Im worried I am about to loose a dear fri
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
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Topic: Im worried I am about to loose a dear fri
Posted By: Brilee
Subject: Im worried I am about to loose a dear fri
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 9:38am
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My stunning friend has been trying to get pregnant for the last few years, I know it has been very hard for her as she has had several miscarrages,
She sees all her friends around her getting pregnant (we dont have the same friends) and has wanted to distance herself from them all as it is to hard, My husband and I have just found that we are pregnant we have a way to go as we are only 5 weeks pregnant, She would like to catch up for a drink I dont know what to do as I dont want to upset her and If i dont drink she will notice as we always drink alot, Should I put her off for the next few weeks? Should I tell her? I really dont want to loose her as a friend, I would so love for her to have what she so dearly wants, ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Red
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 9:57am
| That is a hard situation - I think you should tell her as I think she would be more upset to think that you didn't tell her and then she would risk finding out via somebody else. |
Posted By: weegee
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 10:03am
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I think you should catch up for that drink and tell her. I was in a similar situation with a friend who had been trying for almost 2 years (she hadn't had any miscarriages though) and I got pregnant in our first month of properly trying.
If you tell her early you don't run the risk of her finding out from anyone else, and you don't want to start distancing yourself from her. And if, heaven forbid, anything happens, then you know she would be a rock of support. It will be especially hard for her later in your pregnancy, but IMO it's worth making the effort to keep her in the loop - tell her you understand it's hard for her but you know she will be happy for you and appreciates what a precious thing it is. Be prepared for her to get upset and offer her a big hug. And during your pregnancy, follow her lead on how much she wants to talk about it - my friend wanted to know all the details about scans, morning sickness, aches and pains etc but I know others would prefer not to be reminded on what they're missing out on. ------------- 
Mum to JJ, 4 July 2008 & Addie, 28 July 2010 |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 10:30am
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I fully agree with everything that weegee said!!!!
I was in a similar situation and was so nervous about telling my friend. I also think that maybe pick a place to meet that she is able to leave quickly if she wants and can talk openly to you about how she is feeling. -------------  
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Posted By: Crakleys
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 1:13pm
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I agree, definitely tell your friend.
I absolutely *hate* the feeling that all my other friends are like "omg, did you tell Elleroo yet? How did she take it? Oh no I hope she's not upset" etc. I have accepted the fact that other people's journeys have nothing to do with my journey. The WORST feeling would be that you were the last to know, and everyone else had been talking about you and your "problems" behind you back - ugh. You sound like a lovely caring friend. 
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Posted By: sweetpea
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 2:04pm
| Telling her is the most important thing here. I also agree with the advice wegee has given. |
Posted By: Brilee
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 3:26pm
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Thank you for the advise guys!
I will tell her I just dont want to upset her at all!! Good Luck trying for that baby  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: M2Bee
Date Posted: 19 March 2009 at 9:09pm
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There is no good way, but it would be so much worse if you didn't tell her... sooner the better, don't wait til 12 weeks!
I think if it was me, if you told her with sincere concern and sadness that your good news may upset her... she'll be so grateful that you're not rubbing it in her face and have great consideration for her... once she has a little selfish feeling sorry time out... she'll be quite supportive, hopefully! |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 20 March 2009 at 11:15am
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Hi Brilee,
Hope it all goes well and yep I agree with all the other ladies, definitely tell her. One of my very dear friends is 7 months pregnant and I have found it really hard at times (DH and I have been trying for nearly 2 years) but at the end of the day she is one of my best mates and I would have been a bit gutted if she had not told me about it. Of course I am over the moon for her as well as envious. I have had to bite my tongue when she has complained about being sick, etc. when all I want to say is hey, at least you are frikkin pregnant!!! These sorts of things definitely test friendships and I am sure your friendship is strong enough to deal with this. 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 20 March 2009 at 5:19pm
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Brilee congrats on the PG, tell your friend be honest but tell her you need her & make sure you stay in contact with her even if she starts to distance herself, maybe she needs OHbaby in her life, good luck
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