D is for doormat
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30353
Printed Date: 26 October 2025 at 1:59pm
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Topic: D is for doormat
Posted By: lemongirl
Subject: D is for doormat
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 11:04am
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I'm not sure how this has happened, but I've been 'volunteered' to make the cake for DP's daughter to take to school for her birthday this week.
I'll freely admit that I'm a bit of cake decorating nerd so yes it is natural to come knock on my door when you need a cake. So it is more than likely that the child herself has probably asked that I make her 'school' cake. However it takes a fair bit of time to create a proper cake and I've already got 2 to make this week for the kiddo's birthday: one for actual birthday where we've got some family in from out of town and then one for her party later in the week. The worst bit is that I wasn't even asked if I would like to come to school to see her blow out the candles. Yes me coming would involve a big scene with the mum which would be horrible for the kiddo. But at the same time, if I'm not important enough to be invited along, then obviously you don't need me to make your child's birthday cake. Of course like an idiot, I'm arranging to go home early so that I can get this extra cake done. But I might be shedding a few tears in the process. |
Replies:
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 1:06pm
Aww that's a really horrid thing for them to do to you. I'd feel pretty used too if it were me.  -------------  
 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 1:12pm
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Sadly the title of your thread is correct, sounds like you get used a lot by your step-kiddos nearest and dearest. Sure its great that you are going to such a lot of effort but doesn't sound like its being appreciated much. If its such an issue for the mum let her buy a cake for school. 3 cakes gee a bit spoilt is she. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 1:13pm
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Perhaps you need to start charging for cakes that you do for others?!  ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: Blankney94
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 1:15pm
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I'd go on strike and have a tanty What's wrong with the other lady in this equation making the cake? She's gotta learn to take the good with the bad, and perhaps your cake should = your entitlement to be there? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 1:44pm
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i dont know who volunteered you but how bout you just go and buy a cake! you dont have time by the sounds of it. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 2:46pm
In total this child will get 4 cakes 
She's already had cake #1 at the party her mother threw for her this weekend. Cake #2 will be on her actual birthday for dinner. I'm happy to make this cake as it's a family occasion, my folks will be there as well as some of DP's family. Cake #3 is at her Dad's birthday party which I feel like DP got manipulated into by both the child and her mother (kid wanted party an expensive venue, mummy didn't want to pay for it so all of sudden it was Daddy hosting this party) but that's another rant for another day. Nevertheless a lot of my friends with their kids will be there so I don't mind putting my efforts into doing something for that occasion. But yeah the 'school cake' is the one that annoys me. I keep thinking to myself 'doesn't this fall under the category of something a mother should do/buy for their kids?' So how many post-divorce cliches have I hit in this post? I'm thinking way too many. |
Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 3:01pm
Yep! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
lemongirl wrote:Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 3:08pm
Man, doormat is right 
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Posted By: Shezzey
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 3:49pm
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Wow.... 4 celebrations for one birthday... a bit OTT I think... Also it might be setting a precedent ....will the child be expecting this for every birthday from now on? |
Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 4:12pm
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I hate to say it, but I'm in agreement with Shezzey.
4 cakes? Gosh, my parents divorced when I was 7 and I don't recall ever getting multiple birthday parties or a million presents. If only 
I say put your foot down and buy one 
You deserve to be treated better. And as hard as it is, I'm sure, you should demand it. ------------- 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 4:13pm
I bloody well hope not. Last year DP and I hosted a small family gathering while her mum hosted the party which IMHO is plenty for a young kid. Somehow this year seems to have morphed into this huge week-long extravaganza. I get that in nasty divorce situations the last thing a kid wants is warring parents so there might need to be seprate festivities. But I can't shake this feeling that both DP and I have been bullied into things because he's so desperate to keep his daughter's affections and be seen to be doing the 'right' thing. A touchy subject to bring up I know... |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 5:18pm
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mind you some kids get more than one party regardless of wether their parents are divorced or not... one for daycare, one for home at dinner on the day and one for a party with friends... I dont think one for school is normal tho.
maybe you could not make one for her actual birthday and instead do a really nice dessert. and When all her friends at school go "wow what a cool cake" she will be albe to tell them you made it and that will make her mum feel stink anyway... cause even tho you wont be there you will be the champion of the day! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 5:54pm
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Awww, does seem a bit over the top, coz who exactly is coming to the birthday party on the weekend? surely some of her friends from school? I didn't know that kids even had that sort of carry on at school (but I am not a mum yet, just an aunty).
From things you have posted before, you do so much for this little girl, which is great because it sounds like she needs a grounded adult. But don't let yourself be walked over by the other adults in her life including her Dad..that just isn't fair! ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: Angs1982
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 8:34pm
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ARGH what a situation.
Can I just throw a spanner in and ask why kids must take a cake to school? I'm assuming primary? |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 9:38pm
| I'm with the others OTT - sorry she seems very spoil and from an early post she is getting alot for xmas as well! Seems like the parents are always trying to up one another. I really feel for you being caught in the middle - suggest that the local supermarket has really nice birthday cakes for $20ish dollars. |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 9:39pm
I've never heard of a kid taking a birthday cake to school before! But it may be done now, I don't know... Chloe isn't school age yet 
I would tell the Mum that if she wants you to do the school cake she will have to pay for it, otherwise she can buy one. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 07 December 2009 at 10:16pm
 I didn't even get one cake this year lol.
Yeah, not sure my kids will be getting a 'school cake' seems like a bit over kill. Surely three is enough? ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
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Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 9:00am
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Goodness me, I hope this isn't setting a precident either. We've just kicked out the result of what happens with over the top spoling, and I'd hate to see any other stepo parent or indeed parent have to go through what we have.
I personally think the wee poppet is a bit spolit, to be honest, sounds like parents and extended family going overboard to make up for her parents splitting etc. And I do think you are being taken advantage of. This is well out of the relms of "normal" - the "school cake" thing.. (and who ever heard of such a thing? a bit ott if oyu ask me) ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 9:35am
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Apparently many a well-to-do school in Auckland now have parents bringing in cakes on the children's birthdays.* I hope it's just year 1 and not something that carries through.
As far as I'm aware no one from school has been invited to her Dad's party as she doesn't seem to have any friends at school. Her social skills are pretty bad so she doesn't engage with the other kids much at all. We were scrambling to invite enough kids for the party on Sunday. I'd rather have invited a few kids we know well but it seems to have morphed into something big. I keep thinking to myself 'this is not how I would raise my kid' but I suppose that's kind of the point: she isn't my kid. I feel quite sorry for the poor munchkin, I suspect she's going to be in for a lonely life. * Although a school my mother worked at banned the practice because they were getting several cakes a week come through. |
Posted By: Treen
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 10:07am
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My kids certainly won't be getting a cake to take to school. They'll be getting one cake and one cake only. But I can see you're stuck right where your DP's ex wants you, Lemongirl. You don't want to make a scene as you know she has the potential to use anything you and DP do against you in court. And kiddo sounds like she's bearing the grunt of her mother's issues so you don't want that to get any worse.
This woman is evil. She seems to have no idea whatsoever what she is doing to her daughter. She is so obsessed with making life difficult for you and DP, she can't see the wood for the trees. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 10:18am
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She might not be your kid but when she's under your roof you are responsible for her. My brother is in a similar situation to your DP, and when the kids are with him and his partner they're expected to listen to them. I certainly wouldn't tolerate naughty behaviour towards his partner. I do know his ex-wife was very bitter towards the whole thing and refuses to meet his partner/fiancee. Which is sad as between the 3 of them they're raising his two girls and hers. I remember taking a cake to school once when I was in primary school mum made a slice and decorated it with hundred and thousands, and I had 1 for my party, but then I only had one party. This kid is getting a whole lot of attention for a 5 year old. Money wont buy her affection, spending time with her will. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: monkey33
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 10:53am
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I feel for you lemongirl - I have read a few of your posts now about your situation and it is a hard one to be in.
My parents split when I was 10 and Mum met a new guy. When Dad dropped me off after staying there every 2nd weekend, he would come in for a beer. Am sure it hurt him to see Mum with someone else, but it kept him closer to us. I am sure it it would have worked out the same had Dad met someone aswell (he still hasn't!). Mum has now been remarried to a lovely man for a few years now. He is called Grandad by my sister's kids (and will be by ours) and is at all of their kids parties along with my Dad. They don't talk a whole lot but they get along fine. We even did christmas together one year when my sister's first arrived (we usually see Mum on christmas and Dad on boxing day). It must be hard to have an ex who is being so difficult about including you in her daughter's life and she seems to only do so when it is convenient to her (ie can you make the cake but no you can't come to see her blow the candles out). Hopefully over time, the ex will see that you have her daughter's best interests at heart and are doing a great job of being a step-Mum. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 1:25pm
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I too have read several of your posts about "the kiddo" I think this competition between the parents is setting her up for a big fall, no one likes a spoilt child. She will find it hard when her parents stop this or when you have kids.
I would only have done a birthday cake at home for her not several, let her mum or dad buy the rest. They are both taking advantage of you. You don't even get an invite to the school for it, does the mother? You are the step-mum, & from what I have read you do heaps for her but are not involved with much because of the mum, therefore maybe you should pull back a bit, the things & parts you are not allowed to be part of don't do things for it. I think you are amazing, anyone who is a step parent & can take on the role as that deserved to be treated fairly & it should be acknowledged, you could so easily say no more. Think you need to talk to your DP, he seams to take a lot for granted. My DS2 will be 5 on Friday, so will make him a cake for then & the grandparents will be here for dinner. Saturday the cousins are coming over as they can not make Friday night, so will bake some muffins instead of another cake. Thursday is graduation from kindy so he will hand out little chocolates to the kids. |
Posted By: hannibal
Date Posted: 08 December 2009 at 9:51pm
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Seriously she is only 5???? Like I said in an earlier post as with the other spoil isn't nice (sorry) - if it isn't sorted out you guys will have issues with her. Three cakes - surely you will have left overs maybe she can take that along with a packet of nice biscuits? I am still getting over the fact that she is getting so much spent on her at xmas. It all seems so sad she is a poor puppet in all this and it will end up badly. I only wish we can wave a wand and make it all better for you all.
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