Does Anyone know...
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Topic: Does Anyone know...
Posted By: Snappy
Subject: Does Anyone know...
Date Posted: 06 July 2009 at 10:13pm
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If a Mother has no money, and has run out of nappies, whether or not WINZ or someone else can give them money to buy them some? Would they make them prove what they have spent their money on? I got asked for money today from a mother (of whom I hardly know) due to professional reasons I wasnt allowed to buy them. But now Im sitting here worried sick this child is sitting in the same nappy 
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Replies:
Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 06 July 2009 at 10:14pm
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WINZ offer a food grant to all which may cover nappies. Could you do a donation or talk to a shop owner/manager for her? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 06 July 2009 at 10:20pm
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Thanks, do you know if they only offer the grant every so often?
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Posted By: BabyOnBoard
Date Posted: 06 July 2009 at 10:29pm
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You get so much money a year, that includes everyone too. It's like 1500? or 1800? Don't quote me lol. But they assess your needs and give you what they think you need ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 06 July 2009 at 10:58pm
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You can only get 4 food grants a year from memory, and you have to provide reciepts and a bank statement showing where your money has gone. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 7:42am
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How about the Sallies? Maybe they could help? -------------   
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 8:02am
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Possibly, it is probably too late now as it was yesterday that she had run out. She was being paid her benefit today, just hoping she went to winz yesterday.
Is the benefit really so little? She manages to buy cigarettes 
Anyway, thanks so much ladies 
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Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 8:11am
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dont mean to sound harsh, but if she can afford to buy cigarettes, then she should be able to afford nappies, especially given ciggys start at what $12 a packet, and the most basic nappies are only $5. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 8:21am
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Yup, Kazzle thats exactly my thinking as well, which is why I am super frustrated.
I had offered to give the boy breakfast tommorow as she was asking for money for milk, and she said "yeah but he still doesnt have nappies for today or tommorow" I told her I didnt have any money (cause I actually didnt!) No, "thanks for the offer" from her or anything. It was if she was making it my problem, and it I felt incredibly guilty all night. Was up all night with worry, dammit! I just wanted to know if she had "other" options really. |
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 8:24am
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The benefit isn't much, but it's enough to provide for the kids on. TBH, if I went on the DPB, I'd be better off financially then I am with my partner. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 8:56am
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That is terrible, and put you in an awful situation too. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 9:30am
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I don't want to be harsh, because if I had no nappies I would be frantic!! Buuuuut. Being on a benefit, it is enough to survive on and have a small amount of luxuries. I make sure I have enough nappies to last more than a week and milk and bread and other items.
Nappies are more important than cigarettes! The salvation army should be able to help if she gets stuck again, and I NEVER get given food grants so I've given up asking for one, they tell me not to pay my bills for a week instead
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 9:36am
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It is a tough situation to be put in, she is not a close friend, you will never see your money back, & she will come to you again & again. Bet she has a cloth nappy or old towel somewhere. Money for smokes I think. (sorry if that sounds hard)
I get anoyed at the ones who smoke & play the pokies, they always have money for that & drinks, but cheap nappies $5 & $3 milk they never have money for that. It is tough now with money for most with the price of things. As far as I know you can not get the food grant unless you are on a benifit & beg. Correct me if I am wrong as I would love one, my boys don't stop eating
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 9:38am
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BTW I ran out of nappies this morning & raced off to Foodtown, for the cheapest at $5.25ish, but they did not have the size I wanted, so went to PNS & got some for $4.99
neeandsam, I think that sucks, are you ment to get behind with your bills to eat?? I have a friend on a benefit, she was told not to pay school fees & get food instead, then she was told by the school her child could not go to the school ball cause she did not pay the school fees. Why do WINS have to be so hard on some & others get everything. I hear yesterday that some WINS jobs are going, the ones that look after the children in danger, not the ones that sit there & so no to you cause you can buy food, so WTF is going on? |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:15am
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This is going to sound really harsh but anyway...
of course she's trying to make it your problem. If she is running out of money because she isn't budgeting correctly and blowing it all on ciggies etc rather than providing the basics for her baby then she obviously has *no* idea of how to take responsibility. I think you're very kind to worry (and I would be the same) but I agree with the others - you just can't afford to get involved in that way. Best you can do is direct her to a budgeting service - though I bet she won't thank you for that. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:41am
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Well, I had him today and guess what? No nappies still. I told her yesterday that I had no money until tommorow. So today when I picked him up he was still in the same clothes as yesterday, his lips were dry, he looks grey, and NO NAPPIES!
She said "I dont have my eftpos card, so i have to walk all the way to the bank, but I will get you money out today, ok?" So I am taking care of this boy and he is in my care, I had to go out and buy him some nappies, change his clothes into some of Jacksons and give him food and drink because she had no money. Do you really think she has no money or do you think I am being taken advantage of? |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:43am
I've been hanging out all morning for morning tea so I could write a proper response to this one  I get this kind of thing too. Our number is down as a contact number for our Church, and so we get begging calls - you know 'the children are hungry and the DPB isn't due for two days and I can't feed them etc etc'. It puts me in a tough situation. I tend to be a bit of a cynic at heart. I know most of these people are trying it on (and through my super-sneaky methods , have proved this most of the time).
At the same time, I know that there are people with kids who genuinely struggle for food. Sometimes this is because they just don't have the budgeting skills - it's hard for me to comprehend, but some people don't seem to get the fact that if you buy smokes/booze one week, there might not be money for food the next. Sometimes it's because there actually isn't enough money to go round. Because of my beliefs, I genuinely think I've got a responsibility to help out people who aren't as lucky as we are. But you don't want to teach people they can lie and get given free stuff - that's not good for them. So it's *rock* me *hard place* - do you give things to people who you are sure are trying it on, or do you not, and risk missing the one genuine case in 100? What we've started doing is donatating to the Salvation Army on a regular basis. It's not my Church, but I know they have real programs set up to help people in need - and provide things like budgeting services. They also screen people so they send the undeserving ones packing. When I get a begging phone call, I just give them the Sallies contact details. Gosh - that was a long post. Not relevant to your situation, really - but it's how I deal with a similar one! -------------
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:44am
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Goodness.
I don't know if she has no money, or if you are being taken advantage of, but one thing sounds pretty sure - it's not fair on this poor kid. He's not getting the care he needs and deserves (except from you, which is lovely of you, but not your job). I'm not sure what you should do about that?? -------------
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Posted By: xLUCKYx
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:49am
Oh my gosh that poor boy! That is so unfair on him! His clothes must be filthy especially if he hasn't had any nappies  How old is he?
This really peeves me off especially as the benefit IS enough to cover these costs. And hey if she had no money for nappies she could have improvised with something, and changed the boys clothes and kept him clean. Good on you for looking after him - this really is an awful situation! |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:54am
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Having got my thoughts together a bit more - what kind of care is she giving this child normally? I.e. is this typical (in which case it's really concerning) or not? -------------
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 10:57am
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Sure is. I cant do anything but give him what I can. I cant take him and keep him. His first three years are the most important years of his life, and how he feels in those first three years will have an affect on the rest of his life. I have him every day, so if I can give him some happiness Im sure its going to make a difference.
Its just super frustrating, but its reality really. You cant save the world I guess. |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:01am
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It just seems so unfair. We've been trying so long to have a child, and I'd do most anything to have one - and others who are lucky enough to have them choose to buy ciggies over nappies for the baby,
I know there are women all over the world who feel this way - it's nothing new and life isn't fair, we know that. But... -------------
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:09am
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Yes hopes, thats exactly how I feel. My blood is actually boiling, because it is very unfair.
It brings me so much sadness and I get so damned worked up about the fact that there is NOTHING i can do. I have bought these nappies, but whats going to happen next week? My boss said to me today that I just have to let this all go, I cant "have him". And I need to realise there are people out there that make their lives everyone elses problem, and we cant judge them, because we dont know what kind of lives they have had. I said "well im not judging, I am purely telling you what I am dealing with here, no nappies, and no clean clothes." Grrr. Anyway shes finally agreed to get in touch with CYFS, so I feel a bit better. |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:23am
Well done for helping out, it sounds like a sad situation but also very common. I don't understand why people can't provide the necessities for their children when that is what social welfare is put in place for. I am sick of people saying that they don't have enough money to feed and clothe their children but are smoking and drinking and buying takeaways instead  makes me so angry.
Actually this topic reminded me of the Telethon that is coming up. The charity is KidsCan which provides the neccesities of life to financially disadvantaged children. The website says that they provide raincoats to children for example as many don't have one because "they can't afford it". I also don't understand this. If you really want to give your child a raincoat you can! You can go to a second hand shop like the Salvation Army and pick one up for next to nothing! There is no reason why a child should have to go without in this country. (rant over) |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:33am
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Aww Kaiz, this is such a hard situation for you!! And I'm sure you didn't sign up to work for P**** to deal with this.
Kids shouldn't go without in this country - it's the parents that make bad (and selfish) decisions with their money that makes the children go without.
I don't know what this boy's mother is thinking - does she really think it's your place to be buying her son the basic necessities? Is there noone else she can go too; family, friends etc? Surely there are other people in her life that can help her out.
And also, knowing who you work for, does she not think you're going to tell your employers what is going on, and that it could end up that her son is taken out of her care permanantly?
I hope soooo sooo much that CFYS sort this out, and this boy's basic needs are able to be met, without you having to provide them for him. I think they need to take so much out of her benefit a week and buy enough nappies and food just for the boy, and she can go without for a change. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:33am
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DHs friends son received a jacket from the Kidscan scheme, and they were told by the school that they had to give them back at the end of term
I agree, this little boy doesnt even have shoes that fit, they are 2 sizes too big. Usually he wears these slippers with flowers on I had mentioned something about not being able to do things with him outside, so now we have shoes (yay) but they are too big.
But I have to keep reminding myself, that "at least" he has shoes, right? And even though she gives him raw noodles to eat, he is still being fed, right?
I think I need to have a big think about my job and whether I should be letting this boy go, I seem to be getting too involved and too emotionally attached. I think im going to end up hurting way to much! |
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 11:54am
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Oh my goodness this is so sad and makes me so angry You are being very kind and should not feel in the least bit guilty.
I would completely be the same in your situation when buying the nappies (I am so angry that someone would drop him off like that) but if you continually help her out, before you know it you will be funding his entire wardrobe and meals each week
I think it is great that you have told your boss and I really really hope that something is done to help this little boy asap! Good luck and keep us updated. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 1:28pm
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She has money for herself, but not her child.
What does she do when you look after the child??? Maybe she needs a scare, you should make a record of everything, at the end of the day it is the child’s welfare that is important. I get feed up with bad, lazy, selfish parents. |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 1:48pm
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Some people really need a good kick up the bum. How can you have money for smokes and pokies but not nappies for your child?
I suppose though, what this woman really needs is budgeting, cooking and general "home economics" lessons. If you don't know how to cook then it's easy to buy takeaways and think you're doing the right thing. If you don't even know that there used to be such a thing as cloth nappies, then I suppose it wouldn't occur to you to improvise. It makes my blood boil though, when people don't even seem to TRY to do the best for their kids
Kaiz, I think you're in a really difficult situation and I really don't envy you. I'm glad your boss has agreed to get in touch with CYFS, you shouldn't be having to deal with this on your own. ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 2:06pm
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kaiz, I think you need to report this.
Is a child not entilited to clothes that fit? food that is good? to be looked after? And to be loved??? If the mother can not do it then someone out there will. |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 2:57pm
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I'd be keeping a record of what was going on and reporting the mother to CYFS.
The DPB is definitely enough to cover costs, food and extras. If she can't figure out how to pay for everything then refer her to a budgeting service. There is no excuse to have your child in that state in NZ and raw noodles is NOT a meal for a tot - its barely food. If you threaten her with CYFS then she may take her kid somewhere else so I'd just report her. That poor baby!! WINZ provides food grants, grants to help clothe your child, furniture grants, etc. Yeah they can be a**wipes but they do help people on the DPB (I was a WINZ caseworker AND I've been on the DPB). Take photos to include in your report chick. Grrrr.... -------------   
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 3:11pm
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CYFS have been involved with this boys life, so i have been told i have to leave it up to them to make the decisions on his wellbeing. he is seen by them day in day out apparently.
DH is super mad with me for buying the nappies now 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 3:43pm
Tell DH compassion is a very good trait to have 
Poor little baby! I'm so glad my children don't have that life!!! -------------
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Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 5:58pm
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I see why your DH is mad but what are you honestly supposed to do, leave him in a dirty nappy in your home for the whole day? I'm sure he would have done the same if he was in your position.
I agree with babe - take photos of things and definitely take a record of everything that he is not being provided and what you observe. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:02pm
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Kaiz, don't feel bad for buying the nappies. Monkey is right, what else were you meant to do really? It's unfortunate that the mother obviously realises this too but tell DH to cut you some slack
I agree with the others, I would be writing down as much as poss and even taking photos if you think that's appropriate.  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:10pm
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He said that as her contract states she must provide nappies, then technically i should not have had him today and i should have refused to take him, due to her breaching her contract
i was a big girl and didnt give her the packet back, at least. |
Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:25pm
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Use the rest for tomorrow, when he turns up like that again *grr* I just can't believe how parents can do that to a kid. ------------- 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 6:59pm
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He is deaf, but can hear with hearing aids (when mum puts them on!) and is really behind developmentally. Mum is deaf too, but has no hearing, so all of his life he has never been around language. He is 3 in november, and can only say basic words. So I am paid to give him one-on-one care, expose him to language etc. He is not used to groups of people due to mum being so isolated. I really dont know much else. Mum does nothing during the day. The government pays due to his high needs and things. |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 07 July 2009 at 7:58pm
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I'm glad the goverment pays - as well as getting some stimulation, he gets some love and care from you. I'm happy for my tax dollars to go there (although mad at the Mum for not doing her bit!!)
This made me remember a little boy I went to school with when I was five. We always used to tease him because he was smelly. Now I think back... it's hardly a five-year-olds fault if he smells! His parents lived nearby and I saw them a bit - I don't think they ever said a nice thing to him in my hearing. He always used to snuggle up to the teacher at story time, and us kids would tease him frightfully, but he'd still do it - poor thing must have been that desperate for love. Kids can be so cruel - I hope 'your' little boy gets a better deal when he does to school. -------------
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