Im so flippen angry at DH!
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Forum Name: General Chat
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Topic: Im so flippen angry at DH!
Posted By: Tastic
Subject: Im so flippen angry at DH!
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 12:12pm
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so I get my chriscos money last night.
this morning hubby said he needed new shoes, yeah ok no problem however $100.00 later for shoes $35.00 for flippen golf balls $20.00 for his phone $20.00 for his bus card $10.00 for lunch then he's just gone to golf! so needs green fees - about $30 I think that's over $200 he has spent of out f**ken Christmas money! I am so angry its not funny! he knew that was all we had for Christmas presents this year, but he doesn't seem to f**ken care. I need new shoes cause I only have basically one pair and they have holes in the bottom - my feet are getting soaked in the rain. I need a new jacket because the zip on my one is broken, can still do it up but can't undo it, I need a new pair of pants and a new top as I'm living in basically one top that fits and a pair of pants so old they have holes in them! ARGH! ARGH! and he didn't make his target for November (he works in retail) so NO BONUS! so we don't even have that to full back on 
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Replies:
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 12:21pm
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Oh Tastuc, I'm sorry, I understand your frustration, my DP does the same thing ro me on a regular basis. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 12:41pm
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Um, I'd be furious. You still have a hundred left right? Go to the $2 shop and get some stuff for the boys, I'm sure the rest of your family will understand that you can't afford to buy gifts, maybe get creative and make them something (food, craft, plant seeds, pictures of the boys).
I understand the shoes and the bus pass but the rest is irresponsible if you ask me. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:01pm
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maybe he doesnt really understand how much money you dont have. its ok to say that the chrisco money is for xmas but that doesnt men that its the only money... (thats from a mans point of view BTW ).
Well at least now you dont have to buy him a Christmas present! and yeah i wouldnt bother about anyone else. Christmas is for the kids! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Tastic
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:06pm
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he knows how much money we don't have, we are currently seeing a budget advisor and everything, seen the graphs of our budget and been told that basically we are in the sh*t
grrr he's just rang and said he has ordered his mum some photo blocks  and I said what about my mum
ohh I forgot argh! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:31pm
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nope - tell him to cancel them or the boys will not be getting anything...! You have to put your foot down and make him realise that your family (as in you and the kids) are the top priority! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:34pm
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If he's ordered more than one for his mum, split them to include your mum too. Does he do this a lot? Maybe he needs a small allocation of cash each week and not to have access to the account till he's sorted himself out? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:43pm
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I second not having access to the account - I had to do that with DH for a while because he just didn't get it. He'd see money left over and think it was a free-for-all until I told him that money was for the next power bill etc.
Now we pay everything fortnightly and we get our own spending money. Any other purchases must be agreed upon between us. IMO its pretty irresponsible, and I know irresponsible! DH went away for work and had $600 spending that the army had given him, then spent a further $150 while I couldn't buy groceries (that was when he went a bit crazy). I made him pay it back out of his spending money (which is $20 each per week) for the next few months. They have to learn and take responsibility. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:45pm
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Hmmmm are these men your husbands or another child? ------------- 
 
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Posted By: ohanlon82
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 1:50pm
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Yip i had to do this with DH when we were saving for our house - he was terrible with money when i first meet him.. i run all the bills etc in the house..
I get him out some money each week and he gets gas from the account but normally ask me if he buys anything else Now he is great with money - better than i am so maybe he needs to learn the tough way - have it all taken off him ------------- http://lb2f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/RPaODBg.jpg |
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 2:05pm
Cuppatea - unfortunately some men's mothers didn't do the best job of teaching budgeting  My DH actually prefers it this way as he asked me to do it and made me change the passwords for IB etc because he can't control himself. Trust me I'd prefer him to be able to have self control but he doesn't and unless and until he learns, this is the way it is so we keep our house and can feed our kids
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 2:05pm
 I think in this example since money is so tight he probably needs to be treated like a child
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cuppatea wrote:Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 2:07pm
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Grr tastic!
When I lived in Korea and it was common practice for the husbands to hand their pay cheque over to their wife and their wives to give their husbands an allowance. Currently DP controls our household finances, I pay him rent and some of the 'shared' utlities like power. He pays the sky bill as he gets mainly for sport (though I watch TV too) while I'm an internet addict so I pay for that which includes our phone bill so it works out. Ditto with food. However DP is much like your husband and will spend money like nobody's business. However he earns heaps so at least he has the salary to back up his purchases. |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 2:19pm
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Oh that is awful of him!
My DF is hopeless with money too, so I look after the money and pay the bills, do groceries, petrol etc... we both get a sanity money allowance each week so he has a bit of money to do with it whatever he wishes... Being on one income means we have to be pretty careful with what we spend so I think it would be a nightmare if we both had cards and were spending whatever - this way I know there is money for bills and food. ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 2:22pm
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GRRRRRRRRRRRRR @ your DH Tastic!!!!
I agree, tell him to cancel the photo block order else the boys won't be getting any pressies this year
I really feel for you hun, Christmas is the WORST time of year when you're feeling skint  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 3:03pm
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Tastic, how sucky! I understand how hard it is at xmas when money is tight and expectations are high. I also know what its like when you have a partner who either doesn't understand or doesn't care about how tight finances are.
Good luck trying to get him to understand that he can't just have it all. I hope you figure things out. ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 7:52pm
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Ohh that sucks and would make me so mad! Agree with the others that maybe he just doesn't have access to the money if he can't control himself. Sometimes they have to learn that if they stuff up, THEY suffer the consequences. ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 8:09pm
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I'm so sorry Tastic :(
-------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 9:10pm
| Sorry he needs to suffer some consequences - have the shoes been worn???? Cause I'd be returning them tomorrow if not. Thats just not nice or fair that he has spent all that money on him, especially if you only had $300 to start with - how is he expecting santa to visit this year? Photo blocks if he ordered more than one split them up or if you still can cancel the order. And apart from his bus card and maybe $20 cash a week that's it. I guessing you never get to have lunch out so why should he, and no treat for mum - what planet is he on. Hugs and goodluck. And just a thought next year pretend your not doing the order - and send to your mum's and he will be none the wiser and you will have it to spend on the kids as you planned. |
Posted By: Guests
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 9:16pm
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I agree with hannabil, if he hasn't worn the shoes make him take them back and get cheaper ones.
Def stop his access to your accounts, hard times call for harsh measures. And stop him playing golf, if your budget is so tight those things need to go. My poor dh had to stop playing his indoor cricket ( has been playing for 12 years) for a few months as we had some unexpected expenses. And he should make his lunch. There is also a money saving thread on here somewhere that has soem AWESOME tips for saving cash. |
Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 9:37pm
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I can join the club. My DH just spent $163 on some bike pedals because some guy at the bike shop told him he needs the better quality model to ensure he doesn't slip off them. His old ones were fine.
He currently works at this bike shop and has been given a TAB in return. Instead of waiting until his TAB accumulated enough money he spends ours instead. You just want to hit them really don't you?! 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 9:55pm
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Jesu$ Chri$T That is irresponsible and thoughless. I would return the shoes, too, and stop the golf.
Why not some $40 ones from the shoe warehouse instead, then there would be some $ for you to get some too. I would be canselling Xmas for all the extras, too. What an A$$ ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 1:17pm
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That is just so selfish.
I agree with the others take the shoes back if you can. I can not understand how someone can put them-self ahead of their children. I would not worry about pressies for everyone except the kids, & since yours are little you will be able to get a way with $2 shop stuff. If anyone asks why they did not get anything...ask them if they like DH's shoes. Tell him if he want to play golf then he has to hit the target & get his bonus...no bonus no extras. Sorry if this sounds tough, but time for you to take control, take his cards, efpos, credit what ever he has, make sure he has no access to money till he can be trusted. You have another baby on the way & the financial strain will increase, you can not afford for him to waste $100 on shoes for himself, you should be able to buy the whole family shoes. I remember you post about xmas presents & waiting for your chriscos money to come through, you sounded so excited. He has ruined that, make sure he knows. Hope things get back on track for you. |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 1:20pm
| oh & meant to say I would hit him over the head with that photo block...what is wrong with a warehouse frame? |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 1:52pm
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jazzy well said that was exactly what i was going to say..
tastic big hugs to you.. it really irritates me he puts himself ahead of his children and you and it's simply not good enough. I am the sucky one with money in our house but there is no9 way my child would be missing out so i could buy some shoes..esp if my DH had holes in his and needed them more:( ugh i just dont get why he gets away with it:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 3:18pm
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Four_eyes so agree.
As a SAHM, I have to run the house & do everything for everyone, I don't get paid for this. If bills did not get paid then it would be me who stressed about it, so I handle all the money, my DH would spend to much on stuff we want but don't need, where as I want all bills paid first. My DH does not know how much money we have & what we spend it on, if he wants something he asks. It is tough on 1 wage & we have 3 kids. We have deiced to cut costs this xmas & be really tight with money next year as we would like to take the kids to oz at the end of next year. I have been cleaning out cupboards & found stuff the kids got last xmas, that have never been played with & they did not want so am not making that mistake again, besides it is me that spends most of my time on my hands & knees picking up toys. I was thinking you should get DH to pay you back, time to sort out his stuff & sell what is not needed or has not been used for awhile...TM is great for that & that is how I got some of my xmas money. |
Posted By: Tastic
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 9:41am
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I couldnt take the shoes back as he had already worn them and they were muddy!
went and got a couple of thing yesterday and decided to make some shortbread, truffles and fudge for the grandparents, so brought most of the ingredients but bugger me that still cost a flippen fortune! |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 10:36am
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I think your DH is an adult and although some of his behaviour that he is displaying is not very adult like, I dont think it will help treating him like another child.
So I will suggest ask him when he is ready to have a chat about finances sometime this week. Let him say when and where and make sure that time is sort of clear for both of you. Perhaps when kids are in bed ect. Then make a nice cup of coffee and sit down with a spreadsheet with all your expenses. Fixed ones like Rend/bond and things you cant change the amount on. Then the ones that you have to pay but it is variable in amount like electricity ect. And then the ones you can cut on when unexpected stuff comes on like clothing and entertainment and golf and all those things you dont need to survive on. Go through your bank records for the last 6 months and put that in and then put a proposed budget in. Try and make sure you can get spending money for both of you in there. Even if it is only $10 a week. I think both of you need money where you dont need to account for what you did with that money. And then agree to a plan. If it means that all cards is stopped and you need cash for everything and you work on a weekly budget then do it. Draw out the cash and put it in different envelopes. And then put the actual amoutns you spent on there in the budget. Whatever is left for that week you can perhaps put in that envelope for the next week or put in savings or for a holiday. Try and not go guilt trip him as he will just go all defensive. (some men really dont like being verbally attacked) but let him know how you feel. Both of you are together in this and should work together. What is done is done for Christmas but you really do not need a lot of money to make Christmas special. For Stockings, bake biscuits for the kiddies or better yet make packets of flour and all that up with a few cookie cutters and the recipy in the stocking. They will love doing baking with you. Make playdough and all that and wrap it up for them. And take $20 per child and spent in on something they might enjoy. If you feel you really have to give something to rest of families then why not bake? Bake something with kiddies to give to grandparents. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 10:39am
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Aw Tastic that is awful.
Has he said anything??? Has he made any attempt to show that he realised how stupid that all was? I would be so pissed to. My Hubby isn't very good with money either but he has goptten better over the years. At one point we couldn't even put food on the table because we had NO money from his stupid spending so I went & broke down to his mother lol. ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 10:41am
| This wont help for this year but it may for next year.. we have a xmas account set up. I put in money from each pay into it. Even if its only $5 or $10 or whatever we have. It actually builds up quite fast over the year so when it comes to xmas time I don't really have to look for any money at all cause its already there. We had a few months were we couldn't put any in but even so theres a couple hundy sitting in there for presents. Saves on stress I tell ya! |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 10:51am
I think they are already seeing a budget adviser so if he can't take that seriously and realise how the financial situation is, then probably sitting down and chatting ain't gonna work either! Oh, agree with having a wee savings account for christmas, even have a secret jar that you put change into over the year (just don't tell hubby!!). When I was in NZ, I used to do New World christmas club which was also REALLY good... Though probably budget adviser will say should not be saving money when have things to pay off 
Feel for ya hun, have fun baking though! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 11:01am
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I like the flour and cookie cutter idea and home made play dough. E would love that! ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 11:15am
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I love the home made ideas.
I cheat a bit to make it cheaper, I buy chocolates like favorites, party bags, scorched almonds, nut & stuff like that, then make up little bags & decorate little boxes, they look great & work out cheaper that baking sometimes. I buy play doh from the $2 shop you can get 3 for $2 so great stocking fillers. Next year we are doing the Christmas club when shopping, so will do about $10 a week. We are also saving next year for a trip so will add extra for xmas as well, but we wont be over spending & will buy during the year & putting away. I think the most important thing is having fun with the kids & family at xmas, does not matter how much money you have or how much you spend on pressies, cause there are a lot of families out there that have nothing. |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 1:34pm
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Geez, that would piss me off!!
We are trying to do cheap things this year...not just because we cant really afford it...but because I dont think anyone actually NEEDS anything so baking will be something to make them feel nice. I agree, baking ingredients soon add up too. |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 5:07pm
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For xmas presents for the grandparents you can make salt dough and make ornaments or something from the boys. I plan on doing this with DD (well try) and make foot prints for our parents plus, do a small scrapbook of photos for them, just haven't got there yet. Got the scrapbook but haven't decided on the photos yet Oh and DP can be terrible with money as well. We literally have a cupboard full of food and DP is constantly saying I'm hungry. Well go look in the cupboard and see what you can make then! I hate it. He goes but I don't like any of the food thats there. Well mailto:f@*$n - f@*$n well tell me what you want me to buy from the supermarket and if I can find it there and its in our budget then I will buy it. We are in debt atm but that's because we didn't expect any kids anytime soon and bought a laptop. Also I stopped working when 4mths because my work sucks and made me redundant when I was 3mths pregnant it really did suck! Would have worked right up if I had and we wouldn't be as bad off as we are now ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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