anyone gone through their teenage years w
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27161
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Topic: anyone gone through their teenage years w
Posted By: jack_&_charli
Subject: anyone gone through their teenage years w
Date Posted: 25 June 2009 at 10:02pm
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my brother has an upcoming custody battle on his hands and his ex has told him that she won't be friends with him again until he understands her reasoning why their daughter should live with her..........
'what's she going to do when she needs to know about periods, sex and makeup?' she thinks their DD will shy away from bro and get into all sorts of trouble because he's a man and she won't want to talk to him about anything!!! i've never heard such a pathetic excuse in all my life! she'll still have a mum she can talk to about these things even if she isn't living with her! and don't these sorts of things get talked about at school, with your girl friends and any other 'mother figure' you have in your life??? or am i just being very one-sided in this and maybe she's right? it sounds like she's clutching at straws to make her case look good in my opinion but i could be wrong............so has anyone gone through their 'coming of age' years with their dad and not mum? i'd like to know your thoughts..... thanks for letting me rant! ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 12:42am
My parents separated when I was 17 and my Mum left us with Dad (her choice). I had obviously already been through the sex talk and first period, first bra etc although I can't say that my Mum was particularly great at all that stuff  My sister was only 15 so had longer at home with just Dad. Dad was great, we could talk to him about anything (even before Mum left) and for things like pads and tampons we just gave him a wee shopping list before he did the shopping and he would leave them in the bathroom for us or in our rooms. Or we'd go shopping too and he wouldn't question bathroom products.
My best friend from primary school lived with her dad from much younger and he had to take her shopping for her first bra. I don't know exactly how he brought it up but he took her to Ballantynes in Chch and got her fitted properly and bought her some really cool new underwear and I think it made her feel really grown up and cool. I don't think it's impossible AT ALL and if he already has a good relationship with his daughter and WANTS to be there for her he will be. I'm not saying there aren't moments when things can be awkward but my Dad did a great job with my sister and I (and our younger brother) and so did my friend's Dad with her. There are fathers that don't have a choice about bringing up their daughters during their teenage years and they do a great job too. Just like there are single mums who bring up teenage sons and do a fantastic job. And yes, you're right, you do talk about all those things with your friends at school - usually long before your parents bring them up Also I had a close relationship with my Nan, my aunties and more recently my MIL so I don't feel like I missed out on "mother figures" at all, I had plenty of grown ups to ask for help/advice in any situation.
I have since rebuilt my relationship with my Mum too (over the past 5 years really) and that's been encouraged by my Dad and also my DH. HTH. Good luck. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 7:44am
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kiwisj has made some great points.
On a different view my parents are still together so I obviously went through my teenage years with my mum and dad. Personally I had trouble talking to Mum about periods, bras, sex etc. My Mum was great but I was the type of person that had difficulty talking about those things with my Mum when I was younger. What I am trying to get at is that even if your niece does live with her mother doesn't mean that she will be able to/feel comfortable talking to her mother and may still feel better talking to your bro or someone else. It's a pretty flimsy arguement if you ask me ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 9:04am
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My uncle raised his two daughters after their mother walked out when they were 1 & 2, they're both grown now and have clearly been having periods and sex for some time.....
There are always other females around if they need someone to talk to, grandmas, aunties, cousins or even friends or mothers of friends. Not a good argument I wouldn't say. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 10:09am
| My parents are still together but man I avoided all those topics like the plague with BOTH of my parents. I went to friends etc |
Posted By: rachelsea
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 10:56am
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Yes, my parents split up just before I started pubity, and my brother and I stayed with our Dad. I must admit that when I started my period I told my Dad and he said "tell your mother" lol, but other than that it was fine. We still got to see Mum in the weekends (and then in the holidays once she moved citites) and I don't feel like I missed out on anything. Mum does though, she is now trying to "make up for lost time" with my brother and I, but it's all good. In our case we were better off staying with our Dad. I've read some of your other topics about this situation and it sounds like in this case your neice would be better off with her Dad too... ------------- DD 4yrs DS 2yrs http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: crakars
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 12:09pm
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i Lived with my dad and 2 brothers from the age of 4 - i had no problem with periods, puberty, sex etc as he was very open and my two older brothers often had girlfriends around.
If her mum is still around it shouldnt be an issue - in fact Dad was more 'cool' about it all than most of my friends mothers. I dont think the court etc will think that it is an issue -------------  http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 12:25pm
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A close friend lived with just her dad during high school. They had gone through a custody dispute and finally got put with their dad. Social services assumed that it was her dad abusing them, instead it was their mum. Anyway, she preferred living with her dad a million times more and turned out ok in the end. Has anyone asked what the daughter wants? Not sure how old she is though. ------------- 
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 4:46pm
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sorry i should've said.....my neice is almost 4yrs old. the mother is thinking of the future and in my opinion, clutching at any reason she can think of to take her away from my brother!
neice is so much happier here in nz. she was unhappy in oz and that's the reason her mum brought her over here. it, was meant to be temporary but other things have surfaced in the past 6-7mths since she's been here and made my brother realise he wants to try for custody. his ex has spent the last 6mths in jordan shacking up with her new 'husband' and converting to islam my brother lives in our sleepout which we have just finished extending for them. so she has our family and also my grandparents who live just through the fence. my 2 absolutely adore neice and vice versa, they go nuts when they see each other, which is most days... it's crazy! she has no one in oz apart from her mum's siblings who are about 9-16yrs and they are mean to her surely that's all got to count for something in the eyes of the court? ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 26 June 2009 at 5:06pm
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Um, well, if she is your niece then surely you have contact with her and can chat during those years...your mum too. That is a dumb excuse.
hope your bro gets full custody. his ex sounds....unstable. |