8:21am
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Oh, I feel your pain!
I just had family staying here for two weeks. While they helped with groceries, DH and I still did the cooking and I did ALL the cleaning and baby feeding (and giving up our baby-free room to bunk in with miss snores-a-lot!) A holiday is a holiday, but if you're staying at someone elses house it's only courtesey to help with the housework and cooking! I hope she finds somewhere else to stay! ------------- 
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Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 8:30am
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Some people have such a cheek. I could never go to someones house with or without kids and not help out in someway!
Hope it all blows over for you soon hun. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
Posted By: MorgansMum
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 8:49am
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Must be the time of year for inconsiderate visiters.
We just had friends stay from napier 2 adults 2 kids they were here for 4days, she came to the supermarket with me twice and didnt offer to pay for a damm thing, they left there stuff all over our house despite having a huge rumpus rm for themselves did no housework no cleaning and to top it off we even had to feed there baby, they didnt even bring food for her. Needless to say they are not staying here again, I wouldnt cope.  ------------- Morgan, Libby http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 4:49pm
| Thanks guys glad I'm not the only one!!! It was a fun night in my house last night I didn't speak all night and I even rudely when off to bed without saying goodnight (hubby had already gone to sleep in the chair) House guest still hasn't lifted a hand to do anything this morning I thought as I decided to hand wash the dishes maybe - but no she just stood there!!! She has gone to stay elsewhere for a couple of days and even taken the COFFEE!!!! How pathetic. I would never dream of doing this to others - I mean we where suppose to stay with her and xmas (she was house sitting and invited us to stay without asking the owners of the house first) I just couldn't do it and said no I'd rather stay at the motel thanks I'm not into using and abusing other people and I'm quite a selfish person - I LOVE my own space. Roll on next Monday freedom in sight hehehe. |
Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 7:06pm
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Go you hannibal!! I probably woulda thrown the tomatoes at them! You only reacted like any normal person would!! Hope it gets better for you soon! ------------- 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 7:38pm
 - maybe she is related to my in-laws!! Well actually mine aren't quite that bad but it is very trying having people to stay especially with a little one. Hope the end of her holiday with you rolls around quickly------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 7:56pm
| Me being me I still tackled hubby again tonight - I asked him if I was being unreasonable - he said maybe it wasn't very nice as she had only been here one night apparently she asked after I had walked out what that was all about - go figure - seriously at 36 honey get a clue (seriously single and still living at MIL). I enjoying my couch again hehehe. |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 8:35pm
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Maybe I am a little weird but if I had a house guest I wouldn't expect them to pitch in nor pay for food Maybe she is a bit like myself and doesn't realize that other people expect a little bit more of her? So in that respect maybe you might have been a little over the top?
If you ever find yourself in the same situation again maybe on the outset you could let your guests know that you expect them to help out as you have a baby. They have to pitch in with dinner and dishes and maybe do a top up shop. I know I sometimes can come across as absent minded and rude when really people have higher expectations of myself. I sure thank God that most people give me a break about it too  ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 9:38pm
| I guess that I was brought up differently - I would never just go and off load and expect someone else to run around after me or pay for everything. I would never dream of rocking up to someones house for a week to sit there and do nothing (seriously she won't leave the house to do anything by herself - there is a BS right outside) and pay for nothing - we are on one wage and I have to give up things so why should I be the one paying for someone else to have a holiday when perhaps I would like one - all expenses paid too. I don't expect to have her do my housework ... but it would be nice if she would ask can I do that for you - seriously to watch me wash all the dishes and 30 seconds later she puts a dirty plate in the dishwasher! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 9:46pm
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I always help when staying with friends even if its no more than helping with the dishes, I don't expect people to pay when they stay. But taking my coffee and/or chocolate with them is a bit much. She does sound like she doesn't have a clue, maybe you could get DH to explain it to her. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 9:47pm
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Well that is the thing, maybe you were bought up differently? Not that I am pointing fingers saying that someone is doing something wrong or not that I am getting at you, it's just a different way of seeing things.
Instead of getting angry, sometimes it pays to say something and saving yourself the anger. I mean by the sounds of it you are upset enough to get angry and have words with your husband but not talk to someone and ask for help. It just seems like you're creating yourself a whole heap of hassle and work? And I am sure with all of the things you have listed so far dishes, dinner, ferrying someone around, being a mummy. Asking for a little help is simpler than having an all out warfare. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 9:50pm
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That is kinda weird that she took your coffee? Or did she buy her own and is saying that she want's to take her own home? I would let her take her own stuff home... what do you want with it?
I wouldn't let her walk out the door with my stuff though, that would be a bit rough! ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 10:15pm
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Good on you! It's not fair that peoples holidays should ruin your evryday life!
IMHO biting your tounge is unhealthy - leds to stomach ulcers, big knots in your back, migraines etc. etc. (At least thats what I tell myself  )------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 10:22pm
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I agree a bit with Peace here. In the first 24 hours I wouldnt really expect anyone to help. Maybe she felt a bit unsure of what to help out with and just stayed out of the way. I know sometimes I feel a bit uncomfortable going into someone elses house and offering help (thinking that perhaps they will think I am judging them for not doing it properly or not) or that that person will be offended if you pay for something.
I usually tell people straight out, 3 days you are a guest. After that I expect you to help yourself to stuff and help out now and then. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 10:28pm
| Its always been the same. |
Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 10:42pm
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Hannibal, I think you have absolute right to be angry, for goodness sakes, this is your sister-in-law! And a woman of 36 may I add!
Stick to your guns and explain to your hubby why it makes you so angry. The way I see it, she is your family and when it comes to me, my family and my home, everybody pitches in. Its the same when I stay with other members of my family. There is no way that you should have to feel like your picking up after yet another person in your own household. Good on you and I hope that your DH starts to see things from your point of view
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 8:20am
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If is has always been the same then yeah I would have been peeved. I would then next time before she comes let your partner tell her that if she wants to come and stay she has to pitch in and help ect. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 8:23am
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Yeah SMoody is right, if she has always been this way, why wasn't something said to her from the outset? ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 8:23am
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Yet again, not getting at you at all, just offering a different way of approaching the matter. ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 9:38am
| Thanks guys - today I'm sitting here feeling a lot better time out has worked wonders!! |
Posted By: Spirals
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 9:52am
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Just to add another spin on it, I know some people feel uncomfortable doing things in other people's houses - like they're intruding or getting in the way.
However - she's family and I certainly would have expected more from her. Also if she was younger, I wouldn't be surprised as it's the 'kids and men syndrome' they don't see what needs doing like women do and they have to be asked. But she's 36?! So I doubt very much that's the case. Has she always lived at home with mummy? Does your MIL do everything for her? Glad you're feeling better today. Hope things between you and your DH are good, and that he understands. |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 11:15am
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When I am a guest in someone else's house I try and do my bit around the house, and I usually pay for some groceries and leave money for electricity, etc. But...If I had someone in my house as a guest I wouldn't necessarily expect the same. While it would be nice to think that everyone would act that way, if I accept them in my home as a guest then I shouldn't have a list of criteria that they are supposed to guess. Either do not agree to have them stay at all, or tell them what your expectations are before they arrive. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 11:35am
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Wow I'm glad I don't have friends/family like that, ours usually offer to help and if I need I accept it. Even if we go to a friends for dinner we always bring something I thought it was just the polite thing to do. Not many of us have spare money. Sometimes I feel really uncomfortable at other peoples house and not sure what to do (Coz some people are really into having things done their own way) but I always offer and always do dishes if they cook and stuff like that. It's a pity that at the age of 36 she really doesn't seem to have a clue. |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 11:42am
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I always feel weird doing stuff around other peoples houses but i always offer to help out and would insist if i was staying with someone who had a new baby (unsure how old yours is) and i would expect the same from anyone who visited me as well its just common decency to offer a hand. Ive never struck a female who hasnt offered to help out or offer some cash towards groceries while supermarket shopping before!!! When guy mates stay i dont get many offers of help but they normally throw a little money at the groceries if they have been around for meals.
If i did have someone staying for a week that didnt offer to help out id probably be inclined to ask them to give me a hand with the dishes or something -------------   
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 26 February 2009 at 5:11pm
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I guess what I'm looking for is an offer -
I like doing things at home and like many of you at other peoples places I always offer to help and I always contribute to the dinner party dinner. Other family members are getting in on it now rude. Anyway I over it all now so upwards and onwards! |
Posted By: ClareB
Date Posted: 02 March 2009 at 2:37pm
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hannibal wow I'm sorry you had to deal with that! I was raised to always bring something for the Host/Hostess when I stay and I always offer to do dishes or help make dinner. If any of us had tried that in my faimly i shudder to think what might have happened. Good luck
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 02 March 2009 at 6:10pm
| You seriously wouldn't believe the sh*t that has gone on for the past week thankfully we are back to normal in the house hold - hopefully I'll get no abusive phone calls from others in the family! |
Posted By: Disco
Date Posted: 12 March 2009 at 10:34pm
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Oh Hannibal,
I know how you feel. I just had seven weeks of MIL!!!!!!! SEVEN WEEKS NEver again, i've decided I just dont like having people to stay. My husband and I work from home and she refused to leave the house for most of it on her own, so three of us at home 24/7 GRRRRRR! I was so stressed out by the end of it, couldnt sleep. then half way through I found out i was pregnant, god knows how that happened. We agreed to her coming for six weeks as long as she booked up some trips to break the time up. Then she booked her flight for seven weeks!! Then when she arrived DH tried to sit down with her and tried to get her book up some trips. She had no intention of booking anything. Then at the end of the first week, we were out for a picnic with my parents and she wasnt looking where she was stepping as we were packing up and she fell down a small hill and broke her wrist. Ended up in hospital and having an operation. My my how she milked it. A typical poor me. Everything in her life that hasn't gone well is everyone else's fault. Her moaning and whinging about everything just drove me mad on top of her stupid insenstive remarks. On her first night she told us both how fat we had gotten especially me! I was so shocked i didnt know what to say. It wasnt the first or last comment! Then we were walking home from the supermarket up the road and she wasnt looking where she was going and fell over and head butted the pavement. So we brought her home and cleaned her up, her whole face lit up from the attention. I know some people are lonely but I just dont buy into this poor me crap. A few nights before she left her friend called and she sat there telling her that her fall was all our fault that we shouldnt have been sitting where we were!!! right in front of us!!! I could have slapped her! Anyway I was talking to a good friend whose does coaching amongst other things and she said that what you need to do is put structure around the visit. Lay down what you expect when they arrive. Also tell people what you would like them to do an if you need help. She's gone now but I'm sure she will be back now there's a baby on the way. God help me. DH and I have talked this over any more visits are now limited to three weeks as she's coming from the UK, if she wants to come for longer she stays somewhere else for the rest of the trip. Also next time I will be informing her when she makes any more unwanted comments to think about what she says before opening her mouth as her comments are insensitive and hurtful. My friend says if you nip things in the bud straight away then they are less likely to happen. Also show's them who is in control, its your house, they are the guest and should fit in with you not the other way around. If I had my way she would never visit again, that's how much she upset and stressed me out. But she's DH's mother so I have to respect that. wishing you well disco |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 13 March 2009 at 9:07pm
| Oh Disco I feel for you!!! |