Ettiquette and what occasions
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Topic: Ettiquette and what occasions
Posted By: susieq
Subject: Ettiquette and what occasions
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 8:34am
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I was just wondering as an oldie on here, compared to you young uns,
I know it is ettiquette after a wedding to send thankyou cards, but what about after the birth of a baby, when I had my three children back in the days, we used to send thankyou cards after the baby had got presents so feel free to answer yes or no thankyou cards after a baby is born for the presents :yes and what other occasions would you give thankyou cards and what will you teach your children re thankyou's for presents ------------- susie |
Replies:
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 8:44am
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I sent thank you cards after the engagement party, wedding and now after baby shower. I will do some after the baby is born as well.
I think its nice to say thank you but also just nice for people to receive something in the post as its not often you get letters anymore! I will probably teach my kids to send thank yous after birthdays and things, especially to grandparents and great grandparents because i know it is important to them. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 8:52am
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I don't send thank you cards for anything. And I've never received one in my life!
I see them as a waste of money personally. I don't see anything wrong with just saying a thank you |
Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:29am
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I send thank you cards for everything! And I must say I do get a lot back - weddings, engagements, baby showers etc. I think it's what you were brought up with. My parents are big card givers - and often sent sympathy cards, Xmas cards and other big occassion cards, so I learnt off them. Also, as kids, we were told to open birthday cards, read the message, thank the giver, open the pressie and then thank them again for the gift. I think cards are special and personally love getting them - even more so if they've come in the post! For me it comes down to manners (sorry Stacey!) - but then my folks are pretty old fashioned. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:40am
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See in my opinion if you are giving someone a gift it is because you want to do something nice not because you want to get a card out of it.
So long as the person shows appreciation thats what matters. I would rather have someone call me to say thank you or say thank you to my face than receive a card in the mail. Everyone I know ends up biffing cards out so thats where my whole mentality of it being a waste of money comes from. Cards aren't cheap either. |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:43am
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I did thank you cards for the baby shower gifts but waited until after Rowan was born so I could include a photo. I did them for our Wedding and Engagement too and Rowan's baptism.
But I don't for birthdays etc. and I don't even give normal birthday cards for other people's birthdays usually - they just get their names written on the pressie wrapping lol. -------------  
 
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:53am
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Totally agree! I don't send thank you cards for everything (like, not for a b/day pressie). As you say they are expensive too. But for 'special' things (wedding/baby gift) I would or if I felt that someone had really gone all out - just to let them know that I appreciate the extra thought etc. I totally agree that a verbal thank you is sufficant. I just like cards... The worst is when people just open something that you've given them and then move on to the next thing....and never say thanks! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com">
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kebakat wrote:
(and I don't expect them, nor feel upset or peeved if I don't recieve one)
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:56am
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Yep, I agree, cards are nice manners and I agree, for weddings, after baby's birth special occasions etc,
I started a card book for all my children too where I put the cards, baptism cards and each birthday the cards for that birthday into a scrapbook, something I started for Caitlyn and I hope Kelly will continue to do so and if she hasn't started one for Tyler, i will do one for him, and I also agree, at birthdays and christmas just a verbal thankyou, but I think giving thankyou cards for special occasions is good manners ------------- susie |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 10:00am
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And I don't consider myself old fashioned and I like getting a thankyou card in the mail, I have had a few over the years ------------- susie |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 10:07am
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I am so over the card thing. Waste of money.
If you like to make your own or even spend the money on them then I say send them. But I don't think you need to send thank you cards for everything, gets out of hand. I send out card for the first 2 births with photos, the last one I did emails with photos. I only send a few xmas cards out & I make them with a photo of the kids on them. You add up all the money you spend on them & postage then workout if it worth it, only to be thrown away. 
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 10:56am
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I am the same as Jazzy and totally agree with all her points.
I make roughly 6-8 special christmas cards every year (since having lucas) and I put a lovely photo (last 2 years we had professional ones done, not sure if my budget wil stretch this year though, might have to do my own photos) of Lucas on the front and buy trimmings to decorate the front of the card, it does end up costing me a little but they end up all keeping their cards and leaving them on their mantle piece for the year after! I only give them to 3 aunties, 2 grandma's, my parents and anyone else that comes to mind at the time. They really really appreciate them 
As for thank you cards only time I have done them is after the birth, I thanked everyone personally when they gave me gifts at the hospital etc, but waited until he was a couple months old to send an official thank you letter with photos. Definitely wouldn't go to the extent of sending them for birthdays and christmas, that's what the good lord gave you a voice for- much more personal and meaningful to say it in person I think. |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 11:04am
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This is really interesting, sounds like times have changed!
I'm with surfergirl, I love sending and receiving cards and I always keep them. I was brought up with the idea that you should always thank people in writing and I have carried that on. I don't have kids (yet) but know I would definitely send out thank you baby cards. I sent thank you cards for our wedding, it doesn't have to be expensive, all depends on what you do. |
Posted By: Red
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 11:10am
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I think it is just good manners to send out thank you cards! I have been to a couple of weddings and have gotten zip which I think is totally rude. I went to a wedding where they had a wishing well account and put some money into that, but never got a thank you so I don't even know if they got it.
For my 30th I sent out thank yous as had a party and I got lots of lovely gifts and for wedding as well for those that where nice enough to send us even just a card. Put a photo on it as we got married in Fiji and people said they really appreciated it and got some comments from older people that younger people don't seem to do it so much anymore. People like receiving stuff in the mail as we are such an electronic society now. People are saying it is expensive, but isn't really. |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 11:16am
I agree! I send thank you cards for important things like 21st, engagement, wedding, baby shower and baby gifts. I don't do it for birthday gifts but I would if it was a big birthday and had a party e.g 30th, 40th etc. After DS 1st birthday I did send thank you cards and a photo of him. I have been to a couple of weddings lately and never got a thank you card which I think is rude as usually the presents are not opened in front of you so you get no thank you in the end. -------------  
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 11:22am
I agree! Well I thought it was rude until I read this thread and am now starting to realise that people just don't do it anymore!
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Posted By: first
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 11:23am
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I did thank you cards when my boy was born but only to those that I wouldn't see and be able to thank face to face or to people of the older generation.
I personally give without expecting a card and find it a bit strange when I do get one. It is a big hassle to try and remember who has given what. For wedding we definately gave a card to all though. Somehow that is different. I think its because we opened them without people present to see how much we appreciated the gifts. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: Jam08
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 11:29am
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Wow, interesting to hear other people's point of view on this one as I have always considered it bad manners not to send a thank you for a wedding gift. I always send thanks you for special occasions such as wedding, engagement, baby arrival and usually a verbal thank you for things like birthdays and christmas. It doesn't have to be costly. I used a notepad for baby thank you notes which were $7 for pad of 20. I had over 80 to do so there was no way I could afford cards over $1 each. I have received so many thank you notes/cards etc over the years and they are always very much appreciated. They can even be made for next to nothing by printing them out on your own computer.
Also, I don't think I'm old fashioned! |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 12:38pm
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I think its good manners too. I sent them after Tom was born but was really slack with James and still havent sent them...I am not proud of that but I have thanked everyone personally.
You have reminded me that Tom should really send some thankyou cards for his birthday. I know it is unnecessary but there are so few of lifes niceties left these days and receiving something in the mail is always a buzz. And I disagree about people giving gifts because they want to not because they want a card in return (well, I actually do agree LOL but......I think if that person is as much of a friend to want to give you something, you should want to make them feel good by sending a nice card.) Now if only I practiced what I preached
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 1:03pm
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So, am still thinking about this. I def think that any present that is not opened in front of the person should have a thank you note sent, if anything its a nice acknowledgement that you actually received the gift. Yes, an email or text would do the same thing but it is nice to get something other than a bill in the mail. -------------
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 1:03pm
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We did thank yous for our wedding and baby shower. I just sent emails when dd was born with photos. And the same for her 1st birthday, Everyone was fine with that.
Not for birthdays or anything like that I just say thanks. |
Posted By: Bel
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 1:32pm
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I did Thank you cards for both the babies - put a photo on and used it as a chance for people to hear how the baby was doing etc. (Put a standard little note in each one)
I also did thank yous for wedding. Just good manners I guess. ------------- Mum to two beautiful kids 
Luke (09.11.2007) Amy (01.04.2009) |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 1:37pm
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I have always done Thank you cards for the big occasions like our wedding and when Oli was born. I dont do Xmas and birthdays but we only do gifts for close family who we alway thank personally. I always personlise them too, with a photo where appropriate and I always mention the specific gift. When Oli was born I sent out about 40 cards (I made them myself) - as we were so lucky to receive lots of gifts, flowers etc. I sent them out for his 1st birthday too. I will be teaching him to send thank you cards / pictures too - I think its important to acknowledge that someone has made the effort to choose a present for him.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 1:58pm
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No I didn't send any after the kids were born I said thanks either in person or via email/txt or phone for those gifts that came from England.
I wouldn't expect someone who just had a baby to send a card either, I think they have more important things to be doing with their time than wasting it filling out cards. Plus there is also the environmental issue, people generally don't keep thank you cards so they just get biffed, wasting money and contributing to all the rubbish in the world. And believe me sticking them in the recycling is not that eco friendly, I know I worked at a paper recycling plant for 6 years in England and the chemicals they use to clean the paper of ink is less than friendly You should have seen the tons of cards we had turn up every January as well, is why I can justify being a slacker at sending xmas cards as well.
 ------------- 
 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 2:13pm
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I think the aknowledgement of a gift is the key here.
I think it is bloody rude when there is not even an aknowledgement of somethign recieved, I have been to a few weddings and nothing. Not that you "expect" a card or whatever, but a thanks is nice. We had a travel register, so I made sure I sent a thank you card for money recieved and then a picture of us in Fiji after we went as a further thanks. I did send thank you cards after the birth of the children (slowly, tho!) and after our wedding and engagement. I just think it is polite and good manners to send a card, or a phone call rather than a text or email. Well, Email ok, but not text. Pick up the phone for goodness sake! I know you don't buy presents for the thanks, but like I said, some kind of aknowledgement is polite. At the risk of sounding rude and condescending (and its not intended that way), I think its an age/generation thing here... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 2:13pm
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good point marisa....but I still like them
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 2:39pm
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Yeah the text with me is normally a "hey your present arrived, thank you" normally I have had a text to say one is in the post and then I thank them properly the next time I phone. They do the same when I send stuff for their kiddies as well.
And yep I definitely do think you should say thank you, just that it doesn't need to be in card form, hallmark have enough money!  -------------
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Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 4:04pm
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i usually just send thankyou cards to people who i know "expect" them otherwise anyone else usually gets a phone call or a text.
i did send them out after each bub with a photo tho :) i have never recieved one myself from anyone! LOL ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 4:57pm
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I have wedding thankyous still to send ,they are ready, in the envelopes, I just need to send them .
baby thankyous, well, atm I have better things to do with my time, and im pretty sure I thanked everyone that gave me a gift verbally . Ive never been given a thankyou card for giving a baby present, and I would never expect one . Good effort starting a thread and all, and finding people who do agree with you ....doesn't mean i'll change my mind . ------------- 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 5:51pm
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After big occasions yes we sent them out (those being our wedding and Andrew's birth) other than those cards have not been sent. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 7:20pm
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Had to laugh before as this thread made me remember a few things.
I gave a present to a not close friend for a new baby, felt I had to & I got a thank you card back, nothing flash, just a little card that said thanks did not mention the present or anything or photo of baby, anyway a week later she rang me to see if I had received the thank you card, so I had to THANK her for it, WTF, ha ha. I sent out thank you cards for our wedding & only to the ones they gave a present. I sent out birth cards but not thank you cards, everyone who gave something I thanked personally, they did not expect more & nor would I. Who has time to sit around and do these cards (the wedding ones took forever) I don't. |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 7:50pm
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I do the same as CatzKids - send a thankyou card for presents to people that expect it, and thank everyone else via other methods.
Although if someone does something extra nice for me or goes the extra mile in some way, I like to make them a card so that they know I truly appreciate them. But that's not usually for a present (more like if someone helped me out in some way). I love receiving thank you cards, although I certainly don't expect it. I do like some kind of recognition but would be happy with a txt. Cards ARE fun to get though ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 8:58pm
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I don't even give birthday cards, just write the name on the present. Mostly its because I'm slack, but also because I'm trying to save some trees. I won't let DP wrap Christmas stocking presents because I don't like seeing how much paper we throw out after Xmas. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:00pm
Lol Kel, I KNEW this thread was directed at you! FYI, My mother helped me with my post baby thank you cards, lol... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:48pm
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Haha, bit obvious huh?
Ahhh, can't say she didn't try lol! -------------
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Posted By: NovemberMum
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 10:06pm
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I've sent thank you cards for wedding gifts mainly becuase we didnt open them in front of guests.
those who did give us gifts for our baby we thanked in person I mean they were there when we opened them. and same with birthday presents. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 7:56am
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I'll help you do your baby thankyou's if you like Kelly, as I think it is important to acknowlege some special occaisons by mail
------------- susie |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 9:18am
I was shocking with the wedding - didn't send any. Was in the middle of doing thank you cards for baby presents when Daniel went into Starship and lost the momentum! I ended up doing an electronic "thank you/yay Daniel is one" and sending it to everyone. It was really easy and it seemed to go down well, esp with the people who expected it!
 ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 9:20am
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Agh, tried to resize but it's too hard! ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 10:51am
I sent out thank you cards after our engagement and wedding, then after the kids were born. I find after having each child, the gifts and cards get less and less anyway, so I'm not having to write so many thank yous! My friend just had her 4th boy, and a month later I received a thank you card for the gift i bought her! I was REALLY surprised! I just don't expect them anymore, and even though I've done them before myself, A LOT of people don't. But I do enjoy receiving them . And I enjoy writing them up too.------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: SBM
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 2:32pm
I never ever used to send thank-you cards until I met DP's family who are close with his grandmothers (who are in their 80s) and THEY expect thank you cards for things. Well, they don't "expect" it, but they'll "subtly" hint and whine and moan to other relatives about it until you do 
So after his mum gave us a list of all the old people who had given us gifts (from his side of the family) I thought I would send some to my friends and family who had sent us stuff - I sent mine over a month ago and DP hasn't even touched his!! 
It's not something I've ever done before. Nor have I ever received one. It was fun to do them but I don't think I'll be making a habit out of it. I only had 10 to send and it took me ages to do them! Plus I'd already thanked everyone in person or via txt/email. Mostly I think it was just a way for me to send people pictures of Natalie without seeming weird
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Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 2:33pm
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I enjoy getting thankyou cards and reading them too, Ill help you do yours Kelly, like someone said earlier ------------- susie |
Posted By: Blankney94
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 10:42pm
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We got sooo many presents after Brooke's birth. Many of the gifts came from out of town. I felt it was only good manners to send a thank you note - and it gave me an excuse to tuck in a photo of Brooke at the same time. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Gaelic Lass
Date Posted: 04 September 2009 at 10:10pm
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I agree with the others - it is just plain good manners to send out thank you notes....and if it is what you've been brought up with - it is important to show your appreciation for someone else putting some time and effort into choosing a gift for you or someone in your family.
I personally made invites and thank you cards for both my girls births, Christenings, birthdays etc. I put photos of the girls on them - and people LOVE getting them - they always tell me they frame them or put them on the fridge. People actually appreciate it when you go to that type of effort.... call me old-fashioned!
I take the whole thing quite seriously and keep running lists of gifts given to the girls etc with who gave what - so I can personally detail the note to them. On a side note - I'm still peeved that my brother-in-law who got married in March is still yet to send out thank you cards for his wedding - and we brought them an engagement gift, Bridal Shower gift and expensive wedding gifts! I think it is just rude. I think we are just too casual sometimes...
edited sp* ------------- 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 04 September 2009 at 10:45pm
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Well I found half of our thank you cards for our wedding tucked away in a cupboard with the list for who was still to be written... Whoops!
I have all the bits for making the thank you cards for pressie for Jake but am yet to finish them. I dont think they are necessary if you have expressed your thanks already, but if they are from out of town then a card is a nce acknowledgement. -------------   
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 1:18am
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Kelly if it makes you feel any better we still haven't sent our wedding cards (we got married LAST YEAR, had a preemie honeymoon baby and then moved house). MIL brought it up last week and has obviously been stewing for ages. But it's *my* fault, not DH of course
We sent emails and thanked people personally after our wedding but I still feel guilty about our cards and I DO intend to send them as they're all sitting here, half written. Yep, I feel bad (more so after the guilt trip and this very timely thread!) but sometimes life gets in the way
I've sent out about 1/2 the baby cards I did too. But I wasn't even in a position to THINK about getting cards organised, let alone writing them, till C was about 4 months old! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 8:45am
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I'm learning to. It took me about six months to get the wedding ones out, but since then I've become kind of crafty & really like making them
Didn't bother with baby ones, there would have been so damn many! I was a PT to heaps of clucky women & Grandmothers lol, we are part of an amazing church and we have such wonderful family and friends, I'd have had to right so damn many, all while dealing with a colicy newborn. No thanks - and I think people understand that too. We made sure each 'group of people' were thanked in some form, but not by individual hand written cards. I normally try and give them to other people to help their special occasions, eg when someone has a baby/gets a new job/finds out they are pregnant/birthday/Christmas/Wedding. I think it's important moreso now then I did three years ago, but then I'm only 23! I do like the idea in theory, I love getting them myself, and I do intend to start making more of an effort, except for when I have given birth :D -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 11:03am
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After josh was born i did a useless job of noting who gave us what so the thank you notes were hard and i only got round to it when he was about 3 or 4 months cos i had my mum on my back about it (well it might have been my grandparents dropping hints to her) In the end i went on snapfish and did a photo card which was cheap and easy and delivered to the door and easy for people to put on their fridges etc People really liked getting them so will do it again with any other kids i have but i am such an unorganized person i found them really hard to do. -------------   
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 2:31pm
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I am in the process of doing my thank you cards for the wedding and am planning to start making the ones for baby after I have finished. At the minimum I would send an email (not a text) to say thank you for presents...but then we live far from family so can't say thanks to their faces!
On a side note...what about sending cards in general...I feel a bit ripped off that one of my closest friends who lives in England and couldn't come to the wedding didn't even send a card and seemed to think a brief email was sufficient congatulations. I'm sorry but I think that is rude....if it had been me I would have sent a card AND a present. I would have been happy with a card but not even that. Which reminds me that I sent her a present for her new baby and have had NO thank you, not even by email. Maybe she is just RUDE!! Oh and I love getting cards and when we were born mum stuck all the cards into albums for us and I LOVED looking through them. I am gonna do the same with our kids. Oh yes I also felt ripped off when we got engaged that people didn't send cards since we lived so far away (ie in Kalgoorlie WA) and it would have been nice to have had the feeling of ...I dunno just that people made the effort to congratulate us...to me posting a message on facebook doesn't cut it! Not for special occasions anyway! ------------- 
Oct 11
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 9:04pm
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Nat, i so know how you feel, neither of my brothers aknowledged the birth of Charlotte, nor did htey even bother with a card for our wedding, let alone a gift, AND they both came and drunk shedloads and one's fiancee drank so much she passed out in the tiolets... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |