explaining death to a 5yr old
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Topic: explaining death to a 5yr old
Posted By: BaAsKa
Subject: explaining death to a 5yr old
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 11:51am
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One of Baileys daycare teachers (she was his teacher for 2yrs) died on saturday and im unsure whether i should tell him?????? hes at big school now so is not at daycare to see that she is not there anymore.....
Should i tell him?? and how??? |
Replies:
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 12:13pm
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That's a tricky one, it really must depend in this situation as to whether there's a chance of him hearing it from others or being put in a situation where he would find out.
Seriously it is hard to explain in usual terms when it is family etc and someone they are really really close to. I think it also depends on how she died... ie sickness, old age or something worse. If which case you need to be careful that you don't say something that will give him more fears about it happening to himself or others.. When i first read this i thought that really, if there were no way he'd know I wouldn't tell him in order to shelter him from having to go through that, however in thinking about my own girls, I do think i'd be inclined to tell them if something had happened to one of their teachers. In saying that though they have had alot of losses in the last year so we are nearly all explained out about death and dying. Maybe find out what the daycare is doing (if she had still been working there) as it may be that some of the children are welcome at her service or such, maybe ask them how they eplained it to the kids there too? hope that helps a little. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 12:27pm
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She had a heart attack and died in hospital.
He will hear about it because he is comming with us to an art auction at daycare tommorow night and it is now in honour of her so there are going to be prayers for her  .
Im unsure as to whether he will understand??? he has no perception of pain, hurt and loss (autistic) so if i tell him i want to word it so he will "fully understand" the whole thing... Thats a good idea to ask daycare about how they are telling the children, i never thought to ask this morning when the head of daycare came up and told me because i was a little shocked! 
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Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 1:45pm
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Sounds like you need to tell him. I don't envy you that at all. If you don't think he will understand the emotional side of it perhaps you could keep in factual, still sensitive and age appropriate though. Maybe something like that her heart stopped working and she had to go to sleep forever (we call that dying), all her family and friends are very sad and miss her. You could include something about heaven but that is a hard concept to explain too.
I would be carefull about saying that she was sick as that might make Bailey afraid of being sick... Oh I really don't envy you. Good luck with it. |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 6:36pm
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Oh no! Death is a hard subject to talk about, feel for you Amber. Yea Id definately tell him. It is an inescapeable part of life. I would say "Mrs .XXX's heart stopped working & the doctors couldnt fix it & she died. Dying or dead means your body stopps working" or something similar. I wouldnt use the term sleeping or gone away as this might give him fear of going to sleep or make him scared if someone goes away.
How ever you tell him, I'd just be open to the questions he may have about death, make him feel comfortable, calm & make him aware there is no right or wrong way to feel. Thinking of you ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 6:41pm
Ok so i told him in much the same way that you mentioned saffron - i said to him "son you remember your teacher E*****? well she died the other day" he said "how come?" i said "She had something wrong with her heart, we can pray for her at daycare tommorow night" and he said "oh we can have a bbq for dinner".......so im not sure if he really understands?????
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 30 March 2009 at 7:06pm
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I wouldn't worry if he doesn't fully understand. I would of told him if I was in your place. Andrew had a pet die last week (totally out of the blue), and we explained that he got sick (as that is what we think happened), and he couldn't get better. Saying that she got too sick and the dr's couldn't help might help. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |