How much time with your DH?
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Topic: How much time with your DH?
Posted By: emz
Subject: How much time with your DH?
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 3:14pm
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How much time do you spend with your DH in evenings (once kids are in bed), weekends etc? And I mean quality time together doing something, or just relaxing, not just being in the same room but not saying a word lol
DH and I don't have the conventional relationship because he's in the army, and well the last meaningful relationship I had before him was in high school so can't count that one for 'normality'. Previously we've basically lived in each other's pockets while he's home as he's away about 1/2 of the year, but I find we get nothing done around the house (we like to just lie on the couch together). So anyway, what's normal? Or normal for you? I don't know if my expectations of time together are too high or not, but I feel like we never get to spend quality time together these days when he's home as we're always in limbo waiting for his next trip. Please tell me what's normal  
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Replies:
Posted By: Henna79
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 3:28pm
I would prob be the same in your position  I love snuggling with DH and we do a lot of it too. He is a shift worker so we get a lot of time together and we do pretty much live in each others pockets (which is such a wonderful way to be considering we have been together 10 years nearly). Happy snuggling!!
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 3:32pm
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EMZ,
I can relate (sort of). My dad worked in the film industry so he'd be gone for months at a time working on movies and then not work for six months. town. Anyway what I remember is that there was a readjustment period for everyone when Dad came back. Sometimes a few weeks while everyone got used to the change in responsiblities etc. My friend whose husband (US Army) has just been posted to Iraq for 13 months and is often away on training etc for months at a time and I think they make it work by making the most of their time together. Perhaps you could try getting in touch with other army spouses? |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 3:38pm
| I dunno, I think it depends on the couple. DH and I love having time to do our own things as well as we have some differing likes/hobbies so when we have the chance we do that often too. But then we also spend time together. But if he went away lots I'd probably wanna spend more time with him while hes home |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 3:50pm
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We have date nights once a month - Mum takes the kids overnight and we got out to dinner or go out with other couples.
We usually have an hour max together in the evenings (depending on his shift) Sometimes we are just sitting there watching tv... We do all the housework together at night so that its "quicker", I sort the kids and the vacuuming/tidying/dinner while he does the dishes and the washing. If I hadnt seen my DH for a long time I am sure it would be completely different though! |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 4:08pm
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If you count being in the same room, DH on the lap top and me watching tV then yup we spend time together in the evenings.
We don't go out all that much, and often spend the weekends doing stuff around the house. Its all fine by me, as long as you are happy with the time you spend together I wouldn't worry about it. If however you want to go out more actually do stuff then maybe one of you needs to organise it. During summer DH and I make an effort to go for walks in the evenings gives us time away from distractions and helps with fitness too. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 4:19pm
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We go for a walk together with the dogs every morning before work, around 6.30am. In the evening we take turns cooking and chat while the cooking is going on then we generally have dinner at the table to chat about the day as well. But then there are a few times a week when one of us has something on after work away from the other.
We spend maybe 70% of our time together over the weekend as we have some different interests and do "girl" or "boy" things with our own friends. We get on really well but we are both the same in that we would never want to live in each others pocket. I think that would drive us insane! (Plus then surely there would be nothing to talk about??) |
Posted By: ohanlon82
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 4:32pm
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Yip i think everyone is different
During the weeks DH and I are never really home.. Him with work, tech and sport and me with sport and walking... So we kind of pass an go during the week.. Always have a chat at some point Weekends are doing sport stuff - we both try watch each other when we can.. Also house stuff. Love going out for dinner etc so DH and i try and do this quite a bit - never always works Also date night - it is awesome.. We will see how much it changes with kids  ------------- http://lb2f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/RPaODBg.jpg |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 4:59pm
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Honestly by the time Rowan's in bed I'm so tired I usually zone out in front of the TV while he does the dishes. Not exactly a communicative relationship.
On the rare occasion we do go out we look at other couples talking away and laugh because we honestly can't think of a thing to say. Not that either of us are upset by this by any means but I think with young kids around the quality of the relationship time can reduce dramatically. -------------  
 
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Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 5:33pm
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DH an I are together almost 24/7 He is on ACC after a rather serious accident.
We each look after our son equally during the day, and each have our own time to do things We are both quite new to this town so only really have each other to hang out with. We both do all the housework. I have him trained quite well. ------------- 
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Posted By: ooEvaoo
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 6:18pm
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DP and I could probably spend more quality time during the evening, he doesn't finish work til 6:30pm, and mornings are no good as I'm busy getting things sorted for the day with our son and my study. Weekends we usually do a family thing. But yea evenings are usually spent watching tv or DP being on the comp. Not much time for each other after putting our son to bed as I usually fall asleep in there waiting for him to fall asleep lol. ------------- 
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 6:48pm
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I feel I did more together before we had bubs, of course, but now all my focus is on her and not him, I felt the closest I ever have with him when I was giving birth but not so much now (does that makes sense?). We are best friends and partners and although he hasn't been away like your partner, army seems to rule his life. He gets home frustrated and then plays ps3 to unwind... yep army games hahaha. Hes only been away few weeks at a time (but still away quite a bit). I know he doesn't choose to go away but I feel Im stuck at home taking care of everything while he is playing rambo. I would struggle BIG time not seeing him for half a year.
I think that having a date night once a month is a great idea! even if the kids are away you stay home hehe ------------- 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 7:29pm
| We're much the same as mrsg - except it's me on the laptop and him watching TV (he channel surfs, which drives me completely batty, because you never get to see a full story on the news, let alone a TV program). We do usually talk about things when we go to bed - we cuddle before we go to sleep every night and that's when we end up talking about things. It has diminished somewhat since having the girls however!! Otherwise we just have general chit chat, but we can go an evening sitting in the same room without talking as such - just asking the meaningles questions "do you want a drink" etc. |
Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 8:45pm
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My DH goes away a lot, sometimes for a week sometimes for 2 months at a time and there is always a readjustment period, the first couple of weeks are kind of like a honeymoon and then after that its up & down. He has no set routine when home, he could be working anything from 3 hours to 12 hours a day and then maybe has one day off a week where we know he has no work commitments, so its really hard to get into any set routine as a couple as such. We are always in a kind of limbo too as there are times where he is gone for 2 weeks and then home for 2 days before going away again for 2 weeks.
We do tend do a lot of watching TV together and we always try to eat together if he is at home for dinner. I try not to let the housework etc. get to me and do it when I can, we are in the middle of gutting our house so nothing ever really looks tidy anyway and I would rather spend time with DH when I can than do housework. We spend a lot of time together doing stuff to the house (landscaping, building etc.) which is either a very harmonious experience or NOT lol! One thing we do is get out a movie, get some wine and favourite treats and then just blob out once DD is in bed and try to have a date night when we can (not that often!) |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 9:10pm
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It seems like we don't have much 'quality' time together. Evenings seem to be full of getting the boys to bed and catching up on any chores I haven't managed during the day. Sometimes we manage to sit down on the couch and blob together but not all nights. We always eat tea together as a family and we have several conversations during the evening, sometimes stopping and starting as we get the boys in bed.
We are extending the house at the moment so DH is outside working as much as he can on the weekends. He is a person who can't sit still so when he finally does it is usually in front of the tv and he falls asleep! I sometimes get frustrated with the lack of time we have together but I know it is only for a short time and soom it will change. In saying that though we couldn't be together 24/7, we would drive eachother batty! ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 October 2009 at 10:07pm
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Me and DP spend time together during the day as we're both unemployed atm, we usually just spend the day cuddling or going on our laptops to do things we enjoy. Sometimes we watch movies.
We try to go out once or twice a month on dates to the movies or out for dinner, just to spend time together. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 22 October 2009 at 9:13am
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DP is home most evenings by 4 now and only goes away occasionally so he spends time with Jake while I finish dinner then we eat together then Jake is in bed by 6.30 and we cuddle up and talk and watch tv or do jigsaws or play boardgames. We talk ALOT lol we love each others company. We try to have a date night every fortnight but our babysitters (mum and dad) are pretty unreliable atm so its not happening as much but we don't mind. On weekends we're working in the garden or renovating so even if I can't help I just sit and talk to him and keep the drinks and snacks coming
Anyway hes ex army and spent alot of time in timor and stuff so being away for ages wasn't easy. -------------   
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 22 October 2009 at 1:06pm
Thats us too 
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minik8e wrote:Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 22 October 2009 at 1:15pm
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Thanks for all your replies, it's interesting to read.
There's just so much I want to do, like go swimming a couple of times a week (I have a basement pool at work) which we used to do together, but of course now one of us has to stay home, and I kind of feel like with him being away so much I'd rather be at home while he is. Hmm it's a hard one. I handle deployments so much better than the constant coming-and-going he's been doing this year as you get them home for a good period of time after being away and having the readjustment. I also can't believe how many of you have your DH help with housework at night - good on you! I usually get all that done during the day so he's all mine at night, although I do my 2nd lot of dishes just before bed to make the bottles, but other than that, no housework except reno. Oh to have a DH with a 9-5 job Although I'm pretty sure we'd crack if it was like that, we both like having the away periods sometimes cos then you get the honeymoon phase
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 22 October 2009 at 8:19pm
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Honestly, I probably spent more time talking to DH when he lived on the other side of the world!
Now with DH studying he is out of the house for three of the five days and when he is at home, its the feed and get everyone into bed routine, then he has to study or finish assignments. Emz - I hear you on the cant do things together anymore. DH and I used to work out at the gym together, now one goes and the other one goes when that one gets back!
Its not forever though .. the kids will get to the age where we can leave them both with the grandparents and DH and I can have real dates! ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 22 October 2009 at 10:27pm
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We leave both our kids with my parents (well we have once) - with the lifestyle (if you can call the army that lol) we lead, I need to have a break from them.
Grr just found out DH is going away again! He was supposed to be home until end of Jan but nope home for a month then away for Nov/Dec for a few weeks. So there goes making the most of every moment together again and nothing getting done, again! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 22 October 2009 at 11:33pm
This is me too, once the kids are asleep, I just sit wiht my laptop or I watch TV, and DH is usually on the other computer, or playing playstation. On the weekends we try and get out for a walk, or take caden to the beach or something like that, especially now that the nice weather is coming. ------------- |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 1:28am
Honestly, most of the weekdays I feel like we barely see each other until we go to bed, and then it's a ten minute talk before we fall asleep, exhausted 
DH gets Friday and Saturday off, but atm I am going to uni on Friday, so not seeing him and then he usually has some friends over Friday night... but on Saturday we try and have a "family" day where we do something fun with the kidlets and then spend Saturday night together. Unless we have other plans, like going to Chch this weekend to see family ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: noisybaby
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 1:12pm
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My hubby and I are best friends, We do most things together and with the wee one. We talk alot together and love doing things together. Since he was diagnosed with a brain tumour 2 months ago I feel we are more in love now then ever before coz our priorities in life have changed. Time spent together as a family is much more important than anything else.
We have only had three days apart from each other since we got together 7+ years ago and they were hard. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 1:43pm
same as us really. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 9:09am
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OMG Noisybaby I'm so sorry you guys are going through that. I hope everything is going ok.
DH and I have only spent about 5 days apart total in the duration of our 15 year relationship. I feel homesick without him around. -------------
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Posted By: noisybaby
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 10:42am
| Thanks Bobbie. Yeah it sucks but oh well, not much we can do about it. Theres always people worse off then us. |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 3:11pm
Why don't you have anything to talk about? I would have thought that having children would mean that you have even more to talk about than other people. |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 3:58pm
Because they probably dont want to discuss the kids while out on a date
Also if the Mum is a SAHM then thats basically all she has to talk about (they do take up a huge portion of your life), and Dad probably knows all this info already (being Dad and all). ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 5:06pm
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that is exactly what i was going to say lilfatty:) i am so boring now cause i really dont have anything else to say.. and he doesnt do much other than work atm either:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 8:03pm
If we put a topic ban on kids and diving while out on a date we'd have nothing left to talk about 
We disappear to tv / computers in the evenings and generally do our chatting when we got to bed at night. We normally try to do family things on both Saturday and Sunday mornings. DH tends to go away a lot on either dive trips or work related trips. Ironically the longest we've been apart was when I was away for a 10 day work trip.
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 24 October 2009 at 9:52pm
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Heehee yeah we 'ban' each other from discussing Rowan if we can. It's not really that bad but you know after a while you do kind of cover it all off during the course of the day so it does get a little quiet on our dates. -------------
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Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 25 October 2009 at 8:46pm
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DP and I hardly ever spend time together these days. He is gone for 12hrs plus during week days then in the the weekends he is always off doing things. I would love to spend a lot more time together but he just doesn't get it. He also will also have at least 3 late nights a week. I think he thinks that I am happy being at home by myself and looking after DS all the time.
He wonders why I don't feel like doing 'it' all the time. He doesn't seem to understand how tired I am. What with always getting up to DS at night and never getting a sleep in as well as having to do the housework and cooking. He has got DS up in the mornings a few time but since he doesn't know his tired signs e.t.c I am always kept awake by DS grizzling. DP is about to get a rude awaking from Tuesday though as I am starting a part time job, so DP will have to look after DS in the weekends and on Tuesday. So hopefully he will get a better understanding of what it is like to be a SAHM and then maybe (fingers crossed) he will spend more time with us. Also doesn't help that he stinks of beer and smokes when he gets home from hanging out with mates. Sorry for the rant, I just wish things were like they used to be and that he would just realise that he has a family now and is no longer single. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Lizze
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:10am
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DP and I used to work together, so it was literally 24/7, we'd go home for lunch together, spend evenings together and all weekend, but we got on so well it didn't matter.
Now we work at different places so I miss the lunches, but most evenings we cook tea together, we share all the housework, watch shortland street, go for mountain bike rides, and go to to bed at the same time. Weekends we spend 90% of the time together, we try and make the supermarket shopping when we can both go, and DP even asked me to go to Mitre10 with him the other day as he enjoys it more when I'm there. (i love hardware shops anyway). We don't go out drinking or socialising very often, but when we do it's not very often we go out without the other one unless its a work function where partners aren't invited. DP goes mountain biking with his friends sometimes so he can get a decent hill ride in (which i'm not very good at). Not sure what it will be like when the baby comes, but I've already asked him to consider working 4 days/week instead of 5 so we can have a three day weekend as a family, and he will come home every day for lunch. We also do alot of DIY around the house together at weekends, I'm the proactive one, and he's the rational one. Although recently we've paid a builder to come in an build a new bathroom for us as we decided it wasn't worth the stress and strain on our relationship doing it ourselves. ------------- 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:47pm
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I've just spent 3 weeks with DH almost 24/7 as we were back in NZ on holiday. But usually we spend about an hour together as a family (with C) in the mornings having breakfast and playing with C and then when he gets home from work C is usually asleep so we eat together and then watch telly or catch up with emails and family and on skype.
We've only had a couple of nights out without C since he was born because we don't have easy access to a babysitter. Things are definitely different since we've had a baby but once we got through the first few months of sleep deprivation (and sleeping separately so DH could function at work and I could get sleep when he was home) I think we're back on track. OT -  to you and your DH noisybaby
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 6:09pm
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DP and i never have time apart lol
Most nights we have dinner but dd to bed etc. Then he will go into the garage and do man things until 830,9pm and then we hang inside. I find we never cuddle. Maybe once a fortnight we will watch a movie together. But we are so independent and enjoy doing our own thing. We doing family things every weekend so its not like we never spend anytime together -------------  
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 6:24pm
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DH and I probably spend 2-3 hours quality time alone together each week. We don't get evenings because DH doesn't get home until 10:30pm and in the mornings we have 2 kids to keep us busy. We had more time alone together back when I worked even though we worked different shifts (I often met him for 30 mins over lunchtime). I am happy with our lot. I think the time we spend together as a family (the 4 of us) is quality time and I love watching DH with our kids, it gives me warm fuzzies just thinking about it. He and I have grown up together and will grow old together so there'll be plenty of alone time to come. On the other hand our kids aren't going to want to hang out with us forever so we're making the most of it while they still do. -------------  
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 8:51pm
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DP works shifts and we see very little of each other. When we're home at the same time we're either on our computers or watching TV and we never have time alone together.
After 12 years we're a bit "meh". Things could be better, but they could be worse. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |