Am I Mad?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30288
Printed Date: 09 October 2025 at 11:03pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Am I Mad?
Posted By: Parki
Subject: Am I Mad?
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 7:59pm
|
While I sometimes would anwser HECK YES to my thread title I'm sure in this case I'm not...
I just got off the phone to a friend and she really p*ssed me off & I ended up abruptly ending the convo & hanging up & now I'm sitting here fuming! I would just like to know your opinion on the situation... DH & I have been TTC for around 3 years and recently found out we would require IVF which is due to start in April. For the last year or so I have been buying baby things & adding them to my little 'nest' as DH calls it. My reasoning is as follows: We are young & have a hefty mortgage so while we are both earning good money & two wages it makes perfect sense to me to buy the things we won't be able to afford when we are on one wage. We are also about to buy a business so money is going to be tight next year. I usually buy things such as merino & organic clothing, wraps, blankets etc. Basically more the more expensive things that I can afford to buy now but know will be harder when we are down to one income. I buy neutral colours in different sizes & never spend excessive amounts, I usually buy things on special etc. I have a huge box full of brand new gorgeous stuff which I love adding to(& occasionally use for presents)..... So I just mentioned to a friend that something had arrived by courier and she told me that was 'stupid & wasting my money & should just wait like everyone else!'. It really hurt my feelings! I guess in a way it gives me something exciting to do while we wait for our IVF to start. I don't see how it is stupid, it seems quite a good idea to me & it means I can give my baby all the things I prefer to without the stress of money? While I know our IVF might not work first time etc, we will have a baby at some stage so its always going to be used. Am I being stupid & 'wasting my money' as I was just told? Sorry for the novel but I'm still fuming. 
|
Replies:
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:03pm
What a mean thing to say!  I think your approach sounds quite sensible to me.-------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: WRXnKids
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:05pm
|
I think if it makes you happy then there is nothing wrong with it! I think it was a bit rude on your friends part even if she didnt agree with what you are doing she could have been more sensitive about it -------------   
|
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:07pm
just as long as its not upsetting you seeing all the stuff and not having the baby...YET
My SIL did this too and I must admit, I did worry that things werent going to happen as easily as she hoped. I know I was terrified of "jinxing" myself...but thats me...I worry for the sake of worrying...that sounds madder
Good luck for the IVF 
|
Posted By: Katep
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:07pm
|
She sounds like a bi-arch! You can spend your money how you please and no one needs to be called 'stupid' when it comes to wanting a baby.
Goodluck with IVF. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Mum to the Gorgeous Leah! 7 months |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:19pm
|
What a cow! If you're mad then I am too I had a double wardrobe full of baby stuff before DH and I even talked about starting to TTC (my sis was giving it away) we knew kids were somewhere in the future and this stuff was free (and some of the clothes and toys were things I'd given my niece and nephew back when I had a larger income and little responsibility). Other people collect all sorts of crazy useless things, at least your collection is full of good quality items that you will use. Good luck with your IVF. -------------  
|
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:22pm
|
Gah .. I think most of my friends are idiots for spending their money on sh*te like cigarettes and alcohol .. and people think im strange for my penchant for shoes and baby carriers
It's your money, if you want to spend it on baby clothes who is she to say its a waste  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
|
Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:36pm
|
Not mad at all, very sensible is what I'd call it If I had my time again, I'd do just that.
And like you said, you're going to have a baby at some stage, it's not like it's never going to happen despite what you have to do to get there, so I say splurge while you can and scrimp later
Good luck with the IVF too, FX it happens quickly. |
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 8:45pm
|
OMG I would have lost the plot at her - hanging up on her would be the smallest offence. She should never have said those things - would you say to a newly pregnant friend not to buy things in case you miscarry? Bah!
I think you're brilliant and doing the right thing preparing for the time when you will have a child. I wish more people had the smarts and resources to start buying while in the planning stage. 9 months is a short space of time to cram all the shopping in, and man is it expensive! I wish you all the best of luck on your journey to parenthood. ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
|
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 9:06pm
|
I say go for it. I bought stuff before I got pregnant. Got a great cot at a great price - never regretted it.
That was a pretty insensitive thing to say. -------------  
 
|
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 9:35pm
|
My friend is not pregnant and her partner doesn't want kids for another two years , she loves babies and can't wait to be a mum and has a glory box full of baby clothes, blankets etc etc AND recently purchased (on special , but still) a Quinny Buzz stroller, and capsule and something else but I forgot what it was .
Some may say shes mad, but hey , its her money , and there are worse things she could be spending it on, and if it makes her feel like shes closer to her dream , why the hell not ? Same goes for you , ignore comments like that, I think there is nothing wrong with it , nor do I think you are mad ! I do think that was an insensitive thing for her to say , and I think you should ignore any comments like that . Enjoy your shopping , and all the best as you embark on your IVF journey ------------- 
|
Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 9:55pm
|
I think that's an awesome Idea! Go YOU!!
Sounds like your friend is just plain jealous. Does she have kids? At the end of the day, your lovely baby will have some cool stuff!!  ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 10:12pm
|
Pooh to her I say! Good on you, it makes a lot of sense to be buying the things now that you will need in the future. I started buying stuff ages ago like probably two years ago, no wait even longer since I hadn't even met DH hahaha! I knew I was gonna have kids one day (tho it took 18 months to get pregnant).
ETA Good luck with the IVF in April ------------- 
Oct 11
|
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 10:16pm
|
I don't see what her problem is, my DH and I did the same thing for a year before we conceived our first child and for similar reasons. So long as it doesn't upset you seeing the things then there's no issue. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 02 December 2009 at 10:29pm
|
when i was younger i had the most gorgeous hand knitted baby outfits in my glory box - or hope chest as some call them - they sat there for years and i eventually gave them away to friends who did have babies... anyway it was years later that i finally got my baby!
so its not mad to buy when you arent even pregnant... however not everyone can understand that and even tho saying its stupid isnt nice and is probably a stupid thing in itself, i can kind of get how someone might say it if they thought a friend was potentially setting themselves up to get hurt. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 7:08am
|
What a cow! I have baby stuff collected, and I'm in a similar boat. I don't see a problem with it, I reckon everyone should do what works for them, and let others do the same. I don't blame you for hanging up!! -------------   
|
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 8:00am
|
Surely what you choose to spend your money on is your business and no one elses.
I've got loads of baby stuff too and no baby either, some people can be insensitive. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 8:05am
|
Not nuts at all - very sensible.
I hope and pray that the ivf works for you, but if it didn't who said you wouldn't potentially adopt? I'm not saying you would, just that there are other ways to get a baby. Worst case senario - Meet my friend, trademe! Planning in advance to provide your child is an incredibly grown up , sensible, and mature thing to do. I hope it all works out for you xox -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: Parki
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 8:07am
|
Thanks for the reassurance ladies.
I do understand the comments about 'jinxing' things or setting myself up to get hurt etc but its not like I am buying all this stuff expecting to get pregnant straight away when we begin IVF. Im more than realistic about our chnaces & I realise we may not get pregnant first or even second time. But I also know that we will have a baby at some stage, somehow, so it all helps, and hey by the time that happens I may have a whole room full of stuff & a very well dressed baby! ha ha 
Also, I don't buy big things like strollers, cots etc, I'll save that for the 9 months I actually am pregnant! Thanks again, I feel less 'stupid' now! 
|
Posted By: noodle
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 8:37am
|
I think she is just being a cow aswell! I think its a good idea collecting stuff while you have the money.
Not saying that you are going to be anything like me but once I was pregnant i couldn't bring myself to buy anything for R until after our anatomy scan, not because I wanted to see what colour i needed to buy because we didn't find out his flavour, but just because after so long TTC and all the dissapointments I had guarded myself a bit in letting myself believe we were actually going to have a baby (I was super excited but just protecting myself a bit I suppose....hard to explain...), so I was pleased I had bought things before we were pregnant because those things were for any baby not the one I was growing if that makes sense
good luck for you IVF chick, I'll keep my fingers crossed tight for a first time BFP for you!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: Gardengirl
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 8:38am
|
Some people don't engage their brain and when they open their mouths all manner of ridiculous stuff comes out.
I think it makes perfect sense and I wish I'd been able to do the same thing (but I was in the terrified-it-would-jinx-me camp). Good luck with your IVF journey, I hope it's a short and sweet one. |
Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 9:02am
| I started collecting the odd thing that was on sale and a bargain as well. I think it is pretty sensible really and she's just a cow. In saying that, I've never told anyone except DH because I thought they would react in a similar way. |
Posted By: Bexee
Date Posted: 03 December 2009 at 10:51am
|
I think it was a nasty thing to say - her heart may have been in the right place with worry about you and it upseting you but still.
I bought bits and bobs before we started trying. We'd always planned for kids in the future, and were faced with the possibility of having trouble, so ppl thought I was mad but still. When we did get pregnant I was terrified to buy anything for the first three months but I had a great stash of stuff. Admittedly some of the outfits were the wrong season or what have you but it was great. We didn't have to buy a lot of stuff when we were down to one income and I haven't bought a packet of nappies yet and DS is 16 weeks old! As long as it isn't upseting you go for it! |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 11:56am
|
that is such a great idea! to buy things ahead of time!! you are very wise...and your friend is very mean and tackless!!
i collected alot of things while we were TTC#2 - we already had one child but didnt keep any of his stuff and it took 2 yrs to concieve #2 so #2 ended up with a great stash of nice things
|
Posted By: Blankney94
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 12:39pm
|
I've heard of unmarried /unpartnered friends putting away things for their future babies (and I mean really future!) - so no not a silly thing to do at all. Just ignore your friend's hurtful comments, and spend your money how you see fit. One day you will be able to tell your little bundle of joy how you saved up lots of toys and clothes in excited preparation for his/her future arrival. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 2:41pm
|
What a hurtful thing for her to say!
I think you are being sensible. We did similar - we began buying when we started TTC not knowing it would take us two years. The month before we were due to begin IVF we discovered we were pregnant. Treasure the things you've bought - you are putting love and care into them and intentions have influence ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 2:53pm
|
Kel I have a "nest" of baby stuff too!
DH buys stuff for it as well when he sees something cool on sale or whatever! It has really come in handy over the last couple of years because when we need a present for someone we go to our stash! Haha. Maybe shes jealous and wishes she could afford to do that - who knows, but I certainly wouldnt let it bother you! Although I know if it was me I would have let it get to me too. Ps/ Good luck with FT! ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: Bombshell
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 3:28pm
|
im guessing she doesnt have kids yet herself??? or she would understand!
keep on doing it....just dont do it as an obssession and youre ok! I also had a hope chest from when young! and bought a coupole of things when we deicded to ttc....why not!
|