my unreasonable and reasonable melt down
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Topic: my unreasonable and reasonable melt down
Posted By: BaAsKa
Subject: my unreasonable and reasonable melt down
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 8:22pm
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I dont want to vent my melt down to any of my family or RL friends for a few reasons so i thought id put it here..
I know that alot of it im being unreasonable about (emotional i think) and some i think is reasonable.. where to start?? Well my sis came over this evening to give me the valuation for our mums house which we now both own....the begining of this story is that we had someone wanting to buy the house...my sis thought their offer was too low even though i explained why it was reasonable! (my DH is a builder so we know what the deal is) but still she wanted a valuation on it (even though i didnt - she still made me pay for half!!!!).....so she mucked around sorting it out and the interested buyer is not interested anymore.......fast forward to tonight - the valuation came in at 10k LESS than they offered!!  ...thats one of my gripes....
#2 - she then said she wanted to pay me out for my half...i dont want her to keep the house....i dont know why exactly but i think it may be because she has let her own house go (a bit delapadated) and i dont want to see it happen to mums house, I also really just want the house gone...COMPLETELY out of the family so its not a constant reminder....(yes that is one of my unreasonable ones).. She also said that a psyhic told her that she is having a little girl and she wants to name it after my mum....for some STUPID reason this bugs me because she didnt really have anything to do with mum whereas mum and i were so close and now shes trying to do all these things as if they were close and it bugs me because the whole time i keep thinking "too F***kn late to make up for it now!!!" (mum was always very hurt by my sis pushing her away).....yes that is the most unreasonable thing out of all of my melt down i know!! 
Im also feeling very stressed out bcos im trying to organise for Dhs birthday party tommorow night and he doesnt seem to want to help at all!!!! and the damb weather just seems to be getting worse!!
argh! theres more but i think il leave it at that seen as it is already a huge novel!! Im being stupid right?? 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 8:36pm
Yes but you are allowed to! 
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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BaAsKa wrote:Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 8:38pm
hehe thanks Deb i knew you would understand me (emotional much?)
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 8:42pm
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computers playing up - didnt need to post it twice! :) Bloody dial up speed! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 8:59pm
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Hugs Amber. I think u are entilted to be pissed about the valuation thing, since now u dont have the good offer anymore either cos R was mucking around- should have just trusted A.
Hope the rain goes, and u have a good party for A tomorrow. Try get a good sleep. |
Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 9:03pm
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thanks Kelly I probably wont sleep tonight because il either be fuming over R or mentally cooking all the food in order for As bday!! lol
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 9:12pm
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Yeah definitely it would be hard not to be pissed off when you know you had a good offer that has slipped away.. That's the kind of thing that you probably will continue to feel a little resentment about unless you get the same or more for the house than that person had offered.
Hope you can work it out though! |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 10:42pm
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Ditto Bizzy said
And whatever your sister chooses to do , that doesn't take away what you and your mum had , you and your mum know how special your relationship was , nothing can ever, ever take that away . Big hugs hun, hope tomorrow is a better day ------------- 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 December 2009 at 11:08pm
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yep kellys right too! in your heart you know the truth! and her trying to pretend otherwise wont have any affect on your and your mums relationship! (it will probably piss you off still tho!)
oh and i get what you mean about the house but remember too you dont have to make any decisions straight away either... hope the party goes well! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 05 December 2009 at 7:42am
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For somethings I think you have to take out the emotional factor & selling your mums house is one of them.
I would not have paid haft the valuation cost as you did not want it done. I think you need to put your foot down, tell her she lost a quick sale for you both. Tell her you don't want the house to stay in the family....but if it ends up with her buying you out add an extra $50k to it. As for the other stuff, they sound like rambling to me. Possibly she feels jealous of the relationship you had with your mum. I would concentrate on selling the house & don't get into the other stuff you know the truth. We weather in AK is gorgeous, so hopefully you will have it for your party. Tell DH to get out & help you or he wont see his next one 
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Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 05 December 2009 at 7:56am
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Sounds a lot like your sister is still grieving for your mum and the relationship that you didn't have. Sounds like you are too!
I hope you both can move past the hard emotions soon, grief sucks ------------- DD1 May 2006 DD2 March 2011 DD3 August 2012 |
Posted By: blondy
Date Posted: 05 December 2009 at 8:02am
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Amber - I was in the same situation as you....my Dad passed away 3 years ago (Mum had died 9 years ealrlier), my sis (who lives in Palmy) and I had to clear out and sell their house - and my Dad was a hoarder with 30+ years worth of stuff in the house! Anyway, I digress....
It's been one of the most emotionally-charged, difficult things I've had to do - at times more upsetting than actually losing our parents I think the problem is that all your childhood gripes and fights come back, and now it's like you're fighting for who loved your parents the most 
We had to sell the house at well under what we had hoped, but there was almost no interest in it, the house needed much work, and the market was crashing (this was early last year). My sister didn't really seem to understand that just because we *felt* the house was worth more, that didn't mean we were going to be able to sell it for that. Fortunately once she was up here and able to see the house, she realised we just had to do it. I think it's totally reasonable to want to sell the house - it would be far too upsetting to have it still in the family IMO; even if your sister does look after it. I have found that (for us) actually being in the same room and talking about things helps alot. Because most of our communication is via email/text etc, it's very easy to misconstrue what it really being said. My sis and I are really not that close, we're just very different people, and we see things quite differently. It is such a hard situation to be in, when everything is so emotive. Can you get another family member (someone you both respect) to help discuss all the issues? Sometimes if everything is out in the open, and someone else is there to calm things down, you both might feel better? Your sister is probably feeling guilty about the relationship she had with your mother, and is trying to make up for it, but no doubt it's coming out as something more hostile and passive aggressive! Sorry for the novel, I just know exactly how you feel! I do know that now that the house is sold, and almost all of the crap in the house has been divided and sorted, we are getting along much better. -------------  
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Posted By: BaAsKa
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 6:59pm
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oh blondy your situation certainly does sound so much like mine! my sis and i have never got along!
your right too kelly and Deb about me knowing the truth and i actually had an "aha i feel better" moment when i read it so thanks
oh and the party was awsome!!!...except for my sis once again who moped around and moaned all night long!! ...my night was still awsome!
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 7:54pm
| Glad it went well. |