interesting phone call with MIL
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Topic: interesting phone call with MIL
Posted By: NovemberMum
Subject: interesting phone call with MIL
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 10:39am
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last night.
so we were talking about things and we got onto me breastfeeding Megan and I said oh she weaned off me about a month ago and I basically explained that I had left it up to her. She then went onto say that over in the Netherlands it is quite unsual for mothers to breastfed over 8 months. I was thinking to myself well I had the milk feeding was going well so why would I stop and I did not want to put her on to formula if there was not need to. I am planning on breastfeeding my 2nd baby for as long as he wants to (within reason) . so will be interesting once he gets to the same age Megan was when she weaned (19 months) if he is still feeding or has weaned by then. I did get rather annoyed when they were here a few months ago and Megan was asking for booby and they said no you are a big girl you dont need booby...arghh hello I will decided if my child is too big for booby I was not going to deny her any if she was asking for it and I felt that self weaning was the easiest way for both of us no dramas or tears she decided she did not want it anymore. vent over ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 10:45am
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whenever my mother used to ask when i was going to stop feeding i would say when they are ready to stop! the answer was always the same, no matter how many times she asked.
actually someone asked me that yesterday too and was quite shocked when i said when eden wants to stop.. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 11:13am
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I think that it is no coincidence that the general societal acceptance of weaning onto formula at around 6 months occurs at the same time that formula is allowed to be advertised. Currently formula companies cannot advertise new born products.
Most maternity carers are very limited in the information they give so they can push breast feeding. That means that many people who need advice on formula early on, when their milk supply is low or non existent for example, cannot access information easily. Then at 6 months they suddenly come out of the woodwork - ta da! Formula time! So it becomes more 'normal' to give formula than to breastfeed. |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 11:13am
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I think the longer you can feed them the better personally. Certainly it's no one else's decision but your own anyway.
I'm sad Rowan decided to wean right at the beginning of winter. I was really hoping she'd still be feeding when #2 came along. Oh well. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 11:26am
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Yep, it grates me when people bring up the 'weaning' question.
Interestingly I find it funny that as a newborn nobody made a comment, or funny looks when BF'ing DD.. but I have noticed a few in the last week (funny looks that is) with DD not quite 5mths! I second the longer the better and be proud of it! It's amazing how many times I've been told -''You only have to BF till shes 6mths'' 
like weaning is the light at the end of the tunnel..
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 12:09pm
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*snaps*
*snaps* *snaps* lol!!! ta jess! the only person who realy consistently asked me this was my mum but then there were lots of parenting quirks of mine that she found amusing (including cloth nappies). I have one friend who didnt get it and voiced that - but she has since chnged her tune due to her own experiences (hiya emm!  )
i also have never felt stared at or judged for my position on breastfeeding or feeding in public. And i must say that now whenever i see a mum feeding her baby - wether it be with a bottle or boob - i try not to look at them cause people seem to take offense so easily...even tho the only reason i ever looked was cause i think babies are cute! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 12:16pm
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I can't remember who was asking me if I was 'still feeding' but I have a feeling it was my Dad and my MIL. -------------
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 12:19pm
bizzy, i don't get offended by looks that I get, I just think that perhaps their 'funny looks' are indicative of what the socially accepted average age is to wean (does that make sense ) And from what I gather, that my 'big' baby should be on a bottle by now. 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 12:24pm
lol at snaps, thats cool. 
My husband was the worst and I kept telling everyone I was still feeding to spite him, lol I fed till she weaned although if I am honest, I was almost over it by then cos she would be up and down on my knee for only short bursts. I used to tell everyone I'd feed till they were at school and see how it went, lol, but obly said that to see peoples reactions! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 1:06pm
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Gosh, I wish I'd kept up the breastfeeding! At the time, thought it was the right thing to do, but looking back I wish I'd stuck at it. So I have unbelievable admiration to women who give this completely unselfish gift to their children.
Jasmine, I think the bit I found worst about your post was when the ILs said "you're too old for booby". How bl**dy rude and meddling! It's none of their business! Grrr, some people. I hope you told her that it is lucky you don't live in the Netherlands, else you'd be a REAL freak, eh?
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 1:07pm
I get that all the time too 
All i hear is 'oh are you still feeding?' But up until 6 months it was 'are you feeding?? Wow that is sooo good' It annoyed the sh*t out of me 
My MIL is dutch and im getting the same from her about Bfing. Also she wants to Baby sit alot but im not yet comfortable leaving dd with anyone -------------  
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Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 1:10pm
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Fun fact, the world average age for weaning off breastmilk is 4years :) ------------- 
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 1:26pm
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my mil said to me while I was still breastfeeding that I should wean Megan before #2 comes along. or else she might get jealous...lol I had no intention of weaning her before then and hey she weaned herself but if I was still breastfeeding her when her brother was born then all good.
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: angel4
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 2:14pm
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i get asked alot if im gonna wean before next bubs is born. The one thing that really got me was when my dr told me i should consider weaning him as there is no real benefit to breastfeeding past 6months. I was furious.
It would make me really really mad if someone told henry that he couldnt have booby if he wanted it. That is MY call. my boobs, my decision. I plan to feed him until he self weans. My MIL said to me when henry was 4months old and i wouldnt leave him with her (cuz he was demand fed and i didnt want to leave him anyway) that when hes one dh and i should go away for the weekend and leave henry with her (since i wont be breastfeeding then). There are a number of reasons why henry wont be staying with them for some time the main one being that she undermines all our parenting. Like giving him icecream at 3months when i was in the bathroom .
Anyway as you can see you hit a sore spot with the breastfeeding and the inlaws lol. Trying to move on. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 2:38pm
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Caitlyn's stepmum is feeding both her 2 year old and her 7 week old , it works really well for her , and so far she hasn't had anyone say anything negative, also , she says since the younger baby was born the 2 year olds skin has gotten really nice from feeding
I think its really cool , and when she comes over, it looks just as normal to me to see her feed the 2 year old, and then the new baby ...different positions etc, but it still looks fine . (and yup , her youngest and Tyler are six days apart ,so Caitlyn got 2 new brothers in a just over a week , lucky girl ) ------------- 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 2:43pm
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My mil makes comments along the lines of "thats the problem with bf, only you can feed him" and "well we can look after him soon when he is on the bottle".
Jake does have ebm from time to time, but I dont know why she assumes that I am going to ditch bf? I plan to let Jake self wean, within reason. Only I can decide when he has reached the within reason time. People really should just keep their mouths shut! Whether I am "feeding" him and how long I choose to do so is noone elses business. Grrrr along with you Jasmine -------------   
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 3:00pm
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i almost feel like saying to anyone who says "why not put them onto formula" well sure if you want to pay for the formula get up at 3am to boil the jug while listening to your baby scream.
I think bf is so much more easier in the terms of once it is established you just put baby on boob no need to heat up or making sure baby has the right amount and best of all no waste. I am thankful that I was able to breastfed my child for as long as I could and yes I would stil be feeing her if she had not weaned ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Ant
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 3:20pm
I hope you told him it was cheaper - so that's a 'real benefit'!
I think I've have wanted to ask the Doc if there were any real disadvantages. If not, then stopping is surely just an individual preference, not a health issue. Idiot Dr. I get amused when people ask if I plan to breastfeed, and how long for. All I can answer is "Well, I want to, so fingers crossed that works out. How long depends on how it goes!" ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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angel4 wrote:Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 3:31pm
yes I have no idea how many tins of formula a baby goes through a week but even 2 tins is easily $25-$30 a week ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 3:46pm
I agree with all of this! I think I'm far too lazy to formula feed!  Of course, if I couldn't breast feed, I couldn't be lazy about bottles haha. But you're right, at 3 in the morning, it couldn't be easier with breast feeding!!!
Your MIL is just plain rude. It's nobody else's business when or if or how you wean. I'm not looking forward to even more unwanted opinions and advice. |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 5:15pm
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Its awful that people think they can express their opinions so bluntly and expect that it would be recieved well !!!
And try and tell people what to do grrr DD is still bf at night , have been doing that for about 2 months but before EVERYONE would comment. Worst of all my MOTHER was the one saying well its about time you stopped. I thinkits great so many people feed for an extended time , I love the time spent feeding dd. We are all awesome and it doesn't matter what all those ignorant bossy people think !!! |
Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 5:23pm
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oh yes I was still feeding Megan when she woke at night up until a month or so ago..she decided she didnt want it even though I offered it to her
I was also thinking about what she said about mums in the netherlands not feeding past 8 months..now how does she know it is still like that....I mean she would not have any contact with mums with young babies and we are talking over 30 years ago..also I would think that back when I was a baby it would have been the same sort of thing...babies on to formula by 6 months..I Think I was only breastfed for 3 months. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 5:24pm
I can't remember what it is like to BF  . It was only 3 months ago I stopped due to low milk and I was going back to work. I loved it the most when I would nurse Arianne in bed having that comfort is a wonderful feeling and I feel sad for everyone who can't BF.
You BF as long as you want (within reason like you said )------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: kathamill
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 5:37pm
just thought i'd put in my two cents. i think this sort of comment is hilarious. only mothers can breastfeed because thats the way we were designed. i dont notice any of the family (ie DH's and MIL's) offering to be pregnant for a bit?!
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 5:38pm
hehehehe, so true kathamill! |
Posted By: angel4
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 7:27pm
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I agree with what everyone is saying.
I too think im wayyyy to lazy to bottle feed. Im too lazy to pump too lol. Did for my wedding day and then couldnt be bothered. Its just easier to take him with me or now i just leave him - if im not there he doesnt actually think about it. My dr was a female dr whose daughter is a little bit older than henry. Must say looking back i feel a little sad for her daughter now. I think if you can breastfeed and it working well for both you and baby then why stop? Interesting about the toddlers skin being real clear. I think breastfeeding is just another way of illustrating how amazing our bodies are. I mean the fact that my tiny wee body (55kgs worth) can feed my 10kgs toddler and grow a healthy baby (and a pretty big one if my bumps anythign to go by) blows my mind |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 8:01pm
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Lol also had a rather annoying conversation about feeding last night with the MIL. Slightly different though
Me: I'm thinking of weaning Hollie MIL: Oh well, you have given her a good start I guess" A good start she guesses? I have hated feeding from the word go. No apparent reason, just didn't want a bar of it. My goal was 3 months. I've done 8, and I get 'I guess it's a good start?', Blimey woman it's a friggen awesome start! I believe feeding is such a personal thing. Do it for as long or as little as you like, it's nobody elses beeswax! -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 9:58pm
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I think Flutterby , that the fact that you have breastfed your daughter,for 8 months , when you have hated it , is incredible , and you should be very proud of yourself .
( I do NOT mean that in anyway to sound like I think people that don't bf , or choose not too should feel guilty ,or not feel like they're good parents , for the record ) -------------
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Posted By: Ella1
Date Posted: 12 August 2009 at 10:53pm
Assuming your MIL has internet, she should have a look at this website: http://www.borstvoeding.com/ This DUTCH website promotes BF and shows quite a few pictures of BF toddlers. I am Dutch myself, and my parents who still live in Holland, often comment on how in Holland people don't really do what I do (Attachment parenting, baby wearing, baby led weaning, co sleeping, you name it  ). When I showed them this website they became a lot more understanding.
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 13 August 2009 at 11:17am
So true, but dont even get me started on what she would say to me when I was pg! -------------
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Posted By: maysie
Date Posted: 13 August 2009 at 3:51pm
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You're not alone with the MIL comments. When Lily was 3 mths MIL asked me if I 'had her on the bottle yet'. She never BF so doesn't understand it (what's not to understand???!!). The whole time she was here at xmas she made me feel uncomfortable about feeding (Lil was 4-5 mths) and always commented to DH that there was no way she would demand feed and that Lily should be in a proper feeding routine, yet would tell me how lovely it was that we responded to Lily as she needed us and that she fed her children when they were hungry as well. This is a women who hardly ever woke up to her crying twins at night - slept straight through and would wake in teh morning to find her husband had been up to them during the night...unless she was lying about that as well??! We are going over there next month and it will be interesting to see how she reacts to me stil BFing. She had told DH that Lily should be weaned by 9 mths as that is what they do in the UK. Hmmm, she has no other grandchildren, is 68 and doesnt have contact with other babies so am not sure where she gets her info from. I will be telling her that WHO recommends feeding until 2 years and we will just see how we go with Lily (if she doesnt self wean we will prob be dropping to 1 feed per day by xmas but am not telling her that!!).
And yep, I too am way too lazy to have used formula. I suck at expressing too so Lily has formula if I am away for a feed or she is staying with my parents. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 13 August 2009 at 4:22pm
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Megan was demand fed pretty much for the first 6 months I even kept a diary and I found she pretty much fed at he same time each day.
I think it is kind of sad when our parents (of course not all) think our babies should be weaned off the breast at such a young age. when Megan first weaned off me at 19.5 months I was sad so there is no way I could have weaned her myself at 9 months. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 14 August 2009 at 9:26am
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I too believe that if you can, and both mum and baby are happy to, then breastfeeding makes the most sense. At the end fo the day that is what boobs are for.
We have just dropped a feed and are now just having morning and night feeds and that is fine as Hayden hasnt asked for his afternoon feed and doesnt appear to be missing it, he's very busy these days you see but if he's upset or extra tired I'll offer. This is working well for us and I think we'll carry on down this route until he self weans.
I found the other girls in my ante natal group here in the UK all put their babies onto formula at around 3mths and the y all did it for convenience, not returning to work or other such reasons, just that they wanted their bodies back and it was annoying. This just didnt sit right with me. I understand, boy do I ever, that you do sometimes get sick of being poked and prodded and climbed on and pulled at, nipped and down right bitten, but its still not a good enough reason to move to formula IMO. My MIL is very much mindful of the way we parent, how we like to do things etc which is brilliant (she hated how her parents bossed her and FIL around in their early marriage so consciously keeps her opinions to herself) but I'd love to know what she really thinks of Hayden still being breastfeed, she hasnt passed comment at this stage - she fed DH and his sister max of 6 weeks. ------------- 
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Posted By: blondy
Date Posted: 14 August 2009 at 1:01pm
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I've also been getting the "don't you want your body back?" comments, but I honestly don't see how I don't have it now? We're just doing morning and night feeds, so I can wear an underwire bra during the day, I can work etc during the day away from her, and although I've had to cut out dairy and egg from my diet as Natalie has food allergies, it's really not that big a deal.
We have a family friend that is still BFing her 2 year old DS and 4 year old DD (albeit the 4 year old not consistently), but MIL is always saying how that is too long, and surely I'll have stopped by then! I think that I tend to be quite defensive/argumentative as soon as people ask about me BFing, so they don't push the issue! Or I start quoting facts back at them! -------------  
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