What to do for friend?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Stillbirth and Baby Loss
Forum Description: A place to support each other and share thoughts and memories after a stillbirt or the loss of a baby.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28358
Printed Date: 16 June 2024 at 7:42am
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Topic: What to do for friend?
Posted By: fire_engine
Subject: What to do for friend?
Date Posted: 26 August 2009 at 7:53pm
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My friend will be delivering her 23 week baby later this week. Does anyone have any ideas of what to do - an appropriate gift for remembering her baby or anything? It's one of those situations where I feel I need to do something/give something but don't know where to start.
TIA ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 26 August 2009 at 9:31pm
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I got Stacey and Rich a plaque with Jarad's name and DoB on it for them. I have the details at work if you want them. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 26 August 2009 at 10:08pm
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You can also buy little plaster kits to make hand and foot prints in them, Ive seen them in the warehouse even. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 8:59am
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Check and see if they want those types of momentos. When I talked to someone else who had been through it they couldn't stand the thought of that type of gift so it maybe pays to check on that. We were dead set against even having photos and a cuddle before he was actually born. I think everyone is very different in what they might like.
Things we have in memory of Jared is becks gift she got us, a photo frame with a photo of him and a poem, his little ashes box and a jigsaw name which sits by Daniels jigsaw name. My mum also got us a plant |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 1:22pm
| you could try getting in touch with SANDS - they may have some ideas for you. |
Posted By: errii
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 5:51pm
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Hi there
The only things that we have out are my babies ashes box and a plant (peace lily) we were given as Im not ready to have anything else. I defiantly would check what kind of things she like as for some people it can be hard looking at those things all of the time. Also and its just me but I didnt like getting flowers I litteraly had them all over my kitchen bench and I kept the door shut as the smell was really overwhelming. hope that helps. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Baby Alistair 7/1/09 |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 7:39pm
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Thanks for the tips and the reminder to check what the family want. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 30 August 2009 at 5:19pm
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I am with Errii, Flowers a BIG NO NO. I had them all through the house, although they were lovely & we knew people were thinking of us, they all Died & you just had tothrow then away.
I personally would suggest getting them a rose (All Anika's Grandparents have a rose and it flowers all year round. I am so sorry to hear about your friends, its a very hard time. You know the best thing you can do for her is just be there, cook her a meal and don't be afraid to talk to her about Bubs. Use his / Her name & just never forget about baby. Trust me your shoulder is the best thing you can do for her & her family. I love having this around the house to remind me of Anika. I have photos and her ashes so I can see them everyday. Anika sits inside a teddy bear, I love it when I am having a down day I love the fact I can just hold her. Thinking of your friend and her family, I hope she is able to spend some precious time with their baby. ------------- 
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Posted By: tropics
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 7:49pm
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Sorry to hear about your friend Fliss xox ------------- http://lilypie.com">    [/url]
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Posted By: nzemz
Date Posted: 17 September 2009 at 3:42pm
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Sorry about your friend, My sister lost her baby Girl Alice at 7 months. A swan plant can be nice as attracts butterflys, but just offering your support and help and asking what they want is a good start. Everyone is different and need's or wants different things to help them get through each day.
My thoughts are with you and your friend. |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 3:52pm
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My friends were brilliant, we got meals brought around and lots of phone calls. They also got together and brought a beautiful trees in a big container so it didn't matter when we moved. It is really special to me, and Lachie waters it every morning, very cute
Like Maudie said just being there and listening is a huge thing. Just remembering my boys, and acknowledging them . Every year my friends send birthday cards and don't mind me talking about them. ------------- 
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: JodyR
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 10:27am
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I know I'm far too late for this to help you but I have a few suggestions in case anyone else sadly needs ideas.
I would have said I didn't want anything if I was asked, but after losing Ally and then Elisabeth I found that I treasured everything we had that had the slightest link to them because we had so little of anything else. Cards were great for us because it meant a lot to read the words our friends and family had chosen to write and they are in the memory boxes we made afterwards. But at the time of giving birth what I wish now we had had were duplicate shawls or teddie bears, just two things the same that we could then have kept one ourselves and left one with our babies for their funerals. The shawls and bears that they touched are buried with them and I wish we had kept something they touched. At 22+3 when Elisabeth was born she was tiny but perfect, she weighed just 1lb 2 1/2oz so the bear we gave her was tiny but even so, it was nearly as big as she was. So that type of gift needs to be small but even so, I know it would bring a great comfort to me to hold one in my hands and know that the same bear was keeping them company or the same shawl was keeping them warm. A very lovely friend sent us a Willow Tree Angel after each loss and they are lovely too, to look at and to hold onto. But I agree with the others, having a friend who isn't afraid to let you talk, who uses your child's name and who remembers special dates is worth more than anything else. Lots of people remember but don't say anything for fear of upsetting you but lots also just forget. I had just one person who texted me on Ally's due date and on Elisabeth's, just to say they were thinking of me but it meant the world, especially since relatives can't even remember their birthdays or how to spell their names. I think whatever you decided to do to help your friend, she will know how lucky she is to have a friend that cares so much. ------------- Ally and Elisabeth, our stars in the sky, and Joseph, our ray of sunshine. 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 9:57pm
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Thanks for the advice. I have to confess, I was still caught by the "what to do" when the baby was born and was pretty useless but I do try and acknowledge the baby and sent a card for the original due date ....
Feels like so little compared to what they've been through. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: JodyR
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 11:20pm
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It will have meant a lot to them to know you remembered and cared enough to send the card though. And to know that you haven't forgotten their baby. ------------- Ally and Elisabeth, our stars in the sky, and Joseph, our ray of sunshine.
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