Depressed, worried & scared
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25050
Printed Date: 09 July 2025 at 12:24am
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Topic: Depressed, worried & scared
Posted By: searchin4hlp
Subject: Depressed, worried & scared
Date Posted: 07 March 2009 at 1:00pm
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Hi, Im not sure if this is the right place for my post but here we go...
I have 3 children under 3 oldest being 3yrs & then 2 yrs & my youngest nearly 3 months.... My story goes like this and please forgive me if it seems like im ranting...What im about to explain is whats causing my depression (not my childrens behaviour but what CYF's are doing) I attended a friends daughters birthday last year and my 3 year old is a very active & sometimes mean child to her younger sister... I was about 8 mths pregnant with my now 3mth old, anyway one of the other people that was there actually put in a complaint to cyfs about my 3 year old being out of control, when I found out this information I was very peed of to say the least... I was contacted by cyfs around sept 08 in regards to my daughters behaviour & they askd me if I'd do a parental assesment & I agreed because I dont have anything to hide as I dont abuse my children...anyway the results from the parental assesment have come back so so bad.... When I grew up It was within a very very strict family and I always said to myself that when i have children im gonna give them their freedom.... My children have boundries and they are disciplined but not to the extent that I was and they do go abit awol sometimes eg: temper tantrums, being abit mean to each other, and some behaviours that are within the age appropriatness area... My assesment come back that because my children dont have firm consistent boundries set out for them im actually emotionally abusing my children & i've been giving 3-6 months to get it right or they will remove all my kids.... I know im depressed because my mind is constantly going over things in my head and the thought of my children being taken away from me because I give them to much freedom just always s makes me sad with no energy and just feeling down and out all the time (but i do put on a brave face in front of my kids)..... My fear is that if I go to the Dr's to get some help Im terrified that CYF's will see that as a sign of me not coping and they'll take my kids away from me....I really dont know what to do.... My kids are my life my everything... Any advice would be very much appreciated plz... I just dont want to go deeper and deeper into a dark whole because im to scared to seek medical help... |
Replies:
Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 07 March 2009 at 7:18pm
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Aww hon, that is a very hard and sad story. I think that you should go to the doctor, your medical records are confidential and getting help shows awareness and good parenting in my eyes, as by helping yourself get better you help your family be happier.
As for the other issue, with cyfs, I think that if you take one of those plunket run parenting courses and then demonstrate using timeout or a 'naughty spot' for inappropriate behaviour (bad language (that doesn't mean I think your kids swear I was thinking more like saying 'bum, bum, bum') and hitting) then cyfs would be happy with that. I know that you shouldn't have to do that but for the sake of keeping your kids... 
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 07 March 2009 at 8:46pm
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Another thing to try is enrolling in the Barnados run course Parents as First Teachers. It takes an hour a month, at home, and goes until your child is 3y.o.
I think you sound like a great mum, go to your doctor to get the help you need (and it's somebody confidential to talk to) you need to be well to look after your children well. With regards to the discipline issue, decide on some very basic rules, and stick to them, using the timeout technique is a good idea. Focus on things that might cause injury to themselves or others as these are the areas that cyfs will be most worried about eg - In our family we do not hit. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: bubbles
Date Posted: 09 March 2009 at 2:39pm
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Dear Searching for help, I feel for you, based on what you have said, you are in a tough place. Heres some advice for you from someone who knows more about these things than I do......
'In every city there are places called Community Law Centres - you can ring 018 and ask for one in your area they should give advice about your rights and maybe even write to cyfs for you seeking clarification about what their involvement in your family actually means. Not that you are, but you should not be hounded by cyfs for needing medicine, and that should not be a reason why your kids would be taken off you. The CLC could also look at the letter cyfs sent and tell you whether or not it constitutes an unfair threat. They'll have copies of the children young persons and their families act and i'm sure that there is no scope in the act to issue four to six week warnings for troubled parents to get their s%$# together or all their kids will be removed, that does not make sense.' |
Posted By: angel4
Date Posted: 09 March 2009 at 4:15pm
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Sorry i am no help to you in regards to CYFs. But i know what its like to feed in a black hole. Get the help you need to keep your children. What bubbles said about the lawyers sounds like a good idea to me. I think its stupid that they would threaten something like that based on a test and what some random person said. im thinking of you during this difficult time hun and i hope it gets sorted out for you soon.
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Posted By: BOPKiwi
Date Posted: 04 April 2009 at 4:25pm
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*Hugs* To You Sorry to hear about your story.
I Have had postnatel Depression since the birth of our first daughter in 03. |