Do i write back?
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27628
Printed Date: 30 September 2025 at 5:24am
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Topic: Do i write back?
Posted By: MissCandice
Subject: Do i write back?
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 8:53am
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Some of you may remember the post i wrote about my dad a couple of years back.
Last night his ex (Im assuming) added me on facebook. I hummed and haa'd over accepting her and have. She sent me a message and i dont know if i should even reply. I closed the door on that along time ago, it took quite alot to come to terms with the fact my dad doesnt want to know me and now has a new life. Im assuming shes the ex as her status is married and there is a gu thats not my father in the photo of her and my half sister. Thats just it, i have another sister. Would you write back? On one hand id love to, she would be around 9 from a guess and the first and last time i met her she was like a week old. I even remember her name. Kylah would have another aunty (I know its just a half). The other hand is, do i want to open that door again? It hurt so bad the first time, what if im setting myself up for failure? Its been like 2 years since i first contacted him. What if i meet them and she says something and it all starts all over again? This is probably the most jumbled post ever! |
Replies:
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 9:02am
| just sit on it for a while. You dont need to do anything and if you feel uncomfy why put yourself through it. |
Posted By: ISpyCharlie
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 9:19am
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I agree, just sit on it and do what you feel is best. It's a pity you can't contact you sister directly instead of having to go through her mum, because blood is blood and I personally think relationships with siblings are important. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 9:54am
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yeah dont rush... maybe you could start tho by asking this lady what exactly her intentions are and establishing if it is really her... and you didnt say what her message to you was...but i'm assuming it wasnt nasty.. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 9:58am
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It is only Facebook, you can see what she's posting and decide if you want more from her. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 11:12am
| Yeah, agree you can choose to sit on it for a while and if you then decide you want nothing to do with her..just block her altogther so she can't see, send friend requests, or message you. |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 2:10pm
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Thanks guys.
Iv been thinking about it all day! This is what she wrote thanks for accepting my inquiry. wasn't sure you would accept somehow. You remember me?? we may have been on wrong foot at the time but I meant well, you know. Your girl is so cute and scrummy. Lucky you to have a girl, boys are all arseholes! reply for catch up Hmmmmm Is there anyway to hide the fact im online on facebook to her untill i can decide whether to reply or not? |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 2:17pm
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Yip, on the bottom right on your chat status just change it to offline and she won't see you're there, I do it all the time. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 2:18pm
| I only want to hide from her though, not everyone? |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 2:28pm
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oh, well I don't think you can do that (but maybe I'm wrong)
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 2:53pm
| Have you already accepted her friend request then? Just to clarify, so you are just wanting to hide your online status, not whether you are actually on facebook? |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 3:32pm
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By the sounds of it you have accepted her - and you now dont know weither to reply to her message is that correct?
Well you dont need to reply straight away anyway, most people it takes a few days or whatever to reply anyway so dont worry about it. Just have a think. OR if your really worried about her knowing you have been online and havent replied, just send her a really quick message back saying Hey, Im really busy at the moment I'll write back later. That way you can take however long you need before you make a decision as to weither you want to reply or not. ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 4:46pm
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you have a couple of options...
you can remove her as a friend and thats the end of that... or reply and say 'sorry i thought you were someone else" then delete her. or reply to her and tell her the only reason you agreed to the friend request was because you wanted to see if you could have a relationship with your half sister, and is that something she would agree with. IMHO she sounds like a nutcase (just from the message she sent you) and it might pay to be up front with her about your intentions... or if you only want to get to know your half sister then maybe wait till she is older and contact her direct. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 5:07pm
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yea i agree with bizzy, id just be strait up with her, at least that way youll both know where you stand ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 5:08pm
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I have accepted her friend request as i wanted to see if she had photos of my sister on there.
She sent me the message straight away. I am thinking of just removing her. I always thought about my sister and what she was like, now iv seen her im thinking it might just be easier to wait a few more years untill shes old enough to make her own choice about whether or not she wants to know me. Does that seem mean? I just dont want to meet up with her and have her talk about my father because i dont want to know anything. I was hoping i could just change my status for her to offline. Maybe i will sleep on it again tonight and decide what to do tomorrow |
Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 5:09pm
| Im just worried that if i am online on facebook and she actually sends me a chat message!! |
Posted By: ajmmum
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 5:41pm
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On Facebook you can make a friend "group" and set all the privacy settings so she can't see your status or wall posts or photos etc but you can still keep her as a friend in case you ever want to reply. Then when you go down to fb chat, you can "go offline" as far as a group is concerned so you can stop her seeing you that way.
other alternative is just keep the message in your inbox & remove her as a friend. That way you can always reply later on if you'd like and won't have to do a search. Not that I know your situation, but I have a half sister who is a decade older than me, we had nothing to do with each other & their was heaps of parental induced resentment towards each other as kids. As adults we are friends, and we are very similar & it's nice having her around. She's not family like my other family, but a friend with blood ties that I can call up occasionally. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 5:45pm
I don't think thats mean, I think thats pretty fair actually , letting her decide later when shes old enough to understand it all a bit better ------------- 
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Kandice wrote:Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 22 July 2009 at 5:56pm
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I just worry that she will hate me because i didnt want to know her, or didnt find her and make contact. I wonder if she even knows about me..
Thanks kmasonnz thats what i wanted to do!! |