The Sex and being sad
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27461
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Topic: The Sex and being sad
Posted By: RinTinTin
Subject: The Sex and being sad
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:08pm
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I think someone has posted on here about this before, so sorry if this is a repeat. But I just wanted to find out if anyone else on here has mourned or felt sad when they found out the baby was the opposite sex of what they were hoping for?
I know I will be a little down if I'm having a boy cause I desperately want a girl, but I feel guilty about feeling sad about this. My scan is still a few weeks away so wondered if anyone had any input on this.
P.S, please don't think me ungrateful. I will love a boy just as much as I would love a girl. I'd just prefer a girl. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: grrrgrrrr
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:12pm
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I understadn what you mean, I was very set on this baby beign a girl had talked myself into it and when the scan person told me it was a boy i felt a little dis attached. Not that I cared any less but I had become very sure of the baby beign a girl and I love him just as much as I woudl a girl.
I think it is normal and nothing to be feeling bad about. The good thing is that you will have several month to get used to the new baby and to prepare yourself mentally. I think that is why pregnancies are so long, we need time to adjust! ------------- Mattias 2yo Henrik almost 1 |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:31pm
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I think it's natural is have a preference, and then think you'll be disappointed if it's not what you wanted.
When pg with Rico (#1) I very much wanted a girl. And I too worried so much about how I'd feel if it were a boy. When I saw my MW and heard the HB for the first time she said to me she thought it was a boy. Well...... my heart leaped for joy!!! I felt soo excited! And I was soo glad to feel that! From then on I started to imagine what he'd look like, and when he was born (we didn't find out the sex at 20 weeks) there was no disappointment whatsoever (think I would've felt disappointed if it was a girl
And if you do end up having a boy, you may feel disappointed, but as soon as you hold him in your arms you'll forget all about how you wanted a girl! ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:35pm
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I really, really wanted a girl both times so this time, as its our last, I was really nervous about how I'd react. I got to the point of realising though that's it's normal and that there are benefits to both genders. I know deep down I'd be happy with 2 boys, but something inside of me would have always wondered what if.
I felt a bit down when we found out #1 was a boy, until I realised how cool a boy was going to be (once I learned how to deal with boy bits etc lol) |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:46pm
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I think its natural to have you heart set on one or the other and then to be told its the other ... I never found out with #1 but so wanted a girl.. when I had him do you know someone had to ask me what it was and when I discovered he was a boy i was so happy - although could of been the drugs LOL nah really once you have that baby it doesn'tmatter.
OT a bit Anouska what was the heartrate when she said Rico was a boy? Just curious  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
876 |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:50pm
I think it was quite fast, Ann. Up around 150-160. But everyone I told said a fast HB meant a girl. My MW always said the opposite. When pg with Gia, her HB was about the same, so we thought it was another boy. Jett's HB was a bit slower, around 140, and MW was soooo sooo sure it was girl! Even when we found out it was a boy, she couldn't believe it and said "maybe it's a girly boy." This ones HB is fast again. So who knows what it'll be!------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Leahsmummy
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:51pm
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Yep i know what you mean, i really throught my DD was a boy from about 10weeks rite up unti my scan at 20 ish weeks, i was so dissappointed but i got over that within days and i was so excitied to be having a baby!! I throught it was a boy so much that i almost bought boys clothes.........
Good luck with your scan, and dont worry what ever the sex is you will love it with all your heart. -------------   
Angel Baby Dec 09, We will love you forever. |
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 9:59pm
This one at the 12 week scan was 175. then again Brooke at a 16 week scan was 155... dunno with JOsh thinks Rhyley at 20 week scan was 152 so who knows ------------- http://lilypie.com">
876 |
Italiah wrote:Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 10:09pm
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Someone told me once that no matter which flavour the baby ends up being you still have a period of being sad about not getting the other. I guess you dream for 20+ weeks about what your baby is going to be like and when you find out what they actually are part of that dream is gone.
I was sort of hoping for a boy this time around, but was also hoping for a girl. I had the moment of sadness when I realised I wasn't going to have 2 little girls - but it was soon replaced by excitement of having a little man
I guess I am just trying to say not to worry too much about it - you will love whichever you get  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 10:18pm
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I was worried that i would be a bit disappointed if this baby was a boy, i would have felt really guilty. I'm sure i would have been fine about it though.
It turned out to be a little girl though, so I'm stoked about that. Now we'll have one of each. 
I think a lot of people feel disappointed initially if it's not the sex they want, but at the end of the day a healthy baby is what really matters. If it is a boy I'm sure it won't take long for you to get used to the idea. Then when you hold your baby for the first time you won't care what sex it is.
I was happy when i found out Kaelen was a boy. ------------- 
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Posted By: Roses are Red
Date Posted: 13 July 2009 at 10:32pm
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Luckily for us we have one of each and are not bothered either way.
It would be better logistically if it was a boy as DS is only 8 and would be better sharing a room than DD11. Also my brother has a son who is 1 in November so hand me downs would be constant. There is a small part of me that wants another chance to get my ballerina girl as DD is such a tomboy sports nut but I really am happy either way. ------------- 
 Angel March 2011
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Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 7:50am
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Yep, I was in the same boat, was having problems bonding with Cameron and it took me a couple of weeks to really get over the fact that he wasn't another girl. However, I am quite glad now, I am looking forward to having one of each. So don't worry, you are definitely not alone and if it isn't a girl, just be prepared to feel a bit down for a few days/weeks. It does pass, I promise! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 9:16am
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DH and I both thought we really wanted a boy and I was so worried that DH esp would not take the news well if we were having a girl.... BUT when the sonographer said those magic words, "it's a girl"...it just felt 'right', even though I would have loved to have a boy. I'm not sure how DH feels now, if he's upset he hides it well, and it is soooo good being able to talk about 'her' and the wee 'girl' and our 'daughter' - makes it heaps more real. If you do feel sad, that OK, as Mum2Sam said, you do have 2 dreams for the first 20 weeks - one a girl and one a boy and whe you know for sure what you're having half of that 'dream' is gone. I think sadness and grief are good emotions and as long as you progress through them and don't dwell in the sad places for too long then you'll come the other side a better person. Good luck for your scan! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 10:07am
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We were a little sad....I think DH still has moments where he wishes these two were boys....but to be honest, they're healthy and that ended up being more important for our particular case. DH dotes on them already - heaven help any boys who show an interest in his daughters!!!! LOL They're his little princesses and I think 99.9% of the time, if he had a choice to change them, he wouldn't do it even if he was paid to. It took me a while to deal with it (and I'm still seriously terrified of their teenage years) but they're my girls
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 10:29am
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Up until the anatomy scan I was convinced it was a boy.. Even went shopping for boy clothes (I believed my mothers instinct had already kicked in)
But.. shes a she and to tell you the truth I was ecstatic when I found out. From that moment on my dreaming about my baby changed to dreaming about my little girl. 
DH couldn't come to the scan so I rang him up as I left the hospital - his reaction - ''Oh really??? How could you do this to me!'' But... he got over it pretty quickly and she now has him wrapped firmly around her little finger! If there is any dissapointment it will subside and once your babe is here you'll wonder how he/she could have possibly been the opposite sex
Edited due to (once again) poor grammar 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 10:48am
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I think it's totally normal to think that way..i was ecstatic at a boy but if he had been a girl i would have had a few minutes of being a little down then got over it.. you really do start to bond with whatever you get:) (well i did...esp after the scan) and with this one I always said i wanted two boys but part of me wants a girl (not sure why that has happened) so will see what happens this time:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 12:30pm
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Yep I felt sad both times, my heart sank when I heard "Its a boy!" Esp for the second time as I was sure Kalz was to going to be a girl LOL I adapted quickly & now couldnt imgaine not having 2 boys
Makes me think of that saying A son- till he finds a wife A daughter for life! ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 12:35pm
| I am with most of the others and think it is very normal to have a preference. DH and I really wanted a girl and DH was convinced Dom was a girl. The important thing to know is that once they are born it is not going to matter to you whether they are a boy or a girl, you will just love them so much. And even if you feel a bit sad or disappointed (if you end up finding out you have a boy at the scan) at least you will be having those feelings early, have time to grieve the idea of a little girl and come around to having a boy by the time the birth comes. |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 1:19pm
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I really wanted a girl for my first and I was worried that I was having a boy after my daughter was born I felt relieved I do think that If I did have a boy I would have found it harder to bond with him.
I am hoping for another girl this time however the desire to have a girl this time is not as strong. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 1:45pm
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Thanks everyone. Makes me feel better knowing I'm normal and not just being ungrateful.
RE: heartbeats pertaining to gender. I've read a few things on this on the net and studies prove that the HB has no bearing whatsoever on the gender of your baby. Although for me it was nice to hear people tell me I'd have a girl based on the faster HB. Guess I will find out for sure in 2-3 weeks. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: LeahandJoel
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 2:39pm
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I really thought I would be upset when pg with Joel if he was a boy..(which he def is lol) cos we both thought 2 girls would be great (and the only girls on both sides) but at the scan as soon as she said boy i started to cry and was so overwhelmed that I didn't care what sex he was just that everything was ok and he was healthy. Didn't feel sad at all for rest of pg or when he was born. Oh and I had though he was a he from about 14 weeks but was still hoping he was a she!! -------------  
 
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Posted By: tiptoes
Date Posted: 14 July 2009 at 4:34pm
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I was a little disappointed when the scan lady said it was a boy as I really really wanted a girl. DH on the other hand was over the moon and dancing around. I definitely felt guilty that I felt disappointed and was hoping that if they said it was a boy I wouldn't care. But I did. I moped a bit that night mourning that I wouldn't be taking a little girl to ballet lessons or buying gorgeous pink girly clothes but by the morning I felt heaps better and ready to just start thinking about our little boy and what he might be like and what hobbies he might have. I have this gorgeous photo of DH when he was a baby and looking at that really helps, imagining that our little boy might look just like him. So if I see some cute girly clothes I want to buy I just have a look at that photo and feel all warm and excited about our little boy again.
I hope you get the girl you want but if you don't, let yourself be a little disappointed for a bit but pretty quickly you'll be fine about it again. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">  
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Posted By: rorylex
Date Posted: 15 July 2009 at 2:01pm
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I know where u are coming from we have 3 boys and i think this one is also going to be a boy, there is still a bit of hope for a girl this time but im not going to hold my breath.
I dont want to be disappointed at my next scan if it is another boy so for the next for weeks im going get things ready for either unisex or a boy (we are moving into our new house this weekend) will go to pumpkin patch and eye what ever ill buy when a boy is comfirmed get my self really excited about having another boy b4 i have the scan. if it turns out baby is a girl well then it will just be a bonus lol we are really hoping this is our last which is proberbly why we were hoping for a girl becoz i know if its a boy, i will want to try for another somewhere down the track. ------------- Mummy to 4 boys Samuel - 18.6.05 Rory - 15.7.06 Mason - 13.06.08 Emmett - 24.01.10 Baby #5 - cooking |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 15 July 2009 at 6:43pm
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yup i started a thread on this topic when i was preg with #2.
I cant remember who just said it but i totally agree that no matter what the sex you still feel sad that you dont get the other!! - I finally had a girl this time and even though i was sooo over the moon, for the first week or so after - i had a pang of disapointment that i didnt have a boy!!!  weird i know!!! and even tho i had so much fun doing the pink thing - i cried putting the boys things away!! 
with #1 i thought he was a girl so was upset.....for like 5 mins when i found out he was a boy... with #2 i "knew" he was a boy and actually wanted another boy so was excited when i found out at 20 weeks BUT still had a pang of disapointment that again i didnt get a girl....altho for me it was more of a guilt thing bcos all my family were waiting for me to produce a girl!! (all boys on the maternal side). |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 16 July 2009 at 9:33am
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That's quite funny, I'd never thought about it like that. When pg with Jett, I was soo sure it was a girl as I carried exactly the same as when pg with Gia. Even though I thought it was girl, I wanted a boy! When we found out it was a boy, I was so surprised, and then felt disappointed it wasn't a girl. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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