Feelings
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29893
Printed Date: 28 August 2025 at 4:38pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Feelings
Posted By: Bubie
Subject: Feelings
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 11:37am
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Hi Everyone
Well this is a tricky sort of question to ask. Im 18 weeks pregnant this Sunday and have been feeling baby fluttering since i was 15 weeks 4 Days, Im only 18 years old and me and my partner have a good relationship and have been together for awhile. Hes really excited about this baby and so am i . I love going out and buying some baby things every now and again and also feeling the baby flutter. We get to find out bubs sex this Thursday  but for some reason, even tho i know there is a baby inside me and i can feel it move, i still cant feel that bond with it while it's inside me, i know it will be different when bubs is born around 16th April, but i feel really stink that i cant feel that great bond with bubs, i cant bring myself to read to my tummy or sing or any bonding things like that. Is this normal , and how do i overcome it ? I feel really bad for feeling like this, We already have some names picked and im really excited to be a mummy  but just cant seem to bond with the baby atm  ...------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 11:43am
| Just because you don't read or sing to your tummy that doesn't mean you aren't bonding. I certainly never did any of that and I think DH would look at me as though I needed to be committed to a psych ward if I did because of the type of people we are lol. I still bonded. Plus once you see them in the scan it makes it easier to bond and as it gets closer to having bubs. |
Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 11:44am
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I can't really help because I feel the same. It's still 'the kid' or 'her' and we're on the final countdown. I did feel a bit closer after we found out what she was though, but still haven't been able to call her properly by any of the names we've come up with. I don't think it matters if you read to them or not while they're in there. They still hear your voice as you go about your day, and at this point in your pregnancy I think they're only just beginning to hear that. ------------- 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 12:23pm
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I sung and talked when I was preg with Jake mainly coz we were stuck in hospital alot and I was so dreadfully lonely but I haven't been able to do it with this one. I'm happy I'm having him but I just want him out! I refer to him as Ty/Tyler which is the name we picked out but I'm not feeling particularly connected.
Doesn't make a difference at the end though hun don't feel bad coz baby is getting all the nourishment and nurture it needs right now and when they arrive you'll be able to sing, read, etc all you like and thats when it really matters.-------------   
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Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 1:04pm
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yeah i didn't do any of the reading/singing etc with DS either, and felt really stupid the few times i did try it!! even though you can feel the baby i remember it still feeling quite surreal until quite late in the piece, after i'd seen him on a couple of scans (the 3D one was awesome) and was getting really big kicks. don't stress hun, it'll happen ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 2:12pm
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I didn't bond with this little guy until a few weeks after the anatomy scan. I loved the thought of having a baby and was so happy to be pregnant but I think I always had the "what if" scenario playing in the back of my mind, worried that something would could wrong. Now though, I am so in love with the little man growing in side me. -------------  
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Posted By: first
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 4:13pm
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I wouldn't worry I think what you are feeling is what a lot of mums feel. Its not at all easy being pregnant and really it can feel strange and weird.
I know I thought the whole process was quite gross really while I was pregnant but after he was here for a week I couldn't have been closer to my little boy. So just relax and go with the flow I'm sure you'll bond and make your baby a lovely mum. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"> 
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Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 7:40pm
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Bubie - firstly I think what and how you are feeling is perfectly normal. Secondly, take heart that once you know the sex, the baby does tend to be a more real being to you. Rather than referring to baby as "it", baby becomes "him" or "her" and that in itself goes a huge way towards bonding. And I tell you what else, once you really feel full on wiggles and kicks, you bond a lot easier too. Well I did anyway.
And yes, you will love baby when they arrive, no matter how you might feel now. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 2:51pm
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With my second , I forgot half the time that I was pregnant, the only time i would "talk " to my stomach with him , was when I was in the bath , but as soon as he was born , I felt the same as I had when my girl was born .
Good luck for your scan ! its very exciting finding out the sex, can we start taking bets? I say its a girl ------------- 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 3:02pm
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I hardly ever read to my tummy, or talked to it lol
With my son I was really into my pregnancy I loved it and felt a bond right before he was born, but with my daughter, I just couldnt get excited about the whole being pregnant thing, and I hated my bump  (not her, just the bump lol) but as soon as they handed her to be after she was born, I was in tears because it was instant love ------------- |
Posted By: X
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 3:29pm
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And also, keep in mind tha some women don't even bond with their babies at the birth-it can take longer than that. When my son was born I immediately felt a great responsibility towards him & obviously I would never let anything happen to him, but it probably took me about 6 weeks to actually fall in love with him. I was worried because I didn't feel this immediate bond & immense love for him, but then I spoke to a lot of other mums who had the same experience. Some mums fall in love with their babies the moment they find out they are pregnant, some at the first scan, some at the birth, but for some it takes longer. You didn't fall in love with your partner at first sight, so why should it be that way with your baby?
After that first 6 weeks though I fell absolutely head over heels inlove with him & now I could never imagine being away from him. So don't worry-it'll come. Give it time. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 8:01pm
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Oh you poor thing, you must be feeling pretty terrible.
Dont worry, this happens to LOTS of people! I didnt talk to my tummy or anything when I was pregnant the first time - he was an accident and I didnt really want him, DH and I had only been together for 6 months and whoops! It took me a looooong time to accept the fact that there was a baby coming and even when he was born I was very bla about it. It took a good month for me to actually bond properly with him and now I wouldnt be without him! This time around was sort of the same and I'm not worried because I know things will change when it arrives. Good luck to you! Talk to people about it lots, read up on OhBaby heaps and you'll get there - this bunch of crazy ladies was the best support team and source of advice for everything I needed :D ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 9:38pm
I was the same. Because of the type of person I am, I find it completely nuts to read or sing to your bump  I would rub my tummy (sometimes, only in preg #2 when I had a bump) and say 'hi baby' and DH would make strange noises to make the baby move, but that's it.
I never really hade a huge connection with either baby in utero, but love them to bits now
I think some people are different, and most people aren't like that I've found (being completely in love with the bump and treating it like its an already-born baby). |
Posted By: babybaby
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 10:59am
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Hi Bubie,
I didn't feel any bonding with it either when I was 18 weeks pregnant. However, now I feel a lot more for the baby. I constantly search on internet and read magazines about the babies. Even start buying things for him. Try to grab a bargain.
So don't worry. I think that you will feel more for the baby with the time being.
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Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 7:22pm
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Thank you girls :):) , this has helped alot and made me not think im a total nutta :D thank you soooo much :):) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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