CUSTODY/ACCESS DEBACLE!
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30727
Printed Date: 20 October 2025 at 10:00pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: CUSTODY/ACCESS DEBACLE!
Posted By: nooshie
Subject: CUSTODY/ACCESS DEBACLE!
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 12:13pm
I am single mummy to 16th month old boy. His father is planning to serve me with papers for shared custody. I plan to counter with a request for full custody (day to day care as they call it now) and only wish him to see his son with me present for the time being. We have never lived together, he was not supportive during the pregnancy and was not present for the birth. He has visited and spent time with his son and I have always encouraged this. My reasons for him not wanting shared custody/unsupervised access at the moment are: my son has severe food allergies and his father has proved incapable of managng this. I am still breastfeeding. He is a highly sensitive child who frightens easily. His father still lives at home with 8 people in a 3 bedroom house. He works shift work. He has drug and alcohol issues. On average he fails to show up for visits 8 times a month. His mother (one time when I took my son over to the family's home) threatened to smack my son when he cried. Smacking is a common occurance in the home and I am feverntly against it! There are other concerns I have, but based on this does anybody have an idea what the likely outcome would be? My son is my world and adore him.
|
Replies:
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 12:56pm
| You need to go and get a good family lawyer NOW. Start recording EVERY incident and detail of anything that makes you feel uncomfortable (the not showing up, the threats to smack, the food allergy stuff etc). The courts prefer a child to have 2 parents, but if you are very clear and can provide evidence, you will get the majority of day to day, and if there has been abuse (please take the child to the docor for any bruise after a visit with his father) then visits will be supervised (not by you, normally at barnados). |
Posted By: nooshie
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 1:08pm
|
I have documented every incident of concern, and the times that he has failed to show up since July 2009. I have a good record. I really want to avoid the first bruise! I still think he is too young for even (social worker) supervised visits to his father's home.
|
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 1:31pm
|
Is his name on the birth cert?
As he is BF you should be able to arrange that he has short supervised visits only. I would ask the court to send him on a drug program & demand he is drug tested before visits. I would make it hard as hell for him & demand your child is kept in a safe & legal environment. Play the child has rights card. I would also consider taking out a trespassing order or something to that effect against his mother as she has threaten bodily harm to him. Lets not forget this is a 16mth old who relies on people for care & can not voice his own rights . I think you need a decent lawyer & not just a cheap or legal aid. Try citizen advice first, they have lawyers there that could recommend someone. |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 1:36pm
I think while you are still BFing and he is under two the chances of him getting shared custody is slim... I think you need a lawyer now! you don't have to wait for him to file for shared custody you can go ahead and file for sole guardianship (or whatever it's called these days  ). I really feel for you it is a long, hard and expensive road - I have a 13 year old and and been in and outta court for years with custody issues... It's great that you are documenting everything that has happened as that is so important!
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: ?Lolly?
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 2:23pm
|
I was served with papers by my abusive ex in Feb '08. He still hasn't got to see him and the court process is still ticking along. To start off with he wanted unsupervised weekend visits. He will in the end get 3 one hour supervised visits at a supervised contact center (if he continues with the court proceedings)
As some other people have commented on other threads, if you don't have a Day to Day Care order then he can take your baby and the police can't do jack sh*t. So the first thing you need to do is go to a family lawyer and get an order in place. The sooner the better, don't wait to counter it get it done asap. You should be entitled to legal aid, are you on the dpb? I got this from the website about guardianship, as it sounds to me as if he doesn't have any. Parents as guardians Both parents are usually guardians Usually, a child's mother and father are joint guardians of the child. They are often referred to as the child's natural guardians. However, while a child's mother is automatically a guardian, the child's father is a guardian only if:
It is a bit tricky, and best to get a lawyer. Almost always the father gets some sort of contact, even if only limited, like what E's bio Dad will get. If there are safety concerns at all then you can take it to mediation. In our case the court has requested a psychologist report which ended up being heavily in our favor. And the court as said that he needs to get counseling with a psychologist for his anger issues and I do to deal with the PTSD before contact can get go ahead. http://www.justice.govt.nz/courts/family-court/what-family-court-does/care-of-children/parenting-orders - Link to the care of children act and info about getting a day to day care order Hope that helps, its hard to think off all the stuff I have learned over the past two years! ------------- Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!) 
|
Posted By: RoSee
Date Posted: 02 January 2010 at 9:50pm
|
I have been going through something very similar, except it was me who initially applied for day to day care and then DS father decided to fight this. He has had to attend counseling for drug & gambling problems and now gets one hour supervised visits once a week and every second saturday at my home. If it comes to it they will have no problem if you say you want the visits to be in the childs home so he feels comfortable and with you as the supervisor. Are you in Auckland? I have a fantastic lawyer who does legal aid, let me know if you would like her details And I would move very quickly as if he serves you papers you only have 21 days to dispute them.
Bloody sucks to be in that situation doesn't it  i totally know how you feel, my son is my world and to think that at some stage I will probably be forced into letting him go with his father for visits unsupervised absolutely kills me. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
 September '11
|
Posted By: pikelets
Date Posted: 03 January 2010 at 8:58am
Hey Nooshie - I just wanted to give you a big 
The only advice I can offer is also to get a lawyer asap. Good luck hun, it must be very hard for you ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
|
Posted By: nooshie
Date Posted: 03 January 2010 at 12:04pm
| Thank you all for your help so far! RoSee I have PMd you my contact details and would love to hear more about your lawyer! |