Unexpected Babies
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30040
Printed Date: 28 August 2025 at 12:27pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Unexpected Babies
Posted By: Kalimirella
Subject: Unexpected Babies
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 4:09pm
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Hey,
Just noticed theres no topic for the unexpected mothers such as myself. Feels a bit lonely being around lots of people who have planned their babies and made sure they can afford it etc. I was wondering if others had unexpected babies and how they are coping. I know it was a big shock to me and I'm just now starting to look forward to it. Also with unexpected babies how have other fathers coped? I know my partner is more stressed out about it than I am, and I'm actually quite worried about him. Anyway anyone is welcome to post their thoughts and opinions on unexpected babies, please feel free!!! ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 4:39pm
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both my kids were unexpected. and we were not entirely excited about the prospect initially either time.
BUT, we coped pretty well and now they are here, we love and adore them. it took a while for my DH to come to terms with being a dad, especially with baby 1. he kinda went off the rails a wee bit (well, more than a wee bit - some decisions he made were not good). Anyway, it was hard as I accepted it more quickly and it got difficult when i excited about things like buying a few baby clothes and he was still upset about it. BUT once baby was here, he was the bestest dad and still is. Things get tough but in the end, having a baby was fantastic. |
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 5:16pm
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My girl was an unexpected blessing - I'd made plans to move overseas, I'd just sent my partner across the ditch to find us a house (he had a job offer, I was taking care of the last bills/tidying up our loose ends here before I joined him in a few weeks).
So there I was with a BFP, and I had to ring him in another country.... there was a shocked silence on the other end, and I told him that it was his choice - if he wasn't ready for a child, no problem, Ill do it on my own, if he wants to be part of a family, I'd stick with our plan and be there in a few weeks time. Within days, he was excited, and upset he missed out on the early doctor's appointments. He was great about me being pregnant, but very scared of being a dad - lots of worry about "am I going to be good dad?" "will I be able to support them?" "is this the way all pregnant women act?" "OMG I'm going to be a DAD.." When our daughter arrived, it was a steep learning curve for him - he'd only ever had to worry about himself, and it took lots of communication and a fair few arguments before he got the hang of putting somebody else first. There were times I felt it would be easier on my own, but it really was worth battling through those tough times to get where we are now - I'm a stay-at-home mummy, he works really hard to provide for us. When he gets home, her face lights up, and you can see how much he loves her. And nothing in the world was better then seeing him at the birth, the tears rolling down his face were beautiful, at that moment I knew we would be fine in the end. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 5:19pm
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My first was completely unexpected! my husband and i had only been together for 6 months and I was on the pill etc. Was very shocking and we both freaked out terribly. Once we went for our first scan it started to sink in a bit more, but it wasnt until we got to hear babies heart beat and stuff at the first MW appointment we really were like 'aww a baby.'
i'm pregnant with our second now and things are a bit more stable etc. ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 5:47pm
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My first was definetly not planned , I was 19 and had only been with the guy for about a week (what a ho! lol) it was a shock , and I was very scared ,the father and I didn't stay together but remained friends, its been 7 years of challenges , but I wouldn't change a thing, shes changed my life and really is the best thing that ever happened to me .
Second baby DH and I planned , but even so , when I saw those 2 lines , I was freaking out , and DH didn't think he could be a good dad, turns out he was wrong, hes a GREAT dad , to number 2 and number 1. I think in situations like this , you just gotta take each day at a time , and remember ,that whether a baby is planned or not , every parent is a first time parent at some stage, and just because they might have planned the baby , doesn't mean they are any more knowledgable than someone who got a surprise . All the best  ------------- 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 5:57pm
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My first was unexpected too. Termination did cross our minds in the what shall we do conversations.
I was told today that you'll never regret the kids you do have only the kids you don't have. In saying that I've very glad we kept her, but also when another whoopsy happened we got the MAP. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: Chex001
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 7:00pm
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Hey, I am having an unexpected baby. Also probably going to be a single mum too so that makes it a bit harder but this baby is going to be well cared for and very loved :) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilyslim.com"> 
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Posted By: SquishysMum
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 7:20pm
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We had a woopsie here too - we found out 2 days into a month long overseas trip! We weren't too happy, but we got used to the idea before we got home.
Having DD was the best thing to ever happen - I've given up my job to be a SAHM, and intend to be for a while. All my priorities and ideas changed, and I am so insanely happy with where I am in my life now. |
Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 9:02pm
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Wow,
Thats so reassuring and great for you all as well, I like to think things will work out, I'm also sort of relieved my partner is sticking with me seeing as we were only together a month b4 I / (we politically correct) got pregnant. He's reacting a bit like your DH lizzie, his eyes sort of glaze over now I'm getting excited over baby stuff, and he's worried about supporting us and being a good dad, though if hes anything like his own father he will be great. I like both his parents and they and my mum have been very supportive (if a little shocked hes younger than I am O.o). Thankyou for your support ladies, have a good weekend. And good luck chex!! ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: AngieBabe
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 4:10pm
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This is very much an unexpected baby... I'd had 2.5 years unsuccessfully TTC with my husband which included diagnosis of grade 3 endo for me, the all clear for the husband's sperm, two failed IUIs and then staring down the barrell of IVF when I realised that it wasn't just the fertility issues causing havoc in our marriage, there was a whole lot of other cracks and failings too, so I walked away from it end of July... only thing is, I met another bloke not long after, we got together for nothing more than a fling as neither wanted a relationship but as I didn't believe I could get pregnant we were a little slack on the contraception and well, I guess my ticker says it all now... only thing is, the father has never wanted kids, still doesn't and would like me to get a termination... I just can't. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 4:30pm
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Angiebabe - stick to your guns. You've wanted and tried for a baby for a long time, and it's your body. Just tell the sperm donor that he doesn't have to be a Dad (Dad and father are two very different things.) ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com">
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 5:35pm
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I agree with Flutter, babies are precious especially if you have tried so hard b4 angie, if he doesn't want anything to do with bubby thats his choice (sad in my opinion) but it can't be forced. At any rate not to jinx or anything b4 3 months babies can't be taken for certain sadly anyways :(
Goodluck Angie and congratulations on finally getting pregnant even in less than ideal circumstances!!!!! ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 6:41pm
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Wow, just want to say Congratulations Angiebabe!! I guess this little one is just meant to be
DD1 was definitely unexpected, at only 18 and with (now) DH only a few months it was a real shock to find we were pregnant. Of course we had no idea how we were going to survive but we did just fine. Having a wee surprise isn't going to end your life, it just changes the direction a little. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 7:52pm
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#1 was a huge shock. I was in an abusive marriage and had been planning to leave when I got a BFP. I wanted things to work for baby but while my ex didn't mind that I was pregnant he didn't let up on the abuse either. I left when Jake was less than 3 months old and ended up hooking up with my best mate straight away.
DP is the most awesome dad and Jake is the bestest little boy I could have ever asked for. If I hadn't have gotten pregnant and had him I don't know where I'd be today. I had a complete breakdown after leaving my ex and Jake was the reason I did everything I possibly could to get better. I also wouldn't have ended up with DP which has been the second-best decision I ever made
2+ years on and I know for sure that I'd go through all that hard stuff again to have Jake! -------------   
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 8:28pm
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I've had two surprise pregnancies, the first at 21 with a horrible horrible abusive man I had just managed to get away from, although being young and scared and pregnant, we stuck together for two years after that. Sam is my whole world and I believe he is really something special and here on this earth for a purpose. From enduring such a horrific time in my life, he's a massive ray of light and sunshine that came from it.
Second pregnancy, I had known my current partner two weeks! We're still together, planning on getting married and he a wonderful father to Sam and I know he will be to this baby too. And even though my ex never wanted children and wanted me to get a termination, and despite the fact that he is a cruel, bitter man even he can't resist the charm of Sam! |
Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 9:18pm
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This baby, in a way was unexpected. We knew we had had a few 'whoopsies' but werent too bothered. We both wanted kids at some stage so were more thinking along the lines of 'if it happens it happens.' And, well it did, pretty much due to our first whoopsie! (DP is very proud of his swimmers lol).
Had no idea I was preg, actually went to the Doc to get my skin sorted out cause I broke out really bad, it was gross. Just on the offchance, Doc asked me to do a preg test, just incase and sure enough, I got a BFP! DP was lost for words when I told him that night after work. Was pretty quiet for first few days but ever since then he has been the bestest ever! Looks after me so well and he is so excited about being a Dad. He doesnt get quite so as excited as I do when it comes to buying stuff for her tho. He just gives me the money and tells me to go choose stuff.. but I'm happy with that!
We are seriously unprepared money wise, I still have $8000 worth of debt to pay off that I'm paying off at a rate of $200/wk. That is guna be tough when maternity leave runs out! Would love to have it all paid off before bubs is born but $8000 is pretty impossible to pay off in 10wks! -------------  
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 9:39pm
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Sorry to threadjack but OMG!!! congrats Angiebabe!!! Sorry to hear of the events of the last few months, but congrats on you finally getting a bub to call your own I am sure you will make a great mum, you have held out for SO long! I can understand why you wouldnt want to give up this little miracle you've been handed, I wouldnt either!
Back to the topic at hand, my son was a major whoopsie.. I was 19 and was not interested in all at kids, I had missed my depo injection a few weeks earlier as I wasn't working (had not long moved and was struggling to find a job since we lived out of town and I had no licence) and couldnt pay the doctors bill from being sick a month earlier, went to BILs wedding and 2 weeks later wondered why I hadnt had an af yet since it had been 2-3 months since I had been due for another Depo shot... I was engaged but in no hurry to get married, my sons dad would have been about 23/24 at the time and he tried to suggest we 'sort it out' but there was no way I'd go down that road, I just couldnt face that possibility... he will be turning 6 years old in just under 2 weeks, it has been a damn hard road (I did marry his dad but we called it quits a year later) full of court hearings over who gets custody (ironically dad never wanted him, the grandparents did!) and even now his dad is barely there... I honestly believe if it wasnt for HIS parents keeping their feet in the door to keep it from closing, he just wouldnt bother with B at all! 4.5 years after leaving his dad, my partner of about 4 years and I are parents to another baby and she was very much planned, and I love both my kids, planned or not!Even better, my partner treats my son as his own kid, and takes him everywhere that he would have done had B really been his kid, hes great with him, and I dont think I could have chosen a better person to be with ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 10:10pm
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For the record Angiebabe, my daughters dad insisted on numerous occasions, that I get a termination , I refused (obviously) and not once have I regretted my decision , and he loves her to bits now .
Congrats on your pregnancy ,thats awesome news -------------
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 10:19am
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Sorry to threadjack - AngieBabe, huge congrats!! Even though they aren't the best of circumstances, and this year hasn't been great for you. you will be a fantastic mum!!! Your little bean is a very lucky little bubs
I found out I was pg when (now) DH and I had been together for approx 6 weeks. We had also just found out that someone else was also pg to DH from the week before we had got together (long story,). There were lots of tears and questions, and for us it unfortunately ended in m/c (and the other woman told us she had a termination - entirely her own choice, DH was fully prepared to be a dad to the baby but was not prepared to start a relationship with her). However, here we are over 2 years later, married with 2 little girls - it was a rough start to our relationship but it forced us to really look at how we felt about each other. |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 2:42pm
| OMG Kate, I knew some of your story from when we were on the waiting to TTC thread together, but boy what a rough start! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 3:39pm
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i have been thinking about this and really IMO no baby is unexpected - after all you have a maximum of 9 months to get used to the idea. To me its an unexpected pregnancy.
i met a man once whose partner had a genuine unexpected baby - they thought she had stomach ache and it turned out to be labour!  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 4:21pm
My friend found out she was pregnant at 7 and a half months, shes now pregnant with number 2 (planned ) and she keeps complaining about how slow this pregnancy is going  -------------
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Bizzy wrote:Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 9:44pm
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LOL Kelly, you have some neat friends
Hollie was planned, she just arrived 5 years early. We were on an overseas holidays when we found out, working through our applications for cruise ship work, and checking out the possiblity of moving to Aussie. Well now we live right around the corner from my inlaws in a small country township about 50mins out of Chch. Dh manages the family business, I'm a sahm, we own our own home. Everything we were going overseas for, worked itself out anyway And now I live the life I dreamed off as a mummy and wife, far far earlier than I thought possible.
These things have a way of working themselves out hun, hang in there -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 9:37am
| I had an unplanned pregnancy. I spent up until about week 8 thinking 'I don't want to make this decision, I hope I miscarry.' Then from week 9 I thought 'why not give it a go' and gradually got more and more excited until I hit 13 weeks and then miscarried which was the hardest thing I've ever been through. |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 10:12am
How can people manage this! I sooooo don't understand how you would not realise you were up the duff and had a great big watermelon inside you haha! They must have like the EASIEST pregnancy ever! ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 11:47am
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Well, for a start, she still had her period , up until 6 months
second,she was already kinda biggish , so she didn't show till 8 months (and she already knew ) I asked her once why she didn't feel the baby kicking, and she made a good point "If you don't expect to feel a baby kicking, you don't exactly look out for it" , also placenta was at the front, and if she did feel kicking , she probably thought it was gas or just didn't take much notice ....she was still on the pill as well , and babies were something she and her partner had planned for when they were 30 , tho they had recently bought their first house . Anyway , 7 months and she starts feeling off, then notices milk leaking in her breasts, does a test , its pos, so she goes to the dr thinking shes about 6 weeks . Dr tells her he suspects shes 6 months, sends her for emergency scan , where she is told she is 7 and a half months preg with a baby girl (healthy ) texts her partner "yep, pregnant, 7 months along, its a girl " No response, his boss calls 10 mins later "can you come pick your boyfriend up please? he got your text and fainted "
She had a really rough first 6 weeks postnatal, after a 3 day labor, then was really down about being a mum before she had planned (she did only have a couple of months to get used to the idea, as opposed to 8 or 9) Fast forward 3 years , and shes one of the best mums I know, she adores her daughter and is so excited about this baby ...Im very proud of her . -------------
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 1:39pm
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james was tottlay a oppise i had been with his dad 2 weeks but he had been chasing me for a year we had sex once and that was it and 6 weeks after i broke up with him i found out i was preggent with james i wasnt too woried about it i had heaps of surport sooo wasnt worried its not a easy road but its sooo worth it good luck ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 1:54pm
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DD is a semi planned whoopsie. DP and I had been together 7 1/2 years. We had decided we were going to get married on our 10yr anniv sometime earlier that year. It took 3times without protection he knew, I knew, I kept saying I need to go get ecp and he was like yeah ok, but didn't seem bothered. Well two weeks later I did a test while he was at work, told him when he got home and he just jumped into bed with me and cuddled he was so excited. He was telling people when I was only 8weeks. He has gone through all the crap what am I going to do, he still is. He's talking about getting a second part time job to help pay the bills so I can stay home with DD but I won't let him. He has Mon off so I can work then, and I can work Fri and Sat so we will try and get me a job, I'm just not ready for it I like staying home with DD too much lol. She is the best thing in the world, Iw ouldn't be without her now! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 5:27pm
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We've got four gorgeous girls, but only one was actually planned...
With Maya I was half way thru uni and not even thinking about kids, a bit slack about taking the pill and hello, baby! It might have been a big shock, but it was also the making of me - it forced me to re-evaluate the direction of my life, to commit to my studies a bit more wholeheartedly and to get out of a dodgy relationship and stand on my own two feet. When we decided to TTC baby #2, we had a bit of a bumpy road - 13 mths TTC and a miscarriage, then to find out that the one baby we planned to have was actually TWO - proof that even when you do plan things, they don't always turn out the way you intended! And number 4 is our "one-shot wonder" - proof that it really does only take one time. We got a bit careless celebrating the gremlins first birthday, and 8 mths later they got a baby sister. I was really not into the idea at all, Willie wanted me to get a termination, and when I was really sick with hyperemesis I secretly wished I would miscarry so it would all go away. But lil miss is living proof that what is meant to be will be - she flew into the world a hundred miles an hour, and has taken on the world head on ever since. She is our feisty, fiery little girl and has been such a healing influence on our family. Every day I look at her and know that she was meant to be here. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Lisha
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 6:53pm
Do you find it hard though Emma with 4 girls?? I am struggling with 2 and the thought of another one is starting to freak me out Not saying anything at the moment!!!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 8:51pm
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DD1 was unplanned, although we knew we weren't being as careful as we could have been, we also knew (or at least suspected) I was having some fertility issues that would take more time to sort out. By the time DH and I got married a year to the day we met, I was already 20 weeks! Definitely a shock, and I was absolutely crapping myself in the lead up to telling my mum... but as it turns out, she was pretty sweet about it and makes an awesome Nana (not to mention DH being an awesome daddy!). ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 9:18pm
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Ooooh Lisha, does that mean you tested?!
Yes, it's hard having four of them, but no more so than having 3. If I could have planned things, I would have liked a bigger gap between the gremlins and lil miss, coz the first few weeks with 3 under 2 were insanity, but they all play together and entertain each other so well that it's all just a distant memory now - altho the gremlins fight so viciously that you'd never believe they once shared a placenta! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: zcm
Date Posted: 24 November 2009 at 9:30pm
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The first 2 weren't planned, but they weren't prevented either. They both definitely came along when they were meant to though, especially DS#2 I wouldn't have a clue where I'd be without him - he literally saved my life.
Number 3 is a whoopsie and is all DP's fault as I like to tease him We thought we'd be ok though cos AF was due but unknown to us at the time my body had decided to be freaky and ov 2 weeks late so I think this one is meant to be too ------------- Mum to two boys and http://lilypie.com"> 
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