Post-baby relations
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26041
Printed Date: 09 September 2025 at 1:08pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Post-baby relations
Posted By: JessDub
Subject: Post-baby relations
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 8:50am
|
I'm sure this topic has been done before but I guess I need to hear that I'm not the only one...
DS is nearly 6 months old and DF and I have only had sex 2-3 times since then. Mostly I'm too tired (up twice a night to BF) and really don't feel like it but also it's still quite uncomfortable (I had an internal tear). The lack of sex is starting to come between us - and we're getting married in November!! He's being good and not pressuring me but I can tell he's getting frustrated and does equate nooky with love - a guy thing I think. Not that any of you are psychic, but please tell me it will get better.... ------------- 
|
Replies:
Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 10:24am
|
LOL! 18 views and no comments, everyone must be getting it on! -------------
|
Posted By: first
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 10:45am
|
I don't have any ansers for you other than have you seen a dr. to check everything is okay. I know after giving birth I was well over everyone having a looky down there but it would be a starting point.
Could you maybe have someone look after your wee bub for the night so that you know that you are going to get a full nights sleep. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
|
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 12:10pm
|
I don't really have any answers for you either, but I hate it when there's loads of views and noone says hi!
My DS is nearly 4 1/2 months now and I reckon we've BD'd maybe three times? This will prolly sound really daggy but there's still "intimacy" between us though IYKWIM? You don't have to "do it" to keep things romantic before your wedding  My DH works really long hours and hasn't coped as well as he thought he would with interrupted sleep (I'm positive he thinks he has the rough deal despite the fact it's me who actually has to get up and do the feeding?) so he's not exactly begging me for it anyway.
I think first's suggestion of getting someone to take over for the night so you can get some decent sleep is a good one. Things definitely started getting back to "normal" when my MIL was here (funnily enough) as she sent us off out for dinner on our own a couple of times and offered to do late feeds and then just didn't bring the monitor in afterwards (which could have pee'd me off I spose but TBH I was just grateful for the good night's sleep). So, no real answers for you. But you're not the only one  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 12:23pm
| Your not the only one who feels lije that & it is completely normal. It also doesn't help that you probably get very little time to yourself or to be yourself, you are always mummy! And I don't know about you but being pressured (& it doesn't have to be overt) puts me off. Have you had an honest discussion with DH about how you feel? |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 1:26pm
Didn't wana read and run. Never had this prob myself  I think I wanted it more than DP but I'm sympathetic.
Do you make time to connect with each other during the day/evening? I think a big thing that made it work for us was that we totally flirt with each other. He'll squeeze my bum secretly when we're out and we'll haul each other into a dark corner and make out, I'll whisper dirty things in his ear while he having a conversation with a mate and we have alot of time for fun (board games, walks, fave tv shows, etc with or without Jake). It wasn't as easy when Jake was younger because I had to get up for him abit but he was sleeping for a minimum of 8 hrs a night by 7 weeks so it helped with the tired levels. Also getting it on at random times of the day (we'll often do it as soon as he gets home from work) it doesn't havta be at night. We shoot in the bedroom late on a saturday morning while Jakes playing outside and have a quickie. Def keeps things sizzling
Hope it works out for you chick x -------------   
|
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 2:46pm
|
We've only done it twice since James....but we did make a pledge to do it 3 times this week.....hell!!! That means 3 times between tonight and tomorrow night.
I have zero interest in it but know that the more I do it the more I will want it. Just got to get back in the habit.
Maybe its uncomfy because a)still breast feeding? and b) havent done it enough lately?
Babe!!!! all that AND you domestic goddess! |
.Posted By: JessDub
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 3:05pm
|
Thank you for the responses, bless your hearts. X
Going to have a chat and a cuddle with DF tonight... and assure him that we're normal. -------------
|
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 4:28pm
|
Lol yeah I think I'm the abnormal one we were going at it like deprived people by the 6 week mark (after Jake was born) and haven't stopped 3 times a day is perfectly normal for us!
Yep NZPiper I'm just the all round perfect woman  well thats the illusion DP has and we wouldn't wana go spoiling that now would we hehe...-------------
|
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 6:24pm
|
Yeah you guys are definitely normal & Babe's just making it all up
I got an IUCD at 6 weeks & it has freaked DH out somewhat! So there has been no bonking here either! Last time the midwife gave me an ultimatim to have sex by 6 weeks to make sure everything is working fine, or suffer a check....this time I've had 3 checks! BUT....we are far more intimate this time around, it just hasn't passed over to the bedroom so to speak. DH also works long hours & is as tired as I am at the end of the day. It will get better but you have to work at it & you almost need to do what Nikki has said..put a time limit on it. I think I'm going to have to do that. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: bex88
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 6:26pm
|
Hi jessdub,
don't worry you are completely normal. I had a pretty bad 3rd degree tear with DS (was told may be to uncomfortable for up to a year), we started when DS was 2 months, and it was well to say the least painful, to be honest I wasn't overly interested in doing it all the time, but persevered for DF's sake, and over time it got better. So I guess just talk to your DP and let him know how your feeling whats going on etc. and just go from there -------------  
http://thesimplethings-bex88.blogspot.com - Blog |
Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 6:40pm
|
Hooray Jessdub, while I totally sympathise, I am SOOO glad I'm not the only one! We've done it twice.
Where oh where has my libido gone?? I think nzpiper may have a point, the more it's done, the more you may want it?? I hope your chat with your DF goes well tonight, it will be very good to let him know exactly how you feel. -------------   
|
Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 7:06pm
|
[QUOTE=Babe] Lol yeah I think I'm the abnormal one we were going at it like deprived people by the 6 week mark (after Jake was born) and haven't stopped 3 times a day is perfectly normal for us!
[QUOTE] Way to go Babe!!! Better hide this post before DH sees it me thinks... we haven't been that energetic since we first got together!! As for since Cian was born - not much action at all i'm afraid. DH wants it heaps more than me but that's cause he's got a "sex reserve" (similar to a "pudding stomach") that kicks in even when he's super tired apparently
If you're still hurting down there though I'd probably get it checked out - just in case ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 8:16pm
|
Bahahaha gypsynita, that's classic, a sex reserve eh.
I'm feeling quite relieved that we're "normal" too. Definitely good point about the more you do it the more you want it. It's an exhaustion thing too though - when you make it to bed all you want to do is sleep when you know it's not going to be long before you need to get up again. I think in my case we need to try the time limit/ultimatum thing too, might make things interesting at least! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 9:31pm
|
I know how you feel, but just remember, theres other stuff you can do (without me getting pornographic) without actually pysically having sex ;) ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 9:37pm
|
LOL Missangel...sometimes that stuff takes more effort
|
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 9:38pm
| I'm also sh*t scared that sex = another baby! |
Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 21 April 2009 at 9:52pm
|
i think it depends how your labour was, ie tears etc. I had a c-sec but a week later was OK.
maybe you could go on a date night? maybe that would give you some time to reconnect  ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 22 April 2009 at 8:39am
|
LOL DP took one look at my post and decided he had something to prove yummy.....
Its really important I think especially for us females to feel connected outside the bedroom. Its also really important to make time for each other after the baby/s come along coz they tend to grab alot of our attention. Relationships need work and its good to work on being friends as well as lovers IYKWIM. Arrgh my boy is back and wreaking havoc... Sorry if this is abit disjointed lol forgot what alot of attention he requires!! -------------
|
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 23 April 2009 at 9:38am
|
JessDub, I agree with the "you are completely normal!!!!" especially with a first baby. (things seen to go back to normal quicker with subsequent babies)
are you breastfeeding? Because breastfeeding has a LOT to answer for when it comes to post baby relations. You can assure DP that once BFing has stopped, things will return to normal
then of course there is time. The four letter word everyone wishes they had more of. Relations takes up precious sleeping time, so its often waaaaaaaaay down on the priorities list. I cannot put enough emphasis on how great afternoon snuggle time can be. You've got so much more energy than at nights! When you do get the time another thing could be...well...after having a baby things can certainly feel different...stretched...and not be as sensitive or responsive as before. Give yourselves time to rediscover, well i dont really know how to put it but im sure you get my drift hope the talk went well! Amelia ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Brabsie
Date Posted: 26 April 2009 at 4:48pm
|
I also had an internal tear and had internal stitches, which definitely made sex pretty sore originally. But now it is ok. So as long as Dr thinks you are ok, I think just stick at it and it will come right! Definitely not quite the same as before though as all a bit stretched etc!! Ugh! DH and I have had it quite a bit since DS was born - although not as often as Babe!! And I agree it gets better the more you have it and you want it more - so stick at it!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Genie
Date Posted: 26 April 2009 at 10:06pm
|
Hmm I'm in the just can't be bothered camp..would rather sleep! lol ------------- 
|
Posted By: Niecey
Date Posted: 26 April 2009 at 10:34pm
you're not in the boat alone....still haven't done it...kinda bitter with my husband as I feel he's not doing enough around here.  He is super busy with his work so I guess I can't completely blame him but hey--at least he can "come home" from work. My work is 24/7 and I don't get weekends! Have not much libido either...I hope I can get back into it...don't think it'll be much longer. Grrr...it's kinda frustrating.------------- Denise http://lilypie.com">  
|
Posted By: Genie
Date Posted: 26 April 2009 at 10:39pm
|
TBH I'm a bit the same re dh..he spends time with his mates while I do all the indoor chores then expects to come in and I'll want to get it on..I don't think so buddy boy!! I want some 'me' time first! -------------
|
Posted By: rachelsea
Date Posted: 27 April 2009 at 12:13pm
So glad this got posted hehe, I'm not the only one! I was begging for it by 6 weeks but we couldn't as I hadn't finished bleeding yet  then when *that* finally finished a week later I started feeling really nervous about it, because I didn't know what it would feel like (and i didn't tear at all!) but we did do it. And haven't done it since lol. I was keen last night, but DH was a bit too eager, LOL Good to know it's normal though  ------------- DD 4yrs DS 2yrs http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: Niecey
Date Posted: 27 April 2009 at 2:53pm
|
I feel like whenever he wants to..I am SOOO not in the mood and whenever I'm the slightest bit interested he is nowhere to be found! or sleeping away! kind of annoying
Genie-- that's not fair, is it? Wish we could leave them all day with the kid and get out and then maybe we'd wanna pounce them when we get home!! If only we could turn the tables! Too bad I'm bf at the mo...but don't really wanna give that up. ------------- Denise http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 27 April 2009 at 8:07pm
|
I have heard it is very normal not to have sex all the time or barely at all after having a baby....a friend of mine didnt feel like sex for 6 months after her baby.
Babe - LOL 3 times a day my DH wishes lol. About 4 times a week does it for me hehe. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|
Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 28 April 2009 at 9:02am
... or the baby's awake!! Cian seems to "know" when we're in the mood and almost always wakes up!  ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com">
|
Niecey wrote:Posted By: Moochiecat
Date Posted: 28 April 2009 at 4:57pm
|
Hi - this may be too much info - but have you thought of 'toys' to start you off with. Sometimes getting yourself 'there' first makes it easier to get into. Now that things have changed in your relationship and you've been without sex for a while, it might be an great time to introduce something new.
I always find I'm way more into sex for my DH looks after my needs first and toys eliminate all the mucking about - they just straight to it. Sorry - I know TMI - but it may be of help. Good luck. |
Posted By: Ang84
Date Posted: 29 April 2009 at 10:37am
|
You are not alone!! It seems to be one of those things that improve with time (and plenty of practice).
I had a bad tear downstairs as well, and of our four attempts since bub was born, only one of them could be described as "successful" (e.g. enjoyed by both parties) before I started leaking milk and got all upset about it (sorry if TMI). |