Gift-giving gets too much
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30141
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Topic: Gift-giving gets too much
Posted By: lemongirl
Subject: Gift-giving gets too much
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 4:27pm
I'm the official present-wrapper in our house. Over the week I've wrapped up DP's daughters gifts and I'm staggered by the amount of gifts she's getting from us. She'll also get a huge bundle of presents from his parents and then my parents will chip in a few gifts (my mother just went out and bought her a dress from from the trelise cooper range for kids  ). And that's just on DP's side of the family.
On one level I think it's great that this child is so loved but on the other I can't help but wonder when the deluge of gifts does become too much for one little person. I'd estimate she'd have at least $2k spent on her at christmas presents just on our 'side' and to be honest it makes me feel sick. Especially when I read stories about http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/3094093/Big-rise-in-kids-being-raised-on-benefits - child poverty in New Zealand. I really want her to grow up to become a good person and realise that it is just as important to give as to recieve. Making some cookies and delivering to people on Christmas eve. Writing thank you notes to those who have given her gifts. Anyone got any ideas to counter-balance the effects of this deluge of presents or am I just being a wicked step mother? |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 4:34pm
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you will be perceived as being the wicked step mum... maybe you could talk to your husband and suggest you keep some aside for her birthday instead.
i suppose tho you could get her to help you make gifts for others... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 4:43pm
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Actually her birthday is just before christmas and that gift pile is pretty big as well!
I know that the kiddo loves helping in the kitchen so thought cookies would be a good thing for us to do together as a 'positive' giving experience. But I think I might get DP to take care of the 'good manners' aspects of christmas. He's got such a big generous heart but he needs to recognize how important it is to let her learn how to be generous. |
Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 4:46pm
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how about talking to her about how some children have very little and how lucky she is to have so many people that love her and how much she has. This could lead on to her choosing a few things to give to children who don't have much/anything.
I am planning on doing this next year - Amy is still coming to grips with the idea of Christmas. We are explaining that Santa and the family give gifts but not all children are so luck. Our creche is encouraging family's to donate a gift per family to women's refuge for the creche to give. -------------   
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 4:56pm
I think it depends on the age .. I doubt telling Isabelle how lucky she is would mean much to her.  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: gypsynita
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 6:21pm
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that's a great idea jaycee!
my plan is to buy cian a donation to a charity (ie: last year he gave milk to babies in africa) every year as part of our gift to him, then when he's old enough i'll get him to pick it out. ETA: i do make cookies for people too but he's too little to help with that one just yet! maybe he can be the delivery boy...  ------------- Anita Mum to Cian (Aug 08), Josh (Jun 10) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 7:33pm
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How about making and sending christmas cards to kids in hospital over Christmas? She might enjoy that, I'm sure the kids would appreciate it, and it would help her learn to think of others and realise how lucky she is. -------------   
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 8:03pm
| we make and give gifts to all the adults that help us out - teachers, daycare workers, soccer coaches, babysitter. i also make the make presents for the grandparents. This year we will also give a donation to the hospice and buy a present for under the Kmart tree. |
Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 8:27pm
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We make christmas mince pies for their school teachers and kindy, neighbours etc and the kids each give a bit of their christmas shopping money to buy a gift to put under the kmart tree. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: JoJames
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 8:57pm
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I heard on the radio that you can sponser a family through Salvation Army and buy them presents and gift Vouchers, you could get one with a kid her age and she could help pick the presents for them. I know down this way there are quite a few families where the kids get nothing on Christmas day.
Just to edit, I read that article link and my Drs at Palm springs medical centre in Papamoa is free for under 5 year olds if anyone that way is looking. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: MrsH
Date Posted: 25 November 2009 at 9:29pm
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Perhaps for some of the new gifts she is getting, she can give some of her old things away to the Sallies or St Vincents?? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 26 November 2009 at 4:14am
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I was thinking the same as MrsH, if there is a gap between her birthday and Xmas suggest that since she has all these lovely new things and more just around the corner it would be an incredibly generous thing to donate some of her old things to the less fortunate - explain how women's refuge or the sallies work, get her to wrap them and talk about how happy she can make another child. ------------- 
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Posted By: Glow
Date Posted: 26 November 2009 at 7:10am
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My boys & I make sweets or cookies & take them to the old folks home. The oldies just love it & so do my kids. I also get them to clean out there toys they no longer play with before xmas & donate them to womens refuge or simillar local charities & gift drives
My big boy was born on xmas eve  ------------- Mummy of Two Boys B: 2004 K: 2007 |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 26 November 2009 at 10:18am
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MrsH's idea is great And also I think it's awesome to bake cookies and you could take them around the neighborhood, or if you know some people that aren't well off you could take them cookies, in particular.
If you can afford it, you can also do things like buy a goat or vaccines or books and stuff for kids through world vision, I think it is... you could get her to help you choose a couple of gifts from the catalogue to give to 3rd world kids and teach her about giving and poverty that way. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 26 November 2009 at 2:08pm
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Ugh i know exactly what you mean. My husband's family are such gift givers.
I always end up feeling like the grinch that stole xmas because it actually makes me feel unwell and really spoils xmas for me and so i can't help but grumble when we get home and have to unpack a carload of gifts. It literally is a mission to get the presents into the car - and that is just from their side, let alone my family, friends and his other baby friends etc. It takes us weeks to sort through and open them and then find out where to put them. TBH some of them never even get opened and just go straight to charity, or on trademe. Naughty me i know but i just can't cope with so much stuff! The rest i put in his wardrobe and bring out a couple at a time over the next few months. This xmas i have convinced the inlaws family to pick a name out of a hat for the adults so that means 8 less presents to find, and only Alex's grandparents will buy for him. Not the aunties and uncles and also no friends. He's 18 mo for crying out loud, his fav toys are our tools, the kitchen cupboards and a $5 inflatable car! I'm having to physically restrain hubby from going OTT with presents for Alex but i'd rather wait and get him some things later in the year. Don't get me wrong i love xmas, am making decorations at the moment, love getting the tree up etc etc but i just don't like the excess. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 26 November 2009 at 3:43pm
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i have over bought for ella...but will spill over to her birthday Im sure...she is spoilt but we also give in other ways (eg refuge donations all year) and pre ella we held xmas parties and instead of gifts for us everyone bought a gift for a child in care and I delievered them to the organisations (1 year it took 3 cars!) - so i feel justified in spoiling my own child! she shouldnt have to miss out just cause others dont have things - and beleive me working at the coal front I know what they dont have!!!
I am more annoyed to have to give a gift to a family member (IL) who doesnt buy gifts for people, "owes" gifts (eg our engagement gift and Dhs birthday pressies for last 4 years!) and yet has dictated what she wants this year - the cheapest version is $60 - and that is just from DH and I! I refuse to buy it!!! |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 27 November 2009 at 9:19am
| Thanks for some of the awesome ideas ladies! |
Posted By: pomikiwi
Date Posted: 27 November 2009 at 1:38pm
This is what I do. And now DD is a bit older she can help me do it (before I just took stuff away). I think it's important that children realise xmas about family spending time together and not just about the presents, of course we all know what they prefer. But 2000 grand! WOW Both my kids wouldn't get that much spent on them for xmas and birthdays put together!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06 |
MrsH wrote:Posted By: deodora
Date Posted: 27 November 2009 at 11:30pm
How would your child like to get all excited about a wrapped up Christmas present only to find something second hand and used. By all means donate used things if they are still in good condition but dont' wrap them up like they are new presents. |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 7:44am
| if it was still in good condition, I would just be grateful someone was providing my child with a gift that I obviously couldn't afford myself = to be honest. |
Posted By: Kazzle
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 9:12am
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its the same here with Rhiannon, she gets so spoilt that we have had to put our foot down and put a limit on what ppl spend on here.
We actually ended up putting a lot of her toys away last christmas and bringing them out throughout the year and using them as rewards. this year, im about to go through al lthe toys she has, and the ones she plays with the least are going to charity and some toys from christmas will be put away again. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: kellie
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 11:15am
Exactly. I'm sure people wouldn't donate junk. The people/parents on the receiving end of donations will be thankful. Nothing wrong with wrapping it either, it is a present. If I bought DS something 2nd hand (like on trade me or something) I would still wrap it. Sirius gets spoiled (not as bad as the sounds of your SD Lemongirl though), but I'm not complaining hehe. Baby toys are sooo expensive, I'm kinda glad he has so many relatives wanting to buy nice things for him ------------- 
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 5:23pm
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I haven't read all the posts but I understand what you mean! I came to dislike the excess and commercialism of Christmas. So we decided to make Christmas mean something again in our family when Maddie was born.
I read a fabulous idea of gift giving for kids that incorporates our faith wonderfully and hubby and I love. I'm sure something similar could be adopted even if people aren't Christian. It's pretty simple, Miss M gets 3 gifts from us, total. Each represents the gifts given to baby Jesus. Gold - this is the expensive or big present. This year for example she is getting a dolls cradle with all the trimmings. I'm knitting a blanket and matching cushion and I know her Nan is also making the bedding to go with it. Frankincense - this is something that smells nice. Most years we get a small box of fun bath goodies, bubble bath, novelty soaps that sort of thing. Myrrh - this is the gift that is represented by something that enhances her relationship with God, this year it's a VeggieTales DVD. We have found this a lot less stressful, a lot less expensive and lot more meaningful which was the most important to us. The rest of her family will also get her small gifts but thankfully no one goes overboard for the kids. And she still has an awesome Christmas!!! For the rest of the family, again we get something for each of the kids (nothing overboard though) and for the rest we do Secret Santa. Again, takes away the stress and I've had blast making presents this year and I know my cousin has been too!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 7:09pm
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Paws - that sounds great to have given it some meaning according to your faith. I'm faithless myself, but i love the idea, very clever!
What is Veggietales and how does it enhance her relationship with god? - not being facetious, actually interested. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 7:19pm
It's a Christian kids cartoon series, very cute and funny but also teaches the basics of bible stories and teaches them good morals and ethics at the same time. (and as a bonus rather palatable by adults.) For example, we borrowed one from the church and it had a story on turning the other cheek and not bullying bullies back otherwise you makes you a bully. the other story was Indiana Cuke and Sampsons hairbrush, Indiana jones rip off that taught the story of Sampson and Dehlia and also that your strength comes from God not from material things. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 28 November 2009 at 8:38pm
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I did a cull of the kids toys and took them into preschool for them to share out amongst the kids who miss out, we go to a church pre school ,and donate to the St Vincent basket which benefits pre schol families that don't have much. I am sure they are grateful regardless of them being "second hand". We also donate to food bank and other charites through out the year as well as at christmas time, and I make sure my kids know exactly why we give things to those charites.
I have a $ limit that we impose on what we spend n the kids, mainly cos hubby goes mental at all the things they have already, and they have one grandparent and one aunty who buys for them and thts it, so they get plenty but not OTT. This year they aren't getting a whole lot of stuff, however we have spent alot, as Jake is getting a bike, and Char an expensive pram and we are away so dont' want to cart it round the country side, they will get other bts and bobs in a sack and sleeping bags but thats about it. We make shortbread to give away and christmas pud bikkies. They know christmas is about Jesus, not santa, well the older one does more so. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |