Clingy/shy
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28377
Printed Date: 05 September 2025 at 10:47pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Clingy/shy
Posted By: FionaO
Subject: Clingy/shy
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 3:01pm
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Hey,
My wee man has had a crazy few months, we flew to England without my DH for a month, it took him a week or so but he got used to seeing LOTS of people, mainly grownups and was happy smiley with everyone and would pass round easily. We got home about 10 days ago and he is really freaking out with strangers, a friend of mine came to see us the other day and as soon as he walked in the room he cried. I had a coffee group at mine yesterday and my normally adventurous little man would only sit on my knee. If any baby came near him, he just started sobbing. Just seemed a shame when all the other babies were all over each other. I don't push him onto others, although have always passed him round a lot, but when we see new people at the moment he clings to me rather than give them his little cheaky smile. Is it a phase or just who he is? ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 4:08pm
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My youngest went through a phase like that, it from 6 until about 10 months from memory. It actually got embarassing as she'd scream if people tried to talk to her or sometimes even look at her... but she's all good now and loves the constant attention she gets from strangers!. She's definitely not as outgoing as my older child was and still has the occasional shy moment around lots of people but she warms up pretty quickly... I think it's pretty typical to go through the stranger thing somewhere around 8-10 months... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: mumtooboys
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 8:16pm
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It's called separation anxiety and it is a NORMAL part of their development. It tends to appear at around 6 -8 months before going again and sometimes returning at around 18 months. Pushing them to go to people when they don't want is actually liable to make it go on longer than allowing them to decide when they are comfortable being around other people.
I found that with DS2 if I 'pandered' for a few days so he never left my side (he was known as the velcro baby) it meant a few days peace later on so that I could at least go to the toilet by myself. It's about them learning about object permanence, that realisation that just because they might not be able to see you, it doesn't mean that you've disappeared. There were days, for MONTHS, when he'd be sat on my knee crying and appalled that anyone would dare even say Hi to him. LOL It was frustrating at times, but quickly learned that by allowing him to be with me when HE needed to, it meant he would be happy to play on his own for short periods while I did other things. You can try and develop the concept by doing things like placing favourite toys under a blanket and then playing 'peek a boo' with it. If you need to leave a room, maybe tell them that you need to leave a couple of times before hand, leave for a few seconds and come back, play a bit or reassure and then go again so that they know you are still there. Babies know when they've got it good and they will be attached to the person that provides the majority of their day to day care, regardless of how many times they have seen their 'friends' or relatives. I have found that pushing the issue, in my experience, just makes the 'shyness' worse and in fact when my parents pushed me to go to relatives that I wasn't that keen on because they are family and they knew us this made me MORE introverted than I already was. Just let them know that you are there and they will do the rest on their own. How's my 'velcro' baby you ask? After about a week at 18 months where the clingy toddler returned he didn't want me to hold him much less want to be attached to me all the time. LOL Even now he has phases where he is happy to be carried and others when he is not and times he is happy to go to people he knows well and other times not. I am happy to reinforce the message to him that HE gets to decide what he is comfortable in doing; I wasn't allowed that luxury as a child and it led to an incident that might well have been avoided had my boundaries been respected. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 8:44pm
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I am dreading starting work next week, Arianne has started her separation anxiety, there isn't much else I can do because I have to go to work and she has to get use to daycare its only 2 days a week fingers crossed she will be alright. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: FionaO
Date Posted: 28 August 2009 at 10:25am
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I figured it was normal but just worth checking.
His problem isn't me leaving the room so much, he is happy when I do that, is purely wanted to cling to me around other people, but I guess thats the same thing? -------------
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Posted By: mumtooboys
Date Posted: 28 August 2009 at 12:25pm
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Yep,
DS2 used to sit on my knee even when it was just the two of us. LOL It's all about them wanting to be near you because they feel safe and they aren't sure about what is happening, even if they have previously been okay with certain places/people. I suspect that it's got to do with some primitive mechanism from our hunter/gatherer days and being carried off by animals or something. Plus I found this to be worse when he was working on something really huge developmentally like crawling and/or walking. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaO
Date Posted: 29 August 2009 at 10:25am
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thanks, doing exactly that, some people are great and let him come to them others are not.
inlaws down at the moment and he was happy playing next to them on the floor and that was great, I leave the room and all of a sudden here this huge cry and sure enough my father in law had picked him up, as soon as he put him down crying stopped and its not like I hadn't said he doesn't like being picked up just play next to him. grrrrrrrrrrr -------------
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