Completely over everything (big rant!)
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29575
Printed Date: 21 October 2025 at 2:39am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Completely over everything (big rant!)
Posted By: emz
Subject: Completely over everything (big rant!)
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:18am
When do the dramas end, or at least end up not being so huge? 
It's probably not even that bad, but I haven't caught a break in a year now, and I'm sick of it. Don't know what the hell I did to deserve this all. So first, Jack got sick. In hospital 3 times over the first 6 months of this year and it was all pretty hard on us. Well he seems to be fine now. Then I got pg - we were both really excited but I got quite sick while in hospital with Jack on top of ms. Then DH had a complete breakdown and ended our marriage via a 2min phonecall from Oz and I lost heaps more weight, had to go on sleeping pills, couldn't eat, sleep, function at all and had to take a month off work. DH and I patched things up (well we're still trying) but he's been away on and off for a grand total of 6 months this year so we stil have 3 of our 6 free counselling sessions, which we started in June, to go and the guy seems to not be helping us at all, so we've been trying to do it ourselves to no avail and we can't afford any more sessions with anyone else when the free ones run out. Our cars have both broken down costing us over a thousand dollars that we didn't have, now my car needs 2 new tyres to get a warrant (which I'd put money aside for) and today when I was finally getting out of the house to get Ava's hand and foot cast done the battery's dead. I have a feeling the car wouldn't start anyway as I was on the fuel light for so long but couldn't afford any petrol until pay day 
Ava's a terrible baby, she's got reflux and just screams all day long. She's on meds which seem to work for all of a few days before she turns feral again. Because I have no patience Jack cops the brunt of everything, so his behaviours turned terrible too. I have had a constant migraine for weeks now, and can't take my normal meds until my haemoglobin levels return to normal, but can't take the strong iron pills because they mess with my IBS. I hate being a SAHM, it's so damn boring and repetitive, I do work part time but I hate the job. I've been applying for full time teaching positions since I was 37 weeks pg with Ava but clearly noone wants to hire me, so I would get out and work if I could. Grr I'm just over everything. And to make matters worse my MIL is moving over to Chch, which was supposed to be a good thing, but she's found a house about 500m away from us. Anyone want to trade? Because I'm well and truly ready to pack it all in |
Replies:
Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:24am
Oh Emz, I don't have any words for you but didn't want to read and run.
|
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:36am
|
Yup I know how your feel about the seemingly un-ending drama. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks and DP currently has family court proceedings underfoot with his ex which places a huge emotional and financial burden on our home. The daughter has major developmental issues which we've been slowly working through now that we've had a bit of increased contact with the child but it has been difficult and now the court looks to be cutting back DP's contact time. There have been numerous times where I've thought to myself 'why am I doing this?' I'm tired, stressed, putting on weight. And I suppose the answer is one awful day at a time. Do you have any friends that could mind the kiddos so you could get a bit of time to yourself? Have you talked to anyone? It sounds to me like you might be experiencing a bout of PND. |
Posted By: my4beauties
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:38am
|
Oh hun, things have been really rough for sure!! With money being tight, do you think visiting WINZ and seeing if you're eligable for anything from them, to help with that stress of things?
Any family around that can help with taking the kids for a while so you can have a breather? Do you get along with MIL - so she can be of help when she moves so close to you?
I don't know how I'd cope if I didn't have my family around, so I take my hat off to you and anyone else that does it on their own!!
BIG hugs to you though, I wish there was more I could do to help. ------------- My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: sunnyhoney
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:49am
|
Big hugs Emz, feeling for you. Hope things get better soon. ------------- Mum to: Joy Emily 1.05am 27/09/07 7lb 3oz Austin Paul 12.47pm 18/04/10 10lb 8oz |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:52am
|
*hugs* Emma.
I don't have any words of wisdom, either. But I'm thinking of you  ------------- 
|
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:13pm
|
Didn't want to read and run either...
|
Posted By: Twinkle1
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:15pm
|
Its times like these I wish I had a magic wand to fix things for people aye. All I can say is hang in there, know that no matter how bad things are, there is a light at the end of the tunnel - things will get better.
Agree, you should check out about PND. As we're TTC number one I can't offer any advice when it comes to family. From dealing with depression my whole life I can sort of see your point of view. Its one hell of an emotional roller coaster. And the worst part is seeing what you're doing, how you're thinking and not beiong able to stop yourself from doing it - its like watching yourself as if you were a spectator some days. All I can say is take everything as it comes. Don't stress about things that are a month away, or even a week away. Just focus on today. Biggest piece of advice my counsellor ever gave me was how to put things in focus. When you get wound up about a problem, stop and think, 'Will I care in a year? Will I care in a month? Will I even care in a week?'. If you ever need someone to rant to we are listening. Don't bottle it all up. And if no-ones available to listen, write it down. Just the action of writing as if you're telling someone about it can lighten the load. Hang in there and know that people are there for you. ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
|
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:16pm
|
wish I lived in Chch so I could come and help you out, after exams ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:23pm
|
Emz. Hang in there hun, we are all here to listen and lend a shoulder.
Are you able to choose another free counsellor? I think there are a few in Chch that you can see through the free sessions thing, so perhaps you could change? [:>D<]
|
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:33pm
|
Hang in there! I think 2009 was a sucky year for everyone! I know it was for me. Lets hope 2010 is better for all we're only 2mths away ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: NikkiB
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:50pm
|
Hope you see light at the end of the tunnel soon ------------- A very lucky mummy to two gorgeous boys: RB 3/10/2008 JB 29/12/2009 |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 12:56pm
|
|
Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 1:02pm
|
------------- 
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 1:04pm
|
let me know if i can help in any way!
we had the counselling sessions too and i think it's dependant on who does them really and they kinda need to be not so spaced out(not that you can do anything about that) .. big hugs to you.. you have had a very crappy year and hopefully things get better soon..again pm me if you need any help!! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 1:38pm
|
Emz, I'm pretty sure you can change your counselling guy. If he works for a larger organisation (like Rel. Services) they'll just transfer you to someone else in the group. You do not need to give a reason. Sorry things are feeling so crappy right now. Re the PND issue, it might pay to remember that it might not be PND, just 'run of the mill' depression - given all you're going through (minus the kids) you've got plenty of reasons to feel down. I can't offer anything more really, other than to suggest, if you DH is not home soon, or available for the sessions you have remianing perhaps you'd do well to go along just by yourself... BIG HUGS! ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
|
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 3:32pm
|
Yeah I don't think its PND, I've had both PND and depression, I think I'm just having a crappy time and feeling low, which I think 'normal' (ie, not prone to depression) people get as well lol
DH won't go to another person, it took enough to get him there in the first place that having to do the meet and greet and spill everything again would be too hard for him I think. We'll see. I don't even know if we'll bother at all really, and just try and do things on our own. It's just one of those days where I wish we just had Jack because by himself he's so cool, and I wish I was working full time. I'm really not enjoying my new baby at all, all she does is feed, chuck, cry then scream. I think knowing its not normal baby behaviour is hard too, I know what a good baby is like. Although the mw and doc did say that because of all the stress I was under while pg with her, she's probably going to be highly strung as well as everything else for a while (oh joy). And I'm so sick of my house being a tip because I'd rather spend my free time sleeping than cleaning up. Sorry for the rant, I had just hoped that life would be a bit better. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 3:49pm
|
Aww Emma, huge hugs from me, I can understand a little bit as Bella is a unsettled baby and crys a lot. if you need to have a rant, then send me a message on facebook *hugs* ------------- |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 3:51pm
OMG i cant believe they said that, thats horrible and so not true!!!!! some babies just are more grumpy. My first child was a piece of cake too. It wasnt till i had toby that i realised not all babies are so goood. He is contrary and was even as a baby, he was a bad sleeper, grumpy, wouldnt latch on at 3am - i think the record was 3 hours once... he was just a horrible baby - i remember telling my SIL he was a little sh*t and she could have him..she was horrified but i wasnt kidding. i think you shold finish the counselling anyway, its free and what have you got to lose... other than that try to take it easy on yourself, things will change - i know this cause they always do! hang in there! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
emz wrote:Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 4:04pm
|
*HUGS* Emz, so sorry to hear you've been having a terrible time and I really hope things start to turn around for you. I guess you can really only work on one thing at a time and it sounds like you're overwhelmed..
Have you started on any meds or anything for Ava's reflux? (Alyssa had it really bad and just cried, spewed all day long as a baby too).. That alone is such a stressful thing to deal with and perhaps having her a little more settled will help you immensely. |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 4:47pm
|
Aww Emz hun I'm sorry!
I tried the free counselling thing up here with my ex and the guy was full of crap which was really gutting coz when you're in need of help and put yourself out there it makes everything triple-y more difficult when it doesn't 'fit' ae?!! I was full stressed with Jake when I was pregnant and it didn't make him highly strung so I'd ignore that part of what the doc and MW said. Anyway wish I lived closer and could help!! Big BIG hugs ...-------------   
|
Posted By: kathamill
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 5:08pm
|
Hi Emz,
Have you read Growing Great Marriages by Ian and Mary Grant? Fantastic books!! They are the authors of Growing Great Girls and Growing Great Boys.
|
Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 5:13pm
|
Hun, I am so so sorry. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to give you some big hugs!!
|
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 5:13pm
|
Thanks Kathamill, will look for a copy. Mind you, DH doesn't read much, which means I do most of the work in that department and he's the one that really needs to do some research for himself IYKWIM.
Ava's on Ranitidine and Gaviscon, and has Gripe Water at most feeds as well just to help. Plunket nurse back here tomorrow so will see if she needs to go to the doc again to get something even stronger. Re the highly strung baby thing, it is actually true. I remember doing research on it at Teachers College. Its the chemicals in your body that changes during highly stressful circumstances that can pass on to the baby. They reckon there's a big link to the stressful lives that people live these days and disorders like ADHD etc. Strange but true. Bizzy, thats what I feel like sometimes, I've said to my mother that I could quite happily leave #2 with someone and not look back. Although I know that's not true, as I do love her, I just don't like her much. |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 6:48pm
If it's any consolation emz... I didn't really "like" Chloe either until she was 5-6 months old, and her reflux and crying improved heaps. But of course I loved her, just didn't want to be around her much, and sometimes wished I could just give her to someone else for a while. But now I DO like her, as well as loving her, if that makes sense   It took a while to bond tho, with all the reflux/crying/PND etc.
It's tough huh. Are there any Ian & Mary Grant marriage seminars in Chch, that you and DH could go to? If he isn't into reading the book with you? I wonder if they have a DVD or something you guys could watch? Hmm. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: mollycat
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 7:55pm
|
Ah - huge hugs emz. It's been a really tough year for you - hardly seems fair.
With Ava - have you considered trialling her on a non-dairy based formula to see if it helps with the spewing and reflux. I'm sure people are getting tired of me suggesting this but Ryan spews all over the place if I eat too much dairy and his reflux was heaps worse. I just wonder if it would at least stop some of the spewing and I think the DR can prescribe a special formula. ------------- http://tickers.cafemom.com"> 
193 |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 8:38pm
|
I'm quite hesitant to do that mollycat, esp after watching an interview with an allergy specialist who attributes the recent 'epidemic' of allergies onto babies not being given adequate exposure to things like that. Hmm I think I'll talk to my doc about it, but he is pretty sceptical about changes onto things like that without testing (which I'm pretty sure they won't do until a certain age).
Thanks for the thoughts ladies, I know heaps of people have it worse than me, but today has just been a sh*t sandwich. Probably just the straw that broke this camels back  
|
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 9:27pm
|
Hugs to you, also didnt want to read and run. You have had a real rough time of it. I hope things pick up for you soon, chick. xxxx ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 9:30pm
|
------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 9:38pm
| Hugs - all I can say is hang in there! My bubs went haywire in there for a bit, we flew last xmas and she then had issues with the bottle - we got hospitalised after I marched us down to the hospital I got sick of getting the run around from the A&E docs and my doctors locum. I had one really, really bad day in there and demanded big time that hubby get home and feed her, I'd had enough of the back arching and screaming. My hubby is self employed and we don't live near family, I work full time (bubs is just over a year), and at the weekends its just me and bubs which is nice - most of the times, I can only unfortunately just sit here and dream of being a 'normal' family, doing normal weekend things together! Its not easy - and at times I just want to pick up with bubs and go but at the end of the day we are a family and its worth fighting for! The odd fight is ok and its soon forgotten. There is light at the end of the tunnel - I'm sure all will come right - just think what it would be like if you couldn't have kids ... also is there are reason hubby can't watch the kids while you go out for a bit? |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 10:29pm
|
Poor love :-( , im sorry things have been so sh*t for you the past year .
You're allowed to not like your baby all the time , especially if they arent easy babies ...I think you deserve to have a loving devoted teenage Ava since shes being such a rotter atm . *hugs sweetheart * ------------- 
|
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 8:31am
|
How are you today, Emz?
I hope you had a better night last night. -------------
|
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 9:27am
|
To you Emz, hope venting on here is helping a little.
Does camp offer support for wives while the guys are away? Being a military wife is a lot tougher than normal. Is there anyone you can leave Ava with for an afternoon and have some time to your self and or with Jack and do something for just the two of you. Sorry you are going through this tough time, it will get better and it doesn't last. You're such a great support to a lot of people hope you get the support you need for yourself. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 11:37am
Oh Em, this sux 
Hell your having a rough time arent you!
I highly suggest you going to a counciller by yourself it will helps heaps - I promise. Also though I think you need to put the hard word on your DH - make him come along with you to a new counciller, you need to stop protecting him and worrying about it making him feel worse etc - because he does have to think about you Em and how hes made you feel etc and that this WILL help - and its what you want so he needs to do a bit of give and take - hope that doesnt sound to harsh x You free this weekend at all? Let me know if you want me to do anything, I can do whatever, take Ava for a walk or something while you have a sleep just anything you let me know. Huge hugs thinking of you lots and lots xxx
Remember your a GREAT Mum!  ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 12:32pm
|
Hugs Emz, you have had a really tough time.
Now that you have written it down it may help. It is hard being a SAHM, it all gets to you now & again, & the loss of wages does not help at all. Maybe you need to put the kids into day care & go back to work. You need to do what is best for you, if you are happy then the kids will be happy too. Get the Dr & plunket to work for you, get something that helps the baby or at least a referral. Tell DH to get to counseling if he wants to save his marriage & family relationship. You can not do everything, he was the one that walked out so he has to put the effort in also. If your MIL is going to live close then get her to help out or butt out. As someone looking in from the outside I can only comment on what you have written, & feel you need to put yourself first & get back on track. I know it is easier said than done, but things will get good again & you will be back in control. |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 12:55pm
I gotta say that whatever the allergy guy said taking Jake off dairy made a phenomenal difference to his reflux!!! I just trialled him on goats milk formula before I talked to the doc and went from there. They couldn't test him til he was 1 I think but I didn't care about that I just wanted some respite. He was on Omeprazole instead of Ranitidine which I found worked better on his system too. Its probably worth a go doing the dairy-free thing Emz it certainly won't do any damage! As for the stress thing - Jake has ADHD but its also hereditary so not sure if its related to my pregnancy but we have found he has a hugely sensitive system so you are right in that regard and it'll be something to watch for Ava as she grows up but a healthy diet will help alot Jakes really good now!
Anyway just wanted to see how you were doing today -------------
|
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 2:54pm
|
Yeah I'm another believer of the allergy thing, Spencer was a different baby once on neocate, he stopped screaming, back arching etc, his stomach came right he started drinking properly, sleeping properly, growing properly and became a nice child to be around, his eczema disappeared as well. Different paeds test at different ages, our paed tests from newborn pretty much, although I believe you can get false negatives at that age so they quite often go on other evidence. Spencer was put on neocate by his first paed without being tested, he was put on it as a trial and then testing at 12 months confirmed he did have the allergy.
I've just been away for the weekend and bought a tin of Karicare HA to for Dh to give to Kyle if he run out of EBM to feed him, he only had a tiny bit so you are welcome to that if you want to try it (it's not as good as the script stuff but it might give you an idea of whether she has a problem with dairy or not). Apart from that I will just give you a cyber hug and I hope things get better for you soon, you deserve to have a long good run after having such a bad one. ------------- 
 
|
Posted By: becky
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 3:55pm
|
Hey Emz sorry to hear things arent going so well!! Im in chch and I know we dont know each other but if you ever want a coffee or just a chat PM me im always keen to meet new people with young children! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Mel&Kel
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 6:44pm
sending you loads of happy vibes hoping that things will improve for you soon!!
I would second this, I cut dairy out of my diet while BF and my daughter was a totally different baby, before that she was spewing and screaming so much. It isn't an allergy but some babies can't breakdown the proteins in dairy, they grow out of it. I know they say now that you should expose your baby to things while pregnant but I think (please don't shoot me if I am wrong) that with the protein thing it is better to cut it out as the sooner you cut it out the faster they can grow out of it. They say they normaly grow out of it by 3 months. I cut dairy out for 2 weeks and noticed a difference within 2 days. ------------- Mummy to Eva born 11 Feburary 2009 and Charlotte born 18 April 2011 |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 7:07pm
|
Thanks guys, I think I'll take Ava back to the doc on Friday (work and DC tomorrow).
I'm quite hesitant to try another counsellor as well, we've kind of moved on from some of the issues we initially brought up with this counsellor, but in order for another one to help us we'd have to bring them up again, and I just don't see that as helpful. As it is, DH can't get any time off to go until the start of December so that sucks. I'm having a slightly better day today, went to visit a friend and her baby so could have a good b*tch session Mum is taking the kids on Saturday night and I'm going to try and go out with some friends on Friday night for a couple of hours to try and get some sense of normal again.
I know we all go through this to some extent, but I feel like I have no idea who I am anymore, I have no hobbies (because we can't afford to do anything) and I seem to be referred to constantly as the mother by everyone, rather than just me. I think I need to focus on finding my sense of self again and hopefully the rest will follow. |