so frustrated....
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24975
Printed Date: 07 October 2025 at 2:18am
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Topic: so frustrated....
Posted By: jjands
Subject: so frustrated....
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 3:29pm
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please help me DD (4) hasn't talked to me since visiting her gparents on the weekend. She only talks if I actually get down to her level and tell her to answer me. I just had a chat to her about how she's been behaving and asked her what we'd just talked about "dunno wasn't listening" was her response. After a time out she told me "gparent and gparent told me not to talk to you anymore so I don't." I said but u only visit them and you live with us, I'm the one that looks after you "they do more than you do" we're not on speaking terms with the gparents so I dunno what to do, I'm glad I finally know why I'm being ignored but to be honest it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like a outsider with DD. When DH comes home it's "daddy daddy daddy" he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. Sorry for the big rave but can anyone help me? |
Replies:
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 3:46pm
Oh man, that must be so hard. Sorry - no advice but didn't want to read and run  . What horrible ILs to have. And  at your DH.------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 3:48pm
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Woah! Thats full on!
Do you think you could call a "meeting" with the grandparents? Are they your parents or your inlaws? ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 3:51pm
Oops - just assumed they were the ILs  ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 3:51pm
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Wow chick, so sorry to hear your ILs are telling your own child not to speak to you - that's REALLY disgusting behaviour!! I would be around to their house in an instant and tell them NEVER to speak to my child that way and if they continue to turn your child against you, then you will stop all contact with them. And I can't believe your 4 yr old would listen to them, over you! They must've really got into her ear and manipulated her, for her to obey that instruction. I hope your DH realises what they are doing, and that your child should not be put in the middle of whatever is going on between you and them. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 3:54pm
Na they are IL's  DH doesn't like em either he's tried lots of things. It's a little more complicated then that but I can't really say anymore IYKWIM still any advice would be GREAT
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 4:08pm
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I have to agree with Italiah. It is so wrong for them to do that to your DD. Talk to them about it and if they don't stop using her like that, stop contact with them. ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 4:10pm
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If this was me (and just going by what you hacve said) - i wouldn't want someone that toxic having anything to do with my kids. i would stop contact and say that when they are able to act like adults, the relationship can begin again.
But i would be getting DH to go and find out what on earth went on to provoke that behaviour. |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 4:10pm
we can't stop contact as they have legal visitaion once a month 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 4:15pm
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Sounds like it is a complex situation, but I would be talking to your lawyer about that (or community law centre) - if they are using visitation as a time to get between you and your daughter, I would think any judge would look very harshly on that situation. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 4:49pm
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Seriously?
I'd think those'd be reasonable grounds for the visitation rights to be suspended. How incredibly disrespectful of them! |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 4:56pm
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How hard for you to have your child go to visit them and you have no choice in the matter! Obviously for them to have legal visitation rights they have made issues hard for you in the past. Definitely get in touch with your lawyer and explain how they are manipulating your child and trying to turn her against you. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 5:10pm
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Yep I agree - get in contact with the lawyer.
What horrible people. Poor you and your poor daughter. What a horrible situation. -------------  
 
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Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 6:36pm
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How horrible for you
I don't understand why the grandparents have any rights here when your children have two parents alive and parenting them. I am very unforgiving of that sort of behaviour if I was you then I would be doing everything I could to have that visitation revoked. It is completely unacceptable behaviour to undermine you that way. I actually think that it is quite abusive to use a child in that way. |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 04 March 2009 at 7:15pm
| thanks for all the support guys, I'm just going to hibernate for the night |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 06 March 2009 at 7:06pm
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Just remember that as much as shes hurting you , she is only 4 and still a baby and very easy to manipulate, as she gets older and is able to make up her own mind , that will happen less and less, , I know thats not much comfort when her behaviour is being so hurtful now, but at least it gives you something to focus on in the future . In the meantime, just be honest with her, tell your DD that her behaviour is really hurting your feelings , because you love her very much and hearing her say she doesnt want to talk to you makes you feel really sad and makes you want to cry , its good for kids to see we have feelings too and that our feelings get hurt , just like theirs . And most of all , remember she is still a baby herself and being used as a pawn by her grandparents for their sick little games . ------------- 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 06 March 2009 at 7:50pm
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Oh god, that's shocking! How dare they try to poison her to get to you?!
Basically, I would contact your lawyer and ask for their visitation to be SUPERVISED by a third party so they can't have her on her own and say things like that. Your DH needs to support you 100% on this matter though, as it's just not on. You are her caregiver, and that means you need respect from all parties - your DH, your DD, and DD's gparents. They are not putting the wellbeing of the child and the family unit first, they're putting it in jeopardy, and from what I understand that's grounds for reconsideration of the parenting order. But I still think she needs to have contact with her gparents, just supervised contact. |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 06 March 2009 at 8:34pm
| Yeh my bad for posting on general wasn't counting on our situation being made so public |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 06 March 2009 at 9:06pm
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Didn't want to read & run either.
Not sure how to get her to talk to you but shame on her grandparents....who are behaving like children!!! Maybe keep being chatty around her, go for the over kill, she'll have to talk to you eventually. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 06 March 2009 at 10:56pm
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double post , soz! -------------
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Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 07 March 2009 at 1:43am
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That is so horrible. ------------- 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 March 2009 at 8:45am
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Caught part of Kellys post before she edited it.
I find that terrible how her gps are acting. I think its so wrong when adults use children in this manner. Its almost more common/normal these days for families to be made up of children from previous relationships, and have blended families. My brother is in this situation, and while I was upset at how he treated his ex-wife, its his decision and the children aren't to be used as pawns. I could imagine my SILs parents behaving like this, as of course they now hate my brother, but he's still their father and his new partner takes the responsbility for helping to raise his kids and hers. I do think you and your DH need to have a discussion with them, as its not on, the only reason for courts granting visitation is in the best interests of the child, this is clearly not. Being a grand parent doesn't give you automatic rights! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |