Am I just being paranoid?
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Forum Name: General Chat
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Topic: Am I just being paranoid?
Posted By: mamanee
Subject: Am I just being paranoid?
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 5:40pm
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As most of you know, Sam's dad isn't the nicest man in the world and since he has been in Australia, it's been a lot better.
Although.. He ALWAYS wants photos of Sam and has a huge tantrum at me if I don't send them every single week. He also always complains that the photos aren't good enough, and then picks them apart asking who's leg/car/handbag/hand is in the photo. I usually just send them in hotmail, using the attach photo function which has now disappeared for some reason. Anyway Yesterday he sent an e-mail asking me nicely if he could have the fullsize files for some of those small hotmail ones I had sent. Very quickly I noticed that the photos he wanted were a mixture of photos of Sam being quite adventurous or crying or probably doing something that maybe he shouldn't but two year olds do anyway, like climbing a ladder (I was right there) playing in the garage where there is an old fridge behind him that is open, putting his head in the dryer and various other ones of him crying or looking upset. WHY does he want these photos? I didn't send all of these in the same bunch, they were spread out and probably seemed inoffensive to me at the time, but he wants the full size file of all of them and some of them a really insane person could construe as me being neglectful even though I am certainly not that. What is he playing at? Lately he has been saying things like "I want you to put Sam on the waiting list for kindergarten" (he is just turned two ffs) "I want you to get all the things signed off in his wellchild book for his immunisations (I forgot to take the book with me for his last one) "When was the last time Sam had a checkup at the doctor?" "I am going to come back to NZ and buy a nice house near a good school" 'If you and your new partner are going to start a new life together and have kids then I want my boy back" Now, as some of you know, my ex is completely insane and I can make huge comparisons between him and Clayton Weatherston. He has at the very least an antisocial personality disorder and is probably a sociopath. I've done a lot of research and he fits the bill right to the letter! I want to get some legal aid ASAP and my step-sister who has been through this process already has put me on to hers. I just don't know at any given time where he is on a scale of 'being ok with things' and 'going completely mental'. I just don't know what he is playing at with the photo thing, it's really weird. I didn't send them obviously, I said I cleaned up my PC and deleted a whole lot and given that they were pretty dumb photos, most of them he was crying and not looking at the camera, I deleted them. Sorry for the rant. I just wish he would GO AWAY, and he never will. |
Replies:
Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 5:50pm
Hey Hun, Sorry I don't really have any advice but didn't want to read and run so big hugs hunny, sounds like an absolutely awful position to be in   ------------- 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 6:03pm
Thank you Bex! It's the scariest thought in the world, the ifs and whats if someone threatens to take your child. And while he is his dad, I know if Sam grew up around him, he would turn out to be just like him and treat people horribly and I don't want that for him at all, as if I was his parents I would be horribly ashamed. I know in my heart he could never get custody but in his mind I think he thinks he could by making a case about me being a bad mum! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 6:04pm
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yep renee he will never go away.... he is always going to be there as sams dad! get legal advice and cross all your t's and dot all your i's.
(as a side note 2 is th perfect time to enrol your kids at kindy!) ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 6:07pm
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AWWW Renee, I really feel for you hun!!! sounds absolutely awfull.... i do remember you talking about him a while back and i dont think you had told him about being preg at that stage cos of how he would react...........
My only advice is to only give him photos of sam smiling and happy and doing "safe" things like sitting on the couch etc.....keep them as simple and boring as poss cos yeah it does sound like hes trying to build a case........ I wish for yours and Sams sake he would get a life and move on, but if he does have mental issues like you think then its probably all he thinks about on a daily basis........ I know its hard but most of the time things are said as idyl threats although i dont know him at all so dont know if he follows through with anything.........but a good custody order where he only contacts you at set times or you use a third person to do any contacting and get someone to back you like a doc saying the stress of it all is affecting your health and babies etc and you need to limit the amount of stress he puts you under so should only contact you a certain way.........i dont know much about the system and how it works etc, I havent had to go through this sort of thing and dont wish it even on my worse enemy as sometimes theres just no easy solution and you end up getting so stressed it can affect your current relationship Good luck hun.....!! I hope he eventually gets a life and moves on |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 6:09pm
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We're going to move in a couple of months or thereabouts so was thinking of enrolling him then.
But not much point yet as I don't know which suburb we will be living in. 
If we were going to stay here, then I would find one close. If only I could order a psych test on him, then I know that he would never ever ever be able to do anything. But he will never ever see there is something wrong with him. |
Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 8:43pm
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It does seem like a horrible position to be in.
I don't remember reading other threads about him so I don't really know the history, it does seem he wants to be overprotective and still be a part of his life no matter what, but what he is doing is going a little over the top. I agree to send him only good photos and keep doing your legal aid research just incase. I hope it all works out for you. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 8:51pm
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Great that you're getting legal advice. I expect they'll be able to advise you what the bare minimum is for sending to him to maintain contact and recommend that you stick to that only.
It is a horrible horrible thing to be permanently attached in some way to this horrid spiteful man. I think you're right to have your suspicions and once you have the legal backing I think you'll be in a position to set the boundaries in place. Threatening to remove your child 'if you have another one' is so far from ok it's just not funny. What a complete b@str3D 
Don't worry he couldn't do it and even if he had those photos they wouldn't stand up when put in context of all the others and in context of the loving home you provide for Sam -------------  
 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 04 August 2009 at 9:02pm
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chicky, I would so be the same - always thinking and worrying about the worst because so many times he has shown he WILL do the worst thing possible I hope you get some good legal advice soon. Take care ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |