lucky or obtuse?!
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26400
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Topic: lucky or obtuse?!
Posted By: Bizzy
Subject: lucky or obtuse?!
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:21am
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ok so i watched the good morning story on extended breastfeeding the other day and yet again heard of mothers feeling frowned at and treated badly for feeding in public - with babies not necessarily older children.
I have been feeding in public for a long time now, three kids worth, done it in food courts, church, cafes, car parks, parks, mainly music, malls... and not once have i had a negative comment, or felt frowns of disapproval, or any of the other horror stories i have heard.... so was it just pure luck, am i that obtuse that i didnt notice, or is everybody else just too sensitive!? ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:30am
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I personally think its great that you feel that way Bizzy. I mean, I see people breast feeding in public and always feel such a warm fuzzy feeling. My eyes naturally gravitate in that direction but sometimes I wonder if people might misinterpret it for me frowning or disapproving?
While I never really did it in public last time for fear of getting these disapproving looks, I have decided with this next one not to be so sensitive and feed in public. I am going to get some breastfeeding tops so my breasts are not 'out there' as such but sitting in the foodcourt, I am going to try my hardest not to worry about the looks I may get. Its a totally natural thing to do!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:34am
when i did BF (wasnt for very long though! 6 months second time) i dont recall any bad comments but i did get alot of stares......i didnt care though! its natural!!
When i see people BFding i think good on them!!
I once saw a lady walking around the baby factory browsing the clothes while BFding a tiny bubs!!! i was more jelous than anything! lol wish i could do that!! 
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Posted By: Babynumber2
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:35am
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I've never had a negative comment, only the one dirty look when I was breast-feeding my girl, though everything was covered by a shawl! I got the rolling eyes and thhhccck noise (hard to explain the sound this woman made lol).
Nothing else so far. Though admittedly, a lot of my feeding so far has been with expressed milk (that's slowly changing!) so I haven't really exposed myself to it. I'm still not overly confident about breast-feeding in public, so I know I would notice ANY look that comes my way. Doesn't mean I would stop doing it, but just that I'm overly aware of other people...so I'm likely to exaggerate the reaction in my own mind, because I guess I'm expecting a reaction? Sorry, my post probably makes no sense lol. |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:37am
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I feed all over the place as well, I am more aware of people this time & try & make them feel comfortable with what I'm doing in public, last time I didn't give a sh*t & almost dared people to have a go, DH thought it was hilarous. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:39am
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Hehe, Bizzy, I FF from birth and always hear about how other FF have had comments made and been frowned upon but like you I have never experienced it.
I often wonder if perhaps I am just oblivious to lots of things! I think when you are confident in your decision etc that you often don't notice as you don't care! -------------  
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:42am
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Yeah I'm with Peanut I kinda wondered if I'd get reactions when FF and looked for any signs but nada. I never had a prob when BFing either.
I think its great when I see babies out and about being BFd I'm so jealous lol can't wait to be able to do it again. Maybe the worst reactions are overseas?? We kinda tend to be a little more mind-our-own-business over here I find. Whadaya think? -------------   
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Posted By: Bubnumber2
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:44am
OK, this post was from me...when I joined here that was the original I.D I chose, but it didn't work for some reason (something with the email failed) so I had to make this one so it would work (as you can see the names are practically the same thing). I don't know why it suddenly signed into that one, especially since it wouldn't work when I made it? 
Anyway, just saying that that's this I.D, sorta lol. I will have to see how to get rid of that one, since it has obviously suddenly started to work. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/"> 
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Babynumber2 wrote:Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:45am
Exactly what I think! I fed all over the place, too and never noticed any disapproval. but I think I was just so engrossed in it that I never really noticed the outside world ------------- 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:49am
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peanut thats great, cause i always hear the stories too of FFers getting sh*t for it ... maybe it is cause we dont care!
babe i think that some countries are definitely not into feeding babies in public but i dont think that the worst reactions are overseas. maybe its cause more people do it here. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:51am
thats a good point too. i suppose if you arent looking to see what other people are doing you dont notice.... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 11:56am
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I never had any issues BFing in public. I didn't feel I was frowned upon and never received any negative comments. Mind you by the time M was a toddler I was only BFing at home anyway because she was down to morning/evening breastfeeds and she got so distracted by things going on around her anyway that I think BFing in a busy place with lots to see and do would probably be a nightmare. I have BF'd at a soccer game (man that was cold), in shopping malls, in cafes and food courts, on the train (got a free ride too as the conductor was too embarrassed to look lol), in car parks - essentially if my baby needed to be fed I fed her wherever I was. I didn't bother covering up with a shawl or anything either as I figured that my baby's head hid everything well enough (I see 18yo girls that are more exposed than BFing mums and they don't appear to be frowned upon, quite the opposite in fact) -------------  
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 12:04pm
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Funny this should come up as I was feeding lil miss at the mall this morning and commented to my friend that I'm glad lil miss is on the small side coz people might give me funny looks feeding a 10-mth old in public if she was bigger.
The only negative comments I've ever had came from my brother of all people, I can't believe how sheltered he is - he told me I shouldn't feed lil miss in the lobby of his apartment building coz 'you can't just flop your tit out here'  .
I don't even really try to be that discreet about it. I have big boobs and a nosy baby so discreet is pretty tough! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 12:06pm
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I had a guy in a food court move seats after he realised that I was feeding. I don't think he was disgusted or anything though he just seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable. I personally thought it was quite funny.
I had more funny looks and snide comments made when I was bottle feeding Spencer, (although I was very conscious of not being able to breastfeed so did perhaps pick up on things more than what I do with breastfeeding in public). ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 12:47pm
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I only had one experience with a stranger giving me an evil look, I didnt really care!
DH was more worried about me breastfeeding in public, I remember going out for tea and Jackson was hungry, and DH said "Oh, your not going to feed him here are you?"
------------- Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 12:56pm
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I never fed in public because I simply didn't want to (I hated BF and it was always awkward even at home because I never really got the hang of it) but when I was preggers I remember seeing a woman wondering around shops while BF and the shop I was in at the time the shop assistant looked absolutely mortified and so did a couple of the shoppers when they realised what she was doing.
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Posted By: becky
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 1:24pm
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I have never had any comments when breastfeeding and Im the same as MrsMojo I have breastfed everywhere including a crusaders rugby game. I dont really care what other people think anyway as im feeding my son and if they have a problem with it then thats their issue. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 1:27pm
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I remember while I was pregnant thinking 'I will never BF in public!'... But after having my in-laws staying for the month after Novella was born, I found it quite annoying trying to hide them... And the fact that her head is roughly half the size of my boobs means they're pretty hard to hide..
Sooooo, I just pull them out wherever! And if anyone dare say anything they'll blimmin well hear about it
Gotta love the 'balls' you grow once you become a mummy! hehe
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 1:29pm
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My favourite quote "Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent"
So I feel that if you are confident in what you are doing noone can 'make' you feel bad and you won't be open to negativity. |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 1:41pm
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I had people move cos they seemed embarrassed (usually middle aged business men) but never any weird looks other than that - and their reaction just made me laugh and roll my eyeballs. I'd feed anywhere and everywhere. Even went up the front of church with him on my boob.
I have been much more selfconscious since I started bottle feeding. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: crakars
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 1:45pm
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I breastfeed every where - and have had no comments etc either - could be that i dont look around much just focus on the task on hand. -------------  http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 8:07pm
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I think its right that you notice more if you are not 100% confident in your choice or situation.
I was never comfortable with BF so never would have in public just in case I got comments, but was never fully comfortable with FF in public for the same reason (didn't help that I'd had an old dude at the supermarket lecture me for buying formula )
I think it's basically luck of the draw for whether you get comments or not. While I will never BF again, I don't ever look at another mother and tuttut them or anything like that, I just see a mum feeding her baby and it tends to draw my eye if they're feeding because you get to see how relaxed the kiddies are (most of the time) which is what I love. |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 8:07pm
What is FF??? All i can think of is force feed hahahahaha (and I am pretty sure it ain't that) ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 8:10pm
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haha nat... formula fed... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 8:13pm
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hehe of course! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 8:25pm
I have always fed my girls where ever. I have been conscious of other people but have never had a negative comment. The only time I think someone ever felt awkward was when I was feeding Maddi in a sling walking around the zoo. Some old lady went to check out the baby and got a wee bit of a surprise to see her sucking on a boob ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 8:29pm
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Lol, force feed
I have only had one 'look' that I noticed when feeding in a park, a man who was about 60 I guess. Just gave me a disgusted look as he walked past. I wasn't upset, I thought it was quite funny that he could act like he did and not feel embarassed himself! I am rather discreet, although not covered with a shawl or anything. I try not to just flop my boob out on the dinner table when dining with male friends/family, be as subtle as I can, just so they don't feel uncomfortable. I think other people feeling uncomfortable is totally different to judging/disaproving. I haven't been asked to go to the bathroom to feed in a resturant yet (not that I dine out much at all), but I plan to loudly ask if we should ALL have our meals in the loos. -------------   
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Posted By: blondy
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 9:19pm
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I have fed in heaps of places, and never got a bad comment. I agree with the fact that people being uncomfortable with it is very different from being disaproving. I try and be discreet as possible, but baby head smaller than boob = not so much
I remember about 10-15 years ago when I was at a wedding, and someone at our table was feeding her obviously very new baby at the table (full of strangers, young and old), and at the time I (being a rather naive teenager) felt uncomfortable with it, but it was more because I hadn't been around someone breastfeeding before, and with hindsight I now think how great of that woman! I don't think I would have felt comfortable enough to BF in that situation.....but what a great way to keep the baby quiet during the speeches!
so I wonder where all these negative comments are coming from? it sounds like most people have had really good experiences BFing in public. -------------  
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 9:22pm
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i always felt self-consioius, but never received dirty looks or negative comments.
but in japan I would never. apparently you can be asked to leave. I asked a gf if I should bf in public, she said okay, but people will stare. when i asked if it was not the norm to bf, she said, no, we aren't used to seeing big boobs. She's so cute. |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 9:49pm
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If out and about ie at a cafe, I would always approach a staff member and say something along the lines of "I'm ok to breastfeed here.?" It was more so if any other customer complained to me I would turn around and say I did check first, and they don't have a problem. Not once did I hear a complaint from anyone. I was lucky enough to BF until Blair was nearly 15 months, and only one person made comments along the lines of being about time to give up ------------- 
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 10:06pm
Me and and my sis had our youngest about the same time and use to go out for coffees etc together lots in the early days... cos we had to meet up daily as she couldn't bf and I use to supply her expressed breast milk in bottles  I truly felt she got more looks than me for "FFing" (which it wasn't) than I did BFing... and it man did it pee me off cos she did everything she could to feed her baby and in the end her bub was still being BF just took a bit more organising
I have BF everywhere too and never had anyone give me looks or anything... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 10:26pm
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I had several negative reactions once Charlotte was beyond the baby stage, say from about 16 months or so. Mainly, I think, just from pig ignorant people who weren't confident enough in their own decisions, so had to be nasty to make themselves feel better. Sucked, tho. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Genie
Date Posted: 08 May 2009 at 10:42pm
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I was the same, just got negative looks and comments when my babies were deemed too old to be breastfed (still under 2 I might add after seeing that recent tv programme..lol) ------------- 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 09 May 2009 at 12:11pm
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fattartsrock...everytime I see your name I think it says fartsrock..hehe. how immature am I! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 09 May 2009 at 3:47pm
Lol Nat!!! It took me AGES to work out what it actually read, i always read it as fattarts rock whilst wondering what the hell a fattart was 
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 09 May 2009 at 7:02pm
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I bf my daughter until she was nearly two. In the earlyish days it was really hard to be discrete because as soon as she finished she'd pull off and milk would go spraying everywhere. So I'd have to press my nipple with a breast pad until it stopped then close my bra.
The only time I felt weird about bf in public was in the food court at Bayfair shopping mall. A weird middle age dude moved seats so he could get a better view  ------------- |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 09 May 2009 at 9:48pm
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I was made to feel really bad when Andrew was a baby as I had to FF him. At the Welly P&C show some old lady told me that he shouldn't be bottle fed but I should feed him. She was politely told I couldn't BF him and telling people how to raise their children was not the thing to do to strangers. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 10 May 2009 at 7:43am
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I pretty much feed everywhere and have never had a comment - although once in the doctors reception area I had a 16 year old boy hard core staring at me!! I think it was probably just a case of him never seeing someone get their boob out in public lol!!
I don't use a shawl or anything but always wear two layers of clothes so one top goes up, one down IYKWIM and will generally go sit in the car to feed if it's nearby... more so DS doesn't get distracted than anything else! In the early days when I felt uncomfortable I made myself do it with the thought that maybe if other mothers saw me doing it they'd feel more confident to do it too ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 10 May 2009 at 1:33pm
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I fed C everywhere , and as I never cared what people thought I didn't notice many looks , and if i did, I used to smile sweetly at them ------------- 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 10 May 2009 at 2:11pm
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Interestingly I had two mums to my place for afternoon tea it was our engagement party, the mum that was BF went into my parents bedroom to feed, where as the FF mum mixed up the formula in the kitchen and handed bub and bottle to me! LOL.
This post made me think about it and seems odd that the one BF did it in private and the mum FF didn't give a rats who was feeding her bubs as long as she was feed. I always end up smiling when I see women bf in public as I think its a beautiful site, and BF in the food court some how seems appropriate. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 10 May 2009 at 8:33pm
Same! hehe! I'm breastfeeding DS now and I BF my DD for 12 months and did it anywhere, I was a bit uncomfortable in the early weeks, but that was more getting the hang latching on properly etc! I've never had any negative looks or comments that I've noticed! Why is it that men always turn away when a woman gets her boobs out to breastfeed, but they can't take their eyes of them in a sexual context! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |