Adoption
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30657
Printed Date: 06 October 2025 at 1:29pm
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Topic: Adoption
Posted By: ellabellame
Subject: Adoption
Date Posted: 27 December 2009 at 12:30pm
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we're currently in the process of getting Mikey adopted by DP as his biological father lives in australia, is not a very nice person and has had minimal contact with him, even when he lived 20 minutes away from us. my reasons for doing this is so that if something happens to me then i know that Mikey will stay with the family he knows and his life won't be completely uprooted.
just to be clear though, i never want to take Mikey's father away from him, i still would like them to have a relationship because they both have that right, this is just about Mikey's security. since we started the proceedings, his biological father has suddenly started paying all his child support payments on time and he sent mikey both a birthday and a xmas present which makes me think, am i doing the right thing here? he seems to think i'm ruining mikey's life by doing this and that mikey will hate me when he's older. what does everyone here think? ------------- |
Replies:
Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 27 December 2009 at 1:46pm
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Thanks heaps. Basically you just reinforced my original feelings. Mikey's biological father just knows how to push my buttons and make me doubt myself.
it was really good to hear about your adoption and the fact that you don't blame your mum for it. Mikey barely knows his father, he calls my DP daddy. ------------- |
Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 27 December 2009 at 7:19pm
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oh DP's family absolutely loves Mikey, he'd rather be at my in-law's place than at home lol.
they've been really welcoming and never made a distinction between maia (related by blood) and mikey. I'm really lucky. ------------- |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 27 December 2009 at 7:32pm
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How do you go about it? Does his b/father have to give up his rights? Does the child take your DP name? Do you have to be or get married?
Sorry for the questions I am just curious. |
Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 27 December 2009 at 8:16pm
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basically i've had to go to a lawyer and together we've written up an affidavit basically stating that DP and i are in a committed relationship and plan on staying that way and we want to provide mikey with a stable home environment to grow up in.
this will then get sent to the courts who i think will then send it on to mikey's biological father. there's a whole big process to go to and mikey will be interviewed at some point i think by someone to make sure that we are a stable family. the father does have to sign the papers and that is basically signing over guardianship to DP. this means that he no longer has to pay child support but he is also giving up his parental rights. that's not to say he's not allowed to have a relationship with his son but if something happens to me, mikey would go to DP rather than him, and legally DP would be considered his father. DP and i are not married, that's not a requirement and we're not sure if we're going to change mikey's name yet. ------------- |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 28 December 2009 at 12:56pm
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Interesting to read the above, much of a similar situation to us. My partner has taken on my son as if he was his own and his parents/brother and entire family have welcomed DS and I with open arms. DS has nothing to do with his biological father who is also in Aussie and refusing to acknowledge the fact that he fathered a child.
When we get married we will look at all our options, but i definitely would consider letting him adopt my boy as he is AMAZING with him, and i know he'd always put that boy first and foremost, in the event of anything happening to me... ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 28 December 2009 at 1:00pm
wow we have almost identical situations! apart from the fact that in my case the biological father SAYS he wants to be a dad but his actions speak otherwise. good luck with whatever you decide to do. ------------- |
BuzzyBee wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 28 December 2009 at 3:15pm
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i've got a tricky one, my daughter is extremely lucky and priviledged to have TWO dads who both love her and would do anything for her .
Yet , her daddy Phil , my husband , is the one that knows her best, is more of her dad because he is involved in her every day life and as far as hes concerned he is her father , if I was to die , I would want her to go to him, not her bio dad's side , it would be too much of a change for her , they are good people, he and his wife, and we all get along , but they live a lot differently to us . Plus, I don't want her separated from Ty , who is mine and DH's baby . I've said in my will that DH is to have them both if I die, and so far we have unofficially changed her last name to DH's ------------- 
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Posted By: ellabellame
Date Posted: 28 December 2009 at 3:42pm
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that is tricky, have you ever thought about getting guardianship for your husband? that's not quite as legally binding as adoption but in the event of your death, caitlyn would go to him unless her biological father fought it through the courts and then they would decide who gets custody. ------------- |