I’m sorry but WTF?
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Topic: I’m sorry but WTF?
Posted By: lemongirl
Subject: I’m sorry but WTF?
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 9:52am
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DP's almost at the business end of the family court process. He wants to move into a shared care arrangement. We live 10 minutes drive for the kiddo's school and we already have her 5/14 nights.
The psych seems to have bought all the mother's lies and wants to cut back to overnight every other weekend and DP could have dinner with the child 3/14 at the ex's house!!! WTF? When DP goes over there all the ex does is shout and scream at him (which she denys) and the psych thinks that this is a good enviroment for the kiddo. The psych also said that it was for the best that I had a miscarriage and that DP and I shouldn't be having any children because it would be too unsettling for the chid. Wow that is so insane. I'm starting to think those crazy father's rights campaigners are right. It doesn't matter that we have created a great home for DP's kiddo and resolved a whole bunch of her behavioural issues. What the mother the wants the mother gets. |
Replies:
Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 9:58am
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I would suggest getting a small handheld voice recorder thing that your DF could switch on and pop in his pocket for when he goes over there. At least this way you can say well we recorded this from when he walked into the house...
Surely if the kiddo is school age, the psych would have asked her if mummy yells at daddy when he comes over? Sounds like the fathers rights people are quite right.. It's not the first time I've heard of something like this... Hope it all gets better... |
Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:02am
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OMG.. where did that psychologist get her degree? A weetbix box?!
DS was 15 months old when we started going through family courts (his father wasnt interested in being a dad but his parents werent about to let me walk away with him, so they took off with him) and it took til his 2nd birthday to get him back in my care. around his 4th birthday we finally settled on ortnighyl stays at their house and half of all school hols (they live 3 hours away though). We also had 2 mc in that last 6 months and at NO time did anyone say it was 'for the best' or that having a new baby would unsettle him... in fact, his dad ended up having the first sibling with his then ex (now his wife who is expecting yet another baby less than a year later) and I have since had another baby too... DS has managed remarkebly well, and dotes on his baby sisters (poor boy, 3 sisters in 2 years LOL) Depending on how old the child is, you could possibly argue the point that it would be more unsettling to suddenly change her routine and retrict time with her dad, and that the tension when both parents meet would not be beneficial to the child either.. but then I'm guessing you would have thought of that already... so all I can say is hang in there, it took us from 15 months old til just after he turned 4 to come to a concrete arrangement.. so it can take some time to hash it all out... ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:22am
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Babykantz DP's kiddo is almost 6, a year younger than your son (they split when she was 3). We feel like we are in a circular argument. 'Oh the child is clearly bonded to her maternal grandmother so she can't spend time away from her.'
But at the same time how are we supposed to develop proper bonds if we don't get a decent amount of time with the kid doing day-to-day stuff at our house and also having the mother pelt us with phone calls every few hours (or in some cases several in the space of a few hours). When DP queried what effect that might have on the child regarding conflict the psych said the said there was no conflict! Then when asked about the effect of future children she came out with that line. Jesus. The thing that grates is we've made so much progress with the kiddo and that's been ignored and I feel like if she goes back to having minimal contact the kid will slide back into her old ways again. It's not like we don't want the child to have a relationship with the maternal family but at the same time she needs to be spending time with her dad (who desperately wants to be involved in his daughter's life) too. |
Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:25am
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So so sorry to hear this lemongirl.
My greatest fear is that people will believe my completely insane sociopathic ex and that he will do something like this to me. I hope it all gets resolved for you guys soon, I understand how your partner feels and it really sucks having to deal with people like this. 
I don't really know what to suggest but the main one when dealing with nutters is to document, document, document everything! Every text, every e-mail, everything! |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:33am
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Yeah he's been doing documenting and even showed to the psych which she ignored.
The sad thing is I was feeling quite confident after the intial part where a judge called the ex on her b/s and he got a whole bunch of time with the child. Then we were able to make all these improvements with the child. I figured the best way to get others to believe that you are a good parent is to be one. Apparently it's just not enough. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:40am
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[QUOTE=Babykatnz] OMG.. where did that psychologist get her degree? A weetbix box?! QUOTE]
Any chance you can ask for a second opinion? This person sounds terribly biased. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 10:42am
| Yeah I'd get a 2nd opinion. If the ex packs up a stink you could always ask what she is afraid of if she belives this psychologist to be correct in what they are saying |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 11:01am
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Unlikely for a second opnion as she's court appointed.
It just seems like such a huge set back as judges take these reports quite seriously. I just don't understand why it would be seen as a good idea for DP to be spending so much time with the child at the mother's house. He needs to be creating his own enviroment for her and I think sending him around there sends a very clear message. |
Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 11:15am
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I tend to agree with what you have been sayong, lemongirl.
I would get your DP to persue the 2nd opinion option as there must be a way to do that. I also agree with neeandsam in regards to documentation - it is PITA but I would have a pad by the phone and each time she calls note the time the call started and finished and a brief descriptin of content etc this way you do have more "evidence". -------------  
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 11:15am
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Its more damaging for a child NOT to see both parents, why is this person favouring one parent more than the other?? I wouldn't be happy with that arrangement of him going to visit their child at the ex's place, things get messy when one person has too much control over custody situations.
And who is she to say its for the best if he didn't have anymore children?? I was the only child with my parents and loved having new brothers and sisters. ------------- 
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Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 12:53pm
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I get so frustrated with people who use the family court to wage personal wars. It makes it so much harder for people with genuine concerns for the safety of their children to be taken seriously.
I left the abusive biological father of my son after he put me in the hospital. E was four months old. I obtained a protection and parenting order that protects both me and my son. And we didn't hear anything more from him until just before E turned 3. Since then we have been fighting his bid to gain access to him. In an ideal world E would have been able to have a loving bond wit his Bio Dad that would enrich his life. But life isn't always ideal and the reality is the fact that he is a serial abuser. He is currently trying to gain access to three of his four children. E has three older sisters, two of which to his ex wife (who I didn't even know about until after the psych report) and the third who is 1 year and 10 days older than him. He only acknowledges the older two and E. (which means he now has FIVE sisters!) He has 17 criminal convictions and a very volatile nature. I am sick to the back teeth of all the lies he puts in his affidavits, so with the court dealing with people like him on a regular basis I think a lot of judges and psychologist take what ever they say with a large measure of salt. We had a fantastic Psychologist, so I can't complain one bit. She saw right through his bullsh*t. She also helped me come to terms with E eventually having 'supervised contact' with him 3 to 4 times a year for the benefit of E. However since I have pressed him for child support for the first time he lawyer has gone suspiciously quiet. I hope that you sort things out with your DP's ex. People really need to get a grip and let go of their personal grievance and remember that the most important people in the whole mess is whats best of the children. [edit] Good advice re:documenting. The more physical proof you have the better it will be when it comes back up against a judge. The Judges weighs heavily on the psych report however its not all based on this. I would have to agree that going to her house and spending time seems totally inappropriate. Perhaps instead there is someone else's house this can occur in?? ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 1:05pm
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Sorry to hear that you guys are going through this - it really really sucks. Do you have a good lawyer? Its hard when the court system seems biased towards the mothers all the time, but I think that a good lawyer should be able to help you get your case across.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 2:07pm
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i wont say too much - but you can get a critique of the psych by employing another psych - if you are on legal aid no worries - but if private paying you will be paying time of both psychs
if you want to PM me the name of the psych I can probably tell you off the record if it is worth getting a critique or not otherwise you can respond to the psych by affidavits etc etc...and should do so (hope you have a good lawyer too! and good lawyer for child) - again if you Pm me I can comment on that - strictly off record! 
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Posted By: jem
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 3:17pm
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I am sure that you can get a second opiion. i remember when i was young i think my mum went for a 3rd or maybe a 4th psych!
Can i add PLEASE DO NOT USE A POCKET RECORDER!!! when recording any converstions evryone involved needs to know that they are being recorded. to be able to record someone without their concent you need to be qualified to so and have the all the right bits of paper/ warrents. and my guess is if you tell her you have the recorder she will not act normally. hope things work out for you |
Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 23 October 2009 at 4:27pm
Oh no I never meant for it to be secret!!! But I know it's made a huge difference to people who have walked into a normally violent situation and then when they say "i'm recording this to protect myself" and it usually makes the situation a whole lot more calm... |
jem wrote: