What would you do/recommend?
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Topic: What would you do/recommend?
Posted By: escadachic
Subject: What would you do/recommend?
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:00pm
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I have a flatmate. She knows the flat rules about smoking, which are, no smoking inside.
Well, I discovered last month she had broken that rule and confronted her about it and to my surprise she admitted that yes, she in fact had on a few occasions smoked in her room. So I told her that, that was extremely disrespectful and how pissed off I am that she disregarded the rules, as she knows it's not allowed and she knows how I feel about people disrespecting the house rules. I did tell her, if it continues, I will kick her out. I pointed out, that, that will be the baby's room and that it is not fair to the baby's health once born or our health or my daughters health, smoking inside. She apologised and promised it would never happen again. I told her, don't even try it again, as I have a very strong sense of smell and I will know if she does it again. Well, she's done it again, more then once. I know this because for 1, if I smell cigarette smoke, I check to see if anyone is outside, also, I have found several cigarette butts in her room, as well as in a bowl hiding under her bed, plus the room smells of cigarettes too. She knew that she would have to move out also before the baby is born, though for some reason she thinks she has the right to dictate to us when she will be moving out. (She is a flatmate, we have signed no contract, she is not on the tenancy agreement, we are the head tenants and I have checked the law for flatmates and she has no rights) She said to me the other day, " I'll stay as long as I can and will move out a week before your baby is due". I was like, um, no! You will need to move out at least a month before my baby is due. She said "well I want to wait til after the holidays until my relatives are all back, plus I need time to save for a mover". Anyway, she is due to go up to Auckland for 2 wks at the end of next week and I am trying to work out when I should tell her to move. As I'm a nice person and I don't like to be heartless or harsh. Though I'm busy thinking, while she is here there's nothing to say she won't continue smoking inside. Which is obviously not cool with me. What would you do? -------------   
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Replies:
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:04pm
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id kick her out...having lived with a load of flatmates while at uni I know I wouldnt tolerate it...and would rather have short term stress that have this worry around for longer...
Tell her you want her to move out when she either goes to auckland or when she is back she has a week...and stick to it! Im not a smoker so would not live with one...and the one flatmate I did live with that smoked drove me nuts! dont risk babys (or your daughters) health by having this person around...and dont let her cause you more stress that you need. |
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:10pm
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Yeah I'm not a smoker either and I did try to get a non-smoker in, but didn't manage to find a non-smoker. Plus I did specify in the flatmate wanted add, prefer non-smokers, but if you are a smoker, outside only.
You see now I have to change which room the baby will be in, as I don't want to risk any chance of cot death due to the room being tainted by cigarettes. So will have to put my daughter who is 6 in the room. But still I'm not cool with even her being in that room. -------------
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:14pm
| Boot her out - smoking inside is a big no no. Unfortunately my hubby smokes - BUT he always goes out side and even in the car he wouldn't dear with us in it. Just a thought - maybe pay your 6 year old to be an out of control brat when the flatmate around - could be a way of driving her out .... |
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:16pm
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You see I'm worried if I kick the flatmate out before she goes to Auckland, well I mean give her notice that she needs to move out a.s.a.p. That she will not pay her rent while she is away, just to be a dick about things.
I am also worried she will intentially take her time in moving out, using the excuse that she needs to pay for a mover, so she needs to save up. Really, though, that is not our problem and her problems should not be made our problem. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:18pm
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I mean we do understand that it gets cold at times, so we said she can go in the garage and smoke. As that is still outside the house, but not totally outside, so she won't have to freeze. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:20pm
Yeah you see I couldn't make my daughter behave badly even if I paid her. Plus the flatmate is an ex-nanny, so can handle being around difficult kids. -------------
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hannibal wrote:Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:20pm
| If the 6 year old can't drive her out - maybe put up the rent? Suggest that if she stops smoking - she can move sooner. An ex-nanny - well thats impressive ... |
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 9:27pm
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Well yes I would be justified in doing that. As I just got the power bill today and in theory being the whether is warmer and heaters aren't being used, it should be getting cheaper. Guess how much?!....$272!!! The most it ever was before her moving in was $160. And the reading from last month was an actual reading, not an estimate. I looked at the graph for the months she has lived here and the power consumption has risen significantly. You would think, well there is 1 more person. But we had 4 adults living here at one point and the power bill never got above $160. She uses the washing machine over 3 times a week. Where as we use it once a week. She uses the dishwasher when it is not even full and she has the light on in her room during the day, instead of opening the curtain like most intelligent people would. -------------
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Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:11pm
| Well I'm jealous - try a power bill for 37 days - 2 adults, one baby, two cats - mum, dad, bub out 5 full days for the week ... $300. To make it even worse a wood fire installed last month, dishwasher on once a week if that, washing machine at least once a day on cold water and two showers a day, cooking (no heating on in rooms) .... |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:19pm
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We pay heavenly power bills too, but then there are six of us and I am lazy so use the dryer a lot.
She says she needs to save money to move? Save her the problem - while she is in Auckland, put all her stuff out on the street. She'll find some way of getting it moved pretty quick smart unless she wants to lose it. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:19pm
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yeah i think that power bill is awesome..and washing.. 2 loads a day here:)
re the smoking.. are you sure she has no rights in terms of being asked to leave? if so I would ask her to leave now.. she sounds like she will just be a pain no matter what you do.. or i guess wait till she comes back then kick her out..? hopefully she doesn't disrepect the house more than she already has....my DH is a smoker and he can never understand why anyone would smoke inside!! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:20pm
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Oh and Willie smokes, I caught him smoking out the window a few weeks ago (his excuse was that it was cold - well give up then!) and I kicked his butt so hard he'd be scared to so much as think about doing it again. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Roses are Red
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:41pm
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Install a smoke alarm on her roof, that will soon let you know if she is smoking inside.
Just decide on a date you want her out by and tell her that after that date her things will be outside and the locks will be changed. I wouldnt worry too much about the room being dangerous for baby if you have a month to air it out. Clean the curtains and carpet and you will be good to go. Oh and charge her for cleaning the carpet and curtains too. Good luck hun, I know how hard it is when you have flatmates that push the limit all the time, been there done that, got rid of them lol. ------------- 
Angel March 2011
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:43pm
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Yeah you see I'm used to hardcore trying to save power. As I used to live in CHCH years ago when they did the whole save 10% thing. So I got very used to being efficient with power consumption.
I use the washing machine once a week, shower every few days, only boil the jug when it is needed, use the dishwasher when it is totally full, have lights off in any room I'm not in, turn things off(not leaving on standby mode), switch things off at the wall I am not using and have a gas heater. Something a lot of people don't know is though you use cold wash, washing machines are big power suckers and reboiling the jug actually is a big power sucker. I have actually had the power bill here as low as $75 with 2 adults and a child. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:46pm
Yeah considered that, but she would just take out the battery to get around that. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 18 September 2009 at 10:58pm
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I'm just not looking forward to doing the kicking out part. She will probably get all upset and act sincerely remorseful.
But I can't take her sincerity seriously anymore. As she abused our trust by promising to never smoke inside again. But seriously, did she not hear me when I told her, I will smell it and I will know if you do smoke in your room. Does she think I'm that naive really?! She must be stupid if she thinks I wouldn't know. She thinks she's clever by burning oil and incense to cover the smell. But you see only cigarette smoke and smell travels upstairs, not incense or oils. Plus, the girl(she acts like a girl though she is 34), has a drinking problem! Anyone who drinks in their room alone twice a week and finishes off 2 12pks of 10% RTDS has got a problem! I've told her to sort her s**t out and get some help. I made some progress, now she just drinks for the hell of it and no longer drinks to make her troubles fade. Plus I told her to not be around my daughter if she has drunk anything. Which she obeys. But damn, every time she drinks, you hear her banging around at 1am+ in the morning and talking at full volume on the phone or yelling at her cat. Yes I know I must kick her out. It's like having a badly behaved kid to look after seriously! It sucks when you almost have to treat an adult like a child. -------------
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 6:53am
| i would say the landlord came around and smelt the smoke and was very concerned. does she know the landlord? |
Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 8:01am
It does suck having to kick a flatmate out - and sorry to say you may just have to take the hit on the lost rental income  .
We had to kick out a flatmate a month before Lydia was born - he was $200 behind in his rent at the time (was paying pack over $1000 in arrears - we're too nice!). We gave him 7 days notice. We didn't give him more, because we knew as soon as he got notice, he wouldn't pay us any more money, which was the case. Be strong - give her 1-2 weeks notice. Even if you don't have a flat-sharing agreement, put it in writing that you want her out by x time on x day. if she's not gone put her stuff out on the lawn!!! If any of our flatmates were refusing to leave, I'd be visiting the local police station to order tresspass notices. Agreed with Lizzle - use the landlord at help get rid of her! Maybe the landlord came round, smelled the smoke, and was threatening to kick you all out or something. Good luck! |
Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 10:05am
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the landlord idea is brilliant. I would just be nice a give her 1-2 weeks notice, and say that you dp and dd want some time together on your own before baby is born and that also its getting round about the time that you need to get the nursery ready. Its not you're fault if she needs to save and maybe winz could help her with her move anyway. DH and I both smoke (well not really me at the mo) and its outside rain, hail or shine. We choose to smoke but wont have it around the kids, in the cars or inside, funnily enough I cant stand the smell. When she's moved out I would clean carpets, wash curtains and wash all the walls down with sugar soap. I did that before we moved into our new place as I could smell it but after doin that and getting some air through all was good. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 10:51am
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Yeah I have had a chat to the landlord. And she said if it helps, she will tell her to move out. Because it is in our tenancy agreement the no-smoking rule and the flatmate knows that. I said to the flatmate the last time I caught her out, it's not fair to have us risked getting kicked out because she doesn't obey the rules.
I find it interesting how some flatmates get that they are just that, flatmates and respect that they are paying for a room in your house and that you have been kind enough to offer them that roof over thier head. They understand you are the head tenants and their actions can effect whether you yourself have a roof over your head. I have had such great flatmates before. Why her as a 34yr old doesn't grasp this concept I do not understand. She acts like she has all the rights we do as tenants. But I have in fact researched her rights as a flatmate and she doesn't have any. I just hate how she tries to dictate to us when she is moving out. I mean for goodness sake, it is our house. We are the ones paying $350 a week and we are the ones with the tenancy. What makes her think paying a tiny $120 per week gives her all these rights. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 11:05am
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I also find it funny that for someone who is apprently so poor, she manages to buying alcohol twice a week.
And you know what she said to us when we told her she needs to cut back her power consumption, as since she has lived here the power has gone up $100 more then when would use in the colder months. She said, well how much power do your computers use? I told her that computers actually don't use a lot of power, because they don't. The washing machine uses way more power on just 1 load then the computer. I mean s**t the cheek of her turning it around on us!!! I told her, we use the washing machine once a week, and she uses it at least twice a day, at least 4+times a week, plus she keeps re-boiling the jug, we just boil it when we need it, never re-boil it, we also only have lights on that are absolutely necessary, she has her lights on all day and during the day, also we limit the dishwasher use and wait til it is full, she just turns it on when its not even half full. And after telling her all this, that is when she turned around and asked how much our computers use. I was like WTF?! -------------
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 11:48am
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Give her a date and tell her she is going that day. If she isn't go get other people involved. I am a smoker and I would never smoke inside (I hate it when I go to other smokers houses and they smoke inside). I live in one of the coldest places in NZ and I go outside to smoke (might have a few layers on and my smoking blanket), but it is still outside. Ring Tenancy Tribunal next week and see what they say. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 1:45pm
| Tell her straight.....get out. She knew it was no smoking inside she has been warned, so tell her it is not working out & while she is away you will pack all her stuff & leave it by the door but she is more than welcome to do it herself before she goes to AK. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 5:02pm
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you dont have to give her a reason... just tell her that she is to be out by whatever date you want... give her a couple of weeks notice at least and thats it. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 19 September 2009 at 8:15pm
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Yeah we were thinking, we will tell her when she is in Auckland and has paid her rent up to date, that she has to look for some where else to live. We figured if we told her before she goes away she would just not pay rent while she's away. This way we get our rent and she knows she has to move. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 20 September 2009 at 10:31pm
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I think I am feeling weak. As I was thinking, oh maybe I could come to an agreement with the flatmate, as in a written agreement about not smoking inside and also an agreement to say on the day she moves she will scrub down the walls, clean the carpet and the curtains before she leaves. But then again, I'm not sure if that will work, I worry she'll get drunk and carefree again and revert back to smoking in her room. Hmm.... What to do.... -------------
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 21 September 2009 at 9:31am
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if she broke the rule already whats to say she wont agree to that but then when it comes time she just doesnt anyway... if you ask me you may as well kick her out and start getting babies room ready now... sounds like it will need a new paint job anyway! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 21 September 2009 at 3:35pm
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Well we were thinking we will make an agreement for her to sign saying if we believe she is smoking inside again, she will be kicked out with only 1 wks notice. -------------
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 21 September 2009 at 4:45pm
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There is no point, if you warned her before and she still did it she will do it again. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 21 September 2009 at 9:57pm
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I so don't miss flatting!! its hard to give someone the boot though huh... but better that than having every thing she does annoy you to the point you cán't look at her without wanting to rip her face off hahaha.
my old flat (with one flatmate) rules were, there was to be no smoking inside (which I always went outside anyway) I gave up a few years ago... but she used to stand in the laundry and have a pipe!!!!!!! GO FIGURE.  ------------- 
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 22 September 2009 at 9:14am
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Yeah I think you are right about the fact that if I let her stay I will begin to hate her to the point I'll feel like riping off her face(not literally).
As I keep wanting to confront her about it, but I think she will just lie and continue doing it. I did send her a text saying "by the way I know you have smoked in your room several times since I asked you about it last time, so just don't". Got no reply, but heard her coughing like 10 mins later. And I know for a fact she doesn't have a cold or asthma. And she always seems to have her window open. Like does she not know that doesn't do a thing towards getting rid of smoke. The fact is smoke rises, upstairs, which is where I usually am when I smell the smoke. And my partner pointed, for one thing it's not just disrespectful, but it is a fire hazard, and whose to say she won't just get a little to drunk and drop her lit cigeratte and start a fire. And as we only have 1 smoke alarm and it's upstairs and our rooms are all downstairs, by the time the upstairs smoke alarm goes off, we could all be dead or on the way by then. The fact is, she may be easy to get along with, but she clearly only thinks about herself and her needs. As she knows that room will be the babies room and after the last time she was caught out and confronted and promised to never do it again, knowing if we find out she is smoking in her room again, she will be kicked out, it is so much worse that she has continued to do that. I mean s**t maybe she is just being a b***h because I'm pregnant and she'd love to be, so she is acting out of jealousy and envy. It just sucks that my daughter seems to be attached to her, as children who are young don't judge and wouldn't have any idea that she's not a good person for doing what she does. It kind of pisses me off when my daughter cuddles up to her. Because I'm all like, she doesn't deserve those cuddles. -------------
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 11:23am
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*Update*
I finally kicked the flatmate out and she moved out yesterday. But damn you should've seen the carpet! You see it was new before we moved in earlier this year. It was stained as and is still pretty stained. She hadn't vacuumed at all when she left. We've so far spent $68 trying to get the stains out. Went over the stains 4 times with the Rug Doctor. Appears one of the marks, we thought was coffee or bourbon&coke, is actually a burn mark from an iron, ARGH!!!  She painted the bits all wall she marked, but it's the wrong colour! Either that or the walls have been discoloured from the smoking, therefore making the right colour not match. B***h left nearly 2 bags of rubbish here. Didn't leave her keys behind either, but I think that is because her cat is still here. I think the cat secretly hid when she was moving on purpose lol! She was yet again been drunk and annoying the day before she left, grr! Funny thing is, the place she has moved to is an ex-friend of mine. Poor ex-friend! I may not be friends with this person anymore, but I feel bad for her. -------------
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Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 2:43pm
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Glad to hear she is finally gone. Bad luck on the mess she made though! Hope you got a bond off her. ------------- 
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 11:30pm
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Nope didn't get bond off her
I asked her to pay another weeks rent to cover the damage, but she wouldn't, said she'd get the carpet spotless before she moved out. What b.s!!! -------------
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 25 October 2009 at 11:19am
| At least she's gone, but what a bitch! |