Dating Advice
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27301
Printed Date: 30 September 2025 at 2:20pm
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Topic: Dating Advice
Posted By: CuriousG
Subject: Dating Advice
Date Posted: 03 July 2009 at 2:13pm
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Ok, so I am happily married - Ill start there!!
I am wondering what kind of ideas I could give a guy that I work with to help him with his dating adventures? I do not want to set him up with anyone I know (cause no one is single and the one that is is a bit old for him). He is actually very nice, just seems to have little luck with women. He has been on NZ Dating for a looooong time but never seems to get past that first coffee meeting. I have suggested things like speed dating and joining a club or group - but what else could he do? All ideas greatly received!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 03 July 2009 at 2:49pm
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Why does he never get past the first coffee?? Personally I'd find that pressure awful and probably freeze up!
Theres that table for 6? dating service which seems a little more laidback. What sports is he into? There are tramping clubs, kayaking clubs, etc that have fair bit of female participation. What about a night course? He could take a language or a cooking class and see who he meets? He'd pick up some awesome skills too  -------------   
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 03 July 2009 at 3:22pm
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I am not sure why. I think he is shy as and that doesn't help. Sometimes I wonder if people think he is a snob because he doesn't say much??
He is a bit of a computer nerd but in saying that, he has good people skills - I find him funny and enjoy talking with him. I suggested a church type group but he said he has done that. He isn't into tramping or sports but I like the idea of a night class or similar. Thats a goodie and Ill suggest that to him. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 03 July 2009 at 3:24pm
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I've got a sister in law in the same situation (except she's a gym nut) shall we set them up ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 03 July 2009 at 4:55pm
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If he can get that first date, don't go for coffee! Coffee one on one with a starnger is horribly awkward. Suggest doing something different, adrenalin based like bungee or kayaking, or something crafty like making a piece of pottery or jewellery. Even if the date doesn't go well, at least he can have a go at something different while he's out! ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 03 July 2009 at 6:27pm
| Where does he live? My sister in law is single too!!! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 July 2009 at 8:52pm
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Does he come across as desperate? I would have thought that if he just works on making himself a nice person to live with (we all have areas we can work on!) then involve himself in group sports and/or workplace socials, but relaxes about whether he will meet a date-mate or not, then things might come up on a more casual basis. -------------  |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 05 July 2009 at 10:05pm
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Tell him to join the wonderful world of the NZ Dating messageboards.
I was a long time member of the messageboards there and so was my DP. I used to see his posts on there for a good 5-6 years before we even met. You can really get an insight into how a person ticks by how they express their opinions, how they react to certain subjects and how they interact with each other on that level. If he puts himself out there, others will notice, read what he has to say and eventually if he gets around to meeting someone for coffee, it's less awkward. Same with the NZ Dating events, a good place to meet others from the messageboards in an informal setting where there are lots of single people. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 July 2009 at 7:31am
aww a shy guy were do u guys live as am single ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 4:16pm
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LOL there y'go CuriousG OB might be just what he needs
Keep us posted k I'm totally interested in how it all turns out! -------------
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 5:45pm
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i found nzdating awful for me personally:( but findsomeone was good and that's how i met my husband.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 5:59pm
nzdating is awful isn't it! It's so sleazy and most people are just looking for sex or they're already married, in a relationship, secretly bisexual or wanting you to do something disgusting to them. There are some really great people on the messageboards, but the general folk are just looking to get laid usually. |
Four_eyes wrote:Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:27pm
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yeah i was hoping i didnt offend you! that is exactly what i found..i never went to the message boards..I should have!:) I was the first person my Dh met and the rest is history:) ! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:52pm
nzdating isn't that bad. There are lots of weirdos on there yes but me and DH met on there. I also met my now best friend on there too  it's just a case of weeding out the nutters, but thats no different from real life really
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:58pm
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that's true too kebakat...i just only met nutters:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 7:05pm
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I also met a few nutters from NZDating, but then finally... I met my DH off there too
We've been together 5 years and married for 2 and a half. There are some decent ones still left out there. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 7:51pm
I did too!! but yeah, met alot of toads before I met my prince haha... the guys on those sites are no different to those you meet in pubs or clubs... (who will also show you their bits and pieces within first 2 minutes) but its just easier to weed out the pricks online 
I wouldn't have met my partner otherwise as we didn't run in the same circles, so Im glad I gave it a go. I dont think coffee dates are easy for your friend, and Im a shy person and also found that I had to PULL conversation out of some guys as they were just as nervous... therefore come across as BORING ------------- 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 7:59pm
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Yeah, parts of it are awful, but I meant to add that I met my DP there and he isn't a nutter and neither am I!
Like Stacey said, you just have to weed out the perverts and the weirdos, and there are HEAPS to weed out, but there are still genuine people on there. Infact, we're still on there, under a couples profile! (not one of THOSE couples, looking for extras in the bedroom though, just to keep in touch with old friends and post on the messageboards sometimes)
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 08 July 2009 at 10:17am
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Wow lots of people met over the net!! My sister met my partner at her work and brought him home (she wanted a ride lol) and the rest is history I guess its getting alot more common to meet over the net though.
Hey CuriousG I was thinking last night has he tried the adult youth group? There was a great on when I was about 16 that went from 16 to 30-odd. It was non-denominational and there were people from churches all round town. We went tenpinbowling and rockclimbing and had movie nights and all sorts. Hepas of people ended up together coz of it. -------------
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 08 July 2009 at 6:50pm
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I agree that coffee on a first date is waaay too much pressure. I reckon the best first date is going to a interesting play or for something different Jess and I spent one of our date nights recently going to see Dai Henwood the comedian perform. It was only $20! The cool thing about doing something like that (especially comedy because you can have a couple of drinks during to break the ice) is you don't feel the pressure to talk right away. Instead if you find something funny or something you want to point out over the roar of laughter from the crowd you can lean in and can talk right in their ear to be heard over the noise which gets you close to each other. Then if you go for dinner or drinks or coffee afterwards you have an instant easy topic to talk about. No pressure to rely on boring "what do you do" or "what school did you attend" topics. -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 10 July 2009 at 11:26am
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I am a shy person as well and never had my first boyfriend till I was 21. The advice I give everyone is to stop looking, be yourself, follow your instincts and make the most of every opportunity offered to you.
DP and I meet during a night out with mutual friends. He flew home up north the next day and we just got to know each other via phone and texting. I moved up to be with him 3mths later because it just felt right. With my ex, we got together after I asked him to dance at a party. That was the one and only time I have ever asked a guy to dance. And we were together for 2yrs. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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