When to tell your family/Mum?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28137
Printed Date: 27 August 2025 at 7:45am
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Topic: When to tell your family/Mum?
Posted By: Pants
Subject: When to tell your family/Mum?
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 7:10pm
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Hi everyone, wondering if you might have some advice for me ....
My husband and I live in Auckland and my family live down south. My brother and his wife have just had their first baby and next week we're going to visit for a week. We'll be staying with my parents who I absolutely love. I'm only 5 weeks pregnant and am in two minds about telling my Mum. Love love love my Mother but she and my Dad live in a small town, where not much goes on and she likes to gossip (even though she swears black and blue she doesn't). She can also be a bit selfish at times and is more like a friend than a stereotypical motherly type who always has my best interests at heart. While I'd love to tell her I'm pregnant, I'm not convinced she would keep it to herself and I really dont want anyone knowing we're pregnant at the moment ... What would you do?? 
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Replies:
Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 7:21pm
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I waited to tell mum both pregnancies until after I'd had a healthy early scan (6 weekish) as once you see a heartbeat then the chances of a successful pregnancy rise to above 90%.
Maybe just wait and see how you feel when you're down there - you'll know if the 'right' moment comes up to tell her. ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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Posted By: Pants
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 7:41pm
Thx Febgirl - we have first appt with the mw at 8 weeks, when we'll get bloods and scan done. I think we'll wait until after this before I tell Mum 
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 7:46pm
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we didnt tell our parents both times will after I was about 8 weeks I had a scan and could see a heart beat by then and once we told them we basically told everyone ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 8:09pm
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First 2 pregnancies I didn't tell anyone 'cause I wanted to wait until 12 weeks and surprise everyone. But sadly twice at 12 weeks I had to tell them that things had gone wrong, since I needed their support so it was a bit pointless keeping it quiet in the first place. This time I told family at 8 weeks since they know we've been trying, and this way so we can all have a few weeks of excitement even if it goes wrong again. Work people and friends I'll be telling after my 12 weeks scan. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 8:13pm
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I think the reason you'd tell people early is because you'd want and need their support if something did go wrong. But if you can't trust her to keep it to herself then that makes it hard.
I told people early, but it's such a personal decision. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Treen
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 8:32pm
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Hi Pants, my parents live down South, too. DH and I couldn't contain ourselves and broke the news over the phone a couple hours after I got a BFP on a POAS. I suspect she has already told half the town despite me telling her not to, but I don't care too much. I don't live there anymore so if we run into problems, they can gossip all they want and it won't matter to me. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 9:08pm
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I told everyone at 4 weeks, I didn't know then about chances of miscarriage dropping past a certain time. If I get pregnant again I will be waiting till after 13wks. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 16 August 2009 at 9:30pm
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With my first pg I told my mum once I had seen the gp, was 4 weeks.
With the second pg we decided to wait until after the 13 week scan before we told anyone but some family things happened so we told DH family at 7 weeks and then I felt bad so told my mum at 8 weeks. I told her not tell anyone but she told my sister who got upset because I didnt tell her! Next time we will keep it a surprise until the 13 week scan. -------------   
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 12:09pm
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FIrst time we told parents etc at about 5-6 weeks and the same this time. I also told my HOD at around the same time.
I am big on telling parents early as you def need the support if something goes wrong and it means you never have to expalin yourself or the way you are feeling. I also tell my HOD for the same reason. In the end I was pleased we told people early the second time as we ended up losing a baby. We thought we had lost our baby altogether only to find out a week later that we had lost a twin. The support and understanding I had from my parents and HOD was overwhelming and I could not have got thru it all without them. So just another side to it. Even telling your Mum just before you leave so you are not there to "hear" if she tells people might be easier. -------------  
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 4:58pm
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I'm not telling my parents until we get the 13 week scan, I'm planning on giving them a framed picture of lil' one as it will be their first grandchild.
Although I kind of feel stink as there's been people that I've had to tell about the pregnancy like my trainer, waxist etc. so it is getting a bit silly. |
Posted By: girly_girl
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 5:11pm
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We waited until after I had my bloods back to confirm being pg. But then we only told our immediate families, and two close friends each. Last week (at 10 and a 1/2 weeks) I also told my team at school and my principal. For everyone else we are waiting until after the scan - 9 days to go and counting!! ------------- 
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Posted By: Pants
Date Posted: 17 August 2009 at 6:21pm
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Thanks everyone ... is a tough call. Everyone else we'll wait until the 13 week scan. I think I'll tell a close friend next week who recently had a baby and also went through a miscarriage so would be great support if anything does go wrong.
As for Mum .... love her to bits, but I think I'll wait. For now at least.
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Posted By: BessieBear
Date Posted: 18 August 2009 at 2:08pm
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First PG I had no idea what to do so after the doc visit I rang my mum. She was so ecited she told her whole office, which got around prety quick. At the time I was only 5 weeks. ------------- Sarah Mum to, Boy 07/2008, Girl 03/2010, Boy 05/2012, Angel  07/08/2014
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Posted By: Lizze
Date Posted: 18 August 2009 at 2:22pm
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We told my mum at 4 weeks, who then told my Dad.. (which we were going to do in person anyway).
We didn't tell DP's parents until 9 weeks, they live in Nelson so wanted to tell them face to face. We told our friends at 14 weeks, it got to the stage where we didn't feel like telling people (kept the excitement to ourselves), but it was only courteous to! ------------- 
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Posted By: JAFAjaffa
Date Posted: 21 August 2009 at 6:52pm
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I told my parents while I was still holding the pregnancy test. I was hyper excited. I did then have to get mum a stern talking to about not telling other people, but she still did.
DH's parents we waited till a bit later. Mainly cos he doesn't like talking to them much so he wanted to wait for a while. Work etc I told people once I had had the 12 week scan and all was well. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 22 August 2009 at 6:23pm
We're the same, we tell people before the second line of the stick has dried for the same reasons. It is a personal though, maybe Peanut's idea is a good one!!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Peanut wrote:Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 23 August 2009 at 8:17am
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We were out of the country when we found out I was pregnant - so everyone in China knew (lol, well, everyone we were meeting! Had to explain the sickness) but it was easy to keep from everyone at home. We came home when I was 10 weeks, and told mum and dad not long after. I knew I had to tell mum soon-ish, she's a midwife, so if I wanted her to have time off I have to book her 9 months in advance! As it was she was already fully booked for March and 1/2 of April .
They were really good about not telling anyone though - little bro who lives at home knew, but no one else. They were BEGGING me by 12 weeks to tell people, cos they were avoiding talking to my sisters in case they slipped! Mum flew up for the 12 week scan, and "helped" me call the family. 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 24 August 2009 at 9:32am
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It was abit hard to keep it a secret coz I started throwing up, fainting and having seizures lmao anyone that was round for my first preg would instantly suspect!
We told my parents at 6 weeks and made them promise to keep their mouths shut, my lil bro whos still at home figured it out which was fine, and I told my aunty coz I needed to be taken to a&e after I ruptured something in my throat after too much vomitting and everyone who already knew was out of the country. My bro and sis down in Invers still don't know I'm telling them when we get down there in a fortnight. I've had about 7 mcs since my son so it took us awhile to get excited but after 2 scans and numerous hearings of the heartbeat and hitting 14 weeks we're suddenly looking at each other going omg lol this is happening -------------   
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