Birthday - yet more step family drama
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29696
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Topic: Birthday - yet more step family drama
Posted By: lemongirl
Subject: Birthday - yet more step family drama
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:00am
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DP's daughter has a birthday coming up.
Her mum usually throws a big lavish bash while DP does something a bit more low-key: just a few family members, presents and cake. DP isn't invited to the lavish bash and doesn't want to go as it will involve a scene with his ex. As her actual birthday falls mid-week so in theory it should work out well, the daughter gets the weekend before with her mother and the weekend after at her Dad's. Imagine our suprirse when the kiddo announced after a phone call to her mother that should would be going to her mother's house to have a her birthday party on the weekend that DP is scheduled to have contact. He has some family members flying in specifically to spend time with his daughter that weekend. Unfourtantely I wouldn't put it past the Bio mum to plan something and then tell DP at the last minute about it having already whipped the child up into a frenzy about the big party. So this places DP and for that matter the child in an impossible situation of having to 'choose sides' when the obvious out is for the mother to plan stuff on the weekend she has contact. DP is leaning towards following the court-order and to the hell with the consquences but I hate to see the little girl having birthday ruined by this. Gah! What would you do in this position? |
Replies:
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:03am
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Def follow the court order!! The more he lets her pull that sh*t the worse its gonna get IMO!
Is he able to warn his daughter?? Poor DP, you and especially his daughter  so unfair!
But yeah thats my opinion - don't let her get away with it. You can still make it a great weekend if you're calm and upbeat when she does get to your place after the small drama of uplifting her! -------------   
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Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:07am
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Follow the court order. You can't keep letting her get away with this - she's obviously trying to see how much she can get away with. Yes, it's sad for your step-daughter but it's the mother's fault and if she actually cares about her she'll reschedule it for the proper weekend. -------------  
 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:10am
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Fourtantely DP picks her up on the Thursday but you can bet damn skippy that every court-ordered phone call will make mention of the big party.
We'll still do something fun and I make awesome cakes. I'm trying to get DP to send off a rather bland email just reminding the other parties of the court order to avoid this situation. But I can also see this getting nutty. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:24am
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stick to the court order..... but a reminder to the mum before would probably help.
mind you if birthdays arent specifically mentioned in the agreement it can become a grey area. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:32am
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The birthday is mentioned in the court order but the crazy thing is that her actual birthday fall mid-week. There should be no drama around this. You'd think that it wouldn't be so hard to follow rule #1 of co-parenting, don't plan stuff on the other parent's watch without their say-so.
Gah! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 10:41am
| Shes just trying to see how far she can get around the court order and step on your guys toes. Don't let her get away with it |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 11:05am
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Grr.
Sorry long vent ahead. I think the thing that has been annoying me is this constant deningration of the father and the people he is associated with. I've had a weekend of listening to 'I like Mummy's house it's big' 'Daddy's house is small, I don't like it here.' But when probed about her room (she likes it) and whether she has a good time at Daddy's house then she is all happy. And then there are the pearlers like, 'My Daddy left me to spend time with you' and 'you stole all Daddy's money.' Ouch, and not at all true. I don't want to be in competition with the child's maternal family because I'm firmly of the belief that the loser in that sort of battle will be the child. She doesn't need to choose because love is an infinite resource. I keeping trying to be a good parent-type person, there's boundaries at DP's home and she's made a lot of progress with some of her behavioural issues. But I often wonder if my mere presence in her life is doing more harm than good. Gah! |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 12:16pm
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Sounds to me like you're being an awesome step-mum in the face of a lot of adversity. She may not understand much yet but trust me when she's older she'll have a lot more clarity about what's going on.
I think your presence is helping your DP and that in turn will be helping her. Hang in there. -------------
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 2:37pm
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Stick with the court order, seeing as what the mother is planning a) doesn't fall on her birthday so doesn't come under that heading, and b) is on DP's weekend, there shouldn't be issues. She's just trying to be vindictive.
How old is your step-daughter (sorry can't remember). I think, as long as she has love from you guys and set boundaries, which you both sound like you're giving well, then when she grows up and can reflect, she'll know exactly what the deal was with her mother. Unfortunately kids are easily bought at a young age as a quick fix, but the longer-lasting things, like love and boundaries, win out in the end. You sound like such a devoted step-mum 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 2:52pm
| How old is she? |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 04 November 2009 at 4:11pm
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She's almost 6 so we've got a long road ahead. Personally I think all this buying of the child's affections is going to bite her parents in the bum come her teenage years and make for a very unhappy adult life for the child.
DP can be just as bad sometimes. He can't get through a weekend without buying her at least one present. The reason i love him is that he has a big, warm, heart but he also needs to teach his kid to be generous too. |