All these posts about ILs and family...
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Topic: All these posts about ILs and family...
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Subject: All these posts about ILs and family...
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 4:33pm
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They all got me thinking. Ok so its a bit all over the place but here we go. DP is Samoan, I am part Maori, mainly pakeha however. We named DD Honiana Teuila Baileigh so she has a Maori name Samoan name and European name. Honiana = My grandads name (Maori name) translated it means Honey Bun Originally we were going to just use Honiana Baileigh so no Samoan name at all, but I changed my mind. We call DD Nia for short as that was also what grandad used to be called. I don't know if I'm being stupid and picky but DP's family calls DD Teuila which yes is one of her names but NOT her first name. I want her to be known as Honiana as thats her first name and the name I choose for her. I don't mind his Nana calling her Teuila as she barely speaks any english but like I said I want her to be known as Honiana or Nia its not like Nia (nee-a) is hard to say. The other reason I am being like this is that Honiana was born two days after my Nana passed (grandads wife) the only reason she came as she was a week early if you ask me is because of the emotion I was going through at the time. So at 39 weeks Nia was born and two days later she is going to her great nanas funeral. She was my comfort during a time of intense grief. We never told Nana thats what we were naming her because we wanted to "introduce" her to her greatgranddaughter who was named after her husband. I know in my heart she knows now and is smiling but it still makes me sad. How do I explain this to my IL's? I have said to DP that its important to me that she is known as Nia because of my reasons and he is aware of that. He was with me when I found out that Nana had passed so knows how upset I was at the time. He also knows that I now have no living grandparents and never knew my grandad and we are also very close to my family as they live 4suburbs away but his parents are over in Brisbane and his other family live in West Auck (we are central) and make no effort to come and see us. I'm useless with confrontation but am guessing when we see them that I just have to say her name is Honiana. AAAGGGGHHHH it makes my stomach turn just thinking of it. DP has also made comments about how she will be known as Nia at school, and with my family, Teuila by his family, and Baileigh can be her professional name. We gave her DPs last name although I feel like she is more part of my family then his iygwim. Ok now I feel like I'm rambling. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: littleLittle
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 4:43pm
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Could your DP explain to his family the reasons why you feel so strongly about DD's name? I completely understand re confrontation particularly given that it's an emotional reason for why you've named DD Nia.
Apart from that the only way to do it is to gently advise them that 'her name is Honiana or Nia so please use that name'. I have friends that call my DS by a shortened name that I don't want him to be called and it feels really awkward to correct them constantly. It's very frustrating! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 4:46pm
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a lot of island pacific families call kids by middle name etc etc...so not uncommon...but i get what you mean.
I had Ellas name "approved" by my grandma right before she passed on...her middle name is my granddads middle name and has meaning for us...her other name is from ILs side and we were asked to use it by gt gdad on IL side who has recently passed on. Her long name can be shortened a few ways and american side of family do it different to Ella....DH hates it!! I dont and want her to chose what she "goes by" in time! I think at the moment i say "her name is...but we call her Ella." to most people....some will stand by what they want to call her..and heck if she listens to them that is ok...if not it serves them right... maybe try that tactic with the ILs also...and keep calling her what you intended....she is with you most of the time! and BTW she has beautiful names!!! |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 5:48pm
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At least they use one of her names .. DHs Mum rang the other day and said "Hows Fred"? I replied "Who?" She went "Oh Elias, I call him Fred" .. WTF?!?
------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 5:56pm
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lol seriously fred? WTF how is that even close to Elias? LMAO she also has a name I guess. My nephew who is 9weeks nearly 10 from memory still has no name they had three names that they were choosing from and when his mum finally said ok lets use Xavier (one of the names that they were choosing from) my brother went nah I don't like it I know too many Xaviers born this year. WTF? My brother is a pain in the ass honestly ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 8:43pm
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it sounds like your DP doesnt mind them calling her teuila either tho... if it were me i would tell them all when they call her by her middle name that it isnt her correct name and you would prefer she was called Honiana or nia.... and then if they dont just ignore it... keep addressing her by the correct name and when she grows up she will probably tell them herself what to call her!
(my nephew was called one thing by my family and another by his mothers) ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:15pm
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You might find when she's older that she is quite forceful about her name. People used to mispronounce Alia's name (arr-lee-a) & she would say no my name is Alia!!! when they'd say something like A-leea. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:50pm
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Yeah, I will try to just say her name is Honiana or Nia please call her that. When we have our next one then they can have a Samoan first name. The thing that gets to me is not like my family would ever do that. If we said this is blah blah then they would say ok and use the first name regardless of origin. Forgot to say before thanks Bombshell I have always loved her names ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 7:49am
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How annoying & upsetting as you gave her that name for special reasons.
I would say, don't know if you can though....her name is Honiana but you can also call her Nia, out of respect for her Samoan side I also gave her a middle name of Teuila, but this is not her main name & is not to be used as it, I gave it to her & I can easily take it away if my wishers are not respected. Sometimes you have to put your foot down, & I know sometimes you can't, dam families. |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 9:00am
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I think your DP needs to stand up to his side of the family too.. He should support you when you have an issue with his family. It is a bit rough for him just to step aside and let you deal with them.
She is Honiana Teuila Baileigh, that is her name, and she needs to be called that. I know of people choosing to go by their middle name rather than their first, but that is the person themselves choosing, not other family members. You have given her her beautiful names for a reason, and people need to respect that. GL, it cant be easy! ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel 
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 6:51pm
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My hubby is Niuean and his family do the same thing to his nephew. His first name is English and his middle name is a Niuean name and they call him by his middle name most of the time.
I guess its what they relate to mostly? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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