Am i over reacting???
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Topic: Am i over reacting???
Posted By: BaAsKa
Subject: Am i over reacting???
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:23pm
I have just been furiously vacumming my house trying to let off steam to see if i felt differently when calmed down but nop im still annoyed!!! ....dont know if its just the preggy hormones making it seem worse so here i am asking you all...
I went to pick Bay up from school this arvo and found him wondering around the entrance by himself!!!!!  i said "son what are you doing!? why arnt you in class!!??" he said "they in drama and theres people in there i dont know and im scared" (he gets freaked out in a crowd with unknowns) so i marched him back to the drama room which was on the other side of the school and took him inside. The teacher was very blarzay about it all and said that she had sent him outside to think about what he had done (not wanting to join in)...
im unsure about whether im angry over the sub teacher sending him out over that seen as it is was of Bays "things" he freaks out about (with his aspergers)...im unsure bcos i dont want to go blaming behavioural things on the aspergers???.... The thing that angers me is that she sent him outside and then didnt check on him therefore leaving him to wonder the school!! near the gate where the traffic is!!!!! he could quite easily have left the grounds and come home!!!!!
Am i over reacting!??? |
Replies:
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:26pm
| I don't think so, I'd be mightly pissed off too. I think that's really poor to put a kid of his age outside and left to his own devices and I'd be inclined to speak to the school about that. That's not on as like you said, he could have just wondered onto the road and no one would have been any the wiser. |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:27pm
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Um.. one word... NO!!!
For starters, you DO NOT send 5 year olds out of class as they don't comprehend what that means. If it's for a time out thing, it should be in the class where the teacher can safely keep an eye on the child. Secondly, some kids at 5 just don't want to participate. The teacher shouldn't be punishing him for it, just moving on and trying to get him to join in by showing him how much fun it is. Thirdly, I would make a complaint to the school about your son being allowed to roam around and potentially get into danger. He's 5 for gods sake! That is just not on. Any person with half a brain knows not to leave a child that young, and I'm assuming new(ish) to school, outside without supervision. So yes I would be fuming too!!
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:30pm
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I would be annoyed. Whats wrong with the corner of the room?
I was fuming mad with Janaya's teacher a while back, Janaya had asked to go toilet but the teacher wouldnt let her, so she pooed her pants  I asked the teacher what was going on and she said "Oh all the kids say they need to go toilet when they dont" Grrr.... ------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:44pm
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Not over-reacting at all. Regardless of the Aspergers thing (which I think should be taken into account by the teacher as it is completely relevant to what happened) what happened is really unsafe and inappropriate. I'd definitely be giving the school a call ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:54pm
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Definitely not over-reacting... that's not on. Do talk to the school about it.
Also an idea, seeing as the problem was with a reliever - could you do a little profile thing for Bay for his teacher to keep in their plan for relievers to read? With a photo of him and could say something like "Hi my name is Bayley. I have aspergers, which means I see things differently to other kids. I get scared of strange people and loud noises, and sometimes need some quiet time out in the class room. I take things you say literally and sometimes find it hard to work with other kids (or whatever things are important for teachers to know about him). ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 5:12pm
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go straight to the principal. at that age they should be encouraging them to join in not punishing them if hey dont want to... it would be intimidating to any kid ... he should have been kept in her sight. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 5:21pm
| I would be furious. You do not send a 5 yr old out of the classroom, thats just crazy. You should complain. |
Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 6:17pm
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I am a teacher and also think you should DEFINITELY talk to the school about it. It is really important to make sure they have a system in place so that relievers are aware that Bay finds those situations hard (it isn't appropriate to deal with him in the way the teacher did) I can understand that she was a reliever and didn't know but the school needs to be aware of what happened. I really love Arohanui s idea. I was going to say something similar or also that the teacher who organises the relievers for the school advises any reliever that there are certain things that he finds difficult. It wouldn't need to be a big deal at all but would probably make all the difference to Bailey having a good day in a new situation.
You are not over reacting and I am sure the principal would be completely understanding - as they should be. |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 6:47pm
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well im glad im not over reacting!! thanks heaps ladies!!!
I think i will go straight to the vice principal shes lovely and understanding!! the reason why i dont want to go to his normal teacher is bcos when i told her he had aspergers when he first started school her reply was "oh no i dont think so! hes just like every other kid, he just have a few behavioural problems" well i almost burst into tears right in front of her!!!!!
then they had a problem with him in assembly a few times where he would hide in a corner with his hood over his face!!! so i said "well i know i dont know too much about his aspergers yet but that is one of his things as part of it" their reply "well you cant blame everything on that now can you!"...WTF that was one of the only things i had said to them!!!.... so im really worried they think im blaming everything on that!! 
the thing that kept bugging me about him wondering off was that as much as i love that boy - sometimes he gets lost finding his way to his room!! (seriously!!! sometimes he goes into a world of his own and ends up in another room! ) so the thought of him trying to make his way home just scares the crap out of me!!!
Liz i really like that idea!!! im going to do it! 
Kylie that is shocking about Janayas teacher!!!! that mustv been humiliating for her!!!
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Posted By: lovingmummyhood
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 6:53pm
 you are definitely NOT over reacting! I'm with everyone else on this. Love Liz's idea
Good luck with the school tomorrow. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 7:10pm
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I would be absolutely fuming Amber, it reminds me of when my sister was at a mainstream primary school , honestly it was shocking , she has developmental delay , autism and aspbergers,she was basically ignored in the classroom , she would cry every morning when I walked her to her class , and beg me to take me home (it was heartbreaking ) the kids made fun of her ,yet nothing was done, and for standard four camp either my parents had to go and sleep in another cabin , or she wasnt allowed to come because other parents complained (she wasn't bloody contagious !)
my mum, gran and aunt were constantly having arguments with the principal Now C is at the same school and its much , much better (and a new principal too ) and aspergers or not , the kids are not allowed out of the teachers sight, if a parent is late the teacher remains in the classroom with the child , they aren't allowed onto the playground or anything til the parent has come and let them know they are there Teachers, working with children , should remember how embarrassing it is for kids, even just to say they don't want to take part, or that they need to go to the toilet, kids at that age are going through an awkward stage of wanting to make and keep friends, and don't like bringing attention to themselves . When C was 4 she did ballet, and was really nervous about her first concert, when we got there her teacher started telling her off for taking her costume home, so I stopped the teacher gave her my "look " and said "she is nervous enough as it is , you do not need to go on at her , I don't care how stressed you are, she is 4 , if she took the costume home its because she thought she could " she shutup after that .... ------------- 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 7:16pm
Kelly, are you for hire when we need someone to be assertive and can't face it ourselves  ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 7:23pm
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yeah i may need you to come and assert for me Kelly!!
And OMFG!!! i almost cried reading that about your sister!!!
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 7:52pm
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Amber that's awful. I would be absolutely fuming too. The teacher was being neglectful IMO and it definitely needs to be addressed as does the attitude towards his aspergers but putting that aside, even if he didn't have aspergers, a 5yo should not be sent outside a classroom where they're unsupervised. -------------  
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Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:23pm
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I wouldnt even bring the Aspergers up while talking to them about this paticular situation. NO 5 year old should have been sent out without someone watching that child. In that case they could have either tried to involve him in it, and if he really didnt wanted to let him sit and watch and if he was totally freaking out had an adult deal with him on a one to one situation until it was better or called you in.
I would have been fuming. Seriously heads would have rolled. At 5 they have no idea what so ever about stuff like this. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:28pm
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Thats just not on! I wouldnt be happy about that. Def say something to someone. Solitary confinment or exclusion, for any child is neglectful... almost abusive ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:30pm
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Definitely not over reacting....imagine if a stranger had been walking past & the type of one to snatch a child...no one would have heard him cry out! ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:36pm
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Hey Amber, you should ask the principal/vice if they have a book called "Aspergers Syndrome: What Teachers Need To Know". It was provided to every school in NZ several years ago by the Cloud 9 Children's Foundation. There should be a copy, and if not I can give you information on how to get one for Bay's teacher.
It is really easy to read and for teachers to get the basics of dealing with Aspergers children (small boast: my DH wrote the book). The things the teacher has said to you is inexcusable, and showing that she has no idea of the significance of the syndrome. It's a must that she reads this book, even if she doesn't read any other. It would only take her an evening. This is what the book covers: 1) Introduction 2) So what is Asperger's Syndrome? 3) What signs might a child express? General Academic Social 4) What are some strategies for the classroom? Organisation Class work Sensory sensitivity Anxiety and tempers 5) Can I help the child with their social skills? 6) How can I help them in the playground? 7) What should happen before the child changes class or school? 8) Should I make the child do homework? 9) How can the child be assisted with study? 10) What should the teacher aide be focusing on? 11) Who else in the school needs to know? 12) Am I qualified to teach this child? 13) I want to know more. Where should I start? Books and papers Websites |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:51pm
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oh kiwilaurie i will definately ask them if they got that book if not will definately have to get one for them!! and i am now REALLY interested in reading the book myself!!!!!
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 10:12pm
haha, DH wanted to set up a service "0800 dial a b*tch " Hope it goes well talking to the principal tomorrow Amber , don't let them intimidate you , you are your son's voice -------------
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Flissty wrote:Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 10:50pm
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Just to reiterate what everyone else has said - absolutely no way the teacher should have sent him out of the room! That's totally irresponsible IMO, I would be furious too if I were you!
I agree with SMoody (I think it was) who said not to bring up the Aspergers with them as a reason not to send B out of the classroom - because 5 year olds shouldn't be sent out of the teacher's sight AT ALL whether they have Aspergers or not. You're definitely not overreacting. Good luck for your chat with the VP tomorrow ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 11:03pm
Ditto what everyone else has just said - That is shocking
Good Luck talking to the Principal tomorrow, you know you have all of us here behind you ------------- 
 
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Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 11:18pm
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Good luck tomorrow. Aspergers aside, no 5 year old should be sent out of a classroom alone. Add aspergers into the mix, and there is definate scope for a very upset and scared wee boy. Hope Bay is ok!
We have copies of the international version of the book (slightly more detailed, and Americanised, than the free copies to schools) if you want to borrow one Amber. I would need it back, as they're DH's keepsake copies, but would be happy to lend it to you if you wanted to have a read. Just PM me if the school doesn't have the book (they should though... I remember helping put together all the packs when I was helping out the foundation!!). |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 7:44am
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as you know I am Kelly's Mum and yes when her sister was at year 6 camp I went down for two days and hubby went for two and we had to sleep in the same cabin as our daughter but anyway I was looking at our local paper from last week and they were promoting a new DVD called Autism AT School for more info pj 09 846 0913 or email auckland@autism.org.nz
may be of some help ------------- susie |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 7:52am
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no you are not that is horrable poor bay i would tear that teacher a new one ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 3:40pm
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Well i spoke to the VP when i picked Bay up from school and i am now even angrier than when i began!!!!
I started out talking about him being left outside and she turned to Bay and said "were you meant to be waiting there for the teacher to come and get you?" and he replied with a rather confussed look "i dont know!!" so i interupted and said "that makes no difference at all bcos im really not happy with him being put outside without supervision in the first place giving him the oppoturnity to leave the school grounds!!!" she then gave me the "OH HERE WE GO!" look and said "alright i will talk to the teacher tommorow but he does have behavioural issues"......well now that started me off all over again!! I said "oh really bcos noone has come to me explaining these behavioural issues in detail....how do you know it isnt his aspergers?" she replied "well we dont even know that he has aspergers!" i said "well i have told everyone here so why wouldnt you know?" she said "because we need a letter from the specialist stating so which we have not recieved and we have had many aspergers thus far and have always received a letter" i said "well i have recieved the letter so i will bring it in" she said "that will be great but honestly i dont think there is anything wrong with him bcos when he is misbehaving he is able to just turn it off just like that! which an aspergers kid can not do".....well i just stood there in silence bcos im unsure whether aspergers kids can turn it on and off???? but even so, i know he may have "some" behavioural issues BUT i am F***kn fuming that they will not believe me on it and am making me feel like iv just made up the last 5 yrs of Bays "unusual behaviour"!!!!!
Im so upset and bawling my eyes out trying to calm myself down so i can go and pick my boys up from my mums, i dont want her to see me upset bcos she too is so angry over it all!!!!!!
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 3:58pm
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OMFG some people are the biggest punks! That's disgusting. I don't blame you for being upset, they have completely avoided the issue that you wanted to talk about and then turned it all on you. What 5 year old (honestly) would just wait outside somewhere for a teacher to come and get them?? The point is that he shouldn't have been sent out there in the first place. If you have a letter from Bay's specialist I would be marching back down to the school - with DH if poss so he can back you up - and see the school principal. If they are still rude and obnoxious, I'd be talking to the Board of Trustees (they have them at primary school, right?). In fact, I would probably be writing them a pretty strongly worded letter anyway. Man, I am so peeved for you right now ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 4:06pm
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I'm with kiwisj on the letter. It can be passed up to the principal and BOT - what is concerning is that no one has addressed the fact a 5 year old was left unsupervised. A letter also means that you can present your side of the story without being flumoxed by someone who goes on a tangent. What is of extra concern is the lack of knowledge about his disability and while I know you don't want to make the argument about that, this needs to be addressed so that he can get the support to fully participate in school life. Is he linked in with GSE (Special Ed in the Min of Ed)? I know it's now damned hard to qualify for services but if he is linked in, then maybe they could be involved in advocating and educating the school. There's also a DVD called "In my shoes" that schools should be able to access free from Min of Ed re autism spectrum disorders. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 5:16pm
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I am so disappointed and sad that you were treated like that. It is terrible and I really feel for you. You are still learning yourself and doing such a great job for your son. A school should be a supportive place looking out for his individual needs. The resource ideas that others have given you DVDs, books etc sound really great and it is good you have the specialist letter. It shouldn't have to be like this but hopefully some of that information can be helpful going forward. I know you are near the end of your pregnancy and therefore exhuasted. This is the last thing you need.
Hang in there. I think you are doing a great job for Bailey. |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 5:43pm
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OMG. So you told her you had a letter from the specialist confirming that he has aspergers and she is doubting the specialist because her experience as a teacher makes her more knowledgable than the specialist????? Where does she get off?!! I would be seriously considering a change of schools at this stage. I have very limited experience with schools but from what I've heard the majority are excellent and those than aren't are usually due to the principles and vps. -------------
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Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 5:49pm
My thoughts exactly! Wow, I can't even believe this! Even if he was just a 'naughty' kid, absolutly NO excuse for telling him to get out!!! I am so angry at that school right now. I hope you get to talk to the principal and that she is a LOT more understanding than the VP. Man, I am so fuming on your behalf! -------------   
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 6:23pm
I really agree with Jo on this one, I don't have experience with schools myself but for a child with special needs that need to be taken into consideration I wouldn't want him in a place where he's going to be left unsupervised and his condition not taken seriously. You want to be leaving him in the care of a teacher & staff that are accepting and supportive of his aspergers, not ridiculing you and doubting the fact that there is anything medically wrong with him. I can understand why you're upset darl, that's just not on! |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 8:02pm
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I wish i was able to change his schools but there is only one other school and its slightly out of our zone and it is also prodominantly moari orientated (now i dont have a prob with that bcos im half maori but i think itl add to his confussion) they also have 30 kids per class compared to the 9 in his current class so unfortunately i feel a bit stuck on it!
The tragic thing is that when i came home i actually went on the net to look up aspergers to confirm for myself that he does have it!!!!! they have got me doubting myself even!!!!
I also rung the autism society to ask them whether its possible for them to not see the true Bay at school and she said "well for starters theyv only had him since march and secondly Bay has been diagnosed as high functioning so yes it is highly likely that he can seem normal to them" she also said that its likely that he does have "some" standard behavioural problems (which he does and i dont deny that) and that they are lumping it ALL as behavioural problems. She also said "but regardless of what is what they should beleive you as his mother instead of making you prove it!"....well i was REALLY holding back the tears otherwise she wouldnt have made any sense of what i was saying! lol. She is sending me a heap of info and amoung it - ways to tell the difference between a general tantrum and an "episode" which we really need!!. itl be interesting to see the reception im going to get tommorow!! the VP didnt even really finish up the conversation! she basically walked off!!! cant believe i actually liked her!!! (shes a client of my sisters!)
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 9:02pm
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Fantastic you've got some support from the Autism Society. If you had a meeting with the school about his aspergers, I wonder if they would be able to attend to support you and give the school more info?
You're doing a great job while being questioned and made to think you're don't know your son. You Do know him. You're his advocate and you are doing so well in the face of them going "nahhh". ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 06 May 2009 at 10:30am
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apparently i can get someone to come and be my advocate at the school. Im just gutted thinking that the school should be on my side!! not fighting me!!! its like pushing S**t uphill!!
I would actually love for them to tell me about his behaviour at school instead of throwing it at me when i confront them!!....not sure what im going to do about his behaviour though (the probs that are not aspergers related)??? he is SUPER DEFIANT!!!! on everything!!!!!!
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 06 May 2009 at 10:44am
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You can talk with the school about a referral to GSE. They are part of the Ministry of Ed and have specialist behaviour teams which include psychologists and specialist teachers. They may be able to assess him and give advice. That said, they do have a tight criteria re eligibility, but it might be worth talking about with school.
I'm wondering if you deal with the 2 issues (unsupervised/aspergers) separately - maybe a letter to school about him being unsupervised. Then in a couple of weeks, request a meeting with them and the Autsim Society to discuss his Aspergers and behavioural issues. Set an agenda in advance so you control the meeting - e.g. seeking information about what they see at school, discussing issues you have at home, what strategies you've put in place that have worked/didn't work, what information you need, what supports need to be explored ..... ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 06 May 2009 at 10:51am
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Just to jump in as there has been some excellent advise here.
I would make an appt to see the Prinicpal at a time when you can sit and talk without interruption etc and when you are calm enough to do this. You are more than able to take someone in with you as your support person. Often it is a good idea as things are easily forgotten or misconstrued when you are upset and angry so having another person there to debrief with at the end is really beneficial. Make notes of the points you want to discuss and what you ulimate outcome would be to solve these problems or points. e.g - concerned a child is sent out unsupervised. I would like to see........ - re his behaviour. Explain you are still learning what is and isn't part of his condition and would really like the class room teacher to let you know when his behaviour isn't acceptable and what it actually is - a report card may work to do that - a senior staff member walking off before a conversation is finished was disrespectful and upsetting - being made to feel stupid about your sons condition by a senior staff memeber. Hopefully that will open the lines of communication and get things moving in a more positive direction as I can understand why you are not keen to move schools. -------------  
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