Eloping
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27549
Printed Date: 09 October 2025 at 12:20am
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Topic: Eloping
Posted By: lisa85
Subject: Eloping
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 4:25pm
Has anyone here done it? For those not in the know we are eloping in Feb and the only thing that worries me is peoples reactions. My sister eloped and she told me I'll be surprised how many people will be annoyed at our decision 
So did you elope and how did your friends and family react? We are thinking maybe we should video it so they can at least see what happened but it feels kindda cheesy to me..... Maybe I could just show it to family. I hate seeing myself on film lol. -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Replies:
Posted By: emachan
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 4:27pm
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Never done it, but go for it if thats what YOU guys want! People will probably get annoyed, but its what YOU want and you'll never please everyone anyway you do it!
How exciting!!!  Where are you planning on doing it?------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD#1 Sept 08 DD#2 Oct 09 |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 4:32pm
We're going to Wanaka in Feb for Rippon music NZ music festival (we go every 2 years, it's where Jess proposed) So we're taking a friend each (plus the babies) as our makeshift wedding party. We are planning on getting fully dress in wedding attire (I already have the glorious white wedding gown) and getting married lakeside the morning before Rippon. Then after the ceremony we are going to have a champagne lunch in one of Wanakas restaurants. All dressed up no less lol. Wanaka doubles it's population during Rippon so we should attracted a fair amount of attention 
We have decided it makes the most financial sense for us being that we already have kids hehe. But even if I had the money I think I would still want to do it this way. It's unconventional, romantic & simple which is a great metaphor for our relationship. -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 4:52pm
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The only thing I would worry about was my parents and DHs parents.
A friend was telling us about her brother who just got married in Fiji. He & DW live in London, her family is Irish (i think) and his family is in the Bay. They said that it was not fair on either side to invite or not invite so just went on their own, His parents were really sad (so was my friend who would have love a trip to Fiji  ). We were all talking about it and now think *how would we feel if it was Amy or Sophie or M or L...* we all thought that we would be pretty upset.
Not judging, just an opinion (and at times when we were planning our wedding, eloping was quite an appealing option at times  )-------------   
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:00pm
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It's so hard. I mean at the end of the day I don't really care that much because when I think about it if I did a big wedding I would have regrets that I didn't do this as it's more 'us'
I guess I just find it hard to believe that people that care about us wouldn't understand our reasons for doing it this way. I know I understood completely when my sister did it and in fact her eloping put the idea into our heads lol. But yeah she said Mum didn't talk to her for 2 weeks  So I'm a little worried about parents.-------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:01pm
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I really wanted to elope but we buckled to the pressure and had a wedding with 100 guests, which I organised in 14 weeks and with 3 weeks to go till the wedding we found out I was pregnant (finally - we had been trying for a year) then my Aunty/Godmother from Australia fell down the stairs the night before the wedding and fractured her skull which meant she was not at the wedding of course. Needless to say up until the moment I walked down the aisle I kept thinking "we should have eloped!!!" I really enjoyed the wedding and I am so glad we did it now, but to be honest I think i would have been just as happy if we had eloped.......so if its what you both really want to do go for it! and what a beautiful & special place to get married! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:08pm
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Yay for the gorgeous ticker pic HeidisMum! -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:23pm
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hopefully Lilfatty will see this thread, she and her dh eloped, from what shes said , they had a beautiful intimate elopement.
Congrats by the way, how exciting! ------------- 
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:27pm
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I loved my wedding day.
We had 75 guests - all closest friends and family. I wouldn't have changed a thing. But I wanted the big hoopla and all my loved ones there to party with. However, I think your idea is so totally romantic and obviously in keeping with who you are and what your relationship is based on. I can completely understand peoples reactions being negative. But, at the end of the day, if you feel you can cope with that and know all will be forgiven, then eff 'em ------------- 
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:32pm
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MamaPickle wrote -
But, at the end of the day, if you feel you can cope with that and know all will be forgiven, then eff 'em Love it lol -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: Chickoin
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 5:39pm
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My cousin got married with very short notice in USA. Not eloped, but not enough notice for anyone to attend. ANyway, when they got back to nz they went out with his parents for a nice picnic and photos in wedding attire, which made everyone happy -------------   
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 6:56pm
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We 'eloped' - well, we decided to go to Fiji and didn't invite anyone.
The catalyst for our decision is family tension. My mother and brother don't talk to each other and my Mum pulled a guilt trip which went something like "If he can't talk to me now, then is he going to talk to me at the wedding..... and if he's not going to talk to me at the wedding..." *cue picking lint off pants* "...then, I just don't know....." which pretty much meant that if I didn't make him talk to her, she wasn't going to come. I ended up saying to my partner "F*ck it, lets go to Fiji" and that was it!! It worked out perfectly for us. We got a holiday, a wedding and a honeymoon in one. We didn't have to worry about accommodating everyone and DH didn't have to 1) wear a suit and 2) worry about being the centre of attention (he's a shy guy). There were quite a few people who's feathers were ruffled about not getting invited but who's payng for it? The only reason I wished we had got married in NZ is that we really need a new dinner set  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 7:03pm
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Is there any real reason that your parents couldn't come down to wanaka a be a part of it?
We got married in Barbados and told friends and family "you are more than welcome to come but we're not paying" In the end including us there were 13 people at our wedding. Both sets of parents, my two brothers, a sil and a 2 year old nephew and DH's two sisters and one brother in law and his best mate. We stayed at an expensive all inclusive hotel and they stayed down the road a bit at a cheaper one and came to ours the day of the wedding. We all hung out before the wedding though as had to be there 6 days before we could get wed. The day after they flew back to England and we flew to the US for our honeymoon. It was really great to have them there and at the same time it was great not to have the full on white wedding (I still had the dress though). Sorry not trying to bag your decision I just wondered if you had thought about telling them they can come if they want but not at your expense and that it will still be a small do etc. Oh and we had a reception when we got back to include everyone that couldn't come with us. That was basically just an excuse for me to get sh*t faced though...lol ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 7:20pm
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We eloped , Just went to the registry office and had four close friends there,the to a pub after . our reason was we had just bought a house and it was either renovations or a big wedding.
Only DH sister spat the dummy but only because she a selfish, self centered person and was upset because SHE didn't get to come to the wedding. She ended up turning up at the pub we'd been at just after we left and throwing a tanty ( the woman is nearly 50 ! ) It has to be what you want and can/want to pay not about everyone else . People will understand and if they take offence it really is their problem, they shoud respect what your wishes are ! And congrats on the elopement 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 7:44pm
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I have some friends that eloped to Vegas, they got hitched in a cheesey wedding chapel and it was perfect for them (I think its AWESOME!!). The place they got married was able to film it and stream it live over the net - so they just emailed friends and family the day before with a web link and told them to log into it at a set time for a big suprise...they didnt let on what it was all about - just that it was important. It only works if you have an IT / net savvy family...but I thought it was an awesome idea! Kind of in the same vein - we had a big wedding, but DHs grandparents werent able to make it up to Auckland, so he called his Nan on his cellphone, put it in his pocket, and put his microphone/ earpiece on his lapel, so that she could hear the whole thing. She was so chuffed - it was the talk of the small town where she lives - everyone knew about it!!!
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 7:45pm
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We kind of eloped.. not really, in the sense that we told our mums and a few others before we went on holiday..but we didn't tell workmates or make a big thing of it. Ended up getting married in Las Vegas with no guests or family there which was awesome! And contrary to what tv shows portray..you can't just walk in off the street and do it... there is some organising involved haha
Luckily our families weren't annoyed that we were organising something without them. It was our holiday, and the wedding was our day so we wouldn't have cared anyway. |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 7:56pm
| My Dad always joked that he would pay me to elope. As it was we decided with 8 days notice to get married at 39weeks pregnant. But we DID want our parents there so it was me, DH, my parents, his parents and his brother and fiancee (I'm an only...nice and simple). I wouldnt have done it any other way......except maybe not being pregnant???? Dunno....that was part of what made it so special too. |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 8:18pm
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I think maybe you should consider inviting your parents down. If your sister has already eloped they'll probably be so gutted to miss yours as well. I know weddings are about the bride and groom but parents have dreamt about their kids futures and their weddings for longer even than we have and I can understand why they'd be really disappointed to miss out on not one but two daughters weddings IYKWIM?!
ETA: this is just my thought thats all not bagging your decision
We're planning on eloping and in fact my parents think its a fabulous idea and offered to pay for us to go to the islands LOL but I've already been married and my dad has already walked me down the aisle. They really hope we'll let them come but they totally understand if we wana do it ourselves. DPs family not so much though thats the only thing that'd stop it - hes an only son, his dad has passed away so theres his mum, sister, her daughter and his nana. They'd spew if we eloped (but then his mother was the one who offered him a $30,000 house deposit if he left me and went back home, so they would be more upset that he married me than about us eloping ) so we'll probably end up telling them they can come if they wana pay their own way. FX they can't but its not gonna ruin anything for us to have both sets of immediate family there.-------------   
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Posted By: rachndean
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 8:31pm
I know that it probably doesnt make the decision any easier but, It's your day. Do what reflects the 2 of you, and what you want. We got so wrapped up in trying to please everybody (its amazing how many people think they have an opinion!!! ) that we compromised on a lot of things. It was a beautiful day, but in some ways we wish we had eloped afterall!!
Good luck, and congratulations!!! xoxo |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 8:43pm
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Yep we eloped .. and we announced it by sending this
http://www.freewebs.com/nashwedding/ - BREAKING NEWS link to everyone. Oh and saying your vows in such an intimate surrounding is THE most amazing experience, it really does feel like its just you and your partner standing before god. PS - We did actually tell our parents just before hand, just out of respect (and we didnt want them to have a heart attack on our return) ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 9:06pm
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I love looking at your blog lilfatty - I have seen it before and it makes me all teary everytime!!
------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 9:46pm
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I would probably tell them what you want to do before hand, even just your parents. thats if you have a close relationship with them. I know i would be really hurt if my children didnt tell me they were planning on getting married, even if they wanted it to be just an intimate thing I would still want to know it was happening. My dad got married and didnt tell any of us and I was really upset (a little different I know but still....)
If you dont want them there even if they paid for themselves to go down to wanaka, I would at least tell them out of respect, especially since you already know how hurt your mum was when your sister did it. |
Posted By: TansP
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 10:23pm
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You are my hero
If it feels right do it. The more you think about it the more reasons you'll find not to do it and you'll end up talking yourselves out of it. You can always come back and have a bbq/party to celebrate with family and friends. I want to elope!! Marc and I have been discussing it alot lately. We are both pretty low key people who don't like a fuss so a wedding would not be our thing. It's also a $$ thing as we are wanting to buy a house and we have a family now. Keep us posted
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 July 2009 at 11:17pm
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Something to think about, I work with a lady whose daughter eloped, and she (mum) was devistated.
How would your family feel about not being there. I think its a great idea about going to the festival etc, you may want to have an open invitation to your families if they want to be there. I know of a few couples that have 'eloped' to Raro with the kids and their immediate families, and friends paid their own way if they wanted to. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: TansP
Date Posted: 18 July 2009 at 10:30am
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Yeah I would have to tell my parents as they would be hurt [:>(] Ideally Marc and I would like our Parents & Siblings there but it would depend on where and when as they are spread over the country.
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 18 July 2009 at 10:54am
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Two of my cousins (brothers) did it and 5 years later I still don't think their mum is over it. After the second one my mum made me promise I'd never do it to her.
Any chance you could just ask both sets of parents if they'd like to be there? It would only be 4 more people. BUT, if it is really what you both want, to do it with just the friends then I think that is what you should do, it is your day and it should be how you want it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 18 July 2009 at 5:03pm
| lilfatty....that is AWESOME!!! I have wedding envy...and you were married the week before us. |
Posted By: Manda08
Date Posted: 18 July 2009 at 6:39pm
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LittleFatty that is awesome!!! Such a good read! Seems like a more than perfect day you had.
All the best Lisa. ------------- 
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 19 July 2009 at 8:45am
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Lilfatty that was awesome! In fact that just makes me want to do it more lol.
My parents will be gutted but at the end of the day they have 4 daughters (one was greedy and has had TWO extravagant weddings) so even though my sister eloped and it's what we are planning my parents have still had 3 big weddings! Besides I know how many thousands upon thousands they spent on those 3 weddings and I don't want that. I think the harder part will be Jess' parents as he is the eldest and first to get married. I think his Mum will be sad (and I looove her so it's really hard) but out of everyone they will probably be the most understanding as they had Jess when they were 21 and had no money so they have been in a cash shortage situation whereas my parents never really had that problem. It's hard to leave them out but I think it's the best. Jess parents are divorced as well and I can just see the 4 of them getting drunk and my parents will be the first to say or do something outrageous or insensitive and it would become a 'situation' haha -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 19 July 2009 at 8:46am
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Haha we are considering sending out a mass email to family and friends then not answering the phone for a week or two lol -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 19 July 2009 at 8:23pm
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Yeah when it comes down to it you guys know the whole family dynamics thing in your particular families best. I hope you get the exact day you want and that its perfect for you -------------
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Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 20 July 2009 at 3:23pm
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I personally would tell our parents - only becuase i know they would be devestated to know we had not told them/invited them. Even though your sisters have had big wedidngs, each child is different and im sure as parents you feel differently about each child and would want to be there for the special day. At the end of the day it is up to you guys but its only 4 more people so wouldn't make it massive.
You are having a lunch so i wouldn't expect the parents to get too sloshed but know what you mean, i was very worried about my DH's fathers speech and behaviour on our wedding day though he was very well behaved (until the end when he danced on tables) ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 20 July 2009 at 3:30pm
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Hannahbil wrote -
You are having a lunch so i wouldn't expect the parents to get too sloshed Haha you haven't met my parents have you? -------------
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |