Having a whinge- bloody MIL!!!
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Topic: Having a whinge- bloody MIL!!!
Posted By: stevie_88
Subject: Having a whinge- bloody MIL!!!
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 11:52am
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Ok the story goes...
When I first got pregnant last year it was the best choice to have an abortion because I was still at school, working and living out of home and didn't think Carey and I could afford it- that was the worst mistake I ever made! I wish I kept it sooo much. Now I'm pregnant again. 26.2 weeks pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant this time around- my family were very supportive and said it was my choice what I do. I spoke to Carey for weeks about this and we decided after we worked out finances etc. that we could afford it, can still work, I can still learn and we can work with a baby. So we decided it was best that we kept this baby. Plus- it's not something you can just get rid of is it. This is a life we're talking about and we made this so it meant alot to me. Also- I had an operation last year after the abortion- sort of like an etopic- but it wasn't a fetus growing outside of the womb- it was more like a suss looking lump in my left tube. Anyways- that's another story... So, as my family were really helpful, Careys mum wasn't. She spoke to Carey behind me back and told him that I shouldn't be keeping it etc etc... Then when I was 7 weeks I was up at her house chatting and whatever and I told her that we decided to keep it. She nearly died. I swear. The way she went on about it afterwards- made me feel like sh*t. Truely. But now- so many weeks on... She's trying to organise my life! Telling me to have peanut circumsized so he doesn't ask later in life why his weenie if different to his dads and so on. I think thats a choice Carey and I should make. Also- she's telling me that when peanuts about a month old I HAVE TO go back to work and she'll babysit at home- since she doesn't work herself and stays home looking after animals. Ok- No# 1- I don't want my baby near all these different infested animals, I'm talking about injured kangaroos, possums, dogs, cats, etc just everything basically. No# 2- She has literally got TICKS- them blood sucking horrible things- crawling on her floor and breeding in the cracks of her tiles. That is so disgusting! She should have a pest control man come out and fix it or something. No# 3- I think its disgusting having dog hair everywhere and since I'm no fan of dogs- I don't want animal hair all through my babies stuff. It's not clean and healthy. AND- I'll be home for at least 6 months- a year breastfeeding and spending that much precisious time with my baby! My step mum is organising a baby shower and I said it would be cute to have small patty cakes with blue icing and like the 'A B C' on them. Anyways- Careys mum invited herself in to the organising part and says- oh no you cant have patty cakes. IT'S NOT HER DECISION 
And I made these cute little teddy bear invites and once again- Careys mum jumped in and drew faces on them. I didn't want faces!!! Why can't she just leave me to do my own thing! She never wanted this baby- and now she wants to run evrything. She told me she was spending the first week at our house looking after peanut- GET STUFFED! If I wanted someone to help me it would be my step mum- not her! I feel like just telling her to get stuffed and to leave me alone because I dont want her to have anything to do with this pregnancy and baby- since it is MINE MINE MINE! and she was so horrible about it in the beginning. I've cried at Carey to tell her to basically piss off for a while. But I know it's his mum and she is going to be a grandma- but I want to kill her for things she says and does. GRRR I WANT TO SCREAM! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: mrs frantic
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 12:16pm
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I sympathise! I have a difficult MIL too. Mine told me I shouldnt be finding out the sex and taht it was wrong - that really annoyed me.
Anyway you are going to be stuck with this lady a long time, maybe the following suggestions could help? 1. She is obviously the sort of person who needs to control something - similar to my MIL, what I did with her was give her certain jobs to do - thigns I didnt really are about, but made out they were important, that kept her busy for a while (one sneaky hting i did was send her out pricing up all these buggies and cots when I had already found the ones I wanted, that distracted her for a while!) 2. When she talks about after the baby gets here and looking after it just go "hmmm yeah well lets see closer to the time" or something just as non commitmental - just shrug it off and change teh subject, I find its easier to ignore what my MIL says and hange the topic than fight with her about it. 3. Take comfort in the fact that you are the mum, you can decide, dont let her get to you and remember that her opinion is only that, an opinion. I now its hard, believe me I have been there - my husband and I had huge fight over this very thing because I wanted him to tell her to back off but he couldnt, but in the end I decided not to let her get in the way of mine and my husbands relationship, and not to let her upset me because I wanted a relaxed envirnment for my baby. So i just chose to swtich off. Ignore her. WHen she says something irritating I am only half listening and i just go "uh huh whatever" and just take no notice. Just cos she says something doenst mean i have to be listening. My strategy has been to occupy her time with things that dont matter and pay no atention to her comments, and I have really been sooo much happier for it. I just feel like I have taken it all back from her, I have taken control back and she is just a sound in my ear every now and again, and if I dont even want to hear the sound I just dont answer my phone or go to another room - People can make you hear them but they cant make you listen! Good luck. Hope you can relax a little, I know it's hard!  ------------- Mrs Frantic Baby Maddisyn born 28 Sept 2006 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: stevie_88
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 12:22pm
Oh I am the best at 'switching off' I'll try that next time  it'll give her the sh*ts for sure. Oh and she expects to be invited to the city when we pick up our cot and pram. but i dont think so. ill let carey know that i dont want her knowing when we'll go and we should just do it one weekend and if she says something when we get back- ill just say something like- oh yeh i forgot about you. bwahahahaha. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emeldee
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 12:29pm
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Ahhh, setting boundaries with MIL's. As long as Carey is going to back you up (as he should), it's probably time to put a bit of distance in. You and Carey are Peanut's parents which is an even more important role than grandma. Feel free to say no and don't stick around to listen to the whinging. She'll soon get the idea that the only way to get grandpeanut access is by being a bit nicer to the Peanut's Mum and Dad. Take care, stay strong and make sure you remember all of this when it becomes your time to be the MIL. ------------- |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 12:33pm
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*Quietly thankful that I don't have a MIL* -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 1:02pm
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*extremley thankful I have a great MIL* ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Millie1976
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 1:07pm
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I am sorry to hear that your mother in law has been difficult - I hope things get better for you. I am also lucky that my mother in law is pretty good and so far hasn't interferred with the baby. Keep us posted. ------------- Sebastien 2 years old Olivier 3 3/4 years old |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 4:15pm
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LMAO @ your great manipulation of MIL Frantic!
If I had a MIL I'd definitely use that tactic
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Posted By: stevie_88
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 4:21pm
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It has all been very helpful... I'll try whatever anyone has to offer with trying to get HER off my back. haha ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 June 2006 at 10:40pm
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wow ur mil sounds like great fun not * am also quietly grateful i dont have a MIL*
remember, its ur baby, not hers so stand ur ground in ur decisions. When i was 18 i had an abortion and tho i certainly feel melancholy about it at times, it was for the best, when i was 18 i had a lot more growing up still to do, and besides if id kept it, i know (cos of my circumstances) that i wouldnt have caitlyn, so had u kept urs u may have not gotten pregnant with Peanut...what im saying is dont beat urself up about it, u did what u thought was best. When i was pregnant with Caitlyn my grandmother refused to talk to me for 9months...then the day after i had her she came to the hospital, now nearly 4years on, we see her every sunday she adores Caitlyn and is (finally lol) proud of me. It would have been easy for me to write her off but would that be fair on Caitlyn? not being invited to xmas dinner etc cos her mum and great gran werent talking? so, while i know its not a thought that thrills u, remember as the dad of ur babies mum, she is now gonna be in ur life for, well, the rest of it...so it would probably be a good idea to find some way to live with her...even if u picture urself punching her in the face when she talks to u Im sure once baby is here, in ur arms, u'll find it a lot easier to stand up to her.Babies are special like that.... |
Posted By: stevie_88
Date Posted: 02 June 2006 at 7:08am
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I think the only thing that's going to get her to back off a bit is if I stand up to her and just tell her straight how it is. I don't think Carey would like it- but I don't need this crap and if he won't nicely say something to his mum... I'm just going to have to be harsh or sturdy about what I say and make sure she hears it.
She'll hopefully realise what she's doing and back off. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mrs frantic
Date Posted: 02 June 2006 at 1:34pm
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yeah its tough when these thigns cause froction between you and your partner too - been there!
Good luck Stevie - you are right to be brave, you are an adult and soon to be a mum, you have every right to state your case. GO GET HER! ------------- Mrs Frantic Baby Maddisyn born 28 Sept 2006 http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 02 June 2006 at 2:49pm
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In my opinion, it sounds like Carey needs to say something to his mother. She needs to know that the decisions are coming from BOTH of you, and that you aren't just some girl out to ruin her precious boys life or seomthing equally as dumb.
another non-commital answer might be "well, thats something that Carey and I can discuss". I really think he needs to do something so she doesn't think you are ganging up on her, and she sees that you two are the parents and she has to respect your rules. My MIL lives in Aus which has worked out really well, but a few times I've had to put my foot down with some of her ideas about what we should do with Jake. Not really with this, but just an example, she really wants Jake to go to the local Montessori school. I said that Lewis and I wou;ld check it out and see if it would suit Jake. She was fine with this and respected our decision. (we loved it by the way) You may also want tyo have a sly word with your midwife and get her to tell you MIL that the first week is really important for THE PARENTS only to bond with the baby and that visitors should wait until week twop, and then only arrive with a cooked dinner, and a vaccuum. Good luck! |