Being a SAHM
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29844
Printed Date: 11 August 2025 at 5:33pm
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Topic: Being a SAHM
Posted By: BeLoved
Subject: Being a SAHM
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:36pm
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How do you feel about being a SAHM?
I am a SAHM and my DD is nearly one (OMG!) anyways I feel almost like I hate saying I am a SAHM now that DD is reaching one as most people's reactions (normally other Mum's) are either "Well aren't you lucky to be able to do that" or "How do you do it? I would go insane, don't you want to do something with your life?" If it is someone older (50's - 60's) they are very supportive of it but otherwise I just feel the feedback is so negative. I love being at home with my daughter and hope to be able to do so for much longer and hopefully have number 2 and be home with them as well. I do not do it because we can afford to, we have made sacrifices for me to be at home I do it because I love it and DD loves it too, she has plenty of interaction with other children and adults and we are always doing new things as well. I would just like to know what other SAHM's think/feel and have you experienced the same kind of reactions? Oh and don't get me wrong I don't have anything against Mums who work just don't understand the negativeness towards SAHM's. |
Replies:
Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:53pm
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Your not alone, I get that to from other people. I especially get told your poor DH how many hours does he need to work to support you guys (we have 5 nearly 6 children). I worked up until earlier this year but plan on staying a SAHM for a few years now.
We (mostly DH & I) have made a lot of sacrificies so that I can stay home but we have found our children are so much happier and tbh so am I. DH works a 40-50hour week, which is pretty much the norm with or without children. I just try to ignore negative comments but the one I especially hate is when people tell me I had to work so hard to become a pilot only to chuck it away. They just dont get that as much as I love flying I love spending the time with my children more. hmm have I got off topic ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:53pm
To be honest some days it does my head in! I was in a job that I had a lot of control over and it was easy to find answers, there were shade of grey but alot of black and white. As mum I find that nothing is black and white and everything is a million shades of grey, and don't tell my kids but it often feels like I have no control! 
In saying that though I couldn't be anything other than a SAHM. I love my boys and love being home with them, plus my mum was a SAHM so it is what is 'normal' for me Although we have made some sacrifices we have been lucky that DH earns enough that we are comfortable and are even managing to extend our house although he is doing all the work. I think some people aren't prepared to make sacrifices to be a SAHM so are surprised when others do. I don't get much negativity but then alot of the people I mix with are SAHM's ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: Katep
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:55pm
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I am a stay at home mum (to a 3 month old girl) and wouldn't give it up for the world. People often ask when I am going back to work- and I tell them I refuse to pay someone to spend such precious and special time with my daughter. I barely saw my mum when I was growing up as she had no choice but to work...I am definately not doing that to my girl!
If poeple have a problem with that, then too bad! Enjoy your time with Heidi while you can I say! 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:55pm
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Im soooo glad to be a sahm this time ! with Caitlyn I was back at work parttime when she was 6 months, full time by the time she was a year old, its so nice not to have to worry that I wont be able to go to her school athletics etc , I felt like I missed out on so much .
She was kind enough to do her first steps and words on the days I was home however 
I love that with Ty I will be at home with him every day , watching him grow, and I can't wait til he grows, then we can do even more fun activities, like playdough and lego etc , and when C gets home I can be there to greet her (actually , I pick her up , which is another thing I love being able to do ) DH doesn't want me to go back to work until the next one is at school and only part time, and only if I really want to , so im very grateful , cos I love this life . If you are happy being a SAHM and your daughter loves having you around, then enjoy it and bugger anyone else, tbh, you will have people b*tching about it if you went back to work , you just can't win . Remember, what other people think of you , is none of your business , ignore them , and be proud of the job you are doing with your daughter ------------- 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:59pm
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In my opinion, I think people only comment because of insecurities over their own decisions...
------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:00pm
Thanks guys good to know I am not the only one. TBH I would love to tell these people what I really think when they say these things about me being a SAHM but I am just too nice to do that! 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:05pm
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I find in debates like this the best thing to do is get your http://momstinfoilhat.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/mommy_wars_bingo3.jpg?w=508&h=581 - bingo card .
I'm a big proponent of doing what works for you. If you are a sahm I say awesome! |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:59pm
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I'm a SAHM and I love it!!! Callum is almost one too and lots of the mums in our playgroup are back at work now, or looking for work, there are only two of us (out of about 12) that have made the decision to stay home.
I get the "when are you going back to work" question a fair bit (although less and less now because people know my response!) and I *used* to get the "don't you wish you had a career/don't you think you're wasting your degree/don't you regret not working" ALL the freaking time when we first moved here as I have only worked part time since 2007 when we moved to Singapore. Really irritating because if I DID feel that way then wouldn't I do something about it?!?!? I would like to go back to uni and get a Grad Dip Ed but first I want to have all my kids (I'd like 4, I'm working on DH lol). I don't see myself doing more than a few part time hours until my kids are kindy age, and maybe not till they're all at school. So yip, HeidisMum, I totally get where you're coming from with the negative vibe from some people. I try not to go there with that conversation any more really. Hmm I might have to come back to this thread, I am very distracted at the moment, I need to go out in 30mins and am nowhere near ready to leave the house! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: palomino
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 6:58am
| I love it. I seem to have a lot of people asking when im going back to work, get sick of them implying im having a grand old holiday. This is work just as much as a 9-5 job. But yea getting good at ignoring/smiling and nodding. |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 7:06am
That's brilliant!!!!  -------------   
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lemongirl wrote:Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 7:11am
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I love it, when I'm not tired, achey and want to call in an 'agency mum'
People tend to look at me, look at Hollie, and assume I'm a teenage mum. Once I tell them our actual situation (I'm 23, A SAHM, we live in our own home and DH, who I've been married to for three years, works incredibly hard to make it happen, most people walk off rather embarrased. Once a lady started lecturing me on being married far too young after my speel, so I just laughed and walked off. We are lucky in the fact that hubby and I met young, we both knew exactly the life we wanted, and our debt is only our student loans and mortgage, so we are incredibly blessed to be able to pull off our lifestyle. Of course there are the sacrifices too.... its not easy when friends our age are putting their travel photos up on facebook! Of course one day we'll be able to do that again too. Right now I am living the dream, I need to enjoy every moment of it. When I do finally go back to work, when the youngest is at primary, it'll be as a personal trainer out the back of a 4wd in our district and I'll choose my own hours. Or so is the plan.....-------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: ChrisW
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 7:46am
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Well I am the opposite in that I am a "working mum" and I get the 'oh thats a shame" and "it must be hard dropping her off" comments
too right it is and if I had a choice I would be a SAHM until she was at least 5 and at school - anyway my point is it doesn't matter what you do people are always going to have their thoughts - in my opinion a sahm is a great job ------------- http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Manda08
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 8:09am
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Totally agree with you there Chris. I hate it! ------------- 
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Posted By: jano1
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 8:56am
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I agree with Chris too- I have just started back at work part time and the comments I get from people- "who is looking after your daughter?" in a very negative way. I have to work and I also enjoy it. I think no matter which path you choose people will always judge you so I just smile and nod and get on with it. ------------- http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers"> |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 8:56am
| Man I hate those comments. Daniel is almost 2 and 1/2 now and I get some comments but not many but when they find out he goes to daycare 9hrs a week, my god do the comments roll in! Nevermind that I actually do mainentance stuff to the house in that time (like painting etc) |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 9:05am
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I'm a SAHM but have worked part time the whole time. In all honesty, I WOULD go crazy being a full time SAHM, hence why I'm going back to work (hopefully full time) in Feb next year (Ava will be just over 5 months old).
I thought I'd love being a SAHM until the kids went to school but TBH its just not me. I think with DH being away all the time and me not getting a break, its taken its toll. So coming from both perspectives sort of, I would definitely say its from other people's insecurities or the fact that they can't see past 'what is the norm' or what they did in their day. Like when I had to put Ava in DC at 5 weeks (both kids go 2 days a week) - my Grandma said, 'oh thats terrible, surely you can wait to go back to work). Um, no. |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 11:35am
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Well, I am a SAHM and baby has not even arrived yet. We live in a teeny tiny town so not even expected to look for work but might do some part time stuff from home when baby is older for DH's work.
I am hoping that we pop out another couple of kids in quick succession and then if I work then both DH and I will work part time ie me three days, him four days or something like that. I guess we are "lucky" in that we earn good money but TBH I sometimes look at other young couples and wonder about the level of mortgage that they get themselves in, ie choose the most expensive house they can afford instead of going in at the low end of the market and building up....and think, well no wonder you can't afford to have only one person working. (Note, I am not saying that is the case with everyone). People make the choices they do and you know what LUCK has nothing to do with it most of the time... So I guess I am saying who cares what other people think/say because you make the decisions that are right for you and family! Whether that is working or not working....and bloody hell being a SAHM is not sitting on the couch watching tv and eating junk food, and I don't even have a baby yet! ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 12:00pm
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People who comment are probably jealous -------------  
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Posted By: Gardengirl
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 12:08pm
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I'm a SAHM at the moment and love it. Really love it. The thought of putting my wee boy into daycare can actually bring me to tears if I let it. So it is very much a case of trimming the budget as tight as we can so I can do it for as long as possible. I will need to find something part time at some point but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
NOT knocking anyone elses choices or situations but I waited a long time for this baby (not from career choices or from fertility issues) and for me it feels wrong to then hand him over to someone else to care for. And my parents breaking up meant I went from pillar to post as a child with different people helping to care for me after school and whilst they were all wonderful people who did their very best for me I remember how it felt. |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 12:11pm
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I am.
I hate explaining I am a SAHM mum too. I always seem to believe the other person thinks I am just at home because I can't get a job or I am uneducated. And again, when they say "Oh wow thats really cool!" I still believe they don't really mean it. Even if they were telling the truth. I love it though. I was supposed to be back at work when DS turned 12 weeks, but they turned down my request of working shorter hours so I chucked my job in. I actually remember crying the night DH told me to be s SAHM instead cause it relieved a lot of pressure. I had to work and study when I had Janaya and I always felt guilty. This is just my way of making up for it I guess. I now have Porse children I take care of during the day, it is complete chaos but I still feel good about being at home. There are times where I wish I could just walk out the door and go to work but thats usually when I'm having a bad day. And I also like the fact that I earn some money as well.
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Posted By: becky
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 12:43pm
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I am a SAHM and im also studying it has come to the point in my studies where I have to do placements. So we have just enrolled DS in daycare two days a week and next year he will go four. It is definately something I didnt want but it has got to the point where I need to finish. Originally my mum was going to have him one day so he only went into care 3 days but she has just got a new job so cant do that.
I find it interesting about the comments that you guys get as I have not had those comments im wondering if it is because I have been at uni for the last 5 years and have not worked full time. I do get the odd stupid comment from FIL like when are you going to get a job, but DPs famly know that once I get a job DP will be a SAHD. But that wont be for a while as we will be trying for number 2 in june!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 1:09pm
| I am SAHM, & love it |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 5:39pm
| I was a SAHM and it drove me crazy, but I think because I let other people's attitudes get to me. Now I work full time and we are actually putting off having another baby until we pay off some debt so that I can be a SAHM at least for the first two years. I would love to be a sahm now....although in saying that, i think when i imagine what life would be like not working i foget to include the children |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 5:46pm
| Will just add that I loved being a SAHM until Jack was just over 1, then needed something more (so had another baby haha). Would love to be with Ava until she's 1 but also really need to get back into the workforce for my own sanity and to get that brain chugging away again. I can do the mum thing with my eyes closed now so need a bit more to keep me stimulated. |
Posted By: littleLittle
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 6:06pm
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Isn't it funny because I get the complete opposite and yet feel the same way you do. I get everybody saying 'oh you won't be going back to work then?' but unfortunately I will have to after my years maternity leave. I would love nothing more than to be a SAHM but we just can't afford it.
So I end up feeling like a bad mother because I will be going back to work. And funnily enough it seems to be mostly from the older generation who make me feel bad whereas the younger people are more understanding about it. I totally admire those who are able to be a SAHM - I'm jealous of you!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 6:26pm
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TBH I don't know if I could be a full-time SAHM now. I'd definitely like to have more time with the kids, but I also enjoy going to work too.
I'm sure someone already said it, but I think no matter what your decision is, someone is always going to think badly of you, and sometimes the worst person is yourself! I have days (like today) when I felt extremely guilty for leaving my kids while I go to work. I try to be comfortable with the decision DH & I have made and try ignore anyone who thinks badly of me for it. ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: Twinboys2b
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 6:34pm
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It's funny because I get the "arn't you lucky " & "wow, that must be exhausting work" but I admit they are all from mums with young babies so I truely appreciate their comments because it is hard work and yes I am lucky.
In saying that I have a nanny starting just 3 mornings a week soon so I can do some work and by golly I can't wait. It is by choice as I now feel I need something more to stimulate my mind and realise it would be nice to see a more stable financial future ahead with me working. It must be hard to get those comments all the time, maybe respond saying 'yeh, my son/daughter's reallly lucky that I'm able to stay home for her/him" to put a positive slant on it. I presume this is from friends who don't have young children? ------------- 3yr old gorgeous ID twin boys. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 6:50pm
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I've often found , that if people are giving you grief about what ever situation you have , saying to them in a slightly confused manner
"im sorry ....im not sure why my choice is such an issue to you ?" usually shuts them up . And mummydee , congrats ! -------------
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 7:07pm
Lol, I like it! Might store that away for next time! And thanks ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: tishy
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 8:02pm
That's what we plan to do once the kids start school. Currently I work 2 days a week by choice but if I had to choose tomorrow I would pick the SAHM role in an instant. |
Posted By: Lulu
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 8:56pm
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I am basically a SAHM, although I do manage the office for our own business. I have never had any negative reactions to being a SAHM. I would say at least 50% of the Mums I know are SAHM. If I had my choice I would work at least 1/2 the time with my Daughter in some form of care and stay with her the rest of the time, but my Daughter is sensitive and cannot adjust to any form of care except for Grandparents at this time. I would say I am not a 'natural' type of Mother, as much as I love my Daughter, I would like to have more time doing other things with regards to my business. ------------- Lou http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 9:17pm
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I was studying and now I'm back to being a SAHM for the summer. I love spending heaps of time with the kids, because I feel like I missed out a bit over the last semester. But I do love doing a combination of things.
To be honest, I get people giving me grief both ways. My Mum (and others) keeps saying "you should take next year off" but I want to do Midwifery, and others keep saying "when are you going to get a job", "you should get your qualifications asap"... etc. In the end, it's up to you and what works for your family. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 12 November 2009 at 1:59pm
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When it comes to parenting, no matter what you do there is always going to be someone who thinks you are doing it wrong. Frustrating, but true.
For me, I think I have the best of both worlds. I work out of the home two days a week and the rest I am at home. For the greater part of a year I was full-time SAHM and it was great, but this way both Josh and I get interaction with our respective peers, we have more money and enjoy our time together all the more (well, I do at least!). Although I guess because I am a single parent now that adult interaction is all the more important than it was to me when I was still with my ex. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 12 November 2009 at 2:21pm
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I am a SAHM and I love it. I dont want to go back to work until Bella is at school or daycare, but if we have another baby then I wont go back until that one is over 3. We struggle with money but we get by and we wouldnt have it any other way.
If i was to get a job, the kind of job that I would be able to get would just pay to put the kids in daycare, so I didnt see the point, id rather be at home with them and not miss all those precious moments. But I have nothing against working mums either, its a personal choice really ------------- |
Posted By: RoSee
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 9:18pm
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I'm a SAHM and completely and utterly LOVE every minute of it People also constantly ask me 'when I'm going back to work' to which I reply... "I have absolutely no idea. I have no idea how I will feel in 6 months, a year, two years down the track and right now my life is so perfect I wouldn't change a thing". That usually gets them onto a different topic ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
September '11
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Posted By: M2K
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:41pm
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I had people make comments when Keira was 3 weeks old "so you not back at work yet?" or "so how much longer are you having off?"
I enjoy (to a point) being at home, I however get annoyed that partner thinks that since I am at home, means he doesn't have to clean up after himself... but thats a WHOLE different story haha. I am wanting to work from home so am sussing something out at the moment. I have a feeling Keira will LOVE kindy once she is old enough as she needs to be constantly entertained ------------- 
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:15am
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Oh the joys of other people's opinions huh!!
I love love love being a SAHM! I love every minute with my little man (although it has its moments too, as does a full/part time job). Haha Ive also had the comments of "so when are you going back to work" or "how long are you planning to take off" etc. And although I've taken 12 months mat leave off work I dont know if thats when I'll go back. I may go back slightly earlier or perhaps slightly later. Who knows?! I'd ideally love to be at home with my children until they are all at school age but financially its not viable and I think I will need more adult conversation by then. The thought of DC now for Jackson just brings tears to my eyes, and I imagine it will when we do need to eventually do it!!! In saying all that, when I do go back to work we are hoping DH and I can both do 4 days a week and have Jackson in DC for 3 days. So DH is home Monday and me home Fridays. ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 10:57am
I get Ï would love to stay at home watching tv all day " all the time !!! Cause thats really what SAHM do 
We made the decision for me to stay at home before dd was born, and like Sheza, if I went back to work it would juts pay for daycare and not much else, so to me totally not worth it. We certainly struggle with money but we get by I think in this day and age some people aren't prepared to sacrifice their lifestyles much when they have kids.. " I'm not going back to work till no 2 is at school. Hopefully part time so can still drop off /pick up kids form school |
Posted By: scribe
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:13pm
I get those comments too - well, not in so many words, but that's what they allude too ... comments like "so what ELSE are you doing?" ... I suppose they find it surprising that I would choose to put a career (journalism) that I really enjoy and have worked hard at on hold ... but to me raising Clara is the most important job I could possibly do (much more important than being tomorrow's fish and chip wrapping ) and I only get one shot at it - I don't want to miss a minute of it, especially in these early years which are so crucial...
Interestingly, I sort of expect those comments from my friends who haven't had children, as I would've felt the same as them a few years ago, but it surprises me how much attitude I get from my parents' generation (not my parents, they wouldn't dare ) - I suppose because they had to fight for the right to have a career and a family, and they envy the choices we have now.
My grandmother is probably the biggest supporter of my decision to stay at home, which is a little surprising, because she's very pro-career and has encouraged her children into professional careers. Anyway, the comments bothered me for a year or so - maybe that was me coming to terms with my new role too, so being oversensitive - but now that Clara is a toddler and she's sprouting new words every day, and is a generally happy, secure child, I feel so proud and I don't care what anyone else thinks!
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:34pm
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i think the comments(sorry haven tread any replies) are from jealous people mostly who would love to do what you do. I am a SAHM Mum.. I love my son and I love being here to watch him grow and learn but I don't love being a SAHM and would have been at work part time but got pregnant and also I am hesitant to put him in daycare for whole days..I don't get a lot of comments about it.. maybe they think it's ok cause I'm pregnant again..not sure? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:47pm
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Whenever I am childless and get asked this question - I ALWAYS say - "oh he is in the car"...and see how long it takes people to figure out I am joking. |
Posted By: MummyFreckle
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:52pm
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I love being a SAHM - some days it can be tough, but I wouldnt change it for the world. We are very lucky - We BOTH worked really hard for many years to get into a position that I could be a SAHM, as we made the decision a long time ago that when we had children, I would stay at home with them. People forget that to be a SAHM mum often means that you have worked hard to allow it to happen - its not just the DHs that have to work hard.
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Posted By: jano1
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 3:54pm
Ooh I'm so going to use that next time |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 5:03pm
I get this comment aswell if I go to New World(My DH is storeman there) "Where are the kids" and I say, "Oh I left them in the car" lol, then wait for their reaction and tell them where they actually are. ------------- |
Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 6:01pm
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I haven't read all the comments but I do know what you mean.
You can't win either way though. I would get comments when I stayed at home, and then I got comments when I went back to work. You just have to do whats best for you. Good on you for being able to stay at home ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 7:20pm
I totally agree. We spent the year before we ttc and durign pregnancy paying off all our debt and saving. And buying all bubs would need. Its nice to be able to say we have done everything for our child/ren without help from anyone else. |
Posted By: Febgirl
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 9:07pm
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I was a full time SAHM until DD was 6 months, then went back to work 3 days a week.
Having been on both sides of the fence, I can confidently say that being a full time SAHM is 10x harder than being a working parent...at least when you're working you get paid coffee breaks, baby-free lunchtimes and adult conversation! ------------- Two little girls under 2! 
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